Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or the song featured.
Summary: Paradise seemed so far away for Videl Satan. A few months after the Cell games her father and mother have problems with each other, and the cynical abuse of yelling continues.
Warning: Contains profanity and suicidal themes…
once upon a year gone by
she saw herself give in
every time she closed her eyes
she saw what could have been
well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds
when covers tucked in tight
funny when the bottom drops
how she forgets to fight... to fight
Shattered dreams and hope seemed the describe Videl perfectly as she stared out the window that pounded with rain. Down stairs her parents were fighting once more, and it lead to nothing more but sadness and pain. Her mother bickered to her father about his hot headedness and gloating about his defeat of Cell, and her father wouldn't listen to a single thing she said.
Videl hugged herself tightly and pulled her knees to her chest while crying softly. She laid her head quietly against her knees and pain shot through her body. The twelve-year-old girl wondered why she had to go through this pain alone and asked to the gods above why they punished her. She was just and kid did she really deserve this? The raven-haired girl fumbled through her drawer next to her and fingered a knife delicately.
As she skimmed her fingers through the cool blade she sighed slightly. The young girl picked herself up and observed the knife clearly and carefully. Suddenly a loud slam of the door scared Videl and the knife slipped through her hand, cutting the pale flesh. Videl hissed in pain and grabbed one of her shirts off the dark floor. She then wrapped the wound with the cloth and laid down upon her bed.
"Kami of life, Kami of death, decease this fighting, or put me to rest™," Videl whispered sensitively as she watched the circular moon orbit slowly above the mountains.
Videl then tucked herself into her covers and shut her eyes falling into a peaceful slumber. The young one dreamed about the post-Cell days when things made sense. Images of happiness roamed through her mind and she could view paradise. But soon those images faded as her eyes snapped opened, brining her back to her fucked up life.
The blue-eyed girl's heart pounded and she looked to the side of her bed. It was 1:00 o'clock in the morning and it was still dark out. A breeze flew into Videl's open window and she shivered while wrapping the blanket around her a little more tightly.
"I swear the dream was realistic," Videl whispered with a tear stained face, "It was like my future passing before my very eyes…"
She looked down upon her hand and saw the cloth still wrapped around her hand. Videl unwrapped the old shirt and looked at her wound. It stopped bleeding, but the slightest movement would reopen the hurtful wound that implied itself upon thy skin.
Videl stayed up all night thinking about what tomorrow or life in general would bring her…
And it's one more day in paradise
one more day in paradise
The sun soon rose over its bed of sleep and the rain had passed from the previous day. Videl crept downstairs and glanced into the dining room where her mother and father sat arguing with each other. She grimaced and held her head down and turned to walk to the kitchen.
It was still raining, and paradise seemed so far away…
There she went to the shelves and got a box of cereal and milk from the fridge, and began to eat quietly by her lonesome. Her mother then stormed in the kitchen with a big scowl on her face, while shaking her head vigorously. It was then she spotted her child eating and smiled softly.
"Good morning honey," Amber, said gently, "How are you this morning?"
"I'm ok," Videl mumbled while eating her food. Her mother walked over to her and sat beside her and began patting her hand.
"Videl I don't want you to worry about mommy and daddy fighting alright?" the elderly woman said, "Your father is just being pig-headed, and selfish."
"Alright mum," Videl said while holding back the threatened tears.
Amber smiled at her daughter and stood up again while kissing her daughter lightly on the forehead. She nodded and began to get herself an apple when all of a sudden Hercule barged into the kitchen with a frown.
"Amber I wasn't finished talking," he said with a hit of hatred, "you can't just walk away every time we fight!"
"Hercule, lets discuss this somewhere else," Amber hissed bitterly, "I'd appreciate it if my daughter wouldn't hear your foul mouth."
"Oh so now she's only your daughter now?" Hercule growled while contradicting the woman before him, "Let me tell you I am her father and have taken care of her also!"
"GOING TO A SOCCER GAME AND CHANGING A DIAPER DOESN'T COUNT AS ANYTHING YOU IDIOT," Amber screamed loudly at her husband.
Videl froze the whole time and couldn't help but burst into tears once more. Amber and Hercule stared at Videl and then glared at one another.
"Look what you did-"
"Don't put this on me-"
"You always have to end everything in tears-"
"And you're a horrible father-"
"And you're an inappropriate mother-"
The twelve year old sat there crying loudly and hugged herself again. "Just stop it please…" she hiccupped in a whisper.
Amber went to Videl and began to hug her gently while rocking her back and forth. "Hercule, later, not now, I don't want her to go through with this…"
"You're not making it any better-"
It was then Videl ran from her mothers grasp and flew out the door in tears. It was raining harshly and the young girl began to run as fast as she could into the street. Cars came to screeches and honking of horns scared the young girl. She finally made it to the near by park and away from the life she lived.
Videl then crawled in one of the tunnels used for playing and cried to herself once more. She looked up once more and thought of her life in such a paradise…it was another day in paradise…
as darkness quickly steals the light
that shined within her eyes
she slowly swallows all her fear
and soothes her mind with lies
well all she wants and all she needs
are reasons to survive
a day in which the sun will take
her artificial light... her light
As she looked into the newly formed puddle she saw a difference in herself. She wasn't the same…she seemed colder…darker…
Her eyes that were once a bright violet-blue, were now an icy shade of azure that pierced like a dagger. The light that once shined upon her eyes was overcome with a darkness of hatred and bitterness. Videl crawled out from her tunnel of escaping paradise and walked back to where home would be. Her parents were probably fighting again…that's all they did…that's all they'll do…
Videl kicked a can and pressed the button to the crosswalk home. She didn't want to risk the incident that happened yesterday. As the walk sign came on she began walking faster than her usual pace and finally made it to the front of her home. She went around back and got the ladder from the shed.
She then sat it by her window and climbed up while opened the door and crawled in. It was just as she left it, her room as dirty and plain. Videl tiredly walked to her bed and closed her eyes. Everything was dark, not on accident, but purpose. She couldn't take it anymore.
Videl had stolen paint from the shed and decided to paint her room the way she felt: depressed. Shades of grays and black began to touch the walls and Videl ruefully looked out the dreary window. It was still dark and rainy even though it was a mid autumn day, the sun didn't rise for ages and nothing seemed to go right. The shattered child prayed to god, while asking why she lived this life of sin. Why was she stuck between a rivalry of screams between her father and mother?
"I don't get it. Once I see a little bit of light, a little bit of hope, I come towards it, step to it," Videl explained to herself in whispers, "Every time I take a step, it gets dimmer and darker…"
A thunderstorm was brewing up a batch of underworld's home…
"Why am I living in hell?" the broken pre-teen asked quietly while crying, "Heaven's got to be better right?"
No responses came, nothing was to come. Videl decided, after some alone time, that she'd go downstairs and tell her mother or her father, that she was back home. As she climbed down the stairs for the first time that day, she didn't hear any screams for once. Videl tilted her head and walked into the living room and peaked in. There, her mother sat crying and her father on the other side of the room looking out of the window.
"Mommy?" she whispered hoarsely.
Amber looked up and her eye's widened in shock. She immediately ran over to her child and hugged her tightly. "Videl baby, I'm so sorry!"
Hercule also walked over to Videl and patted her head. "I'm sorry too sweet pea."
The blue-eyed girl shook her head and got away from the grasp of her mother, and the patting of her father. She shook her head and began to walk away. "I just wanted to tell you that I was here."
"Videl honey, we have a party to go to tonight," Hercule said with a slight cough. "Its for the celebration."
"What celebration father?" Videl asked lowly, "The fact that you beat Cell merely months ago?"
Hercule lowered his head and walked away from the scene. Amber then walked up to Videl and began walking her to the kitchen. "Videl dear, how about I make you a quick snack while you get ready for the party. Deal?"
Videl couldn't help but fighting back and smile and nodded, "Alright mum."
She carried herself back upstairs and took a quick bath, while brushing her hair. Once that was done she put on her mother's old violet blue dress that she once wore when she was Videl's age. She then put on her silver locket and walked downstairs an hour later.
Her mother was ready and downstairs, while finishing up with some rice and egg rolls she made for her daughter. "You look nice honey."
"Thanks mum," Videl said while sitting down and eating. Another half an hour later her father came downstairs in a tuxedo and escorted Videl and her mother outside to their car.
As her father drove away in the rainstorm, Videl rolled her eyes. Ever since her father claimed to defeat the evil monster Cell, they've been going to parties in honor of her father. She put her hands in her lap and straightened out her dress. Once they stopped at a huge hotel, full of reporters, they stepped out of their car with umbrellas in hand.
Immediately the three were bombarded with reporters and flashes of cameras, making them go blind for a few moments. "Hercule, how'd you do it?"
"Hercule, can we get a picture of you?!"
"Is this your wife and daughter?!"
"How was it fighting a global threat?"
"How's it like being a savior?"
As those questions were asked, Hercule answered with responses that only fools could believe. Videl and Amber walked inside the party without Hercule. As the stridden into the luxurious hotel, they were escorted once more to a table on the stage. Videl and Amber hid their faces but sat in the table filled with the mayor, town's people, and company owners.
Videl spotted boys and girls her age, Sharpner and Erasa, along with big shots like Bulma Briefs and her family. She lowered her head and finally saw her father coming. He sat down next to her mother and immediately began to converse with the mayor. Flashes and more noises were heard, and finally it quieted down.
"Today we have the honor and glory of seeing our very own savior speak to us," the mayor said through the microphone. "He has privileged us with him and his family, to come and speak. Give a round of applause to Hercule!"
Videl and Amber rolled their eyes identically as Hercule began to speak. About a half an hour later he started to introduce his family. "I would like to introduce my wonderful wife Amber, and my princess of a daughter, Videl."
The two stood up and walked towards the front. Both said a silent "hello" and went back to their seats. The mayor stood up once again and brought out a big card. "I'd like to present, 1million zeni from the people of Orange Star, and like to announce that Orange Star is now called Satan City."
The three Satan's eyes nearly popped out as the check was granted to them. This was all too much…for nothing.
Later on that night with Hercule getting drunks off his arrogance, the three left home and began to talk about the events. "Were going to move into a new house!"
Amber shook her head, "Hercule, I want to keep this house, its perfect."
"Amber, the city gave me money and expects us to be in an elite group, not some average home," Hercule said lowly.
Videl shook her head and sided with her mom. "Daddy, I want to keep this house, I grew up in it."
"Well still keep it sweet pea," Hercule said softly, "Were just not going to live here anymore."
"But my childhood's in here!"
Amber hugged her daughter tightly, "Hercule, just give it time."
"I'm calling first thing in the morning to get our new mansion built by the ocean of Takai," Hercule said with a shrug while sitting on the couch.
Videl stared at her father blankly and her gaze turned into a glare. "I don't *want* to move!"
"Sweet pea stop being so stubborn," Hercule said while rubbing his temples, "Go to sleep now, you need rest."
"Videl honey, come on," Amber said quietly, "Obviously your father is too much of a jack ass to even listen to you."
"Amber," Hercule warned.
"Come on Videl," she said while taking her daughter upstairs. After a while, Videl was tucked into her bed and Amber started toying with a few strands. "Why is your room painted like this?"
"I was bored," Videl lied. Amber took Videl's hand and rubbed it gently, but suddenly Videl hissed in pain. Amber looked at her fingers and saw blood. She then turned Videl's hand over and saw a deep gash.
"Oh my," Amber said while panicking, "Videl stay right here!"
Amber ran to the bathroom down the hall and grabbed the first aid kit. She turned on the light and took Videl's hand. The woman then treated the wound and wrapped some gauze around her hand. "What happened?!"
"Videl tell me!"
"I-I was trying to cut some tomatoes for a sandwich and I cut myself," Videl lied again while looking at her mother. "I didn't want you to think I couldn't do it."
"Oh no baby," Amber said while hugging Videl. "I wouldn't say something like that over a silly thing."
"Ok mom, goodnight," Videl said while hugging her mother back. Both gave a quick kiss and left each other.
and it's one more day in paradise
one more day in paradise
it's one more day in paradise
one last chance to feel alright... alright
Videl's eyes snapped open at the sound of breaking glass. She stretched and bit and opened her door quietly while walking to the banister of the stairs. It was then she heard the screams of her mother and father.
"Hercule, I'm through with it all, I can't stand another minute of your neglecting and ignorance," Amber hissed acrimoniously, "These papers now bind us from anymore fights."
"WHAT?!" Hercule yelled while throwing the papers to the side. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"
"I can and I will!" Amber said while keeping down her voice, "And quiet down, I don't want our daughter to here this."
"That isn't the point Amber!"
"I'm expecting to see you in court," she said bluntly.
"And why is that?!"
"I'm taking custody of Videl," Amber said while glaring at her husband, "Since both of us don't fit into your new life and all."
"You will NOT take my daughter!" Hercule said menacingly, "I will hire the best lawyer, plus, I'm the savior of the world, I know best."
"Bullshit Hercule!" Amber yelled, but not too loud, "I know it, and you know it, that 'delivery boy' did it. He lost his father, and he defeated him. Don't think I didn't talk to the reporter. I got it, and you're nothing but a con artist."
Hercule lowered his head and shook his head, "I'm going to keep Videl, no matter what."
"As I said, I'll see you in court," Amber said while getting up and going for the door.
"MOMMY!" Videl screamed while running down the stairs with tears. The twelve year old latched onto her mother and shook her head. "Mommy, no, you can't go, please!"
Both adults were shocked and stared at their adolescent daughter. Amber shook her head and kneeled down to Videl, "Honey, my angel, I have to go. Mommy and daddy aren't getting along."
"B-but fix it!" she cried softly, "Erasa's parents divorced and she isn't happy at all. I don't want to be like that!"
"Look what you did Amber," Hercule spat bitterly, "You put these vile images into our daughters mind."
"I wouldn't be talking mister insanity!"
Videl cried loudly as both her parents bickered. Both split apart, by a simple feud…a war. The rain kept falling.
"Please don't leave mommy!"
"I'm taking her with me right now," Amber said while grabbing her daughter's hand.
"Oh no you don't!" Hercule said while blocking the door. "You go, but Videl stay's here."
"Videl sweetie, what do you want to do?" Amber asked kindly.
"I don't want to be in the middle of this," she cried softly. "I'm so confused."
Videl climbed up stairs slowly and began walking to her room. She changed into some warm clothing and could still hear her parents bicker downstairs. Nothing would go right ever again, and it seemed like the sun wouldn't rise again. Soon she walked out of her window and down the ladder once again.
She put on her hood and began walking away from her life of misery. Paradise seemed so far away in the young girls mind. Images of hatred and goodbyes filled her mind. If she lived with her father, she'd never see her mother again, and if she lived with her mother she'd never see her father again.
This predicament was getting the best of her, and it wasn't pleasant at all. The raindrops fell harder upon her body, and her clothes absorbed the moist droplets. She walked faster through the storm and her mind was lost forever more into a shady abyss.
"Go back to the way things were before," she whispered softly. "I want my life back."
Soon she made it back to the park where she stayed once before. Videl walked deeper through and met the bench area with a roof covering. On her left was a swing her mother and father use to take her too, and in front of her was a crystalline lake.
"It's one more day in paradise," she said to herself bluntly while laying on the bench, "I'm not alright, it's one more day in paradise."
She fumbled through her coat pocket and felt the cool graze of the blade she once had before. Videl had committed sin and she knew it. She lied to her mother, but she didn't care. Her eyes darted to the gauze wrapped hand and frowned. She lied to her mother.
"Am I a horrible person?" she asked. "Kami what did I do? Why did my parents have to break up, why? Why is the rain always falling, why am I feeling so alone? Why can't I just live in a real paradise?"
No one answered. The wind blew harder and she clutched her coat tighter around her. It was another storm, and lightning could already be seen. Videl wiped her tears away and shook her head. She'd be all right. She had to be tough like the girl she was inside. Videl couldn't shatter easily, but how can this innocent mind die?
It started only months ago. Her family was average, one of those typical kids on the block, now it was a broken home, with two worlds colliding. How would this young girl grow up?
"Spending weekends with dad, and holidays with mum," Videl sobbed with the roaring wind. "That's not my way of living."
It wasn't only her parent's divorce, it was the matter of her mother and father re-marrying, or even worse, what if one of them died? Why would they yell all the time? Videl decided this wasn't what she intended, and she had thoughts of ending it all…
don't pretend to hold it in just let it out
don't pretend to hold it in just push it out
don't you try to hold it in just let it out and
don't you try to hold it in you hold it in
Her glare stared cold as she walked once again back to her house. That would be the second time, but life seemed to repeat as history. Never again did Videl feel this pain until now, and paradise was dead. Videl passed by the cemetery of angels and smiled softly while giving her prayers.
"You've become a part of me," she whispered. "I've been possessed with hatred and pain…I can't separate from what I want to get away from."
She casually went across the cross walk once more and walked a block down. There her house stood, ghastly, and sort of abandoned. Videl stepped up to the gate and walked into her backyard where her ladder was once more. She climbed up the wet steel and into her room where she changed.
Videl then took a long nice bath but held the blade dearly. She sat it on the side of the tub while she relaxed into the warm embrace of water. Her thoughts flew out of her own mind and contracted. Harsh memories from the past months fell through Videl's mind as suddenly her surroundings turned cold.
Chills ran through her body and she immediately got out of the bath and dried off. "I can't relax…things are too bad to relax. Life is getting the best of me, and now I must clash with my emotions about this ordeal. I can't let my parents go, I can't accept it. This isn't fair! It's that stupid monsters fault, if the world didn't need saving then my life would be better! I don't deserve this! It's the world's fault! IT'S THE WORLDS FAULT."
As Videl screamed she punched the mirror and the glass shattered in mere seconds. Videl looked at her knuckles and hissed in pain. Another wound for the collections. It was still raining.
Videl's eyes were deadly as she looked up at the shattered mirror. She breathed heavily and glared. "It's the worlds fault."
The young girl then got another piece of cloth and rapped it around her knuckles while dressing into a big sweatshirt. She pulled the hood over her head and grabbed the blade. She then began to carve scriptures into the wall. Over and over again the gray was engraved with various letters: Pain, hate, sorrow, alone, etc.
It was filled with emotion until finally the whole wall was done. The wall was surrounded by angst of words, but the most visible phrase was: The world made me bitter.
It seemed as though Videl was going insane. Paradise seemed to have faded in her mind and not one thought of could be found in her traumatized head. She fell to the floor and cried softly as the whole world passed her by. Minute by minute as each tear fell, her life seemed heavier. Gasps of breath became short until finally the crying deceased.
"Never again will my deep wounds reconcile," Videl said while picking herself from upon the ground. "So I might as well let them bleed."
Videl then picked up a notebook and pencil and began to write vigorously while fighting back tears. She bit her lip as she looked at her writing and lowered her head as she finished the last sentence.
She then grabbed her knife and touched it softly. One wound on the hand, another on her knuckles, and 3 times a charm, she thought. The sadistic girl then grazed the cold blade across her wrists softly so as the slightest bit of blood seeped through her skin. Videl put the blood gently on the letter and then sat it down by her bed. She took a deep gasp and led the knife to her upper wrists.
Videl took one last deep breath and stared at her hands. Finally she lowered the blade and pressed hard against her flesh where her veins were seeded. Gasping for air Videl cried out in pain but kept at her sinful deed. Her last words were: "Good-bye to Paradise."
It was still raining…
Amber and Hercule Satan heard a scream throughout the house and immediately ran up to their daughter's room. A horrid sight was met as carvings on the walls and a broken mirror were found; yet that wasn't all. Amber's scream darted Hercule's stare over to the bed where their daughter laid in her own blood, motionless.
"Baby, no, wake up, please!" Amber cried while wiping the blood that still poured. Hercule's eyes were emotionless as he saw a letter from his daughter. He gave it to Amber and both opened it.
To the world that made me bitter:
Father, Mother, I'm sorry I have to do this. Life was tearing me apart and I felt too much sorrow and ache to care anymore. I know this was a selfish deed but I couldn't help but do this. I'm weak for what I've done and never again can I be revived to this world. I bet God punished me and pushed me to my limits, and I guess this is my faith. I'm sorry you have to see me like this, your suicidal daughter, but bloodshed seemed to be the only way out. I want to say my last good bye and that I love you both. It's not your fault, trust me, I just needed this one moment to be free. I realize I may never see you again and that thought alone breaks my heart, but you two breaking apart, are like my torn heart. I might be too young to die you say, but so far, for the past few months, it seemed like my childhood was thrown away. Mommy please stop crying, daddy don't be turning away. I'm sorry I won't be living my life out, go to school, college, or any other things that you might expected from me, but this is what I need to do. Life will go on, so let me fly and spread my wings. Please mommy, daddy, stop grieving, it was my stupid mistake and I want to say good-bye:
My last breath is here,
Paradise seems to far,
I say farewell to my parents,
Now the angels have come too far,
They must take me away from you,
I'm sorry to the one person, who might have cared,
For never again will I meet you,
Please don't cry for me,
Don't shed at tear in sight,
For I traded bloodshed dreams for a bloodshed world,
And received this horrid sin,
Now I must hug farewell,
And Say my last good bye…
Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, deep into the forest, a boy fell to the ground while breathing heavily. The thirteen-year-old boy looked up to the sky and began to cry as his heart ached.
"What's a matter Gohan?" a little boy asked.
Gohan grabbed his heart and wiped his tears away. "I don't know Goten, my heart feels like its been ripped to shreds…"
Little did he know that his future mate had died, and he was left alone, forever lost…
It was still raining…
once upon a year gone by
she saw herself give in
every time she closed her eyes
she saw what could have been