A humour fic, not my usual area of writing. I have a rather sarcastic sense of humour, and find only the strangest things amusing. And here is the product. I have spent every hour of the past twenty five minutes making sure that this is the funniest fic I could produce. Yes it sucks, but what are you going to do? It's not like you're paying for it.
Warnings: *Laughs* Uh, too many to list? Highlights include slash/shonen-ai/yaoi whatever's your poison, it's all the same. The shonen-ai however is sarcastic, and is suitable for anyone. Hmm, what else is there to offer? Oh yeah, look out for random swearing sarcasm, OOC-ness and even a Mary Sue! Prizes for those who spot grammatical errors and spelling mistakes! If you want it, this fic has got it, I guarantee you!*
*Worthless, useless, not redeemable as a guarantee.
Disclaimer: It's mine…all mine! Actually, no it's not. Respect is due to anyone who deserves it, I have used random things I have found slightly amusing and altered them where necessary. I can't even remember where I heard some things.
~*~The Night Before: Prelude to Tomorrow Morning ~*~
"I will take over the world! No one will be able to stop me! With my Millennium Rod, and with the strongest Egyptian God card of all, Ra, I will be unstoppable! And those fools don't even know that I am their arch nemesis, they still suspect me to be Namu! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
"Will you keep it down in there? Some of us are trying to plan duelling strategies, and these walls are paper thin."
Marik stopped talking to himself, deciding that it was a security risk. He didn't want anyone knowing his plans. He decided to instead stare at Ra again, so out came the card. Smiling with little pink hearts in his eyes he hugged the card to his chest.
Inside his soulroom Mariku was muttering something about his 'pathetic onna hikari.'
Kaiba had graciously given Yugi-tachi their own rooms, so each had bid the others goodnight, and turned in early so that they would be well rested for the finals the following day. That lasted all of twenty seconds.
Anzu couldn't sleep. She had tried…
Anzu walked into her room, she lay down on the bed, closed her eyes tightly then sat up again. "It's no use!"
So now she was sitting at her desk, with some neat square cards and a pen.
Placing a full stop at the end of the sentence, she smiled brightly at the card, inscribed with neat flowery writing, and a smiley face in the corner, she had just finished writing out another friendship speech. She had taken to writing all of her speeches onto these little squares of card, and carrying them around with her.
Placing it on top of a rather large pile of squares she took out a fresh one.
"We can get through this…with…um…friendship!"
Honda was combing his hair. Standing in front of the mirror, checking from each side to make sure that his spike was at exactly the right angle. He took out a protractor just to be certain, and was horrified to realise that it was a degree too far to the left.
In his haste to find the discarded comb he dropped it and it fell to the uncarpeted floor. (What? Kaiba wasn't going to spring for carpets in the guest rooms.) One of the teeth snapped off.
Otogi looked up from the mirror, where he too was preening his locks. He could have sworn he just heard Honda yell. Oh well, back to his hair.
"Who is it?"
"It was you yelling. What is it now?"
"My comb broke. Can I borrow one of yours?"
"What makes you think that I have more than one?"
"I saw the bag you had, there's about fifty in there."
Otogi sweat dropped, looking at the black duffle bag he had deposited on his bed where a colourful assortment of combs and brushes was spilling out. Sighing he decided he could let Honda have just one. He needed the others.
"Fine. But only one and you'd better not break it!"
Honda entered, smiling brightly. Otogi burst out laughing.
"What's so funny dice boy?"
"Your hair! It's like a degree out!"
"I know! Tell me about it!"
Otogi stopped laughing; he felt Honda's pain and decided to help him in his quest to get a geometrically perfect hairstyle.
"Your hair is so soft, I would have thought you used tons of hair spray…but the quality is amazing!"
"Thanks! I wash it everyday."
"Oh, it shows!"
Shizuka was dragged past the doorway by Mariku, yelling for them to come and save her. Screaming that she would instantly fall in love with her saviour.
"What conditioner did you say you used again?"
A rare moment in the Jounouchi room, the blonde was concentrating on the cards he was holding. In one hand he held one of the most powerful cards in his deck; the Flame Swordsman, and in the other hand, Scapegoat; the adorable fluffy multi-coloured clouds!
Breathing slowly he elevated the two cards, pushing the top edges together, hardly daring to move as he placed them on top of the others…completing the card house.
"YES! Oh yeah, who's da man! I'm bad, you know it! I'm bad-"
"Jou, can I come in for a minute?"
"NO! Mai, dat took me ages! I've never gotten five rows before!"
Jou looked sadly down at the cards piled around him. Each card had been an intricate part of the combined structure, one could not survive without the other, they worked as a team. And now, they fell as one.
"I'm gonna kill you!"
Mai realising her mistake ran out of the room, into her own and locked it securely. The sound of Jou hurling his body against the thin metal was heard and Mai laughed, knowing that she was safe. Until she had to come out for her duel…
"Help! Somebody please help me!"
Shizuka was being dragged through the corridors by Mariku still. He didn't know why he had taken her captive, and actually he was beginning to regret his decision. The little girl was rather annoying, she hadn't stopped screaming the whole time, and threatening him with 'my brother will beat you up!' and such.
They passed many of her friends, but Otogi seemed to be busy with Honda, Jou had told her 'in a minute' and went back to trying to knock down Mai's door, Anzu was writing manically on little pieces of card.
Did this deter Shizuka? Of course not. Still she was convinced someone would come and save her.
"Honda and Otogi will come! They'll…um…well I don't know! But it will be so bad that you'll never take me hostage like this again!"
"I will never take you hostage again! By Ra woman, you're annoying!"
He threw her into a random broom closet that randomly appeared for the purposes of this fic as I don't recall seeing any broom closets anywhere on the airship. Which poses the question; where was Kaiba going to keep the brooms?
Isis gently opened the door to her own crappy low-quality accommodation, checking her Millennium necklace to make sure that she wasn't about to be attacked or anything she made her way out of the room.
And tripped over a broom.
Jou turned from where he was banging on Mai's door to laugh at the sight of the oh-so-mysterious one on her ass.
"You know, that wouldn't have happened if there had been a broom closet."
Isis growled in a very un-Isis like way and stormed off to the place that she was previously headed. Where is this place you ask? Well that is a mystery. Even Isis doesn't know. She'll probably just wander around the upper deck for a while; maybe purchase a packet of minstrels and a cherry coke from the vending machine, and when anyone asks she'll lie.
Still growling she turned back to glare at Jou who was still watching her, having given up trying to get into Mai's room. She was so caught up in glaring that-
"OW, CRAP! Shut up Jou."
"Didn't say anything!"
More growling as she walked away with as much dignity as was physically possible. From behind the corner a mysterious figure could be seen…Shadi was also laughing his ass off.
Seto Kaiba, CEO of Kaiba Corporation, and cousin to Yami back in Ancient Egypt. (Although he doesn't believe in all that crap). (No, really, he doesn't). (Maybe a little).
Anyway, Kaiba-sama, (it's easier to type) was busy at his laptop. Well, that's a lie, he had finished with his work an hour ago, but after hearing the commotion from outside he was sure as hell not going out there.
The screen flickered and he knew that meant the batteries were almost dead, cursing he knew that he had little time left, before he would have to brave the corridor. He was going to make the most of his remaining minutes though, and use up every last joule of energy in the battery…and maybe, just maybe, he could beat his score on minesweeper.
"Ha! That Mariku thinks he can outwit me? I am the thief king; I will prevail and have the upper hand! Soon I will have all seven millennium items, and shall rule the world!"
"Bakura, where do you think this pot plant should go?" Ryou looked once again at the Feng Shui magazine. "Apparently if it's to the left of the waste paper basket that means we will have good fortune in May. That sounds nice!"
"Hikari, I'm trying to rule the world here, just put the damn plant somewhere and help me!"
"But if I were to put it to the right of the bed, then we will be condemned to bad fertility. Oh, that doesn't sound very good at all…"
Bakura grabbed the plant from the hikari and hurled it to the ground, Ryou's eyes widened further, the chocolate orbs shining with tears…but the pot plant managed to land on the single piece of carpet in the room. A 20cm squared piece of carpet was in the centre; the plant spilled a little soil, but otherwise remained intact.
Ryou let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and wiped away a tear from his eye.
"That could have been disastrous, Bakura. Please try to be more careful."
Bakura looked down dejectedly as Ryou placed the plant on a table carefully, he hugged the tomb robber, rubbing circles on his back.
"There, there, it's okay. The plant is safe, everything is alright."
"I didn't mean to…I think the problem started with my parents…"
Ryou led him to the bed, and grabbed the Kleenex; Bakura took one and blew his nose, tears falling from his eyes, preparing to tell his life story. Ryou produced a bag of popcorn from somewhere.
"Well, my father was never there, and my mother didn't want to know…"
In Rishid's room, the Egyptian was busy writing on a little square of card, though unlike Anzu his was not a friendship speech, the tall man disliked friendship, only caring about Marik and Isis. And a spare sock he had once found under his bed. He had named it Bob for no real reason.
So, he sat at the desk, memories of the great times he and Bob shared in their underground seclusion fresh in his mind, and wrote on the card that had been placed in each of the guest rooms by one of the cleaners. The card was marked 'Suggestions'. Yes, it was the little questionnaire that all places are required to have if they want to be considered 'posh', and no one ever fills out.
Rishid was writing a strongly worded suggestion note, complaining of the crappiness of their accommodations.
Did you enjoy your stay? NO! The food was terrible, the room is carpet-less and I have yet to see a broom closet! There are brooms everywhere! Oh, no, wait, I have located my carpet, I had set my bag on top of it and lost it. As I was saying, the walls are so thin I can hear some maniac next door, both sides! They are ranting about ruling something…and no, dammit, I've run out of space!
How long did you stay with us? This is in response to the first question still; there wasn't enough room on the little dotted line. My potted plant was dead when I arrived, I would like a replacement plant…
What could we improve? Well you could start by increasing the length of the dotted lines! I keep getting cut off mid sentence! Anyway, my potted plant, I requested a new one to the maintenance personnel, and they gave me another form to fill in! I just want a potted plant!
Thank you for taking the time to answer this questionnaire!
Rishid hurled the card at the wall in frustration, and it gently floated to the ground. He had been cut off again by the final question and his anger was rising. He looked at the withered plant in the corner of his room, and angrily picked up the pen again, and a new form:
Potted Plant Request Form
In Yugi and Yami's room, the darker was trying to comfort the hikari who was extremely upset about the prospect of his friends dropping like flies. Yami had to admit, with the incompetence that some of them had there were bound to be casualties, and as usual it would be up to him to rescue them.
"I know; if we believe in the heart of the cards everything will work out, right?"
"No, actually, I was going to say that yes, they will probably die, but it will be their fault. It won't be that bad of a loss…"
"Yami, do you remember that little talk we had, before Duellist Kingdom?"
"Anzu is a friend, not target practice."
"You keep repeating that. I'm going to go and find Jou, make sure he's okay. I know you like torturing him…"
"Not friend, target practice. Not friend, target practice."
Yugi put his boots on and slowly made his way out of the door; Yami's eyes were turning crimson, and his hair was less spiky. It was always a good idea to keep away from him when he was in one of his pre-duellist kingdom homicidal moods.
"Yeah, Yami keep saying that…psycho freak…"
It didn't take long to find Jou, he was in his room. He was almost to the top of another card house when Yugi threw the door open, brushing the cards aside, leaving Jou with the final two still in his hands.
"Oh, Jou, you're okay! I was worried."
"Omae o korosu!"
Jou chased Yugi out of the room, brandishing Honda's broken comb. Yugi ran down the corridor, yelling apologies to Jou who was now suffering the second destruction of his beloved card house. Yami sensed that his hikari was in danger.
"No, Yami, it's okay! Stop!"
"Ah, Yami I'm sorry!"
Fortunately, just at that moment Rishid walked past carrying his new potted plant. The mind crush aimed for Jou instead hit the plant, killing it instantly and cracking the porcelain vase. Rishid's lower lip trembled as Jou let out a breath.
"Yami, it's okay! Jou was just playing, he wasn't really mad at me!"
Jou said nothing, he had been furious to the point of wanting to kill his best friend. But he wasn't stupid enough to say that in front of Yami.
"Well actually I was kinda mad…"
Maybe he was that stupid. But, fortunately, just at that moment Anzu threw open her door and discarded an unwanted speech. The card took the blast and exploded into a thousand pieces.
"Man, I'm lucky!"
"Yami, go to your soulroom."
"No buts! Go, I'll deal with you later."
Sulking Yami disappeared into the puzzle. Jou had completely forgotten why he was mad at Yugi in the first place, so they both decided to have some fun. Jou did remember that he was mad at Mai.
Giggling, Jou knocked on Mai's door, than the two of them ran back to Jou's room and looked round the corner. Mai came out, looked around and saw nobody. Thoroughly confused she shrugged and shut the door. Yugi ran up and knocked on the door.
Thus began a lengthy game of knock, knock, run.
"…they never cared!"
Ryou patted his Yami on the back, holding him in his lap. Stroking back some of the grey, er silver, hair he lightly kissed Bakura on the cheek.
"Shit, Ryou! What the hell are you doing?"
"Well, in all good fics we're together, so why not?"
"Because this isn't a good fic?"
"Pleeeeeeeease?" Then comes any Yami's worst nightmare; the super-angelic-majorly-kawaii-chibi-eyed-death-glare-of-doom-version9.5©. He didn't stand a chance.
Soon the silver haired boys were making out on the perfectly aligned bed that was exactly parallel to the rug in the room five doors down the hall. Or something like that.
Anzu had run out of cards. And ink. Coincidently she had simultaneously run out of both. Hmm, how very odd. Anyway, Anzu was getting bored, she had counted the ceiling tiles at least a hundred times now despite the fact that the ceiling was perfectly flat, and had now found an old laptop of Kaiba's that he had discarded carelessly for a better model.
Logging on to the internet or 'intraweb' as she called it, she opened up her emails to see if anyone had emailed her. Strangely enough she had no new mail. Slightly miffed, she decided that to receive mail she needed to send mail.
Hey Malik! ^__^ Cool email address, like mine? I hope so! Ryou was so kind as to give everyone a list of email addresses, so we can talk all night long now!
Email me back soon, kay? We have loads to talk about! ^__^
Hugs and kisses,
xXx Anzu. xXx
Anzu had a theory, if packages took between 6 to 8 weeks to arrive; maybe electronic mail took between 6 to 8 seconds to arrive? She counted out eight seconds on her Barbie watch before getting bored and deciding to email someone else.
Hey Mai-chan! ^__^
I heard you yelling earlier, and Jou beating up your door, you okay? Wanna talk? ^__^ We can have a late night girl talk! ^__^ I'm so sick of having no one but guys to talk to! U__U Maybe we can swap fashion tips???
Well, anyway, please email me back! No one else I have tried has yet U__U I don't think they like me…
Sitting patients Anzu waited for someone to email her back. She waited, and waited, and waited-
In Kaiba's room the brunette sex god was sitting in a very sexy position as any Kaiba fan girl will tell you. Any other person would just say he was sitting normally but that's beside the point. Or is it???
Anyway, Seto was sitting at his desk tapping away on his laptop in pure Heero Yuy fashion. He had located a spare battery in one of his numerous coat pockets, and had been greatly relieved that he didn't have to go out into the 'corridor of OCC-ness' to retrieve one.
So now he was happily, or the Seto Kaiba equivalent of happily, playing lemmings. He admired the little creatures for their valiant efforts of suicide; the little bastards will stop at nothing to ensue that they die in the most painful and imaginative way possible, and make you feel bad about it. Damn cute little brats.
Seto's eyes widened as he realised this was OOC for him, and he doubled checked the locking on his door. Satisfied he nuked them all and smirked for good measure. There, much more IC.
He began a new game when that annoying little tune played signalling that he had an email. How an email had gotten past his ultra tight security passwords and anti-virus firewalls he had no idea. But it had a smiley in the subject; that was not a good sign.
Subject: Wow, long email address! ^__^
Hey Kaiba! Did you have to get a room so far away from the rest of us? I think it was funny how you put a sign on that room next to Jou's with your name on it, so when I knocked on the door it wasn't your room, but an empty one! Cool joke! But seriously, where is your room?
Maybe we could have a slumber party! If you don't tell us where your room is, how will we ever find it?
Love from your friend
Kaiba growled. And reached for some extra strength coffee. So they had found the decoy room. Dammit!
Subject: Re: Get off my ship
That was mean. U__U But I know you love me really! ^__^ How would I get off the ship anyway, silly? We're like a hundred feet in the air! So, what room is yours? You forgot to mention it in your email. Must have slipped your mind.
Subject: Re: Jump?
Hee hee! Silly! I can't jump from this high up! I might break something! Did you know that you're the first person to email me back? Does this mean we're best friends?
~Your best friend, Anzu ^__^
Mai's door opened for the fiftieth time, and a very pissed off Mai popped her head out.
"Yugi, Jounouchi, I know it's you! So just stop it right now or I'm telling Kaiba!"
The giggling stopped and Mai smirked. Walking into her room again, passing the broom on her way in, she sat down and made herself a cup of tea.
"Now what do we do? We can't torture Mai anymore tonight. And Malik's booked tomorrow."
"Um, we could play a friendly game of Duel Monsters?"
"Yug, remember last time we did that? Silver haired Yami about yay high took us to the shadow realm and tried to steal our souls?"
"Jou, he's gone now."
The door slams open and an out of breath Bakura with nothing but boxers on appears.
"No, we decided against the Duel. Sorry."
"Damn. Back to Ryou."
The door slammed and the sound of running could be heard. Followed by the sounds of Ra knows what.
"That sounds fun, actually." Jou pinned Yugi to the bed and began kissing him.
"Wh-what are you doing?"
"Well this is an obvious-yet-rare pairing that the authoress happens to like, so I thought why the hell not? Bakura and Ryou are getting some."
"But…no! I can't! It's wrong!"
"What about Yami? He's all lonely!"
"Five minutes; go find him."
Yugi nodded and in the corner of the screen a flashing blue time clock appeared and started to count down. 4:59. Yugi tripped over the clock, cursed and ran off in the direction of his room. Jou occupied himself by making the Dark magician and Flame Swordsman cards make out.
Mission: Finding Yami – Yami and Yugi's room – 4:42
Subject: Re: I think that's the point
Are you siding with Kaiba??? Because that would make me upset. U__U You mean he wants the fall to injure me? Or kill me? U__U I need chocolate.
Email me soon! I love getting mail from you! I'm thinking of changing my email address, what do you think? I really want your opinion in the matter, and Kaiba's too. He is my best friend after all. I was thinking something subtle like: yami_obsessed@i_luv_yami.com? What do you think? I would love to hear your opinion!
Love, Anzu ^__~
After writing a quick reply to the brunette Yami switched off the laptop in his room. Actually it was Yugi's laptop, but he had slightly stolen it a little bit. He was going to return it, after a while.
Just as he was finishing off the email the door burst open…well slid gracefully, it's hard to make a dramatic entrance with those slidey doors. Anyway, Yugi entered the room. There, much easier to say. Wow, that was a waste of a paragraph.
Yugi came in, slightly out of breath, and looked around widely as if he didn't see Yami the first time, which he had he just wanted to make the scene more dramatic for reasons discussed in the pointless paragraph above.
"Yugi? What are you doing here?"
"Well, this is my room too you know. Actually, it's entirely my room. The name on the door says 'Yuugi Mutou' and you're Yami or mou hitori no boku depending on which version you watch."
"You're name's not Yuugi, its Yugi."
"Well, it's pretty much the same thing! Just one 'u' different!"
"Fine!" Yugi grabbed a bottle of tippex which appeared in an unpremeditated fashion for the purposes of this fanfictional work and tippexed out one of the 'u's. "Happy?"
"Good. Now, what was I here for?" The sounds of Bakura and Ryou's escapades could be heard through the cheap, low quality, paper thin walls.
"Oh yes, you have to come with me! There isn't much time, and we wasted quite a while with the stupid sign and other pointless things!"
Yugi checked the clock in the corner of the screen: 1:26
"That was OOC."
"There's something in the air."
"Oh. That would explain much of this evening."
"Honda, it is complete."
The two stared in awe at Honda's geometrically perfect hairstyle. The tip of his point was at exact right angles to the normal. (That's to do with my physics home work; I really should stop doing two things at once…)
Honda looked into Otogi's deep green eyes, a sense of admiration and respect.
"Otogi, I just realised; I never really loved Shizuka, it was all just an act to cover up my true feeling for you…I shall leave now."
*Melodramatic violins play in the background*
"Honda! This is perfect! I too have a confession…I love you!"
Honda smiled, the love of his life only inches from his face. The melodramatic violins turned to seductive make out music and soon they were having fun…
Subject: Re: I cannot stress enough how much I don't care
Seto-kun, if you want I could change it again to incorporate your name? And what room are you in? You keep forgetting to tell me! ^__^
Kaiba slammed the laptop shut, almost scared to open it again. Damn that woman could be persistent. Walking over to the coffee machine he poured himself a cup filling it right to the top.
Mariku was sitting outside the broom closet that he had locked Shizuka inside, and was rocking gently back and forth. The said girl was replaying her life story, you know the one we've all heard a thousand times, it's the cliché flashback from the anime.
Now she was going through all the times she had been kidnapped. This was taking quite a long time.
Mokuba walked past as she was going on about this, and felt like gloating; he is a Kaiba after all…
"Well I've been kidnapped more times than that! And I've had my soul stolen."
"Well I'm being kidnapped right now."
The two siblings began to have a kidnapped story war, while Mariku sat rocking wishing that his life would just end already and put him out of his misery.
Mission: Finding Yami – Section of corridor right outside Jou's room by a potted plant – 0:23
"Now, Yami, Jou and I have a very special plan for tonight."
"What is it? Can I see now?"
"No. We still have twenty seconds, and I like all TV shows, have to rush in at the very last second. So we shall sit out here and wait."
"But, why? Wouldn't it be more logical to start now-"
"And we wait."
How to spend twenty seconds (by Yugi/Yuugi Mutou, and Yami):
o Shadow puppets – never will these imaginative creatures go out of fashion! Unfortunately, neither of out bishonen can do them properly, so Yami's 'rabbit' actually looks like a rock. Oh, it was meant to be a rock. With floppy ears.
o Think up a new name for Yami – the poor guy is sick of being called by a name which translates as 'dark' and wishes for a better name. He shall now be known as Bob.
o Position a potted plant – why not? You've got twenty seconds to spare. I can think of several things that are stupider than this.
o Broom-sabres – use the random brooms that are lying all over the place due to lack of vacant broom closets as light sabres, and re-enact those memorable scenes from Star Wars. Remember to make the 'neeom' sounds.
o Guess the number – the King of Games (AKA Sex God, AAKA Yami) will love any kind of game, and this is such a simple one to explain. Unlike bloody monopoly…Although it may become tiresome when you remember that you have the mind link and can read your partners thoughts, thus allowing you to guess the number first time.
o Monopoly – the number one cause of household arguments. Why not cause bloodshed by starting off a game of this absurdly irritating game? Guaranteed to last twenty seconds.
o Fill out a questionnaire – well someone has to fill out the suggestion slips. It is common courtesy.
o I spy – yes, this may get a little tiresome since you are in a sterile white corridor with two choices. 'D' (door) or 'Y' (Yugi or Yami, depending on who is guessing.)
o Or failing that simply compile a useless list of things that you could do, this will take up the twenty seconds. So by the time you've found something to do it's time to burst into the room. Damn.
Mission: Finding Yami – Section of corridor right outside Jou's room by a potted plant – 0:01
"Jou, I found him!"
"I know; I heard you outside the door."
"Crap. Well, since we're here…"
"Yes, aibou why am I here?" Yugi smiled seductively, as did Jou. "Uh…hikari? Angel of light?"
"You're here because the authoress deemed it so."
"Oh, so do we have to…"
"Oh, okay." ^__^
Mai was beginning to feel left out, so wandered out of her room. Slightly scared at the strange noises coming from Ryou's, Jou's and Otogi's rooms she walked right on past where she came across Rishid who was stealing the potted plant from outside Jou's room. He had grown tired of the stupid forms and was taking action.
"I think so, yes."
"Oh, Okay. Is Jou?"
"With Yugi and Yami."
"Oh. You want to?"
"Your room or mine?"
Walking past the broom closet and the suicidal Mariku who was begging them for help, they made it to Rishid's room and joined in the fun.
"Why won't you two just shut up? I don't care who has been kidnapped more, it's not something to be proud of you know!"
Suddenly the broom closet opened, and Shizuka pulled Mokuba inside. Kissing sounds were heard.
"No, no, NO! I am not listening! Lalalalala…ew…"
Since they are minors, they didn't have sex. Jou and Seto would have killed each other if they had. Mokuba did however propose to Shizuka, and upstairs in his secluded top of the range room Seto felt a deep sense of foreboding. And it wasn't the email he had just received from Anzu. Oh, no, wait. It was.
Mariku decided that enough was enough and walked back to his room dejectedly. On the way he met a beautiful girl. She had hair so blonde that it put him to shame and eyes so blue that you could feel yourself drowning in them.
"NO! It's…it's…a Mary Sue!"
Yes, unfortunately it was. The authoress couldn't resist. This was no ordinary Mary Sue however, she had the power of all Millennium items in one, a more mysterious past than the baking soda in my fridge that I sincerely believe came with the house, and, of course, she had a Yami.
She was the ninth contestant for the Battle City Arc, and would end up facing one of the bishonen, probably Yami or Seto, and end up making the cold hearted bastard fall head over heels in love with her. She would then proceed to receive all of the Egyptian God cards (not that she needed them with her all-powerful deck).
"Hello, my name is-"
*Naming screen from Final Fantasy appears where you can change the name of the character to whatever you want, especially for sad people who like to put themselves in place of the female lead so that they can have Zidane for themselves. Not that I've ever done that. ¬__¬ Ahem.*
Name: T e n s h i
"-Tenshi. I am deeply in love with you. I am the most beautiful creature for yards around."
"Get her away!"
Mariku ran through the corridor, into his room and onto the bed, where Malik was sitting.
"What was that? Malik? What are you doing there?"
"Waiting for you. The authoress seems to think everyone needs to be paired up, and I got you."
"Oh. So what are we meant to do?"
"I don't know. Let's play 'hide from Tenshi!"
Isis was feeling a bit left out. Not only is she now the last person to be paired up, she has barely made an appearance in this fic at all. Then Isis remembered that she could be paired up! (And not with Anzu, the authoress is not a shojo-ai fan) she stepped round a corner and punched the air. Or so it seems.
"Shadi! We can be together; I know you've always liked me."
"I've been in three episodes."
"Yes, and we have real chemistry."
"I don't even remember your name."
"Oh well, lets go!"
And so the oh-so-mysterious ones found love at last. Everyone go awww. But that leaves…
Subject: Re: Where is everyone?
I don't know. It is quiet out there, I heard a lot of noise earlier but it seems to have died down now. No, wait, I can hear the mutt snoring. Maybe everyone is asleep? Well, I am glad. That means that the night is almost over, and I managed to survive without meeting the Mary Sue, becoming OOC, or getting randomly paired up.
I think I shall call this a profitable evening. I did, after all, finish my game of Lemmings. ^__^ ß GAH! NO! Look what you made me do woman! That's it. I am logging off now. Goodnight Anzu.
~S.Kaiba. CEO and Ancient Egyptian Priest.
To: The authoress of this stupid fic
From: The Yu-gi-oh cast
Dear Miss Alexandros,
It has come to our attention that the fanfic entitled 'The Night Before…' had no actual plot, was not in anyway humorous, and was just an excuse to write a humour fic. The pairings were random, and when you couldn't choose between JouxYugi or YamixYugi you paired them together. This is most dissatisfactory.
We are most outraged at this pathetic excuse for a fanfic, and request compensation for being forced to appear in the fic. And we also request that you get rid of Tenshi who is constantly boasting of her supernatural powers, and clinging to every bishonen in the vicinity.
Many thanks, The Yu-gi-oh cast. ^__^
Is anyone still reading? Please review?