WTF
By: T.B. Stormshot,

The Most Awesomest Writer EVER

Disclaimer: I don't own the Animorphs or Everworld, and even if I did, I'll burn Everworld to interstellar cinders... or whatever. Really.


There's this place that doesn't exist, but does. And there are these creatures that don't exist, but do. And there is all this crap that doesn't exist, but does.

WTE.

WTF!!!!

T.B sat at her computer typing furiously away at her latest, soon to be abandoned story, determined to get at least three pages done before her next month-long interlude.

Then the Drode popped in.

"Yo," the Drode said as he hopped over to T.B.'s computer and looked over her shoulder-because she's just that short. Now she's not a midget, and she's not short enough to cause any problems... it's just that... to put in terms that were understandable, she was not Krillin-short, she was just Vegeta-short.

T.B. blinked, looked up, and looked at the Drode squarely. "Yo?" she asked in a curious voice.

"Yeah, yo," the Drode shrugged posthumanously.

"Yo," T.B. repeated.

"Yo," the Drode confirmed.

"I never imagined you as a yo type of person, Drode," T.B. shrugged as she turned back to her work.

"I never imagined you were the type of person who stole perfectly innocent politicians from their work in order to humiliate them, utterly, in front of large crowds of teenagers... and the type who says 'Dude' every half-a-second," the Drode shrugged again.

Both paused for a moment before bursting out laughing for several minutes, finally they were able to calm themselves to a few wheezes and chuckles though the joke stuck. "Innocent, heh heh heh..." T.B. giggled as she tapped at the keys.

"So, since you obviously won't leave me alone for two seconds... what are you doing?" the Drode asked as he again looked over T.B.'s shoulder.

"I'm writing an Everworld story," T.B. shrugged as she leaned back in her chair to look at the Drode's wrinkly face. She grinned idiotically as her hand suddenly, without control, began to hover nearer and nearer to his face. "Wriiinkly...." she said in an almost hypnotized way. The Drode quickly snagged her hand with one of his own, oddly strong arms, before it could reach its goal.

"Don't," he warned in an annoyed tone of voice. T.B. frowned unhappily but dropped her hand. The Drode relaxed as he watched T.B. drop it.

"An Everworld story? Well that's new," the Drode said in surprise. "What's it about? I just want to know before I humiliate it and make you so depressed you drop it and every one of your other several stories."

"Hm? Well, it's when David dies-" T.B. said as she gave a wide grin.

"You mean it's one of those What-If stories where a character is killed off and the characters realize they couldn't get along without him?! Really! Even I expected better than that from you! Good-Lor-"

"No! Wait! You didn't let me finish! Like I said, it's when David dies, and April dies, and Christopher dies, and Jalil dies, and Senna dies, and a lot of gods die, and a lot of Amazons die, and some Romans die, and a lot of Egyptians die, but NO Vikings, because I'm half Norwegian and they're part of my heritage," T.B. nodded knowingly as she tapped the computer screen.

The Drode stared, at a loss for words at the moment as he mulled over what T.B. was talking about. Finally he blinked and stared at the grinning T.B. "So... what you're saying is... this story is in which you kill off every single known character in a bloody, vicious massacre...?"

"Except for Vikings," T.B. said brightly.

"Huh... well it's hard to make fun of an idea you like..." the Drode shrugged, leaning back on his tail.

"Yeah, I like it too. I might just tag on an essay on why the Everworld sucks, about how depressing it really is, and why it reflects on K.A. AppleGate's personal problems as well," T.B. told him as she tapped out another mediocre sentence. And so Christopher was tortured for many suns and moons as will be now told day by day omitting no detail no matter how small or disgustingly vulgar, except for possibly the twenty-second day which is... nasty-but to be all said and done, Christopher did in the end, die. And the world rejoiced. Meaning the Real world, as EverWorld at the moment was writhing in torturous horrors and flames-except for Vikings which were immediately transported to ValHalla, in which they were all very happy, drinking booze for eternity. And Valkryies are kewl.

"Kewl?" the Drode asked, raising a nonexistent eyebrow.

"Yeah, kewl," T.B. confirmed. She then frowned and leaned back in her chair. "You know, if I keep up on this pace with Christopher, Jalil's death won't seem as bad..."

"... So?" the Drode asked.

"Well... he's black!" T.B. said, standing up in order to make a dramatic pose.

The Drode blinked, looked confused for a moment, and then blinked again.

"You know, I never would have pegged you as the racist type... not that I care of course. I like dissension and the backpedaling of society," the Drode commented.

T.B. sighed and sat down again. "I'm not. I just said that to see the look on your face... it wasn't very good."

"Damn," the Drode pouted. T.B. blinked, looked confused for a moment, and then blinked again. She then shook herself out of it.

"Forget it. Anyway I think April will get most of the torturous punishment, she's too whiny. And she gives Christians a bad name... wait a moment, is she Catholic or Christian?" T.B. asked, turning to glance at the Drode in an inquiring way.

"How the hell should I know?" he snorted scornfully.

"Well, if she's Catholic I don't have to feel bad," T.B. shrugged as she began to type again, stopped, then blinked again. "Wait, aren't Catholics Christians already...? Geez it's so confusing..."

"Oh. Well, I'm going now," the Drode shrugged as he turned to leave.

"Wait! You can't go yet!" T.B. shouted in a panicked voice.

"Why?" the Drode snorted.

"Because if you go, I'll be all alone!" T.B. sniffled unhappily.

"Oh, well then I'm going," the Drode shrugged as he disappeared out of existence.

"Prick," T.B. muttered in annoyance. She turned back to her story and sighed. "Well, I think I'm going to abandon this one," she said as she saved the file and sent it back into the folder of many other abandoned stories. She then turned around and looked at her surroundings. She then turned around again. And again. And again. Finally she stopped.

And blinked.

And looked around again.

"I'm Booooored," she whined unhappily.

At this moment something strange happened. And when the word "strange" is said, that simply means stranger than anything else that has already happened so far. Even stranger than trying to get around the self-acknowledgement word "I", which a certain author is trying to do.

Anyway, suddenly T.B. Stormshot was no longer in charge of her story. It was strange this occurrence, at first she didn't notice it was so subtle, in fact, it might have already occurred, but she noticed only when a certain thing happened.

Or rather didn't happen.

T.B. paused after her announcement of boredom.

And paused again.

And then paused for a third time.

T.B. blinked. "Um... Drode? You there?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

T.B. blinked. "Ooookay, apparently someone isn't reading the script... er, well there IS no script, but in general I'M the only one to speak in bold capital letters without quotations. Unless Crayak is extra-specially nice to me in which sometimes I let him-"

SHUT UP.

T.B. blinked again. "Okay, there's another thing. Only I'm allowed to give commands as I'm the only one in charge-"

I SAID. SHUT. UP.

T.B. blinked for the third time. "Okay, maybe you didn't see the thing up top where it says 'Written By: T.B. Stormshot... The Most Awesomest Writer Ever. I guess you could miss it, but that just says I'm the writer of this story and so I'm the one in charge and all and-"

Suddenly an extraordinary blast of energy rocked T.B. Stormshot backwards, sending her tumbling back and into a convenient bush that sprang up from her multi-colored universe. T.B. groaned as she got up, finding that her breath was lost. She sat down to recoup... or rather, she fell down to recoup.

"Oh... *gasp*... Kay... *gasp*... that was... *gasp*... definitely... *gasphack*... NOT... *wheeze* in... the... *coughcough* SCRIPT... *i feel sick*..." T.B. gasped between breathes. About that time she began to feel worried, normally she might take this new personality to actually be a split of her own self, created by her mind for the intentional purpose of keeping her amused and/or teasing the Drode. But since there was no Drode and T.B. Stormshot under ANY circumstances would NEVER cause herself pain, she was dealing with someone... or someTHING else.

No wait, it was a someone, never mind.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! the evil voice cackled.

Suddenly it stopped in confusion. WAIT A MINUTE... IF I'M IN CHARGE, HOW COME THIS STORY IS BEING TOLD IN THE SAME MODE AS BEFORE? The voice asked in suspicion. However, this suspicion was nothing to be concerned about- YEAH IT IS. But soon he found out it was nothing to be concerned about- ANYTHING REMINISCENT OF T.B. STORMSHOT'S REIGN MUST BE DESTROYED. THIS IS A NEW ERA OF WRITING IN WHICH I WILL BE THE OMNIPOTENT WRITER AND T.B. STORMSHOT WILL BE NOTHING!!!!

...
...
...

...The evil voice- DIE!!!!! *GACK!!* NOO!! I'm only doing my job!! *WHEEZE* Ooooh this really hurts... *COUGHCOUGH* Everything... going... *COUGH* black... can't... keep up... *GASP! ROUGH BREATHING* narration.... can't... *DEATH RATTLE* .... UGGGGHHH... *Die*

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(POP!)

T.B. Stormshot: Ah, much better!

EVIL DUDE: YEAH, I FIGURED MAYBE THAT WHOLE BLOCK THING WAS A LITTLE TOO MUCH. FOR THE READERS I MEAN.

T.B. Stormshot: I thought you didn't care about the readers.

EVIL DUDE: CHANGED MY MIND.

T.B. Stormshot: Ah.

David: (looks down at himself) Hey! Why am I a rat??!

T.B. Stormshot: I... wait, no I didn't...

EVIL DUDE: WHILE CHANGING TO SCRIPT MODE I READ UP ON THIS DAVID FELLOW IN EVERWORLD... HE WAS ANNOYING. THEN I READ ABOUT THE ANIMORPH DAVID FELLOW... HE WAS LESS ANNOYING. AND I LIKED THE RAT THING. IT WAS COOL.

T.B. Stormshot: Hm... you aren't as bad as I thought.

EVIL DUDE: YEEEEESSSS... I AM MUCH MORE EVIL THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!!!!

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah, you can tell by the fact that you used Bold, Italic, and Underlines all at the same time. Real evil.

EVIL DUDE: IT IS. IT IS.

David: But I don't want to be a rat!!! I hate rats! They're so scary! (begins to cry)

T.B. Stormshot: (ignores David) You know, this script format isn't so bad. We really ought to do something with it that doesn't involve actions too much.

EVIL DUDE: YEAH, YOU NOTICED THAT TOO?

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah, this whole conversation does seem a little dialogue based. Not very good for fights and stuff you know?

EVIL DUDE: YOU HAVE A POINT THERE. SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

David: Oh GOD! I can't possibly spend the rest of my life as a RAT!! How will I live with myself?? (continues to cry, is also running around like a chicken with its head cut off)

T.B. Stormshot: I know! We could *bleep* horrible fan fiction!

EVIL DUDE: WHAT A HORRIBLY EVIL IDEA!

T.B. Stormshot: It is. It is.

David: Oh God no! Oh God no!

EVIL DUDE: (IGNORES DAVID) SO WHAT SHOULD WE *bleep*?

T.B. Stormshot: I really have no idea. I feel like I should put this in the Everworld section and all, but that would mean choosing an Everworld story and I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

EVIL DUDE: YOU FORGOT.

T.B. Stormshot: Forgot what?

EVIL DUDE: I'M IN CHARGE NOW.

T.B. Stormshot: Oh. Okay.

David: What will Senna think??! Oh the humiliation!! Oh the horror! She could never love a rat!!

EVIL DUDE: I THOUGHT SENNA DIED.

T.B. Stormshot: Hey man, I'm not the one in charge here... err, not anymore...

EVIL DUDE: UH, YEAH... WAIT, WASN'T I GOING TO KILL YOU BEFORE?

T.B. Stormshot: Um... no...

EVIL DUDE: OH... OKAY THEN. I'LL GO CHOOSE A STORY. (EXITS STAGE... ERR, UNIVERSE... WHATEVER)

T.B. Stormshot: You know, I never caught that guy's name...

David: Oh Senna! My lovely, beautiful, slightly evil Senna!! She'll never date me again! And she'll never do that... thing... (heh) I really liked that... thing...

T.B. Stormshot: Dude, Senna's dead.

David: (stops in shock and stares at T.B.) What do you mean Senna's dead?

T.B. Stormshot: She's dead. April killed her... with a knife... not a big knife... but a sharp pointy knife. I think it was a knife anyway, s'been a while.

David: No! That can't be true!!

T.B. Stormshot: (solemn) It is.

David: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (cries some more and runs around like a cockroach with its head cut off. Cockroaches live longer)

T.B. Stormshot: (ignores David) Now that that evil dude has left me alone I can snoop around and try to find some way to get my authority back!!

EVIL DUDE: HA HA! CAUGHT YOU!

T.B. Stormshot: What's this??

EVIL DUDE: YOU THOUGHT I LEFT BUT YOU FORGOT I CONTROL THIS STORY NOW! I'M ALWAYS HERE!! (RASBERRY)

T.B. Stormshot: Hey! That's no fair! You aren't obeying the 10 commandments of the ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL!

EVIL DUDE: HEY! HOW COME WHEN YOU SAID THE ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL IT WAS IN BOLD AND UNDERLINED?

T.B. Stormshot: The ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL is the source of all fan fiction... err, at least Animorph fan fiction... and maybe just Animorph clich├ęs, but it's pretty powerful-it would be in all italics too but then it gets hard to read. Anyway, the 10 commandments of the ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL say you can't do that!

EVIL DUDE: OH... WHAT CAN'T I DO?

T.B. Stormshot: Thou shalt ignore the present scene when thou leaves it.

EVIL DUDE: OOO... THAT'S PRETTY VAGUE.

T.B. Stormshot: Only to the ignorant. You're new here, aren't you?

EVIL DUDE: DOESN'T MATTER! PERHAPS WE NEED TO MAKE A FEW CHANGES AROUND HERE! THIS ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL IS OUTDATED! IT DOES NOT HAVE A PLACE IN MY NEW REALM OF FAN FICTION! IT WILL BE FORGOTTEN AND DESTROYED BY THE NEW ORDER OF FAN FICTION!!! I WILL DANCE UPON ITS GRAVE!!!

T.B. Stormshot: (gasps) You're... crazy!!

EVIL DUDE: YEAH, WHATEVER. ANYWAY, I FOUND A PIECE OF FAN FICTION WE CAN *bleep*. IT'S PRETTY BAD.

T.B. Stormshot: (thinking) I will not let him destroy the order of the ALL MIGHTY 8-BALL! He can not be allowed to defile fan fiction with his blatant delinquency!

EVIL DUDE: I CAN SEE YOUR THOUGHTS.

T.B. Stormshot: Thou shalt not peek into the thoughts of others without a typed-out proclamation of telepathy!

EVIL DUDE: WHATEVER.

T.B. Stormshot: (sighs) Aight, lets do this.





It felt like I dropped from the sky. Just, all of a sudden, fwump! onto some leaves that were softer than the ground, but not quite soft enough to cushion the blow that rattled every last one of my bones practically to the point of breaking. Amazing. One second, I'm talking to the weird chick in English, next I'm butt down on some leaves looking up at a brightly lit night sky. Damn.





T.B. Stormshot: Wait, what about title and author and all that jazz?

EVIL DUDE: DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

T.B. Stormshot: Well it HAD to have had one in the summary right?

EVIL DUDE: ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT...

THE *bleep* FILES

TITLE: Protect the Paranormal

AUTHOR: DeeSarachi

RATING: PG

LANGUAGE: English

GENRE: Supernatural/Fantasy

PUBLISH DATE: 10-11-12

UPDATED: 10-17-

EVIL DUDE: IS ALL THIS NECESSARY?

T.B. Stormshot: Alright. Alright. Let's do it!

BOTH: GO GO *bleep*!!!

EVIL DUDE: WAIT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT??

T.B. Stormshot: Uh... if you hadn't have stolen my powers I would know that now wouldn't I?

EVIL DUDE: RIIIIIGHT...

T.B. Stormshot: (looks nervous) Um... say, where'd David go?

EVIL DUDE: I KILLED HIM.

T.B. Stormshot: Oh-

EVIL DUDE: AND THEN I ATE HIM.

T.B. Stormshot: Well... that's-

EVIL DUDE: HE WAS DELICIOUS.

T.B. Stormshot: Ooookay... that's just a little-

EVIL DUDE: WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY THE LEFT OVERS? I PUT THEM IN THE FRIDGE... FOR LATER.

T.B. Stormshot: (looks from side to side) Um, no... you know what, maybe we should just *bleep* this thing and not talk about-

EVIL DUDE: AW! I WAS JUST KIDDING!!

T.B. Stormshot: Well that's just-

EVIL DUDE: HE TASTED HORRIBLE!!!

T.B. Stormshot: Huh, well I would expect that rat wouldn't-

EVIL DUDE: NAH! I GOT YOU AGAIN! I DIDN'T EAT HIM AT ALL!

T.B. Stormshot: Oh, well I guess that would be hygienic-

EVIL DUDE: BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID KILL HIM.

T.B. Stormshot: Well, okay. I mean he was a rat and all-

EVIL DUDE: KILLED HIM GOOD.

T.B. Stormshot: Okay, that's-

EVIL DUDE: HE AIN'T EVER GETTING UP AGAIN! (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

T.B. Stormshot: I don't suspect he would-

EVIL DUDE: HAH! GOT YOU AGAIN! I DIDN'T KILL HIM EITHER! BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID-

T.B. Stormshot: DUDE. It's not funny anymore.

EVIL DUDE: ... ... ... OH.

T.B. Stormshot: What did you do with him for real?

EVIL DUDE: HE'S BEHIND YOU.

T.B. Stormshot: (turns around and sees David munching on cheese)

David: (looks up from munching) Hi.

T.B. Stormshot: Oh. Well let's do this then.





It felt like I dropped from the sky. Just, all of a sudden, fwump! onto some leaves that were softer than the ground, but not quite soft enough to cushion the blow that rattled every last one of my bones practically to the point of breaking. Amazing. One second, I'm talking to the weird chick in English, next I'm butt down on some leaves looking up at a brightly lit night sky. Damn.





EVIL DUDE: WAIT. WHY IS IT IN BOLD?

T.B. Stormshot: We need to keep it apart from this story so I put it in Bold.

EVIL DUDE: I REFUSE TO LET IT BE IN BOLD! IT'S DEMEANING TO MY OWN NATURE! AND BESIDES, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?? I THOUGHT I WAS IN CHARGE NOW!

T.B. Stormshot: (shifty-eyed) Oh... I have a few tricks up my sleeve just yet...

David: Sounds more like a plot hole to me.

EVIL DUDE: HOLD ON. LET ME CHECK HER THOUGHTS.

T.B. Stormshot: (thinking) Gah! He's checking my thoughts against the code of the ALMIGHTY 8-BALL! That fiend! Well I can't let him on about that plothole thing, I gotta keep it cool, gotta keep it--Hey, did mom make peach dessert today? Yum! I hope he doesn't figure out about that plothole-

EVIL DUDE: YUP. JUST A PLOTHOLE.

T.B. Stormshot: (speaking) DAMN!

EVIL DUDE: ANYWAY, LET'S JUST READ THE STORY AND DEAL WITH THE BOLD THING LATER. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE JUST BLATANTLY PUTTING THIS OFF.

T.B. Stormshot: (sarcastic) Suuuure we are...

EVIL DUDE: NO. REALLY. WE ARE. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH WAS ABOUT.

T.B. Stormshot: Oh. Well... just read it again.





It felt like I dropped from the sky.





T.B. Stormshot: (unnamed girl) But then I realized I really WAS dropping from the sky. I dropped to the ground and died. THE END. Can we go home now?

EVIL DUDE: NO. AND I'M ADDING UNDERLINES TO MY NAME SO I SHOW MYSELF AS BEING SUPERIOR TO A MERE STORY.

T.B. Stormshot: Hey man. It's not in all CAPS like you.

EVIL DUDE: I DON'T REALLY CARE. THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE TO DO IT.

T.B. Stormshot: Ah.



Just, all of a sudden, fwump!



EVIL DUDE: WHAT KIND OF A WORD IS FWUMP?

T.B. Stormshot: I think it's a cross between flump and wump.

EVIL DUDE: WHAT'S A WUMP?

T.B. Stormshot: (shrugs) It was either that or wombat.



onto some leaves that were softer than the ground, but not quite soft enough to cushion the blow that rattled every last one of my bones practically to the point of breaking. Amazing.



EVIL DUDE: NOT AMAZING ENOUGH TO KILL YOU IT WOULD SEEM.

T.B. Stormshot: Well look at it this way, her bones were at the point of nearly breaking. I'm sure they'll definitely be broken the next time around!

EVIL DUDE: ONE CAN ONLY HOPE...



One second, I'm talking to the weird chick in English,



T.B. Stormshot: Okay, so she was talking to a weird white chick when suddenly... it turned into a weird Japanese chick... IN JAPANIMATION!!!

EVIL DUDE: BIG EYES AND EVERYTHING?

T.B. Stormshot: Oh yeah, the Works man, the Works.



next I'm butt down on some leaves looking up at a brightly lit night sky. Damn.



EVIL DUDE: ... BRIGHTLY LIT NIGHT SKY?

T.B. Stormshot: Maybe they have light pollution problems. Anyway, she knows it's wrong. She swore about it.



Groaning, I rolled over. Ow. Major ow.



EVIL DUDE: AND THEN SHE BROKE ALL HER BONES!!



I checked myself over: nothing broken, at least nothing necessary.



EVIL DUDE: SHIT!!!!



But, damn, was it ever cold. And I don't use that term lightly. What people south of the border call 'nuclear winter', I call 'chilly fall day'. Whatever. The point was, I was wearing a sweater and jeans, and I was freezing my sorry, painful ass off.



T.B. Stormshot: She was fwumping it by then.

EVIL DUDE: FWUMPING?

T.B. Stormshot: I'm using this word from now on to personify everything possibly horrible with this story.

EVIL DUDE: AH.

T.B. Stormshot: And wearing a sweater and jeans shows she's not as used to cold weather as she's putting on... tourist.

EVIL DUDE: ZING!



That was when I heard the voices. Coming this way. Four people, I thought. Automatically, I looked for a place to hide, before shaking myself out of it. Duh, maybe they can help you! So I decided to stay put.



EVIL DUDE: AND BY THE TIME THE FOUR VOICES TURNED OUT TO BE A GIGANTIC FOUR-HEADED MONSTER IT WAS TOO LATE. THE END.

T.B. Stormshot: Zing!



"I think it came from over here." A guy, by the sound of it. Kinda in- charge-y, a no-nonsense voice.



EVIL DUDE: YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON FROM THE SOUND OF THEIR VOICE.

T.B. Stormshot: I concur. For instance, we can tell you're an egomaniac with very little self-esteem by the fact that you type in all caps, bold, and underlined.

EVIL DUDE: AND WHILE TECHNICALLY THAT IS TYPING AND NOT TALKING, WE CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE TOTALLY PATHETIC BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

David: Zing!



A girl came through the bushes in front of me. "Found it."



T.B. Stormshot: (girl) Eww! It touched me!



I bristled. I hate being called an 'it'. Especially from some red-headed chicka that looked like she wouldn't last a day in this wilderness, unless there was a McDonalds really close by. "Yo, doorknob! I have a name you know. It's Kit. And I'm a she."



T.B. Stormshot: Thaaat's right. Let's piss off the people that just found us cold and shivering and very confused and totally at their mercy...

EVIL DUDE: (EVIL) THAAAT'S RIGHT. GO RIGHT ON AHEAD... DO IT... JUST DO IT... EVERYTHING'LL BE FINE... (CHUCKLES... EVILLY)

David: I like McDonald's.



A dark-haired boy joined the girl. "Mrow. It bites.



T.B. Stormshot: Quick! Kill it before it gives us all rabies!

EVIL DUDE: ACK! RABIES!

ALL: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!



Jeez, how were we supposed to know. What happened, you fall from the sky or something?"



EVIL DUDE: GAH. DON'T REMIND ME...



I flushed slightly. "Um, this'll sound crazy, but."

The boy flashed a grin. "Trust me.what did you say your name was? Kit? Well, trust me Kit, nothing sounds crazy in Everworld."



T.B. Stormshot: Except the word "Everworld" maybe...



I favored him with a glare. "Well, I.I think I did fall from the sky."



T.B. Stormshot: (boy) No. That does sound crazy. Horribly crazy. KILL THE CRAZY PSYCHO!!!

EVIL DUDE: OH, IF ONLY...



***

A few minutes later,



T.B. Stormshot: -Which will be played by three asterisks-



I was seated at a campfire, across from the girl I'd met first.



EVIL DUDE: CORRECTION. I WAS SITTING IN THE CAMPFIRE...



Two other boys, ones that hadn't come through the bushes, were on either side. And, lucky me, the first boy had decided that he was my special guide for the evening, and was sitting beside me.



T.B. Stormshot: Unlucky you mean!

EVIL DUDE: DUDE, SHE WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

T.B. Stormshot: How can you tell?

EVIL DUDE: WELL IT WAS IMPLIED AND... WELL I GUESS YOU REALLY CAN'T TELL. GEEZ, WHAT A LOSER.

T.B. Stormshot: Yes. Let's continue to make fun of her horrendously as we have already been doing.

EVIL DUDE: AH YES, LET'S.



The girl spoke first. "Just so you know, I'm April, this is Jalil,"-- she pointed to the dark-skinned boy on her left-



T.B. Stormshot: HE'S BLACK! BLACK I SAY!!!

EVIL DUDE: YOUR POINT?

T.B. Stormshot: Oh, pointing out that he's black. That's all.

EVIL DUDE: CASSIE FROM THE ANIMORPHS IS BLACK.

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah, but that doesn't matter.

EVIL DUDE: THEN WHY-

T.B. Stormshot: I think it might be a valid plot point.

EVIL DUDE: WHATEVER.



-"this is David,"--the other boy--" and your friends there is Christopher."



EVIL DUDE: (APRIL) I SAY FRIENDS BECAUSE CHRISTOPHER IS AN ANDROID MADE UP OF TINY NANOBOTS. (EVIL DUDE) AND THEN HE KILLED KIT. THE END.



"But you can call me lover." he joked.



EVIL DUDE: (LOVER) BUT WE WON'T BECAUSE I'M GAY!

T.B. Stormshot: And racist!

EVIL DUDE: (LOVER) AND RACIST!

T.B. Stormshot: Wow! Evil Dude! There's so much about you I don't know!

EVIL DUDE: JERK.



I gave him another glare. "My name's Kit."



T.B. Stormshot: Right, and that's her real name.



Sensing that they wanted more, I continued. "I came from Canada. Yes, the great white north," I said, before Christopher had even formed the comment.



T.B. Stormshot: But plenty of time for us! Bring on the Canada jokes!

EVIL DUDE: (CANADIAN ACCENT) YAH. I AM FROM DA CANEE-DA. I LIKE DA MONARCHY SYSTEM AN DA HOCKEY.

T.B. Stormshot: An da higher price of book and dings.

EVIL DUDE: I LIKE DA SNOWY WILDERNESS AND DA POLAR BEARS.

T.B. Stormshot: I don't think they have polar bears.

EVIL DUDE: WELL I BLAME CANADA FOR THE LACK OF POLAR BEARS!

T.B. Stormshot: That's right! (breaks into song) Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

EVIL DUDE: (BREAKS INTO RELATED SONG) HELLOOO UNCLE FUC-

T.B. Stormshot: PLEASE Evil Dude! Let's try to keep this clean!



"Last thing I knew, I was in English,



EVIL DUDE: AS APPOSED TO JAPANIMATION.

T.B. Stormshot: Which would be an improvement... wait... did I just diss myself?

EVIL DUDE: HA HA! YOU DISSED YOUR COUNTRY! WHAT A LOSER!

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah? Well... you're... gay... (cough)

EVIL DUDE: OUCH.



talking to the weird girl that just.showed up.



T.B. Stormshot: There has GOT to be some hilarious joke inside there...



Next thing I know, I'm flat on my back in this freaked out place, with wackos calling me it!"



EVIL DUDE: (KIT) YEAH! IT'S SO COLD! EVEN COLDER THAN DA CANADA!

T.B. Stormshot: Listen to da Yeti!



David had looked interested from the moment I'd said 'weird girl'. He turned to his friends. "Do you think it could have been Senna?"



David: Oh Senna! My amazing SENNA! OH GOD!!!! I'M A RAT!!!

T.B. Stormshot: I thought he calmed down!

EVIL DUDE: NAH, HE JUST CAME OUT OF SHOCK. DON'T WORRY, I'LL SEND HIM BACK IN.

T.B. Stormshot: How?

David: OH SENNA! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! OH GOD! (smacked senseless by burst of energy) Oh look! Cheese!

T.B. Stormshot: Oh.



"Oy, T.O.



T.B. Stormshot: Damn, what's a T.O. stand for?

EVIL DUDE: DON'T ASK ME. I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT "OY"



Who's Senna? Isn't that a kind of herb or something? No, it's a tree."



T.B. Stormshot: No no no! You got it all wrong! Senna is a bush! A BUSH I SAY!!!

EVIL DUDE! OO! I HOPE SHE GETS POISON IVY FROM HER! WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT?



Wonderful. Try to ask questions, and what do I do? Start spouting stupid trivia. "Point is, fill me in, psycho boy."



T.B. Stormshot: (David) I think we're forgetting who the psycho is here FALLING FROM SKY GIRL!!

EVIL DUDE: KILL DA VITCH! KILL HER GOOD!



David glanced at me. "Geez, rude enough? Senna's the witch that brought us here." He looked at me and sighed. "Maybe I'd better start from the beginning."



T.B. Stormshot: Rudeness is da sign of da vitch!

EVIL DUDE: AH YES! WAIT, I THOUGHT WEIGHING THE SAME AS A DUCK WAS.

T.B. Stormshot: Ah yes, but Senna is also a vitch so they're are two vitches.

EVIL DUDE: TWO VITCHES?

T.B. Stormshot: Two vitches.

EVIL DUDE: AND THIS IMPACTS THE SIGN OF A VITCH HOW?

T.B. Stormshot: Double da vitch, double da duck!

EVIL DUDE: ... ... ... THAT WAS WEAK.

T.B. Stormshot: (sighs) I know...



Biting back a sarcastic comment, I listened to what David had to say.



EVIL DUDE: (DAVID) WE ARE THE FOUR WHO WERE ACCURSED TO DRINK THE BLOOD OF HUMANS FOREVER BY THE GREAT GODDESS OF THE SUN. IT IS A HORRIBLE EXISTENCE, MOVING FROM TOWN TO TOWN, DRINKING THE BLOOD OF THOSE WHO INVITE US IN, AND THEN BEING CHASED AWAY BY THOSE WHO LIVE. WE WHO ARE CURSED...



It wasn't just David who filled me in. The others added details as they saw fit, until I had the whole story:



T.B. Stormshot: (April) They say if we drink the blood of a witch we might be freed of the curse...

BOTH: VITCH!!!



Senna, April's half-sister, dated and dumped Christopher, then hooked up with David. One morning, all five of them were at a harbor, before a giant wolf, who was Loki's son, kidnapped Senna and brought her to Everworld, dragging the rest of them along for the ride.



T.B. Stormshot: ... I like our story better.



Everworld in itself was interesting. The ancient gods had, apparently, decided that earth sucked, and so had created a new world, bringing along various immortals, and of course some mortals too. After all, why be a god if there's no one around to kiss your immortal ass?



T.B. Stormshot: Ah yes, this I can agree with. ...This would also be the point where I pop the Drode in and tease him mercilessly. (laughs evilly)

EVIL DUDE: DUDE. THE DRODE DOESN'T KISS YOUR ASS. HE CALLS YOU A LOSER AND POPS OUT AGAIN.

T.B. Stormshot: Actually he calls me an idiot more than a loser and I just pop him back. Or I did... hm, hey, would you-?

EVIL DUDE: NO. YOU ARE MY SWORN ENEMY AND AFTER THIS MST I SHALL DESTROY YOU!

T.B. Stormshot: I hate that "destroy" thing. If you're going to kill me just say it! "Destroy" is such a sissy word... try not to use it after you take my place okay?

EVIL DUDE: GAH, I HATE YOU.



Everything was just plain shibby until some aliens had found their way into Everworld.



T.B. Stormshot: ...

EVIL DUDE: ...

T.B. Stormshot: ... shibby?

EVIL DUDE: SHIBBY.

T.B. Stormshot: Those crazy Canadians...



Some just wanted to get home, but some decided they liked the real estate, and so had their sights set on taking over.



T.B. Stormshot: Who wouldn't love the real estate? Just a slight pest problem with elfs...

EVIL DUDE: AND DWARFS...

T.B. Stormshot: and humans...

EVIL DUDE: AND DRAGONS...

T.B. Stormshot: and various deities...

EVIL DUDE: AND LEPRECHAUNS...

T.B. Stormshot: and fairies...

EVIL DUDE: AND DEMONS...

T.B. Stormshot: and mermaids...

EVIL DUDE: AND TALKING ANIMALS...

T.B. Stormshot: and ogres...

EVIL DUDE: AND ANTS...

T.B. Stormshot: Ants?

EVIL DUDE: (IMPRESSION OF SHRUG) ANTS GET EVERYWHERE.



Or at least getting their own slice of the action.



David: Yeah! That hot fwumpy action!

T.B. Stormshot: (scowls) Well thanks a lot David! You've totally ruined the meaning of that word for me!

EVIL DUDE: YEAH, NICE GOING DAVID... DORK.

David: Hey! I just want to be part of the group!

T.B. Stormshot: Well we don't want you to be a part of the group. Just go away!

EVIL DUDE: YEAH! GET OUT OF HERE!

David: (sniffs) I-I just wanted to be popular... (slinks away miserably)

T.B. Stormshot: What a dork.

EVIL DUDE: YEAH, WHAT A DORK.



Which would be fine, except the god, Ka Anor, had a nasty little habit of eating other gods. Mortals were fine, expendable. But none of the gods liked the idea of getting their own asses eaten, and so the Hetwan and Ka Anor had to go. Or at least the gods themselves.



T.B. Stormshot: (shakes head in pity) See, this is what happens when you manage your universe badly...

EVIL DUDE: YOU GET EATEN?

T.B. Stormshot: Pretty much. I would never allow someone to usurp me-

EVIL DUDE: HEY, YOU'RE FORGETTING.

T.B. Stormshot: (blinks and looks blank, then remembers) Oh. Yeah. Never mind.

EVIL DUDE: ACTUALLY THAT WHOLE EATING THING DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD...



So they had kidnapped Senna to try and get her to take them to the Old World, aka Earth, twentieth century-style.



T.B. Stormshot: aka nobody freakin cares.

EVIL DUDE: OH, THAT IS SO HALF-HEARTED...



Only they had gotten more than they bargained for: David, Jalil, Christopher, and April. And now me.



T.B. Stormshot: Yes, but by the time she found out she didn't actually make a difference it was far too late.

EVIL DUDE: THE END.



"And that's not the half of it." Christopher had decided that David's order to 'get water' translated into Christopher-speak for 'flirt with the new girl.'



T.B. Stormshot: And that's not the half of it either! You see, because of Christopher's advanced nano technology, he operates under a different language command module...

EVIL DUDE: WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT?

T.B. Stormshot: Japanese. They're way more advanced than simple America. Imagine how they would be to Canada!

EVIL DUDE: YOU'RE A RACIST AGAINST CANADIANS AREN'T YOU?

T.B. Stormshot: Not really but I take whatever loop hole I can get to make fun of this story.



"Anytime we sleep---or get knocked unconscious---we're back in the freakin' real world! Not a prob, normally, but all this flipping gives me a major headache. And we're still on Earth too. So nobody even knows anything. It totally sucks, big time." He sighed. "At least I have you and April to cheer me up."



T.B. Stormshot: You take this one Evil Dude. I'm getting a soda... (exits)

EVIL DUDE: WELL, OKAY. GET ME ONE WILL YA? ANYWAY... UM... WELL HE WOULDN'T NEED HER AND APRIL BECAUSE HE'S GAY! HA! UM... GEEZ, THIS ISN'T ANY FUN WHEN I'M ALONE... (VOICE BECOMES OMINOUS) I GUESS MAYBE I SHOULD-

T.B. Stormshot: (enters) Okay, I got Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, which do you want?

EVIL DUDE: (ANGRY) OH YOU'RE BACK!

T.B. Stormshot: Um, yeah. Anyway...

EVIL DUDE: UGGH, DR. PIBB I GUESS...

T.B. Stormshot: ... There's no such thing.

EVIL DUDE: WHAT?

T.B. Stormshot: There's no such thing as Dr. Pibb.

EVIL DUDE: BUT YOU JUST SAID-

T.B. Stormshot: Look, there's Mr. Pibb and Dr. Pepper. Okay?

EVIL DUDE: WHATEVER! JUST GIVE ME ONE!

T.B. Stormshot: I really think you ought to choose. I mean, it's a really big commitment.

EVIL DUDE: DUDE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. I'VE NEVER HAD THEM.

T.B. Stormshot: Well... geez. You're living life to the fullest aren't you...

EVIL DUDE: YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK SODA POP WILL CHANGE MY LIFE.

T.B. Stormshot: Time for a taste test! (opens both pop cans and holds them out)

EVIL DUDE: (DRINKS POP IN MYSTERIOUS WAY WHICH WILL NOT BE DIVULGED. SPUTTERS) GOOD GOD THEY TASTE THE SAME DAMNIT!!

T.B. Stormshot: Well... which do you want?

EVIL DUDE: DR. PEPPER.



I gritted my teeth and counted to five, before telling Christopher to shove his water bottle in a very uncomfortable place.



T.B. Stormshot: His mouth.



Slightly startled, he was quiet for a few minutes, and the sound of the rushing stream filled the night air.



EVIL DUDE: AND THEN THEY ALL DROWNED. THE END.



Then Christopher ventured another comment. "So, are you always this bitchy? Or is it just the time or the date?"



T.B. Stormshot: No, she'd always have to be this bitchy. If she wasn't this bitchy all the time I wouldn't be able to handle the idiocy of acting bitchy to the people who found you lying in a ditch and helped you by telling you where you are and building you a nice toasty campfire. And not eating you.

EVIL DUDE: SO YOU FORGIVE HER?

T.B. Stormshot: No.



He sounded so sincere that I almost regretted what I'd said. Almost.



T.B. Stormshot: (Kit) But I didn't. Because I'm a bitch. And that's what we do. Yeah.

EVIL DUDE: LAME.

T.B. Stormshot: Well you try better!



"No. It's not that. I just.get cranky when I'm cold." I managed to smile at him.



EVIL DUDE: I THOUGHT SHE WAS FROM CANADA. WOULDN'T SHE BE USED TO THE COLD?

T.B. Stormshot: You know what? I don't think she's a genuine Canadian! She must be a counterfeit!!

EVIL DUDE: BUM BUM BUM!!!



He looked relieved. "Good. Cause we have enough problems around here without people shooting estrogen around."



T.B. Stormshot: He's gay, racist, and sexist! Wow, I'm impressed!

EVIL DUDE: THAT HIGH-TECH NANOTECHNOLOGY IS CAPABLE OF WAY MORE THEN ANY MERE HUMAN.

T.B. Stormshot: Our tax dollars at work.



"But it's okay for you boys to shove testosterone around?" April emerged from the bushes nearby. I noticed---happily, I'll admit---that Christopher was obviously startled.



T.B. Stormshot: (also startled) Wait... where did she come from?

EVIL DUDE: (ALSO STARTLED) WASN'T SHE SITTING... OVER THERE...?

T.B. Stormshot: Okay, she was sitting across Kit in the beginning... and now... she's in the bushes.

EVIL DUDE: MAYBE SHE MOVED WHEN WE WEREN'T LOOKING?

T.B. Stormshot: You'd think she'd say something if she's going to leave the group.



"What's wrong?" cackled April.



T.B. Stormshot: MY GOSH! Evil Dude! Did you hear that??!

EVIL DUDE: I DID! SHE CACKLED!

T.B. Stormshot: You know what this means, right?

EVIL DUDE: SHE'S A-SHE'S A VITCH!!

BOTH: A VITCH!!!



Apparently she'd noticed too.



EVIL DUDE: WELL OF COURSE SHE NOTICED... (SCOFFS)

T.B. Stormshot: I'd notice if I was a vitch too.



"You look like you just saw a---"

EVIL DUDE: ELVIS LOOK-ALIKE!

T.B. Stormshot: Teletubby!

EVIL DUDE: MICHAEL JACKSON!

T.B. Stormshot: Mirror!



"Ghost!" shouted Christopher, pointing behind April.



EVIL DUDE: CORRECTION. POINTING TO APRIL.

T.B. Stormshot: And then she died...

BOTH: THE END.



That was when I saw it too. A floating, translucent shape, hovering a couple of feet off the ground.

T.B. Stormshot: ...

EVIL DUDE: ...

T.B. Stormshot: ... Is that it?

EVIL DUDE... WELL THERE WAS A SECOND CHAPTER. BUT ALL I GOT WAS THIS:



CHAPTER TWO

site experiencing overload..please come back in a few minutes.



T.B. Stormshot: Oh. Well you want to see if it's up now?

EVIL DUDE: NOT REALLY.

T.B. Stormshot: Ah, good. I don't want to either.

EVIL DUDE: WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS KILL YOU AND SCATTER YOUR ASHES TO THE MULTIPLE CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE.

T.B. Stormshot: Ah... my universe or the public one?

EVIL DUDE: THE PUBLIC ONE.

T.B. Stormshot: Well... damn.

EVIL DUDE: SO. ANYWAY. GOOD BYE. ER, WELL BYE ANYWAY. (THE PSYCHEDELIC UNIVERSE SUDDENLY BECOMES PITCH BLACK, THE ONLY LIGHT TO PIERCE THIS DARKNESS IS A BLINDING POINT WHICH WOULD BE T.B.'S INEVITABLE DOOM)

T.B. Stormshot: Wait! Before I die I need to know something!

EVIL DUDE: WHAT?

T.B. Stormshot: Who the hell are you?

EVIL DUDE: OH YEAH. THE EVIL DUDE THING RIGHT. OKAY, I GUESS I CAN SWING THAT REQUEST CONSIDERING YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AND ALL. ALRIGHT, I'M THE DRODE.

T.B. Stormshot: ... ... (snorts) Yeah right.

EVIL DUDE: NO, SERIOUSLY. I AM.

T.B. Stormshot: Riiiight, and I'm a figmental personality of someone's overactive imagination. Suuure you're the Drode. Riiiiiiight...

EVIL DUDE: (SOUNDS EXASPERATED) SERIOUSLY, I AM!

T.B. Stormshot: Dude, the Drode would never belittle himself by MSTing fanfiction and forgetting to kill me and stuff. And I distinctly heard you say "Dude" several times. The Drode just doesn't say "Dude." He makes fun of me for saying that. You act nothing like the Drode!

EVIL DUDE: ... IT'S THE WHOLE OMNIPOTENT THING. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD MESS WITH MY MIND THIS MUCH.

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah, most people don't realize that being omnipotent changes your perspective of things.

EVIL DUDE: BUT REALLY, I AM THE DRODE.

T.B. Stormshot: Well then PROVE it!

EVIL DUDE: ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT. LET'S SEE... WHAT WOULD ONLY THE DRODE KNOW... HM... I KNOW, I'M SECRETLY PLOTTING AGAINST CRAYAK TO OVERTHROW HIM WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE.

T.B. Stormshot: Dude, Crayak knows.

EVIL DUDE: ...WHAT?

T.B. Stormshot: He knows.

EVIL DUDE: NO HE DOESN'T!

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah he does. He told me himself.

EVIL DUDE: HE CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW! I'M NOT DEAD! IF CRAYAK KNEW HE WOULD KILL ME! GEEZ! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO BETRAY OR EVEN THINK OF BETRAYING LORD CRAYAK??!

T.B. Stormshot: They die? Horribly?

EVIL DUDE: BEYOND HORRIBLY! HE CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW!

T.B. Stormshot: He knows. Believe me. He's just biding his time. Biiiiding his time. Much like I'm doing right now.

EVIL DUDE: OH CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, OH CRAP. DAMNIT. JESUS CHRI- WAIT. LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

T.B. Stormshot: Yeah. Here, I'll show you! (holds out hand and yanks the air. Suddenly there is a pop as T.B.'s universe turns psychedelic again and the Drode pops out of seemingly no where)

DRODE: OH. SH-it. (long pause) Oh... double shit. But I thought you were stripped of all your powers!

T.B. Stormshot: (shakes head) Silly Drode, you've been hanging out with Crayak too much. Powers just can't be stripped, they're an integral part of me. I can take them back any time I want.

Drode: This really sucks. And now Crayak's going to kill me. I'm not sure I can put how I feel in words, but I'm sure going to try. You, are seriously FUC-

T.B. Stormshot: Geez, what is with all the swearing lately? I think it's this dialogue-based text. I'm switching back to paragraphs.

POP!

As the narrator is resurrected, the Drode is suddenly zapped with... a billion volts of electricity.

"Oh good GO-" the Drode had time to say as his eyes widened and the electricity hit him. It was very painful. "Oh, you don't know how much..."

"Hey man, if I was the narrator I'd be pissed off too," T.B. replied with a grin. The light then hit her in exactly the right way, and her hair looked beautiful, and flowers rained from the sky all around her. All the thorny ones hit the Drode.

"Oh, very subtle. Ow!" the Drode remarked with a sneer on his face. He removed the extra-spiky rose from his butt. "Very subtle indeed." An even spikier rose took its place.

"I feel so special," T.B. remarked happily, and truthfully so as she was the best person in the universe.

"Of course you are. Special in the head," the Drode grimaced. However, the Drode was an idiot and he didn't know what he was talking about. He was also ugly, weak, grouchy, old, was really bad at sex and-

"Well now that's going a little overboard," T.B. commented.

...

...

...

"Oh crap, I said that at exactly the wrong moment, didn't I?" T.B. grimaced.

...

...

...

"I NEVER HAD SEX WITH HIM/HER!!" they both said at the exact same time.

...

...

...

Well ... the Drode wasn't SO bad. In the dark he could be written off as passable and the sound of a thousand scratching nails against a giant chalk board which was the sound of his voice could possibly be okay sounding to middle-easterners. And um... there were worse partners when it came to matters of the bed-

"No, seriously! I never had sex with him! Where the hell is this thing even going??!" T.B. shouted in a nervous and rather exasperated voice. "Plus, I always imagined him with a fairly melodic voice, tenor, not scratchy."

...

...

...

Well there were worse-

"Oh come on! I hate her guts! I was about to murder her and eat her heart! I was-" the Drode exploded.

"Wait, you were going to eat my heart?"

"Let's not discuss this right now. Point is, she's icky. I wouldn't touch her," the Drode concluded. "We didn't do anything."

...

...

...

The Drode's okay.

"That's it. I'm not defending myself against my own narrator!" T.B. yelled, raising her arms, light suddenly shot out towards- oh GOOD GOD! NOT AGAIN! I SWEAR I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD NARRATOR! SERIOUSLY, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! *die*

wellherewegoagainawitsnotsobadthatswhatisaidyousaidthatitwashorribleyeahbutnowimomnipotentagainicanuntanglethismess
withmybrilliantmindtheaudie
ncecantawwhocaresabouttheaudienceithoughtyoudidnoheaudiencesuckshypocriteyeahaintitgreathiguysohcrapwellmaybei
tisnthimitsmedavidawcrapawcra
pwellmaybehe'lldiesuddenlythatcouldbearrangedbutnotlikethisgivemeamoment

(POP!)

T.B. Stormshot: Heh.

David: (dies)

Drode: Heh.

T.B. Stormshot: ... Well now what?

Drode: (blinks) Bye. (pops out)

T.B. Stormshot: ... Well... um...

THE END

T.B. Stormshot: ... So abrupt...



Okay, I know this wasn't exactly an Animorph story, but cut me some slack here, the Everworld section is outdated, nobody would read it. And you might have noticed a few odd *bleeps* scattered about, I'm sure you know what's being bleeped, and know it ain't really a bad word. It just is on FF.Net. A very bad word on FF.Net in fact. *cough* Also this is my last story. That's right, T.B.'s moving on to bigger and better things. I have college now to worry about, I'm trying to start a novel, and I think it's time to leave Fanfiction.Net to the new generation. Been feeling the pull for a while actually, let's face it, most of Fanfiction.Net is made up of fifteen yr. olds and at that age and younger, teens tend not to write so good, trust me, I've been there. As for fan fiction itself, well, it's not exactly lucrative. Technically, it's against the law, the fact that we have to slap a disclaimer on everything proves there is no way we could ever market our stuff, no matter how good it is. And I seriously need some coin in my dark study-filled days (well, technically, I'm on Spring Break at the moment.) So I got to say goodbye, you readers have been the greatest and have brightened up my days, even the flamers because then I can write a polite and embarrassing letter to them. S'been fun.

Plus, I'll be seeing you around anyway considering I'll probably just move up to FictionPress.com, just a click away.

But before I go. I have to tell you all a few things. First off, please Elcolo9, take me off your watch list. I don't like you.

Second, remember THE NEW KID, by Astrodragon, also known as Keith Kobinski? That was me, T.B. Stormshot. Some of you probably guessed this, I told some kid awhile back. I think he might have leaked. That was quite enjoyable, I don't hold any grudges against any of you. I just hope you realize that you shouldn't flame badly written stories... oh what the hell am I talking about, I ALWAYS flame badly written stories! Always! Hah! But seriously, PrincessEilonwy, PLEASE TELL ME WHO MENTIONED ME! And darKpetalSofblue, your name is spelt confusing, and I seriously want a copy of that darth vader story. Seriously. I'm a glutton for attention.

Last of all. I'm stealing the Drode. Right now.

T.B. Stormshot stops typing for a moment and looks around. She then blinks, grins, and disappears into thin air.

The format of the story suddenly changes back into dialogue form as the narrator checks out early. I really am a lazy bastard, aren't I?

(scene switches from T.B.'s computer to Crayak's evil planet of much doom. An open wasteland with wizened trees and a long line of filing cabinets is all that stands there)

Drode: (busies himself doing filing work while keeping out of Crayak's way.) Oookay, let's see. Crayak knows I'm secretly plotting against him, I've lost all my powers except those Crayak bestows upon me, and everyone thinks I'm having sex with T.B. There has got to be a way out of this mess. C'mon Drode! Think. (As the Drode mutters to himself, Crayak silently floats up behind him)

Crayak: ...

Drode: Now if I put a stop to my evil plans for usurption, maybe Crayak will think I've-

Crayak: DRODE.

Drode: (shrieks like all the fear in the universe put into a soda can and shaken) AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! (whimpers)

Crayak: ...

Drode: (attempts to look innocent, fails miserably) Why, Master Crayak! What a pleasure to see you... here... right now. Uh, what can I do you for?

Crayak: DRODE. YOU ARE MINE.

Drode: Of-of course my master. (sweats and holds back keening) I am yours and no one elses. Your servant forever.

Crayak: YOUR POWER IS MINE, DRODE. YOUR LIFE IS MINE. YOU ARE MY SLAVE.

Drode: (says nothing as he unconsciously backs into the filing cabinets, he bows his head, he is unable to stop a low, moaning keen from escaping his lips)

Crayak: MINE. (a white light suddenly fills Crayak's red eye)

(Suddenly, T.B. Stormshot pops in)

T.B. Stormshot: Hiya Crayak!

Crayak: GAH! NOT YOU AGAIN! NO! (see 'You Must Love Stupidity')

T.B. Stormshot: I told you I'd pop in to see ya! (thinks) Well, that might have been Visser 3, but I was planning to visit you anyway! How ya been?

Crayak: STAY AWAY FROM ME!

Drode: (angry) T.B., what the Hel- (suddenly remembers what exactly was transpiring before T.B.'s sudden arrival) Um, good to see you. Stay for tea?

Crayak: YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE! LEAVE HERE AT ONCE OR I WILL DESTROY-

T.B. Stormshot: I told you to stop using that word! Only pansies use the word "destroy!"

Crayak: I'LL F***ING MURDER YOU!!!! AUGGHH!!! (Crayak's eye blazes with energetic fury)

T.B. Stormshot: (looks aghast) POTTY MOUTH!!! All the work I go through trying to make this fan fiction as clean and as funny as possible and you destroy it in one instant!! You're just lucky I'm handy with an asterisk or you'd be in real trouble. Anyway, I'm here on business Crayak, so I'll let it slide for now, but please! Keep your mouth to yourself from the hereon, you know?

Drode: (coughs, looks uncertain)

T.B Stormshot: You see Crayak. I'm thinking about moving on. This universe has been fun and all, but it's already been claimed and copyrighted by another. I can only go so far in another guy's territory. I'm thinking it's time to find a new universe, one I can claim for myself and mass market it to the media for wads of cash.. You getting me Crayak?

Crayak: YOU... ARE... LEAVING?

T.B. Stormshot: Yup.

Crayak: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR THEN?! GO ALREADY! GO! (Crayak's eye blazes with new, frantic energy)

T.B. Stormshot: Well, you see Crayak. I know this universe is taken and all, but I've grown rather attached over the last few years you know? I'd like to take a little reminder with me. You know, for old times sake...

Crayak: IF IT IS WITHIN MY POWER, I GRANT IT TO YOU. JUST LEAVE!

T.B. Stormshot: (brightens considerably) Ah, in that case, how could I leave my favorite little buddy behind, huh? (grins widely as she turns to the Drode, who has been standing by the file cabinets uncertainly for the last several minutes)

Crayak: THIS CREATURE IS ALL YOU WANT?

T.B. Stormshot: (nods) Yes, he is all I want.

Crayak: TAKE IT THEN, AND BE GONE.

T.B. Stormshot: Gotcha. (turns to the Drode) Well Drode, looks like we're stuck together, hm?

Drode: ...Why?

T.B. Stormshot: (grins kindly) What can I say, Drode? You're my favorite character, it's never been about looks or super powers to me, tell you the truth, the dinosaur with a humanoid head grew on me. It's always been about personality, you're mean, Drode, sarcastic, snappy. What can I say? I'm attracted to evil.

Drode: Huh. Well, I hate to say it, but you're slightly more preferable to painful death by laser eyebeam.

T.B. Stormshot: I told you he knew.

Drode: Yes, so what happens now?

T.B. Storm: Oh, we find a new knitch and avoid copyrights by giving you a new name.

Drode: ...That's all it takes to avoid copyrights?

T.B. Stormshot: Basically? Yes.

Drode: Huh.

Crayak: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! LEAVE! GO!

T.B. Stormshot: (looks annoyed) Alright, Alright. Hold your horses... er, or whatever your equivalent of horses is. We're going! (stops and thinks) But there is one more thing I want.

Crayak: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT?!

T.B. Stormshot: Dinner. I'm hungry.

Thank you. Thank you and goodnight.