A parody short-fic
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Not making any money off of 'em. Just fooling around for fun and non-profit.
A/N: Inspired by more than one canon picture. In light of the reoccurring theme, a parody fic seemed appropriate.
"Again?" Sanzo growled in disbelief, as he tucked the silver gleam of his Smith & Wesson away out of sight.
"Yep," Gojyo said, dusting off his hands after dispelling Shakujou. "You'd think he'd learn, wouldn't you."
"You do realize that I can hear you, right?" Hakkai spoke up pleasantly from only a few paces away, his smooth voice roughened slightly by the fact that he was in youkai form. ...In youkai form, and currently kneeling on the ground, combing through the blades of grass that covered the floor of the forest clearing, looking for all the world as if he had just lost a contact lens. "If I might point out, this was necessary, under the circumstances?"
"Oh, no one's debating that," Gojyo replied smugly. "In fact, we're all quite happy that you decided to take on that 50-foot tall monster and slice it into tiny little pieces before it could turn Goku into a pancake...."
"Hey! Speak for yourself, stupid kappa. I'm not the one who tripped over a dead youkai and fell flat on my face!"
For once, Gojyo was enjoying himself too much to rise to the bait. "It's just that, if you weren't so overly dramatic about the whole transformation thing, you wouldn't always have this problem, now would you?"
Hakkai sat back on his heels and regarded Gojyo. In his youkai form, that level stare wasn't just scary, it verged on terrifying. He spoke with forced calm. "Please explain how you think my transformation is overly dramatic."
Gojyo waved a hand airily. "Oh, well, it's not like you fall to your knees and start yelling your head off, like someone else we could name. It's just that you have this habit that you always have to drop your limiters when you take them off. You let them slip through your fingers like you think some vast, unseen audience will count them on the way down, or something."
"Yeah," Goku snickered. "Last time he had to sift through sand to find them again."
"And wasn't it a stone floor before that? Those suckers bounce, ya know."
"I can still hear you," Hakkai said rather stiffly, as he resumed his search. "It's rather rude to talk about me like I'm not here. I expected as much from you, Gojyo. But Goku, frankly, I'm surprised. You've been known to drop your limiter on occasion, as well."
Goku blinked and ducked his head, looking vaguely ashamed of himself. Gojyo quickly intervened. "Yeah, but the difference is that it doesn't require a magnifying glass to find Goku's limiter afterwards. Although, come to think of it, having Goku's limiter usually doesn't make too much difference, in the end...."
Sanzo produced a pack of Marlboros, and proceeded to tap one out and light it. "What I want to know is; how can a normally sensible person drop them every fucking time?"
"I was a little preoccupied," Hakkai answered, exasperated. "You could help look for them, you know."
"Ch. I don't get involved in things that don't concern me. This is your problem."
"Naw, I wouldn't want to get grass stains."
A small blur of white swooped down and landed at the edge of the clearing next to a thick patch of undergrowth. The next minute, Jeep hopped over to Hakkai and dropped one of the little silver ear cuffs into his hand.
"Thank you, Jeep. At least someone is helping."
Gojyo smirked. "Oh, look. A limiter in the hand is worth two in the bushes. Or something like that."
"Gojyo, please don't."
Gojyo assumed an air of hurt innocence. "What?"
"I agree," Hakkai said gravely to the little dragon. He turned to look at the others. "Perhaps you should reconsider, for your own sakes. After all, we can't really leave until I find the rest of the limiters." When his words got no response, those green eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and he added, "After all, it would be a shame to have to live off take-out food and Sanzo's cooking for the rest of the journey."
"EHHHH?!" Goku exclaimed.
Sanzo's cigarette snapped as his hand clenched into a fist and a vein popped out in his forehead. "What are you saying, exactly?"
Gojyo's face screwed up in disgust. "Eww. Hakkai, that's low, even for you. You know that Sanzo puts mayonnaise in his ramen...."
Sanzo glowered. Gojyo quietly pretended to be sick to his stomach. Goku continued to look stricken. But Hakkai refused to budge, and in the end, all of the Sanzo-ikkou resigned themselves to hunting for the other two ear cuffs. The search took them just under two hours. Once the limiters were restored to their rightful place, the four piled into the jeep to resume the journey west.
"Put them in your fucking pocket next time."
"Ah ha ha. Right."