Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.

(Author's Note: Yes. I am a hypocrite. Do I care? No. But this is here for your enjoyment. Just read. Flames are welcome. Reviews even more so. Critics are welcomed in and given free room and board. I'm sorry if you're offended, or if I've offended one of your characters. I myself quite enjoy Harry Potter Twin fics and other fics that many would consider Mary-Sues. But here's my interpretation.)

Mary-Sue's- The Embodiment of Evil

Pretty, preppy and perfect,

Are three words that describe you.

That stupid, annoying character,

Also known as a Mary Sue.

They're written by everyone everywhere,

And multiply like bunnies.

They're smart, pretty and plague-like,

Can you believe author's try to make them funny?

To those of you who don't know,

What a being Mary-Sue really means,

They're the incarnation of evil,

They're perfect and smart, the bloody fiends.

Some are Slytherins, who try to reform the rest.

Some are Gryffindors, made to brave dangers like the best.

Some are Ravenclaws, intelligent beyond reason.

None are Hufflepuffs, because being one is a Mary-Sue treason.

Dumbledore's niece is a popular excuse,

As though you're old enough to have been,

Harry Potter's twin is another,

God, if there was one, wouldn't we have seen?

Making their way through our world,

Most are just OC's,

Luring men and boys to them,

Like honey lures the bees.

Being a character's love interest,

Is the most popular use of all.

Being that special one,

And being invited to 'The Ball'.

None of you follow canon!

Why must you torture us so?

At least use some facts,

And base them off something we know.

American transfers, directly to 5th year,

Aren't believable at all.

I'm not saying stop writing,

Just give them more depth,

More than just wanting to go to the ball.

Mary-Sue's can be created,

With the flick or the touch of a wrist,

But a true and deeply developed character,

Hardly and rarely ever exist.

I know you all can do better,

than a new girl whose the best.

Create new characters and develop them,

Not just another 'Sue among the rest.

Just remember to avoid,

The most common mistake of all.

Tall, slender and flawless,

Is no better than chubby, unique and small.


(tanks. I wrote this on a whim in about 20 minutes. Flames are welcome. Critics even more. Go for it and press the blue (purple? lavender? lilac?) or whatever color button. Again, this poem was not meant to offend. If you are offended, you obviously haven't read the first Author's Note. Please do. Then flame if you still want to. I'd applaud you. Oh well. Enjoy.

~The Sage)