April Fool

Disclaimer: according to both my calendar and my lawyer, I not only own the characters in this story, I also own four gas stations, three fetish shops, two countries named "New Tania," and a partridge in a pair of trees, which is probably very painful for the partridge. So there.

Warnings: bad/cruel April Fool joke, possible plot, yaoi, bondage, slight bastardization, and the irritating urge to dance the hokey pokey, because that's what it's all about, you know. Rated R.

Blood Type: white wine.

Archives: live journal, the Fish Pond, and FF.net. Other than that, archiving is sometimes given upon request, so ask if you're interested!

Author's Notes: posted at the end. PLEASE READ THEM.


I didn't see Duo until very late that day, when he came bounding down the stairs with a grin spread over his face and smiles in his eyes. He smirked when he saw me, possibly because he was already planning and calculating, trying to decide how he could lure me into his trap, into his predatory clutches.

My move.

"I haven't seen you around much today," I said, not looking at him. I tried to concentrate on the newspaper in my hands, avoiding his eyes. I had already read this paper, page to page, at least nine times in the past hour, while waiting for him, and none of the stories were any more interesting the second or third time around than they were now. "Where were you?"

He gave me a startled look. "I'm surprised you noticed," he said, sitting on the arm of my chair, probably intrigued by my sudden interest with his life. It was not something I did often. "I bet you really liked the quiet, didn't you?"

"Well," I began carefully, "it did give me some time to think." I set down the newspaper, finally looking at him and catching his violet gaze. He did have amazing eyes, even I would admit.

He propped his chin up with his hand, looking up at me with a curious and amused look. The conversation was probably stimulating his imagination and mind already, making him wonder why I was bothering to talk to him. "What were you thinking about? Anything good?"

"Would you honestly like to know what I was thinking about?" I asked. "I'm not sure you would want to know."

"Sure I'd like to know," he said with a grin. "Why not? Go ahead--tell me."

I looked to the side, almost coyly, avoiding his eyes again. "I was thinking about you," I told him truthfully. "About your eyes and your hair and your skin... and your body. About what it would be like to throw you onto a bed and fuck you into the floorboards." That surprised him, maybe more because I'd used a word like 'fuck' than what I was actually saying; that probably hadn't managed to sink in yet, but Duo had long ago made that word his own, not allowing anyone else to say it without his express permission. It was too bad for him, then.

I settled back into my chair, smirking when I saw his eyes widen and his mouth begin to fall open. I could only imagine what was going through his head right now, which things were startling him and which were frightening him. I went on.

"I put a lot of thought into that last one, actually. What do you have to say about that?"

"Well..." He blinked, still wide-eyed and awed by my words. "I guess I don't have anything to say about it!"

"Nothing to say? That's a change," I said, not unkindly. "Normally I can't get you to shut up. I thought about that a bit too, you know. Are you a screamer?"

"What?" he exclaimed, almost falling off his perch on the arm of my chair. I grabbed his wrist, more to keep him from bolting than to steady him. I bit back a smile. Was this really going to be so easy?

"When you are having sex," I said slowly, to clarify, "do you scream a lot? If you do, I'll have to revise my little daydream." He made a low gurgling noise in his throat. "I can't take the noise--if you're a screamer, I'd have to gag you. Which might actually make the experience even more enjoyable, now that I think about it."

"I don't know," he stammered, alarmed. "I don't think I'd be a screamer." That amused me; was he actually admitting that he lacked experience in such areas? Was it possible that the one person among us who had bragged the most about his prowess with both genders was still a virgin? I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Then perhaps it would be best to use the gag, just in case." I shut my eyes and smiled. "Mm. Yes. I like that idea."

He was more intrigued than alarmed now, I think. Perhaps he was warming up to the idea, then, or maybe he thought I was kidding around. It didn't really matter either way, however. I was used to getting what I wanted. He made that gurgling noise again and I smirked, turning my attention to his hands.

"Your fingernails are a little long," I said, frowning a bit. "I don't want to have scratches up and down my back, though. And I don't want to cut those beautiful nails of yours. You have very delicate hands you know," I told him, running my fingers over the calluses on his palms. "You aren't a clawer, are you?"

"What's that?"

"When you have sex," I said, emphasizing the words I knew would get a rise out of him, "do you like to hold onto the other person? Do you dig your nails into their flesh? If you do that sort of thing, I would have to tie you up."


"Handcuffs, then. Padded ones, maybe, if Quatre has an extra pair or two that he would let me borrow. He's quite an interesting young man, you know."

"Quatre?" he repeated incredulously, stunned into disbelief. "Quatre has things like that lying around?" He was alarmed again, and edging into the realms of suspicion. I would have to fix that quickly.

"Of course. Whips and chains, too, and all sorts of other strange toys. Sleeping with him is a very... different experience, I can assure you of that." My fingers traced the veins on his arm. "I don't think I would let him get you into his bed, though. You're far too delicate for all of those wild toys and he wouldn't bother to hold back at all. Besides, I'm possessive of my things."

"Of your things?" he repeated, moving his arms away. He was fully suspicious now, wanting to believe what I was saying but not able to trust me quite yet. This was quite a change from my usual attitude towards him, even I would admit. "You're just toying with me, aren't you?"

"I'm not toying with you," I said.

"Then what are you doing? Did Quatre put you up to this? Because he's the only person I've told about my--" He covered his mouth with his hands. "What I mean is--"

"The only one you told about what?" I asked. Then I shook my head. "Never mind. I think I know. But no, Quatre never told me anything, nor has anyone else. To tell the truth, though, he is the reason I started thinking about you like this. He and Wufei are always interested in trying new things, you know. That's how I know about Quatre's little toys." I winced, remembering that little experience. "Never try a threesome with those two... Unless you're masochistic. Are you masochistic, Duo?"

He knew what that one meant and it flustered him. "No!" he said quickly. Then he blushed a dark red. I went on.

"Quatre decided he wanted to get four of us together at once and thought you would be the best and most obvious addition to his group. Since you're rumored to be so experienced and such." I paused and he leaned forward, closer to me, eyes wider than they had been even before, when I'd told him that I wanted to fuck him. "I told him I wouldn't let you do it--you don't mind, do you?"

"Definitely not."

"Good. Quatre accused me of being selfish, then tried to talk me out of my decision. I walked out on him then; I don't think I'm going to go back. It's nice to play around with someone every so often, but he was always a touch too demanding for my tastes. That was last night--I've been thinking about it ever since. Sometime around noon, I figured out why I had said no. Quatre was right. I am being selfish. I want you all to myself, and I don't want to share. I hope that's all right with you." I stroked his cheek gently, almost nervously, and gave him a cautious smile. "Do you like me?" I asked quietly. "And do you mind if I like you?"

"You aren't messing with me? You promise that you aren't?"

"What do you think, Duo? Do you think I'm just messing with you?"

"I don't know what to think," he admitted. "I mean, I've had a crush on you pretty much since we first met, but it never once occurred to me that you might actually return that feeling." He blushed as he said that and I understood why. "I really have no idea what to think about this."

I smiled again. "Then let me help you," I offered, leaning forward an inch or two so that I was kissing him gently on the mouth. He really did fall off the arm of the chair this time, only barely catching himself before he met the floor. I gave him a concerned glance. "Are you all right?"

"Yes!" He grinned at me. "Hell yes, I'm fine. Just surprised, you know?"

"Oh. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." I buried my face in the newspaper again, hiding behind the black and white lines of those pages. He grabbed it away from me, dropping it on the floor by his feet.

"Don't be sorry," he protested. "I liked that, really. I liked it a lot." He smiled nervously at me. "Would you do it again? Please?"

"You don't mind it?" I asked to clarify. He shook his head.

"No! God, I never thought that you would ever--" I interrupted him then by pressing my lips to his, giving him a hungry and fierce kiss, much different from the last one. He responded exactly as I had expected him to, tensing for a moment and then relaxing again as his mind finally accepted the concept. Before he could do anything else, though, or even before he could respond in kind, I pulled away. He questioned me silently, puzzled and perhaps a little hurt.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "You didn't change your mind all of a sudden, did you?"

"No," I told him. "But if I do that again, then I'm going to have a hard time restraining myself. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to do anything you aren't ready for, but..." I shrugged, letting him fill in the blanks.

"Oh," he said finally. "I get it. Well, what if I told you that I didn't mind? Maybe I want to sleep with you!"

I had never said anything about sleeping, but the thought did have a certain appeal. "Do you?"

"I think so."

I held his gaze. "You're just interested in me for sex, aren't you?" I accused. "You just want my body--you don't actually care about me at all."

"Huh?" he asked. I'd confused him now, I knew, and he wasn't sure what I was talking about or where I was coming from with this. The sudden mood change had been completely random, and we both knew it. "Wait, what?"

"You only want me for my body," I said coldly. "You just want someone to fuck when you get bored, don't you? You don't want a lover or a boyfriend at all, do you?"

"Hey, don't put words in my mouth!" he cried, on the defensive now. "Who said anything like that at all?" he protested, a tad offended.

"No one had to."

"What?" Duo stared at me, scratching his head. "You are one strange guy, you know that?" Then he shook his head. "I don't think of you that way at all--come on, I have more respect for you than that. If I just wanted a quick fuck, I'd go to a shop and buy a blow-up doll or I'd walk down Forty-second Street for a whore. Give me a little more credit than that!"

"You don't just want me for my body?"


I paused. "You think I'm ugly, then."

His mouth fell open and he blinked at me for a minute or two. Then he shook his head. "Trust me, no one with an ounce of sanity could ever accuse you of being ugly. You're dead sexy."

"You really think so?"

Duo nodded. "Yeah, of course."


"Really," he said, perhaps a little tired of my antics and a bit irritated with me. He didn't give up, though. I had to give him credit for that, even if I didn't want to. "I don't just want you for sex and I really don't think you're anything less than gorgeous."

"Prove it."

He gave me an odd look, scrunching up his face. "How do you expect me to do that?"

"Help me live my daydream."

"The one where I'm gagged and tied and you're fucking me into the floorboards?" he asked hesitantly, lifting one eyebrow.

I nodded. "That's the one."

"But that's all about sex!"


He stared at me, dumbfounded. Then he sighed, shaking his head. "You're definitely a weird one," he said finally.

"Is that a no?"

"Did I say it was a no?"

"Well, no."

"Then it's not a no, stupid!"

I nodded slowly. "So is it a yes?"

"Did I say it was a yes?"


"Then it's obviously a yes!"

It was my turn to stare. Then I chuckled, shaking my head. "And you think that I am the weird one. Duo Maxwell, you have me beat on that level."

"At least that's one thing I can beat you at," he said with a slight smile. "My logic is just more fun than yours, that's all. Yeah, I'll live your daydream with you, provided you honestly want me to do it."

I met his gaze carefully. "Of course I do." I pointed up the stairs. "Go to your room and wait for me. I'll be right there," I promised. He grinned and tapped my nose with his finger. I grabbed it and kissed his fingertip. His hands were a little dirty, but that's what mouthwash is for.

Once he was up the stairs, I stood up and went to the coat closet for the box of tricks I had stored there earlier. It wasn't a particularly heavy box, despite being filled to the point where it had been difficult to close, but it was unwieldy and gave me far more trouble than it was worth when I went up the stairs leading to Duo's room.

The door to his room was shut. I set the box down to open it and saw that Duo was sitting on the floor, waiting for me. He looked up when the door opened and grinned sheepishly. "I didn't know what you wanted me to do," he said, "so I just decided to wait here... That's okay, right?"

"It's fine," I assured him, pushing the box inside with my foot. He gave it an anxious look, one that reminded me of a trapped dog first catching sight of the leash in its master's hand. I smiled. "Don't worry about this," I said, nodding at the box. "We're not going to use everything in here."


"Did you change your mind?" I asked. "It's all right if you have. I'll go away and leave you alone if you have. I'll never bother you again."

"No! Don't do that! I mean," he said, "that it's fine. I'm just a little bit nervous is all, you know?"

"I know," I reassured him. "It's very hard to trust someone with something like this. After all, you are basically surrendering yourself to their will and there's nothing you can do to save yourself. I know." I shrugged, shutting the door. "So I'll try to make this easy for you. Take off your shirt and lie down on the bed."

He only hesitated a minute, which even I had to admire a bit, before he did as I had asked. It took him a little while to undo all the buttons on his black overshirt, but it fell to the floor long before I had expected it to and his red turtleneck soon followed. The bedsprings creaked as he lay down. He seemed a little self-conscious, so I smiled.

"Do you want me to take off my shirt, too? Would that make you feel a little better?" I asked him. He shrugged, shivering a bit. I reached up and turned off the overhead fan so it wouldn't be quite so chilly in the room. Duo was the only person I knew who kept his overhead fan on full-blast all through the year, not even stopping it in the coldest days of winter. Not even I would have been able to stand that.

"It might help."

"All right." I pulled off my shirt and pushed the box closer to the bed. When he tried to look inside of it, I swatted at him and he got the idea, lying back down. His bed was an old one, with posts on each corner, and it was sturdy. Good.

I took a hold of his wrist, gently but firm all the same, and positioned it up near the head of the bed. Then I found a pair of handcuffs somewhere near the bottom of the box and cuffed his wrist tightly to one bedpost. He winced.

"It's a little tight," he complained.

"Sorry." I loosened it a little, just enough so that it wouldn't hurt him but enough so that he wouldn't be able to slip out of the cuff. That was important, even more so than he had been led to believe. "I'm going to leave your other hand free for right now," I told him. "If you can behave, I may let it stay that way. So be good."

"All right, I'll try." He didn't want to be chained up; I guess I couldn't blame him for that. I wouldn't have liked it much either, had I been in his position. But it was necessary; I couldn't let him have both hands free. I honestly doubted that his other hand would be allowed to stay free.

"Good." I kissed him then, letting him react to it this time. He was a very experienced kisser--that was obvious enough. I couldn't help but wonder who he had been practicing with. He groaned against my mouth, tugging on his captured hand. His other hand, his free hand, was laced into my hair, keeping my head down. I had to remove it before I could pull away to catch my breath.

"Maybe I need to handcuff this hand, too," I threatened, holding his hand with my own, teasing his fingers. "You don't want me to do that, do you?"


"Good." I dropped his hand and toyed with the top button of his pants. "I'm glad you feel that way. Now, do you mind if I--"

"Go ahead," he encouraged, licking his lips as my fingers touched the skin not covered by his pants. "I'll be good."

"Mm." I undid the top button and pulled down the zipper of his pants slowly. "Is that a promise or a threat?"

"It might be a little bit of both."

I smirked, tugging on his pants until they were down to his knees. He was wearing briefs, which amused me a little, and they were currently looking rather uncomfortable. He flushed, embarrassed, and gave me an apologetic grin.


"Don't worry about it," I said with a shrug. "It's quite all right--that's supposed to happen."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, thank you, Professor," he said sarcastically. "I knew that much, for Christ's sake. You don't have to tell me everything, you know."

"Good." I ran a hand over his bare chest. "I think that explaining every bit of what was going on would take almost all the fun out of this, don't you?" I said 'almost all' for a reason. To be quite honest, doing this with Duo wasn't nearly as entertaining as I had expected it to be and I was a little disappointed. I did my best not to let him see that, though.

"Yeah, it would be kind of a downer, wouldn't it?" he said thoughtfully. "No pun intended, of course." He grinned, almost as if he expected me to laugh. He should have known better; I don't laugh very often. I did smile slightly, however, a little amused by the quip.

"Hush, or else someone will hear you, and I don't want that to happen. Don't make me have to gag you, Duo."

"Right. Quiet. Gotcha." He shifted slightly. Perhaps his bound hand was making this uncomfortable for him, but there was nothing I could do about that. "Hey, just how experienced are you in this sort of thing, anyway?"

I considered him carefully, trying to decide what to tell him. "Experienced enough to know what I'm doing, which is a little bit more than you know. Isn't that right?"

He flushed. "Maybe I was waiting for just the right person or something."

"So what did you do? Give up?"

Muffling a laugh, he bit his lip, smiling at me. "I don't think I did, no."

That comment made me pause for a moment. Now there was something to think about! I finally just shrugged it away, reaching into my box of tricks for two scarves, which I used to tie his legs down by the ankle. He didn't say anything as I did this, though even he should have known that this would make any intercourse between us a lot more difficult, and I took that to be a mark of his ignorance. He jerked away when I touched his foot, though, and I looked up at him.

"Are you ticklish?"

"A little bit, I guess," he admitted reluctantly, curling his toes. "But so what? You probably have ticklish spots too, right?"

"Not that I know of. Perhaps." I finished with the last knot on the scarf and looked up at him. "Either you're very tall or this bed is unusually short, because that didn't involve any stretching whatsoever for you. Which is it?"

"If I tell you that I'm tall, you aren't going to cut my legs off from the knees, are you?"

"I wasn't planning to, but I'll keep the suggestion in mind."

He looked at me strangely, perhaps not sure as to whether or not I was joking. Then he shrugged, dismissing the idea. "It doesn't matter anyway," he said. "You should know that I'm not all that tall--only five foot four, and that's with my shoes on. The bed is just small. I think it was made for a midget or something."

"You're talking too much." I reached into the box again and pulled out something that looked like it would pass for a gag, holding it up threateningly. "Don't make me use this on you."

"Sorry." He clamped his lips shut, making a show out of using his free hand to turn an invisible lock on his mouth and throwing an invisible key away.

I nodded, throwing the gag back into the box. "I'm tired of foreplay. What do you think about forgoing the talk and skipping straight to the floorboard sex?" He opened his mouth to say something but then remembered, just in time, that he wasn't supposed to talk. So he nodded enthusiastically. This part probably wasn't much fun for him, since I had forbade him from saying a word or using his hands, and he was no doubt looking forward to finally losing his virginity. I couldn't blame him for that.

"Good." I de-briefed him, freeing his obvious desire, and preceded to unbutton my jeans. I shed them quickly, dropping them on the floor, and he sucked in a deep breath. I looked up at him. "Is something wrong? Remember that we can stop this whenever you want."

He shook his head. "It just never occurred to me that you didn't wear anything under those tight pants. Pretty stupid, isn't it? I mean, it isn't as though--"

"You're talking too much again."

"Sorry." He gave me a sheepish look, so I decided to delay the gag for a little longer. He was trying to do as I had asked; that was enough for now.

I smiled and patted his head. "That's a good boy." He stuck his tongue out at me, miffed at the demeaning tone I had used, so I caught it between my fingers. "I will use that gag if I have to," I reminded him, releasing the tongue. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again quickly. I smiled. "That's better."

Leaning over him, I kissed him deeply on the mouth. Again, he tried to lace his free hand in my hair to enhance the moment, but I grabbed his hand, handcuffing it to the bedpost before he could protest. He tugged on his bound hands and groaned, but he didn't say a word. I nodded thoughtfully, watching him tug against the handcuffs.

"That's better. I warned you, Duo."

"Sorry." He smiled hopefully. "I thought we were going to skip the foreplay and get right down to the sex."

"Right." I ran a hand down his chest. "Don't talk, but remember that we can always stop if you want to. All you have to do is say the word."

"I kno--" he shut his mouth in the middle of the word, grinning apologetically. I shrugged and knelt on the floor to root through the box I'd brought up with me. He tried to peer over the bed, but his arm was in the way, so his efforts were in vain. I stood up again after awhile, perching on the edge of the bed, and held up the gag again. He made a disappointed grunting noise.

"Open your mouth," I ordered. Once he did as I asked, I tied the gag around his head so that his speech was restricted. He could still make noise, of course--there are very few gags that cut off noise entirely--but he wouldn't be able to speak coherently and wouldn't be able to say anything very loudly, which was really all I wanted. Making sure the knot on the gag was secure and would hold, I crossed my arms and frowned down at him.

"This is your last chance to stop this, you know. Do you still want to do this? Shake your head if you've changed your mind or nod if you still want to," I said. He hesitated for a moment, obviously beginning to reconsider. But then he nodded, so I shrugged. "As you wish."

My fingers brushed over his erection, and he arched into the touch, groaning behind the gag. I smirked slightly and rubbed the flat of my thumb over the tip. "Do you like that?" I murmured. He nodded and I could hear his breathing grow more and more ragged. "Good."

I met his gaze. "Duo... There's something I want to tell you."


Releasing his erection and leaning over him, I smirked. "April fools."

His eyes widened and he stared at me, almost as though he couldn't believe his ears. I could see the questions raging in his eyes, but I didn't think he would like any of the answers I could provide. Patting his head, I stood up and found my clothes, pulling them back on. I headed toward the door, looking back at him only once.

"By the way," I said, "Wufei put me up to this, and unless you want something worse to happen next year, you really should stop playing all of those practical jokes on him. That's just a word to the wise." I waved. "See you around."

---the end---

Author's Note: I wrote this story with the intention of pissing people off--I didn't really intend for people to like it all and was very surprised when several people said that they did. I suppose I should explain why I wanted to write something people wouldn't like... Well, my friends and I were talking psychology one day and someone brought up their theory that people have become "dead" and unresponsive to other people's pain and such... You know, like desentisization. In other words, the majority of us can just ignore other people's pain (we actually used fictional characters as an example). I wrote "April Fool" in an attempt to prove that theory wrong. For the most part, however, I've found that a lot of people didn't care so much about how Duo felt as they did about the story itself, and I've gotten quite a few good reviews mixed in with the not-so-good reviews. It worries me a little.

If you didn't like, I'm glad, because it proves that my side of the argument was, in fact, at least reasonably correct. I find it a little odd that some people actually did enjoy the story, but I guess it's different when you're working with fictional characters than with real people, isn't it?