Disclaimer: … Stupid question, don't you think?
Robin and I had always shared a bond of some sort. Whether it'd been friendship, or just even plain respect, we'd always been friends.
However, it wasn't until Robin's dealings with Slade that we truly connected.
Many people believe that a soul-mate is someone to love. And they would be right, in a way, but the term can be so much deeper than that. It could be applied to a brother, a parent or even a friend… to anyone that could truly understand and accept you for what you were.
So, when I entered Robin's mind, when that bond was created… I had found my soul mate. Once again, not in the romantic sense. But in a way that… held more depth.
At first neither of us really understood what such a connection meant. It did strengthen our friendship, of course. Such a thing would. Still we did not truly understand how we were bound.
Soul-mates we were indeed-for now, whatever the other was feeling was slowly projecting to the other one. So, if Robin had spent a happy moment or two with Starfire, my mood in those same moments would be incredibly uplifting-something, if I'm not mistaken, that scared Beast Boy into believing that I was an alien clone sent to destroy the world the first time it happened. The same for Robin-if I had had one of my many nightmares I would come out to the kitchen the next morning to discover the Boy Wonder sitting at the table with four cups of coffee lined up beside him, dark circles under his eyes.
It was this closeness that Starfire soon grew jealous of. Nothing we could say would console her-she wanted what we had, and I, being the teen I was, would ignore her for the child she was being. The alien princess already had his heart-could she just not understand that his soul was mine?
As uncomfortable as things became after that, Robin managed to sweet talk her back and once again my mood would skyrocket-depending on what they were doing at the time.
This saddened me-I began to feel as though that I would only ever feel these things safely through Robin, and I desperately tried to find a way to cut the connection. If I could not feel them for myself, I would not have them at all.
My plan did not work, both to mine-and Starfire's-grief.
It turned out however, that that was not to be the end of our grieving.
In a senseless act of violence, Robin was killed. It had not been super powers or even a deadly foe that had taken him, but a corner store robber with one single bullet.
Guns were something we were not accustomed to, and when that one single bullet ripped through Robin's chest, I became aware of exactly how deep our bond ran.
It felt as though I was dying right along side of him. My breath shortened as his did, my gasps grew painful as his did-All I could think was, good, maybe I'll die too.
Finally, when Robin's heart stopped, mine did too.
And yet I didn't die.
This is the curse of having a soul-mate. I live-but only barely. My blood long stopped running, my heart long stopped beating. I breathe-but only as a memory, not a necessity. I don't age, I don't die-for I already have.
The others could not handle this, and I do not blame them. It would seem impossible, unfair… so they left me to rot, as I should. As I should have long ago.
The worse is having his memories, his thoughts… every action he ever made, every breath he ever took… they all replay in my head. Imaginings of what his life could have been like, what he wanted to be… his dreams, his hopes… Every whisper, every sigh… What his pillow felt like under his head, how his mother would kiss him goodnight, the feel of his cape flapping behind him… It is almost as though he is there, waiting for me, because we are bound and without the other we can not move on.
If I could, I would cry until the tower was drowned.
But I can't, for this is our bond. If one falls, so does the other. It is an ancient, beautiful and yet terrible spell, to be bound.
I only hope that this wait will not be long, and that our connection will die the day I do.
Whenever that will be.
If that will be.
Story behind the Story: The Rae/Rob mind meld is a pretty popular plot tool with any Rae/Rob fanfic writer. Since I like stuff where the two birds are friends (they work well as both lovers and friends and I take full advantage of that), and I have a evil mind that twists and perverts everything it comes in contact with, I just got the basic idea of the mind meld and…