Title: Essay

Author: mistymidnight

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Most people use the disclaimer as an opportunity to rag on Joss, but you won't see that here. (I know, I know, some of you are gravely disappointed.) Remember, Joss invented the characters in the first place…you people would have no relationships to "correct" if Joss hadn't made the characters. (I know, I'm a suck-up. Welcome to my cursed life.)

Summary: Dawn tries to write an autobiographical essay for school. (post Chosen)

Author's Notes: Now, I know that Dawn is supposed to be attending school in Italy. But I don't think it would be in anyone's best interest if I wrote her entire essay in Italian. Pretend, okay?


Dawn Summers stared at the blank computer screen. Well, not completely blank. So far, it said, "The Story of My Life, by Dawn Summers". [except she wrote it in Italian.]

            "Buffy!" she called to her sister. "I need help!"

            "Sorry!" her sister called from the other end of the apartment. "Kinda busy here."

            Dawn sighed. Buffy had to be cooking. Times when she was making dinner were the only times she should definitely not be distracted. Dawn had learned this the hard way. Spaghetti was just NOT supposed to be sculptable.

            She sighed. What the heck, she thought, then wrote:

                                                The Story of My Life

                                                  By Dawn Summers

            I was born…well, nothing too big happened from age 0 to age 12, except maybe for my parents' divorce. Then I found out I was The Key, I was the only thing standing between the Earth and thousands of other dimensions. Should my blood be used to open the portals, the madness would not stop until the blood did.

            Unfortunately, a god named Glorificus wanted to go home. No, she didn't live in Kansas.

            My older sister Buffy vowed to my mother that she would not let anything happen to me. My mother would have seen to it as well, but she died of cancer. Now my sister was my legal guardian. Luckily, she wasn't raising me alone. She had a loyal group of friends we call the Scooby Gang. Here they are—

            Giles.  My sister's Watcher. Oh, did I forget to mention my sister's a vampire Slayer? Well, he's kind of like our dad, since we haven't really spoken to my real dad since the divorce. He's cool, British, kind of stuffy. He runs the Watcher's Council in London.

            Xander. The comic relief. Plus, he's really good at replacing windows and stuff. This came in handy when our house got trashed by demons and stuff. Once it got trashed by zombies. He's been one of my sister's best friends since high school.

            Willow. Super-witch! She knows all kinds of spells. She's been my sister's best friend since their sophomore year of high school. She went evil for a while, and was gonna turn me back into a ball of energy, but Buffy saved me. And then Xander saved Willow from her evil self and he saved the world at the same time.

            Tara. She was Willow's girlfriend for a while. She got her brain sucked out by Glorificus. Willow got it back. They broke up, then got back together, and then this guy named Warren killed Tara and shot my sister in the shoulder. That's when Willow went evil.

            Anya. She was Xander's girlfriend and fiancé and they almost got married, but Xander's future self convinced him not to go through with it. Of course, it turns out the guy wasn't future Xander at all, he was just this guy Anya wreaked vengeance upon. You see, Anya used to be a vengeance demon for 1120 years until Giles destroyed her amulet that had her power. She was human for a while, then went back to being a demon after the Wedding That Was Not. She died last year saving Andrew from super-vampires.

            Spike. He was cool. He called me nicknames like Nibblet, and he and Buffy used to go out. He's a vampire with a soul. My sister's first boyfriend, Angel, was a vampire cursed with a soul, too, except his isn't permanent. Nope, there's a big soul loophole there. Well, anyway, Spike died this past year saving us from the First Evil.

            So, Buffy tried to keep me save from Glorificus, but Glory, as she came to be called, kidnapped me anyway. Buffy died for the second time to save me. (The first time, she drowned. Xander brought her back with CPR.)

            And then Willow resurrected her…

            Two hours later, Dawn sat back and hit print. Her report was twelve-and-a-half pages long. [and in Italian] She wondered what her teacher would say.

                                                            *            *            *

            "Very Imaginative. Highly Developed Characters. But the Report Was Supposed To Be Autobiographical."

            Dawn stared at her paper. F+. Buffy was going to kill her.

                                                            *            *            *

            "So, Dawn, what'd you get on that paper?"


            The telephone rang. Buffy jumped up to answer. "Ciao?" There was a pause. "Oh, realmente?" Another pause. "Discuteremo quello." Pause. "La mia sorella non conosce bene la lingua." Pause. "Arrivederci."

            Buffy turned to her sister. "F+ on your autobiography?"


            "Did you tell the truth?"


            "Well, no wonder." Buffy tried to look serious, but her eyes were full of laughter. "You teacher thought you were trying to be a smart aleck. Her words, not mine."  [A/N: Of course, Dawn's teacher said that in Italian.]

            "It had to be at least five pages," Dawn protested. "How would I write my life out to fill five pages if I didn't include any demon-y stuff?"

            "You got an F anyway," Buffy pointed out. "I covered for you, by the way. I told her you didn't know the language well. She thinks you mixed the word up with another one."



Okay, I don't really think it was that great, but I was killing time while waiting for REVIEWS for my other stories. (guilt trip!)