Dance of Death

She's dancing again, twirling the staff delicately through her porcelain fingers. The golden bar answers to her every movement, and puts on a spectacular show, the beads make tiny delicate noises as they catch the cold metal.

The Pyreflies that are emitted want to join the fun, and they too dance. They dance with her, dance around her body moving in time to the silent music. It is a beautiful display, one that has been well practiced. As they dance together, basking in the warm light, I feel sadness from deep within.

The dance continues, as more Pyreflies join her. The image of the one to be sent is fading quickly, soon to be no more than a memory to those he held dear. It's sad, in a way, that in a few moments this person would be no more than a shadow.

Yuna continues the dance, her face showing no expression. Her eyes are closed as if she is in deep concentration and the only thing that she can do right now is dance. Her body moves, the material draped across her arms swings with her every movement, the beads in her hair catch the light and sparkle.

It is truly a breath taking sight, a sending. If you don't think about what it is for. It is mesmerising to watch, you feel like you have to, even if it's breaking your heart. I know it's not easy for her either, that is why we watch, to let her know that she is not alone.

I doubt that I could do it. I wouldn't want to, not really, that is why I am a Guardian, not a Summoner. The emotions would be too much, I prefer to keep mine inside, where I can control them, but if I were out there dancing, sending someone that I knew and loved…I don't think I could do it.

That is why Yuna is strong, stronger than a lot of people give her credit for. To be able to do the things she does, to have fought through the pain her short life has presented her with and still be smiling at the end of the day, it takes a lot of strength. Not physically but mentally.

As her dance comes to an end, I watch the last Pyreflies dance themselves away, happily flying off to the Farplane, to dance with the others for eternity. Yuna slows down, lowering her staff and finally opening her eyes. Her bi-coloured eyes are shining with tears, and the first thing she does is collapse into Tidus. The blonde boy holds her tightly and allows her to cry into his chest.

I envy them.

I have only ever truly loved two people in my life, when Chappu died I promised to myself that I would never make the mistake of opening up my heart again, that I would never allow someone into my life. But all that changed on Yuna's pilgrimage. Everything changed when I met him.

Auron. He was so like me, so stubborn and kept his emotions bottled up. I felt a great deal of respect and admiration towards the man, and asour journey progressed I found myself attracted to him. I think he felt the same, I think that he admired me. I caught him smiling, not one of his trademark smirks, but a real smile directed at me once or twice.

And now, because of our stubbornness, I will never know if he did feel anything towards me; anything more than respect. I will never know. That hurts me more than any wound could, to know that I missed my chance because I never opened up. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would make every second with him count; every lingering gaze would be detchedinto my mind.

But it's too late now. I lost my chance by hesitating, and he slipped through my fingers.

Yuna has Tidus, and I can see Rikku clutching onto Wakka for comfort. Kimahri just stands by Yuna, as always, in case he can do anything to help. I think his presence soothes her a little, that combined with Tidus whispering in her ear that it's not her fault.

I wish I had someone whispering that in my ear, that it's not my fault. But it is. It is my fault that I never told him. And now, he's gone; disappeared into a cloud of Pyreflies, dancing away, now only alive in my memories. A stray Pyrefly dances around me, and lands on my hand. It's so beautiful, and I find a tear caught in my eye, which is strange, I have never cried. Never. Must be something in my eye.

Sir Auron, you will always be alive in me. I will never forget you. Never…


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Written: 6th April 2004