The T.V. show Hogan's Heroes belongs to Bing Crosby Productions. No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred, and no infringement is intended.

What are You Doing?

"Colonel Hogan, what are you and your men doing?" Klink called, as he approached the men. The prisoners had gathered various stools and make shift seats and were now sitting at the back of the camp, facing the fence staring out into the woods. It was early spring, the air was still cool, but had lost the bite of winter. The ground was thawing, and had that soft spongy texture that allows sprouts to start dotting the landscape.

"We're watching the trees bloom!" Hogan said, from his seat.

"You're what?" Klink asked. Suddenly, his face scrunched, his monocle fell from his eye and his mouth dropped open in disbelief.

"You can't watch trees bloom, it happens too slowly." Klink had caught his monocle out of habit and now replaced it in his eye. "You just look at them after they bloom. It takes a long time!" Klink was incredulous.

"Well, what else do we have to do?" Hogan turned back in his seat, with his crush cap pulled down low in front, concealing his broad faced grin and the twinkle in his eyes.


Later that afternoon, Klink was in his office walking toward his desk, when he glanced out the window and saw a large group of about twenty-five men, lead by his senior POW, trooping across the compound, carrying shovels.

"Colonel Hogan, what are your men doing with those shovels?" Klink demanded, as he exited his office and ran out on the porch. "SCHULTZ!"

"Oh, hi Kommandant!" Hogan beamed.

"Answer my question!" Klink demanded.

"Hmm, oh." Hogan said, absent mindedly. "We're going to move that tree behind your office.

Klink again stood, mouth wide open, with a disbelieving look on his face. "You can't do that!"

"Why not? You're not using it! We thought it would look good sitting next to the infirmary. You know, make it look more homey, and patients could sit under it in the shade, while they're getting well."

"SCHULTZ!" Klink called again

"Colonel Hogan, that tree has to be forty feet tall." Klink said, as if checking his own perceptions.

"So?" Hogan looked at Klink questioningly and then glanced over his shoulder at his men. "Oh..." the Colonel began, "...don't worry Kommandant. Once we get it loose, we're going to ask some of your guards to help."

Klink stood staring at Hogan in disbelief. "Hogan, my guards are not going to help!"

"Why? They can use it too!" the Colonel stated with his best innocent look on his face.

"You can not move a tree that large. It's impossible! SCHULTZ!"

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!" Schultz called out running up to the porch saluting and panting.

"Schultz, how did these men get those shovels?" Klink questioned.

"I...I...I..." Schultz stammered.

"Never mind, collect the shovels and get the men back across the compound!"

A lot of complaining and groaning emanated from the prisoners.

"All right, fellas, give them back their shovels. You try to do something nice to help beautify things a little and..." Hogan stopped, as the door to Klink's office slammed shut.

Schultz stood with his arms full of shovels while the men, smiling and laughing, headed back to their barracks.


After night roll call Hogan and some of the men approached, Klink. "Kommandant," Hogan called.

"Yes, Colonel Hogan, what is it?"

"Can I and my men borrow some flashlights?" Hogan asked.

"Flashlights? What for?" Klink looked puzzled.

"We want to look for fishing worms. They come out after dark you know." Hogan excitedly explained.

Again Klink stood staring at his senior POW. "What are you going to do with the worms..." and then he had a thought. "... Colonel, if you and your men are hungry I can spare some..."

"Huh...oh, no, no, it's nothing like that. We're going to use them for fishing." Hogan smiled that satisfied smile that always put Klink on his guard.

"There is no place to fish here! If you think I'm going to have my guards take you fishing..."

"No, no, Kommandant. We wouldn't ask that!" Hogan lightly laughed. "I'm having some of my men dig a pond at the back of the camp. We're going to fill it with water. All we need your men to do is bring us some live fish so we can stock it. Of course we'll throw the fish back in after we catch them, so we can catch them over and over. We can have various contest. You know, who caught the most in one day, who caught the biggest..."

Klink closed his mouth and swallowed. Looking concerned at Hogan, he said, "Colonel Hogan, come with me to my office." The Kommandant spun around and headed inside. Hogan glanced over his shoulder at his men with a big grin on his face and followed Klink.

Klink walked into his inner office and threw his cap on his desk, as he turned around to face Colonel Hogan. "Hogan, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm feeling fine." Hogan responded as if surprised by the question.

"You haven't fallen and hit your head or been bitten by something, or anything along those lines?" Klink asked walking away from Hogan toward the back wall of his office, thinking.

Hogan always took opportunities like this to look at the Kommandant's desk. "No," he said, as he reached over and tore a couple of pages off the desk calendar and quickly shoved them in his pocket before turning to face Klink. "Why do you ask?" He glanced at the window next to the Kommandant's desk and noted that the curtains were open.

"Well, frankly, Colonel, I'm a little worried about your actions today. You don't seem to be thinking clearly. Your dealings have been disconcerting."

"What? Just because we're trying to make this place feel more comfortable? Truthfully Kommandant, I'm a little bit hurt that you would think my actions are unusual. You try living thousands of miles away from home, in a drafty drab prison camp, and see if you don't want to make it more comfortable."

Klink paused to consider what Hogan was saying. "Uh huh," Klink said, not sounding entirely convinced of Hogan's sanity.

"Is that all you wanted, sir? Am I dismissed?" Hogan asked.

"Yes, Colonel, you're dismissed." Klink said warily.

"Oh..." Hogan stopped with his hand on the door knob and turned back to Klink, "...about those flashlights..."

"No flashlights! Go back to your barracks and get some rest, Colonel." Klink responded.

"Is that an order?" Hogan asked indignantly.

"Yes, Colonel Hogan, that's an order!" Klink said with authority

"FINE!" Hogan said as he slammed the door. He strutted across Klink's outer office, smiling broadly and began to whistle as he marched across the compound to Barracks Two. ******

"Hey the Colonel's back," Newkirk called out and everyone hurried over to hear the news.

"Did you tell him, Colonel?" Louis asked.

"How did his face look when he found out?" Carter could hardly wait for the answer.

"Come on, Colonel, give. We're dying to know. Did he get red faced and shout?"

Hogan reached in his pocket and pulled out the crumpled calendar pages. "I think if we go outside and watch through Klink's window, we'll all get to experience his expressions first hand." *************

Klink watched the door slam closed behind the American Colonel, took his coat off, and hung it on the tree stand by the office door. Shaking his head, he walked over to the filling cabinet and poured himself a drink, before going over to sit at his desk. He took a sip from his glass and then began to organize his work. Getting ready to date the paper he was starting to fill out, he glanced at the calendar and then back down to his paper to write the date. Starting on the next line of questions a thought struck him. He grabbed the calendar off of his desk and held it closer examining the date and jumped to his feet his face turning bright red. "April 1st!"


The End.