A/N: Hiya, ZephyrSamba here! This story is the result of the combined efforts of Jaha Canon and myself, sparked by an idea Jaha had suggested…well…ages ago! We'd actually started it before Christmas, but thanks to a hefty holiday hiatus (my fault), some late-winter lollygagging (me again), and a small springtime stalling stint (erm, yeah…that'd be me, too) it's only now ready for us to finally start posting. Nonetheless, it's been fun to work on so far – personally, I've really enjoyed collaborating with a fellow aspiring writer to come up with ideas and draft out the chapters; it's amazing how differently something can turn out simply because more than one brain worked on it! As for Jaha…I'm sure she's appreciated the new and unique perspective I've given her on the concept of "I'll get back to you in a day or so" ;) Anyway, we hope you like the results – and as always, thanks for reading!
"I don't get it!" Eddy banged both fists against the table of the ramshackle booth he was sitting at, glaring around the cul-de-sac at nothing in particular. "We oughta be making boatloads offa this, Double-D! What the heck's the matter with everyone?"
"Well…" Edd chewed his lip as he examined the garish, heart-covered booth he'd reluctantly helped build. "Let's be realistic, Eddy – how many people did you honestly expect would take advantage of 'Eddy's House of Good Kissin'?" A highly insulted Eddy jumped out of his seat, causing Edd to raise his hands defensively. "Th-that's simply to say, of course, that we're rather – ah – limited in our customer base – after all, the only females around are Sarah – "
Eddy gagged at the idea. "Yeah, right, like I'd ever kiss that loud-mouthed bullfrog!"
"Um, yes…" Edd glanced at Ed, but he was busy writing fanciful love poems that, from the sound of it, had something to do with mutant Chihuahuas and many-splendored casseroles. Edd shrugged and continued. "All right, then there's…the Kankers…" he gulped, looking anxiously over his shoulder, "…who, precedent indicates, will surely be along any moment to derail our plans with a nightmare of amorous proportions…"
Eddy frowned impatiently. "I dunno what you just said, Sock-head – but if I can't understand it, I ain't worryin' about it! Keep going!"
"...Of course, Eddy." Edd shook his head but continued. "Well, then that leaves Nazz as our sole potential customer, and at a quarter per kiss she'd have to make four return trips if we were to earn even one dollar – "
"That's what I've been saying all along! It's that easy!" Eddy threw his hands up in disgust. "Pay attention for a change, will ya? Nazz…will…come…back…LOTS OF TIMES!!!" He leaned over the booth to glare at Edd, now hunched down on the other side with his hat pulled over his ears. "Geez, I hate it when you don't listen!"
"I couldn't possibly imagine what that's like, Eddy." Edd collected his dignity and stood back up. "But do you truly expect Nazz to be such an ardent supporter of this particular enterprise?"
Eddy gave a haughty laugh. "Like there's any doubt! How could she resist – I mean, look at me!" Putting on his slickest grin, he readjusted the lapels of the purple velour leisure suit he'd donned and smoothed back his hair. "I can hardly keep from kissing myself!"
Edd raised an eyebrow. "Truly a match made in heaven…but megalomaniacal delusions aside, the fact remains that we've been here for over an hour with nary a sign of Nazz – "
"Nazz has a canary?" Ed perked up, finally tuning in to his friends' conversation. "Do you think it would like a kiss?" He scribbled a new line to his poem. "Your wings are so yellow, like – uh – like the Thing From the Junk Drawer's beady yellow eyes!"
"Very…inspired…Ed, but I was merely implying that Nazz hasn't exactly made a beeline to our kissing booth yet."
"Oh." Ed considered this. "Maybe canaries are allergic to bees, Double-D."
"I'm allergic to you, Lummox." Eddy dismissed Ed with a growl before turning back to Edd. "And you, Bob Hopeless! Did you ever once think that maybe Nazz was just trying to work up her nerve? This much handsomeness can be a little intimidating, ya know!"
Edd stared. "I can quite honestly say that that thought had never occurred to me, Eddy."
"Ha!" Eddy preened smugly. "That just goes to show who the real brains of this outfit is – huh, Ed?"
But Ed was too busy writing to reply. "Your brain is soft and mushy, like the pudding under my bed!" He closed his notebook with a happy sigh. "Is it love, or is it a twenty-foot caterpillar?"
"It's an unnatural disaster, all right." Eddy swept his glare over both his friends. "Now would you two quit scaring away the customers? Just – just sit down and stop blockin' my light, got it? Nazz will be here any minute!" As Ed plopped to the ground, his notebook tucked safely away behind his ear, Eddy adjusted his lapels once more and looked around with a confident grin. "Yep, won't be long now!"
Realizing that Eddy was pointedly ignoring his incredulous stare, Edd sat down with a shrug and a sigh, trying to get comfortable as he settled in for the wait. He knew he should've brought along a book…