Theatre Crazy


WSJ: *chuckles* Written in my spare time during computer class, trying not to fall asleep or kill something. Also started during tech week for the musical, a time when I'm extremely stressed and apt to writing theatre fics for no reason. :p So, basicly written out of stress and extreme bordum. ^^; No hurt me, yes?

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. If I did, I'd have way more fun with them than I do. ^^

Summery: It's a screwed world, in which three anime all live in the same world and time period. When the casts of Yuugioh, Rurouni Kenshin, and Yu Yu Hakusho all audition for a community theatre production of The Phantom of the Opera, things could get just a bit wicked...


Theatre Crazy

Chapter 1 - Audition Jitters

"I can't believe you dragged me here, that I am..."

Kaoru Kamiya, teenage girl and current master of the Kamiya Dojo, grinned as she pulled her red-haired friend along behind her. "Aw, come on Kenshin, this'll be fun! You know Misao and I were in that play last summer and had a ton of fun! It can't hurt to just audition, can it?"

Kenshin suspected that it could, but that it would hurt more if he refused, so he allowed himself to be dragged into the community theatre. Next to the plexiglass doors was a large poster proclaiming that auditions for Phantom of the Opera were today.

"Wow!" Kaoru exclaimed as the two of them entered the theatre. "There's so many people here!"


Indeed, there were a lot of people. Near the front of the auditorium a fight seemed to be going on between a white-haired man and a much shorter man with spikey raspberry and blond hair. What looked to be two men who were copies of them were watching and chuckling sheepishly, along with a man with hair almost as bright red as Kenshin's. There were other people scattered around as well, and many of them were familiar.

Kaoru gasped and squeezed her fiance's arm, causing Kenshin to 'oro' again. "Kenshin, look! It's the cast of Yuugioh! I'd recognize Yami and Yuugi Motou anywhere!"

"So it is," Kenshin agreed, trying to pry Kaoru's fingers off his arm. "And the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho too, if I don't miss my mark. Seems many TV stars are trying out for this production, that it does."

"Hey! You're Himura Kenshin, aren't you! Oh wow, and Kaoru Kamiya too! You guys are on that TV show about the swordsman! I'm your biggest fan!"

The two teenage actors looked down to see a boy of about eleven with long black hair. If it weren't for the length, they could have sworn they were looking at Yahiko. In fact, it was another child star. "And you're Mokuba Kaiba." Kaoru noted, smiling and bowing to the boy, who bowed back. "We're honored to meet such a star."

Mokuba blushed sheepishly. "Aw, it ain't nothing. When oniisama got cast as Seto Kaiba for Yuugioh, they thought it would just be easier to use his real little brother as his brother on the show. Wow, you guys look a lot different in normal clothes..."

Kaoru laughed. "That's what happens when you work on a show set a hundred years ago. You thought we went around in pink gi's and bright kimonos all the time?"

"Well, no," Mokuba admitted. "But seeing Himura Kenshin in blue jeans is so funny!"

"It's not a pink gi, it's red!" Kenshin said indignantly.

Mokuba looked at him stragely. "You're in denial. It is so pink."

"I think they're about to get started," Kaoru noted, smiling at the young boy in amusement. "Perhaps we'd all better find seats."

Mokuba grinned and nodded. "Yup! Oniisama and I aren't trying out, we're here for sound and lights and special effects. Good luck with auditions Kaoru-san, Kenshin-san." He waved and ran off, and Kaoru and Kenshin made their way to the front of the theatre, where Misao, Yahiko, and Sanosuke were saving seats for them.

The director, a young woman with blond hair and gray eyes, got up from where she'd been sitting with another girl and clambered her way onto the stage. She yelled for quiet a couple times, and eventually everyone got the picture. "Konnichiwa!" she greeted them all brightly. "I'm the director of this little shindig, SJ Mayran. My co-director is also my big sister, Brood Mayran." She motioned to the other girl, who waved. She had really, really long brown hair and glasses. "We're the theatre brats of the family." SJ grinned.

"Anyway, we're really glad so many famous people have turned up to audition. Unfortunately, we can't cast all of you, but we always have places for stage crew, sound and light, and the like."

Brood got up from her seat, climbing on the stage to stand next to her imouto-chan. "Auditions will work like this: you'll sing a short piece (it doesn't matter if you solo, duet, or trio) that you should have come prepared with. Then we'll give you a monologue to read, and then you'll do a short scene with a partner that we'll also give you to read. We've got a list," SJ held up a clipboard "That's been randomized, so you don't know what order you're going in." Brood glanced at her sister questioningly. "Anything else before we get started, SJ?"

"Yup, we'd like to introduce the head of sound, lighting, and special effects, the head of costume and make-up, and the stage manager. If you three could come here please..."

Three people in their early twenties got out of their seats and scaled the stage to stand next to the directors. Kenshin recognised all three as actors from Yuugioh.

"This is Seto Kaiba, as I'm sure you all know." Brood said, motioning to the quiet teen who, against all expectations, was not in a trench coat. "He's director of special effects. Technicly he handles sound and light too, but I think he's planning on giving those over to assistants. Right Kaiba?"

Seto nodded, crossing his arms over his chest in a familiar pose of bordum. "My little brother Mokuba will be handling sound, and Ryou Bakura has graciously offered to run the lights, although both of them need a crew of at least two to help out."

"Noted." SJ said, scribbling something on her clipboard with a pencil that she then stuck through her thick braided hair. "This is Mai Kujyaki, head of make-up and costume."

Mai smiled pleasently at the audience. "Technicly only head of make-up. Isis Ishtar is running costume this year."

The directors nodded. "And this is Otogi Ryuuji, stage manager." Brood finished the introductions.

The raven-haired man smiled and waved. "My assistant stage manager is Aoshi Shinomori," he ignored the squeals coming from a certain weasal-girl "But I will need others to help me out."

"Also noted." SJ said, waving the three of them back to their seats. "All right then, I think we can get started." Brood nodded, and the two sisters hopped off the stage and resumed their places about half-way back (they were sitting so far from the stage so they could check people's projection as they spoke and sang). "All right!" SJ called, standing up and waving her clipboard over her head to get everyone's attention. "The first thing we're going to do is the monologues. 'Togi..."

Otogi stood up and went to sit on a box at stage-left. He was holding a sheef of papers, presumably the aforementioned monologues.

"Right," SJ nodded. "First up is..." she consulted her list. "Botan!"

The YYH cast clapped politely (because they'd never openly cheer for someone, or at least 3/4 of them wouldn't) as the blue-haired girl mounted the stage and took a paper from Otogi. She read her monologue, which was actually something along the lines of Kaoru declaring her feelings to Kenshin (causing said girl to giggle). Things went along in this manner for awhile, each of them reading monologues which were actually from the various shows that they acted in, although many of them ended up reading as characters from another show (and let me tell you, it was hilarious to hear Sanosuke Sagara ranting about the heart of the cards).

The real trouble came when those trying out were told to sing.

"I don't sing."

Kurama sweatdropped and looked down at Hiei, who had his arms firmly crossed and a 'don't-you-dare-try-and-make-me' look on his face. "Hiei, when you agreed to try out for a musical, you should have known you'd have to sing."

Hiei just glared. "I didn't agree. You dragged me here, baka kitsune! And I'm not singing!"

Kurama sighed and looked at the directors for help. SJ and Brood seemed to be deep in a whispered conversation. SJ burst out into laughter, and was quickly quieted. The whispering continued for several more moments before they looked up. "Hiei," Brood called. "If you don't sing we can't cast you, so we'll just put you on a crew, okay?"

"Pah, fine with me." Hiei muttered, starting to walk off the stage.

"Okay then, we'll put you on sound board with Kuwabara!" Brood said cheerfully. Beside her, SJ was giggling hystericly at the look of utter horror that came over Hiei's face. The half-Koorime looked like he was trying to deside between hell or damnation, but at last he grudgingly stepped up beside Kurama, who was trying to hold back laughter. The two sang a quick duet, which revealed Hiei to be a rather surprising light baritone. Kurama was a tenor, and as soon as the two had finished the directors went back into furvent whispering, stopping only long enough to call the next person up to sing.

Things went much smoother once Hiei got off the stage, although everyone cringed at having to hear Kuwabara sing. Kenshin was a surprisingly good singer, and so was Yami Moto. Of course, after Yami sang, Yami Bakura had to give it a try. The two of them ended up going through a very heated rendition of "Anything You Can Do" from Annie Get Your Gun.

"Anyone you can beat, I can beat faster!" Bakura declared, pulling out his dueling deck. Half the cast of YGO immediatly dove for cover, along with both directors. "I can duel anyone faster than you!"

"No you can't!" Yami spat, pulling out his own deck. At this point everyone else hit the deck as well.

"Yes I can!" Bakura pulled a card, and everyone began to seriously consider running for their lives.

"No you CAN'T!" Yami insisted, drawing a card as well. Several people began to scramble under the seats toward the exit.

"Yes I CAN!" Bakura held the card over his head, his Sennen Ring beginning to glow as he prepared to summon a monster.

"NO YOU CAN'T!!" Yami followed likewise.

"Yes I can, yes I can!" This line wasn't sung by Bakura. Contrary, it'd been Malik, who'd slid out from behind the curtain and snatched both the Puzzle and Ring right out from around their owners' necks, causing shreiks of indignation. The Egyptian took off at high speed, cackling all the way, with both spirits in hot pursuit. The doors slammed shut behind the three, and people cautiously began to stand up from their various hiding places. SJ peeked out from under her clipboard, which she was holding over her head like a trench soldier's helmet. "Is it over?"

Ryou sweatdropped sheepishly as he helped Yuugi to his feet. "No rampaging Man-Eater Bugs or Dark Necrophers. I'm surprised."

Yuugi nodded, brushing his uniform off. "For them, this is good."

There was a loud roar from outside, sending most people to the ground again. The building shook, sending small showers of plaster dust down from the ceiling. Ryou and Yuugi sweatdropped massively, along with the two directors.

"Lemme guess," Brood said dryly, brushing plaster out of her hair. "Saint Dragon?"

"Probably..." both hikaris muttered in unison, looking sheepish.

Brood sighed and shook her head while SJ rolled up her sleeves and stomped off toward the door. There were assorted crashes and bangs, and a moment later SJ came back in, dragging Malik along by one ear and Bakura by the other. Yami was following along behind, looking somewhat bewildered at whatever had just happened. Both Bakura and Yami were wearing their Items again.

"All Kami no Kardos are confiscated as of this moment." SJ declared, plucking Ra out of Malik's hand as Brood releaved Yami of Osiris. "And yes, we mean you too, Kaiba. We will also be holding on to all three Blue Eyes, the Dark Magician, Dark Necropher, and Red Eyes Black Dragon. We will have no fights of the magical sort in this theatre!"

"What have I done!?" Kaiba protested, clutching his deck protectively as Brood tried to pry it out of his hands.

"Nothing," Brood assured him, finally managing to grab his deck. She began to shuffle through it, looking for Obelisk and the three Blue Eyes, while Kaiba whimpered. "Yet. But believe me, you always manage to do something, especially with Jou and/or Yuugi and Yami around." The brunette pretended to ignore the mutters of 'stupid psychopathic jerk' coming from SJ's direction.

"There!" Brood said cheerfully, collecting the Red Eyes from a quietly grumbling Jou. She and SJ climbed back onto the stage, where SJ handed over the cards she'd collected from Yami and Bakura. Brood slid them all into her back pocket, and looked out over the assembled crowd. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Speak for yourself!" Ryou called. Bakura was almost in tears over the temporary loss of his Necropher card, and Kaiba was staring off into space and mumbling incoherantly to himself. Yami was sniffling as a sweatdropping Yuugi comforted him, and ragged sobs were coming from a shadowy corner where Malik had crawled.

The directors sweatdropped, and the casts of Kenshin and Yu Yu Hakusho snickered. "Watch it," SJ muttered. "Don't make us confinscate spirit energy too."

Yusuke face-faulted. "You can't do that! ...Can you?"

Brood chuckled evilly. "We're authoresses. We can do anything." She and SJ cackled as lightning cracked in the background, causing all three casts to shiver involentarily. Fear of authoresses was something that was deeply imbedded in their brains. Beaten in harshly, in some cases. Ryou and Jou looked particularly scared of these particular two. Bakura didn't look too terribly happy either.

"Now," Brood smiled sweetly (causing various bishonen to shudder). "Shall we return to auditions?"

"Haiiiii!" chirped SJ the Ever Sugar-High. "We're ready for the double scenes now! Since Phantom is mostly a musical, we've got scenes from a whole bunch of other plays for you guys to do."

"Bullshot Crummond!" Brood said, her grin threatening to split her face as she brandished a shief of papers.

"And Chess!" SJ added. "And Cats!"

Everyone looked at the blond director strangely. "Cats doesn't have dialogue..." Kurama ventured after a moment (no one wanted to ask him how he knew).

SJ looked disappointed. "Darnit! I wanted to see Kenshin and Bakura and Sano in tight cat suits..."

The bishonen sweatdropped as Brood's eyes went wide behind her glasses and a dreamy look crossed her face. "Mmmm... Jou in spandex..."

Several of the bishies began to wonder whether it was more dangerous to sanity to stay here, or if they should have taken their chances with Osiris.

After a moment or so the directors shook themselves out of their fantasy-induced stupors. "Well," SJ looked over her clipboard. "Let's start up with scene 1 from Bullshot Crummond," she tried not to giggle "With... Let's see... Hiei as Crummond, Misao as Lenya, Jou as the Professor guy, umm... Bakura as Otto, and Kurama as Crummond's friend who I can't remember the name of right now... ARRRG! No hitting 'neesan, no hitting!"

"And I get to throw the duck!" Brood announced gleefully, lowering her arm from where she was about to whack her sister for forgetting a character's name. She bounced backstage, and SJ sweatdropped. "This is going to be intresting..."

And indeed it proved to be. Misao and Bakura had the most convincing evil laughs anyone had ever heard (although in the case of Bakura, it was obvious why he was so good at it). Kurama had the British accent down pat, while Jou and Hiei seemed to have a little trouble with it. Most of the cast (as well as both directors) cracked up at Hiei's grudgingly delivered line of "I smell intrigue!" All around, it was a very amusing scene, but by the time it was over Hiei looked ready to kill something (or someone. He kept eyeing Brood and SJ, and Kurama had to keep reminding him that they were authoresses and could do terrible, terrible things to him).

From there the scenes went smoothly. SJ insisted on playing the Arbiter in one of the scenes from Chess, and Brood told everyone to humor her. When asked why she wanted to play the Arbiter so bad, the only answer SJ gave was something about "beating Seto at his own game". [1] In return, Brood cast herself as Lenya for another scene from Bullshot Crummond, and cast Jou as Bullshot himself, to which SJ only sighed and rolled her eyes.

Soon enough, the auditions had ended, and everyone was gathering up coats and hats and Kami no Kardos in preperation for going home.

"I oughta blast you into hell!" Bakura hissed as he snatched his Necropher card from SJ. The blond just smiled pleasently. "You could try, Bakura-kun, but I'd be forced to kick your butt. I have a deck too, you know."

Bakura stomped off, muttering something about stupid know-it-all authoresses-turned-directors. SJ giggled, and handed Malik his Ra card back. "Be good, Malik-kun."

Malik pretended to pout. "If I must."

"The cast list should be posted by next Saturday," Brood announced from the stage, waving to the departing teens. "Outside the door to the theatre. First rehersal is Monday afternoon, so make sure you're there!"

Little by little the theatre emptied, until it was only Brood, SJ, and Otogi left behind. "So what do you think Togi-kun?" SJ asked, sitting with her legs dangling over the edge of the stage.

Otogi shrugged and hopped up beside her. After gathering a few of the scripts scattered over the stage floor, Brood joined them. "I dunno, really. They're all talented, but I don't have to be Genkai to forsee some problems."

Both directors sighed and nodded their agreement. "Between Yami and Bakura, Malik and Bakura, Malik and Yami, Aoshi and Kenshin, Seto and Jou, Yusuke and Kuwabara, Hiei and everyone... And that's not even considering the cross-cast personality clashes! I know Sano and Jou'll get into a fight at some point or another..." Brood said, flopping over so that she was laying on her back on the stage, staring up at the ceiling. "SJ-chan, we must have gone crazy to try this thing..."

"Aww, come on neesan, it'll be fun, fights nonwithstanding!" SJ encouraged. "Theatre is meant to be stressful."

Brood sighed and nodded, rolling over to face her stage manager and fellow director. "All right then you two, any thoughts on casting?"

Both Otogi and SJ slowly began to grin. "Oooooh yeah."


[1] - This is a brief plug for the fic A Tale of Chess, by Lady of the Thread. :D The YGO cast puts on Chess, and Seto plays the Arbiter.


WSJ: Well, there ya' go. Chapter one be finished. :p Next chapter we find out the cast lists and head into the first rehersal. May I say mwaha?

Otogi: *rolls his eyes* Oh dear... I'm beginning to be glad I'm only the stage manager...

God bless minna-san!