This story was inspired by the fic Love&Marriage… I think. Great fic by the way. Just couldn't get over the baby thing once I read the reviews and then I had this idea ever sense. Too bad about the flames. Anyways, this is my spin off. Hope you enjoy. May the cheese be with you.
Disclaimer: Oh yeah, I own it all. It's all mine.
The Adventures of the FON Baby
The Birth of the FON Baby
Once upon a time in a little house by the sea complete with a breakfast nook, lived Albi Albi Albi Albi Albi the Racist Dragon. Actually, just kidding, losers. You actually thought that a dragon lived in a little house by the sea complete with a breakfast nook?
Seriously though, in a little house by the sea complete with a breakfast nook lived two people. Or two and half actually. No really, there was torso in there that they stored in the freezer incase there was a nuclear war and the world ended and they had nothing to eat. However then that would only make it two people living there and one dead torso in the freezer.
So anyways, two people lived in this house. And besides the torso in the freezer out back, there was another half person. But not half in the sense that they were like cut apart or anything, but that they hadn't been born yet. That counts as half right? Well, I don't care what you think. It was half a person. Hey, you're the loser who thought a dragon lived in a little house by the sea complete with a breakfast nook.
I'll get to the point soon. But not yet. I still have to ramble more. The two people were Christian and Satine, people who have no last name so for the sake of giving them one we're just gonna make one up. So Christian and Satine Biffengorden lived in this little house by the sea complete with a breakfast nook and they were eating their breakfast in the breakfast nook complete with a little house by the sea and they were eating buckwheat pancakes made with Bisquick pancake mix with maple syrup and butter and lots of other stuff like peanut butter and strawberry jam and milk and kumquats as they were sitting in their little table with orange juice they were drinking with straws I like straws especially the bendy ones Bend it Like Beckham is a good movie it makes me laugh stupid Keira Knightly for stealing Orlando from me in Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl I love Johnny Depp though he is hot I prefer people who are ugly like Richard Gere.
Anyways, so they were having breakfast. Christian was reading the classified ads and Satine was staring at the wall cuz she didn't have anything to read cuz the paper was just classified ads and she couldn't read anyways.
Oh by the way, she's pregnant. And by she I mean Satine and not Christian because Christian is a guy not a girl. Derr. So although she was eating her buckwheat pancakes she really wanted some raisin spearmint crepes. Cause you want really weird things when you're pregnant. Not that I could know but I've heard that.
So she suddenly had an inspiration to make raisin spearmint crepes although she didn't know how to cook and they didn't have any crepe griddles. Yeah. With that she stood up, a bit too quickly, and then suddenly felt ten pounds lighter. Besides the fact that she now felt ten pounds lighter, this feeling was immediately followed by a very loud thud and squish.
After blinking for a minute and staring blankly in front of her as though she had just been administered some sort of stupid drug, she then looked down to see that her baby was laying on the floor staring back at her while his limbs were contorted in a very unusual way. It was dead. That was too bad. Stunk for them.
"Oh. My baby," she complained and then shrugged.
However at that moment she felt like she was ten pound lighter. Again. So overall she was like twenty pounds lighter. Holy crap, that is a lot of babay. Anyways, she looked down again and saw another baby! And this time it wasn't dead. The first baby, the one which had died upon impact with the ground, had made a nice squishy pillow for the other baby's descent to the floor.
"BABAY!" Christian squealed from the table.
"Yeah, babay!" Satine agreed.
"What? No! I mean, BABAY! Look, I found a job!" He whipped up the paper and then noticed the two tiny bodies lying on the floor; one writhing in… um, and the other one stiff. "Wow."
"I guess I stood up too quickly."
Extremely long pause.
"Anyways, about my job, I can be a whiffleball maker at a factory in— "
Suddenly a large flock of flesh eating penguins attacked their next-door neighbor and his screams muffled whatever the name of the city where the whiffleball making factory was.
"Doesn't that sound neato burrito?"
"…Yah! Babies! Gotta get rid of the body."
"BODYYYYYYYY!!!" screamed a penguin from next door. Satine and Christian looked over to the scream which was followed by several screeching honks and battle cries.
"I have an idea," she mused.
As soon as she finished her statement, there was a knock at the door. Before any of them could answer it, the giant flock of penguins stormed into the house and immediately went to the dead baby, since they had innate nasal passage to detect corpses within the course of 2.4 seconds and up to 45 miles away. So they dog piled on the body and scuttled off out the door to take the feast to their secret underground lair in New Zealand which was actually a hobbit hole underneath Peter Jackson's hut.
"Well…" Satine said after the penguins had left. "I guess that works too."
For a moment she considered going on and making those raisin spearmint crepes but then realized that she was no longer pregnant and didn't have to want to eat weird foods.