Title: And Babies Makes Six
Word Count: 2765
Type: Multi-Chapter (InComplete)
Rating: T (Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes)
Summary: Oh no. This was the reason why Sanzo wanted nothing to do with this. Can he start shooting people now?
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all its characters are not mine. They belongto Kazuya Minekura.
Chapter Last Revised on: 07/11/07
"No more swearing until we send these two back home."
Sanzo felt his eyebrow twitch at Goku's ridiculous question. It was morning and the Sanzo-ikkou were having breakfast. It was Hakkai's turn to feed the girls (the group had decided to take turns and today was Hakkai's turn).
"Baka saru. You forgot about what happened last night?" Gojyo snickered.
At that reminder, Sanzo mentally smacked his palm against his forehead. Tsuki had asked him what 'fucking' meant and Hoshi had seconded her innocent question. Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku had overheard of course, and instead of helping him ease himself out of this awkward situation, they had the gall to sit there and laugh at him.
Encouraged by the laughter, the twins decided that the meaning for that vulgarity was a definite must know and hadpestered Sanzo for an explanation. The exasperated monk flatly refused to be involved with that conversation and feigned sleep. At last they were placated by Hakkai's explanation: "It is just a meaningless word that adults like your tou-san like to use." Satisfied, they scampered back to Sanzo's bed and burrowed under his blankets, settling in snugly for the night.
"IIE! Tsuki, don't disturb other people! Sumimasen! Hoshi, that is not your food, return it immediately! Gomen nasai! Girls, return to our table immediately!"
At the distressed shout, Sanzo broke out of his musings and stared at Hakkai, who for some reason or another was standing at the opposite end of the restaurant. The twins, however, were nowhere in sight. Sanzo blinked. The normally quiet and mild-tempered man looked positively...frantic. He was madly juggling two plates of half eaten food and cutlery and chasing after the twins all at one go. At the same time, the brunette was spouting phrases of apology left and right as Hurricane Tsuki and Hoshi left chaos and bedlam trailing behind them.
At last, with a comically defeated expression on his face, Hakkai trudged back wearily to the table. Piling all the used utensils on the table in front of Sanzo, the man gave up.
"I guess this is it. If they are full enough to run around and make so much noise I suppose that they won't need anymore food." Hakkai shook his head. "Do you now that Hoshi is very particular about her food? Once it touches another different kind of food on her plate, she won't eat it. Tsuki, no doubt knowing this fact, often tries to mix up her sister's plate. I swear, they are a real handful."
Sanzo flicked a glance at the brunette.
"Where are they, by the way?"
"What do you mean? They are not here?" A quick look around confirmed his question. Hakkai never felt like cursing before, but the urge to do so now was unbearable.
Gojyo laughed at that whereas Goku continued eating like nothing unusual was happening. Sanzo ignored the two and continued his visual search for the two imps. It did not take him long to locate them. As Gojyo said before, blonde hair was very rare around here.
"Oi, Gojyo. They are near the kitchen. Go and retrieve them."
"Why should I, bozou? You are the father, not me. Go get them yourself." The redhead continued eating.
Sanzo gritted his teeth in annoyance. At last, he got up and made his way to the errant children in the most reluctant fashion. The girls saw his approach and unmindful of his annoyed scowl, smiled cheerily at him.
"Go back to your seats and finish your food." After witnessing how difficult they were being earlier, Sanzo had half expected them to rebel and disobey his order. He had been fully prepared to drag them back physically. However, to his surprise and that of the rest of his group, the girls nodded obediently and skipped merrily back to Hakkai.
Sanzo was about to stride after them when a voice halted him.
"Chotto matte. Aren't you a monk, a Sanzo, to be precise?"
"What about it?" Sanzo looked down at the stocky, plump man who had asked the question.
"You have children, and they called you 'papa'!" The man blustered.
"I am not their real father."
The man stared at the discriminating blonde hair and violet eyes that both the children and Sanzo had in common.
"Sure you aren't." He sneered at last.
Sanzo was beginning to get seriously annoyed with the man's attitude. Deciding not to let his irritation get the better of him, the monk opted to walk away. He would have succeeded too, had the rotund man not place his grubby paws on Sanzo's shoulder.
"Matte, I am not done with you yet, you fake bozou."
Considering the fact that Sanzo had the patience an inch long and a temper a mile wide, no one would fault him if he took out the shourejyu and threatened the man with bodily harm. The blonde was about to whip out the exorcism gun when the man suddenly released his hold on him, howling in pain all the while.
"Let go of my tou-san, you stupid-head!" Tsuki shrilled loudly. It did not take Sanzo long to realize that the girl had kicked the man in his shin.
"Yeah," Hoshi agreed, albeit a little more quietly than her sister. "If you do that again, we will ask Saru-chan to use his stick."
Gojyo promptly burst into laughter and it was so loud that even Sanzo could hear, despite being on the other side of the restaurant. Goku frowned. He mentally reminded himself to give the girls a talk as soon as possible about respecting Nyoibou. Hakkai smiled. Despite being a handful, the girls were very protective of their father. They had leapt out of their seats the moment they decided that the man was acting funny towards Sanzo.
"Enough, gaki. Let's go back to the table."
Hoshi nodded obediently and took hold of Sanzo's hand. Tsuki followed suit and the trio returned to their seats.
"Oi, Sanzo. It seems that you don't need us anymore. Next time the youkai comes, we just send out those two." Gojyo guffawed. "Never thought that I'd see the day when our almighty Sanzo-hoshi-sama needs to be defended by two puny little kids."
"We are not fucking puny! Is that fucking right?" Tsuki yelled.
Hakkai was about to nod in agreement when the sentences hit him. He groaned instead. Gojyo started howling with laughter whereas Goku stared at the little girl with amazed admiration. He could swear that she had perfected Sanzo's annoyed tone to such an extent that it was eerie.
All around them, there was dead silence. Everyone stared at their table. To be more accurate, everyone stared at the person who was most likely to be the one to teach the girls such uncultured words: their father.
"What?" Sanzo briefly wondered if he would become invisible if he hid himself behind his hands. At last, heaving an aggrieved sigh, he turned to his daughters.
"Oi, I don't want to hear that word coming from any of you ever again."
"But why? Ha-chan did say that 'fucking' is an alright word to use."
"Yeah, why not? Fucking sounds like duckling, and I like ducklings, they are so kawaii!"
Goku sputtered. He started laughing and leaned against the still guffawing Gojyo for support. Hakkai, on the other hand, shook his head.
"Yare yare desune..."
Had he known that the girls would file away his definition for later usage, he never would have said anything in the first place. Indeed, child-rearing was getting harder and harder by the second. Hakkai decided to let Sanzo handle the girls this time around and shrugged cheerfully when the blonde man glared at him for help.
"You might want to get rid of all the attention first." Hakkai suggested happily. Sanzo turned to face the diners-turned-audience.
"What are you looking at? There is something called privacy, and I happen to cherish mine." There was no reaction and everyone continued staring at the melodrama that was slowly unfolding before them.
Sanzo's eyebrow twitched violently and vein-pops dotted his forehead. Tsuki and Hoshi stared at them with morbid fascination. In a blink of an eye, he whipped out the shourejyu.
"Last one who looks away will find his head sporting another hole for hearing purposes." Almost immediately, everyone went back to what they were doing and made a big production of ignoring the Sanzo-ikkou. Slowly, Sanzo tucked the gun back within the folds of his robe and turned to regard the twins.
"Listen, brats." Sanzo's voice was pitched very low and all but trembled from the effort of refraining from losing his temper there and then. When Sanzo realized that his voice was abnormally hoarse, he forced himself to take a few deep breaths. It would not do for him to go mad now and start shooting people left and right. It would upset the children.
'Shit, I am actually being considerate, like a...father.'
Sanzo was horrified.
"Listen," He tried again. "The meaning for that word is not the same as…duckling. Believe me, the meaning for that word is not cute at all. So don't use it anymore."
The girls were crushed to learn that from their papa.
"Why? I like to say that word. It sounds so nice."
Hoshi nodded in agreement.
"I can say it again and again and again and never get tired of it. Listen tou-san! Fuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingf uckingduckling...hmmp!" Hoshi struggled slightly as Sanzo put his hand over her mouth.
"Hoshi!" Sanzo reproached sharply. "As I said before, that is not a good word. Stop saying that anymore." The girl stilled, and Sanzo dropped his hand.
"You mean that it is a bad word?" Hoshi whispered. She looked horrified.
Thinking that his agreement would make the girls think twice before swearing again, he nodded.
"That word is only used by the most disgusting people," Sanzo could not resist adding.
"Are you sure?" Hoshi looked close to tears, and Sanzo was beginning to realize that maybe it was not a good idea to add the last part after all.
"Hahaha!" Tsuki pointed at her sister. "You are disgusting! Papa says so too!" Sanzo immediately started to refute that but it was too late. It was obvious that Tsuki's unwelcome comment was the last straw and Hoshi burst into tears.
"No Hoshi, don't listen to Tsuki, I did not mean that you are disgusting. I am just saying that you should not say that word anymore." Hoshi did not listen to Sanzo's frantic explanation; the child was well past the point of no return. Nothing that Sanzo could say now would stop her tears and so, the monk decided to deal with the other girl first.
"Tsuki, I did not recall asking for your input at all!" Sanzo lost his temper and forgot that he was dealing with a child. "How the hell could you twist my words out of proportion like that, you horrid child?"
"Are you scolding me?" Tsuki sniffled. Her big, puppy-like, violet eyes looked slightly damp.
Sanzo's temper disappeared immediately.
"Iie," he said uneasily. Hoshi was still wailing noisily in the background.
A fat drop of liquid rolled over in the most pitiful fashion.
'Bloody hell. I am in deep shit now. Now BOTH of them are crying.'
"Yes you are." Turning to everyone, Tsuki announced in the most heartbreaking fashion. "Papa is mad at Tsuki."
Immediately, the group of spectators whom Sanzo had successfully chased away earlier turned as one to look at him reproachfully. Everyone murmured in agreement that Sanzo should not have made the kids cry.
Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo watched as their resident monk made a big mess out of placating the girls. Goku and Gojyo snickered whereas Hakkai considered helping the poor man out. That decision was taken away from Hakkai when Sanzo got himself out of the fix. He threw his credit card at Hakkai and commanded for the brunette to take care of everything.
For the first time in his life, Sanzo turned tail and fled.
"I can't take this anymore!" Gojyo roared at last. "When are they going to stop crying?"
Goku had his hands on his ears and strangely enough, he looked as if he was going to start crying anytime soon, too.
"Daijoubu, I think that they should be stopping soon, ne, Sanzo?"
Said man did not respond, but merely feigned sleep. Behind them, the wailing got louder. Hakkai sweatdropped.
"You say that all the time, and it hasn't happened yet!" the annoyed redhead accused.
Hakkai felt his smile falter.
It had been an hour since the restaurant incident and the girls had not stopped crying. It had also been an hour since the Sanzo-ikkou continued on their journey and the twins who were sitting behind with Gojyo and Goku, had practically driven the two nuts. At first, Hakkai had tried to call out encouraging and soothing words to placate the girls but to no avail. It seemed that their crying got even louder, if possible, at Hakkai's sympathetic words. The brunette stopped soon after he felt two pairs of murderous glares directed at the back of his head. Sanzo, on the other hand, totally refused to acknowledge the existence of the girls. He acted as if nothing unusual was happening and continued sleeping.
"Oi, gaki. I am begging you, okay?" Gojyo's expression was pained. "Please stop crying now."
Immediately, twin pairs of wet violet eyes regarded the redhead.
He softened, despite his own warning.
'Kami, I am getting all soft and mushy.' He thought with disgust.
"Look," He said. "Stop crying now. What happened earlier was not your fault. It was your ignorant papa who had no idea how to handle you two. Why you chose that corrupted bozou to be your father is something that I will never fathom. You should have..."
"Chosen someone like you?" Sanzo growled.
"Glad to see that you are taking up parental responsibilities again, Sanzo."
"Shut up and drive."
Gojyo fingered his head. The girls had crowded themselves over to Goku and the trio was staring at Gojyo.
"Daijoubu ka?" Hoshi, (or the one Gojyo assumed was Hoshi) asked. He always had trouble identifying who was who but Sanzo, damn his perfect hide, never seemed to have that particular problem.
'At least they have stopped crying now,' The redhead thought, grudgingly pleased.
He then sprang to his feet and waved his fists at the blonde man.
"Oi, bozou, what gives you that right to hit me for no reason! You just gave me a fu..."
Gojyo fell over and a tribe of chibi Gojyos danced around the man's head.
Goku winced and the girls giggled.
Gojyo recovered quickly and glared at the monk.
"What was that for, blondie?"
"You were about to swear," came the short answer.
Gojyo muttered under his breath, but did not refute Sanzo.
"As for you two." The twins shrunk against Goku when Sanzo turned his stern attention on them. "The next time you cry again, I making Hakkai stop Hakuryuu and the two of you can walk, is that clear?"
The girls nodded solemnly.
"Are you still mad at us, papa?" Hoshi ventured, sucking her thumb.
Sanzo gathered himself and looked down at the girls in the most imperious way.
"I do not lose my temper at children." He flicked a glance at Hoshi. "And take your thumb out of your mouth."
Goku snorted at that while Gojyo rolled his eyes. Sanzo decided to ignore them. He turned and settled back down on his seat.
Sanzo sighed. So much for a little peace and quiet.
"Nanda?" He drawled in a bored fashion in an attempt to discourage the girls.
Hoshi clambered to the front and settled herself comfortably on Sanzo's lap. The monk was too surprised to do anything but watch as the little slip of a girl used him as a bed. She snuggled contentedly against his chest and buried her head under the Maten Kyomen to escape the sun.
Sanzo was flabbergasted. The Maten Kyomen was a holy relic, not a goddamn umbrella!
Sanzo felt himself turning redder and redder as he tried to suppress his annoyance. His actions had not gone unnoticed. Gojyo snickered.
"Oi, tou-san, you do not lose your temper at children, right?"
The paper fan flew across the jeep. ::THWACK::
"More nonsense from you and I will personally make sure that you shut up permanently."
Tsuki, who was behind with the boys, giggled.
"Daijoubu ka, Go-chan?"
Gojyo grunted, then suddenly...
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