Otogi: ¬¬ *dully* Whoopee...
WSJ: :D Enjoy ya'll!
Disclaimer: I own none of them.
Names:Just for clarification's sake, Bakura refers to Yami Bakura, and Ryou refers to the hikari Ryou Bakura.
Couples: Okay, ya'll probably want to know the major couples, don't ya'? ^_^ Okay, okay, I'll oblige. Kenshin/Kaoru, Sanosuke/Megumi, Shizuka/Ryou (with Honda and Otogi still chasing her shamelessly), Yusuke/Keiko, the director-authoresses flirting with every bishonen they can get their hands on, possible Koenma/Botan, and possible Otogi/Mai/Jou. Also, since various other characters (such as Tsubame and Tae) will be coming to the performances, those chapters will probably have a good deal of romantic fluff. Also, I may add some Yukina/Malik fluff, just because I think they're cute together. ^^ Remember though, this is a humor fic, so it won't have too strong a focus on romance. :p Just fluff. Probably.
Character Bashing: As a rule, I don't normally bash characters. I just don't. I DO, however, tend to tease them mercilessly. =3 Especially ones I don't like. The ones I'll tease most will probably be Honda, Kuwabara, Saito, and Seto. (the first two because they're idiots, the second two because they're jerks) Although Saito won't be around much to get teased. I'll also probably tease Yusuke a great deal. ^^ Yami'll get teased too, but only because I love Bakura and Bakura's main function in life is to tease Yami. :p Besides, it's just so FUN to tease a pharaoh!
Bishonen: ^^ As is probably obvious, Brood-chan and I both have bishonen that we're rather fond of. :p Her main obsessions are Jou and Kenshin, while mine are Ryou, Sano, and Kurama.
Everyone winced and took a couple steps backward as Yami Bakura finally got a good look at the poster beside the theatre door that proclaimed for all to see the newest casting of Phantom of the Opera. "Understudy?! I'm at LEAST twice as good as that Kenshin jerk! The man wears pink, for gods' sakes!"
"Ano... It's red..."
"You shut up," Bakura told Kenshin, turning back toward the poster to resume ranting. "WHY would those stupid Ra-forsaken authoresses cast ME as an UNDERSTUDY??"
"You're lucky we didn't stick you on costume crew," a voice said dryly from behind them. The assembled crowd turned to see SJ and Brood behind them, both with slightly amused expressions on their faces. "Everyone saticfied with the casting?"
"NO!" said, obviously, Bakura. "Why am I only an UNDERSTUDY?"
"Calm your rage..." SJ said, trying not to giggle. "You're only an understudy because I can't have you playing the same role in the same show two fics in a row."
Bakura blinked at her. "What?"
"Nevermind," Brood said, stepping forward. "It isn't important. You're an understudy, and that's how it's going to stay. And if we catch you trying to bump off Kenshin so you can take his place, I will personally give you to mine and SJ's chibi-muses to do with as they will."
Bakura's eyes widened slightly, and he shuddered. Fear of chibis, along with fear of authoresses, was something else that had been pounded relentlessly into his skull. Chibis were bad...
...And somewhere far away a shiver went down Kaze's spine.
But that's not important. ^_~
"Now that that's settled..." SJ stepped around Bakura's slightly twitching form and made her way over to Kenshin. "Do you have any problems with the casting?"
"No, no, that I don't," he said hurridly, smiling thinly as he tried to placate the authoress-director. "I would love to play the Phantom, that I would..."
"Good!" SJ said cheerfully. "I always did think you'd look good in a cape. What about the rest of you? All good?"
The crowd nodded quickly, except for two of the girls, who stepped forward hesitantly. "Um, SJ-san?"
"Yes?" she asked, turning around to look at Anzu and Kaoru.
"The poster says there's a conflict between us two..."
"For the position of Carlotta, yes." SJ said, nodding. "You two would both be good as Carlotta, so Brood and I are going to have callbacks after church tomorrow. Can you two both be here around two o'clock?"
Kaoru and Anzu exchanged glances and shrugged. "Sure," Kaoru spoke for them both.
SJ grinned. "Good! We'll see you there, then."
The girls nodded. SJ turned around and had to bite her lip to keep from giggling. Brood was being assalted by a two foot tall toddler. At least on the outside.
"I can't believe I didn't get cast as ANYTHING!" Koenma ranted, his voice nearly as grating as Bakura's. "Not even a pageboy!"
Brood was also trying to keep from laughing. "Well, you're a little short, Koenma-san..."
Koenma pouted. "But I can always transform into my older self! Surely you didn't forget about that!"
"We didn't, Koenma-san," SJ soothed. "You're a very handsome man, and we would have loved to cast you into a part, but..."
"You can't sing." Brood said flattly. "With that pacifier in your mouth you can't sing."
Yusuke snickered. "Probably couldn't sing without it, either..." he muttered, earning him a whack from Botan.
Koenma looked shocked. "I - I..."
"Awwwww..." SJ, unable to resist the uber-kawaii, bent down to give him a hug. "I'm sorry Koenma-san."
Koenma sniffled cutely, then pulled away from the authoress. "Well, I suppose I could work on one of the crews..."
"Lighting," Ryou piped up, making himself heard. "Yahiko and I need another person to help run spots."
"I can do that!" Koenma said happily, smiling around his pacifier. "Easy!"
"All right then!" Brood said, glad that that was solved, and even gladder that Koenma hadn't decided to throw one of his royal temper tantrums.
"Are there any more problems?" SJ asked.
Most of the crowd shook their heads, though Yusuke looked like he was struggling to hold in laughter.
"What is it now, Urameshi?" SJ asked, hands on her hips.
Yusuke snorted, obviously struggling to keep a straight face. "Botan gets to play an old woman!"
Botan's face went red and she whacked him. "Shut up Yusuke!"
Yusuke burst into full laughter. "She even sounds like an old woman!"
Botan looked imploringly at the directors. "Can I please hit him harder?"
SJ and Brood exchanged glances and shrugged. "Sure, why not," SJ said. "He's just a stage hand. No one important."
"Arigato!" Botan hefted her bat from Hammerspace and brandished it over her head. As soon as Yusuke caught sight of it he choked and took off at high speed, with Botan on his heels. "Come back her you sad excuse for a Spirit Detective!!!"
Kuwabara doubled over in laughter at seeing Yusuke fleeing for his life, and Kurama hid a chuckle behind his hand. Koenma grinned widely as SJ snickered. "This is amusing."
"I don't see what the problem is," Hiei said sourly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Madame Giry is a perfectly respectable character."
Kuwabara looked at him oddly. "How would you know?"
"I just do, so shut your face you big ape, before I shut it for you!" Hiei growled, narrowing his eyes in a glare.
"Hey now," SJ warned, laying a hand on Hiei's shoulder. "What did we say about no fighting? Much as I'd love to help you kick the stuffing out'a that big lug..."
Brood grinned. "Aw, Hiei's just sore because his character has to sing AND gets killed off."
Hiei grumbled some more as SJ giggled. "Aw, Joseph Buquet is a perfectly good character, Hiei-kun! And it really is a very small part."
"Don't call me Hiei-kun..."
Yusuke snickered as he ran by. "Small part for a small person, eh?"
Hiei growled, and after a glance at SJ he took off with Botan after Yusuke, waving his katana in the air. SJ giggled as most of the rest of the cast sweatdropped.
SJ looked around to see Yuugi looking at her with wide eyes. "Yes Yuugi-kun?"
Yuugi looked a little embarrassed. "Yami wants me to ask you why he got cast as Piangi."
"He can't ask me himself?" SJ asked, obviously amused as Yuugi shook his head. "He can't, or he won't?"
"He won't," Yuugi said sheepishly. "He's still mad at you for taking the Dark Magician and Saint Dragon away."
"Ah." SJ said. "Well, to answer his question, I cast him as Piangi..." She frowned. "Hey neesan, why did we cast Yam-Yam as Piangi?"
Brood turned away from her conversation with Misao and Shizuka. "We cast Yami as Piangi? I thought you were trying to stay away from casting YGO characters in the same roles as..." the two authoresses shared a Look, and Brood shut her mouth with a snap . "Anyway, should we change the casting?"
SJ glanced at Yuugi. "Does Yami care?"
Yuugi was silent a moment, his head cocked slightly to the side as he spoke to Yami. "No, he doesn't mind. He's actually rather relieved that he doesn't have to try and sing in a Spanish accent," the light giggled slightly "Although I'd probably pay to see that."
"Me too," Brood said grinning. "Okay then. SJ and I'll have to come up with a new Piangi, then. Tell Yam-Yam he's gotten off the Phantom's noose."
"This time." SJ added, and she and Brood giggled to some private joke.
"Somehow I don't like the sound of that..." Yuugi murmered, turning away from the two authoresses to look for Jou. The blond was standing near the cast poster with Shizuka, both of them grinning and congradulating each other on something. Yuugi made his way over to them. "What is it?"
Shizuka blushed and looked down at her feet as Jou grinned widely. "Shizzy-chan got cast as Christine!"
"All right! Great job, Shizuka!" Yuugi said, grinning at the taller girl. She blushed again and smiled at him.
"Thank you, but it's really Jou you should be happy for. He got cast as one of the managers."
"Andre." Jou said proudly, grinning. "That Sanosuke guy from Rurouni Kenshin got cast as my partner, Firmen."
Yuugi, who was slightly more familiar with POTO than any of his friends, chuckled slightly. "Well if anyone could pull off that role, Jou, it's you."
"Thanks Yuugi!" Jou said, beaming in pleasure. "And I see Yami got a part too."
"No I didn't," the pharaoh said, appearing to stand next to his aibou. "I asked SJ and Brood why they did cast me, and they decided to change the role." He shrugged. "Probably better not knowing why."
"Yeah, it usually is, with those two." Jou dralled. "Well, wanna go for ice creame or something to celebrate? I don't think the directors need to talk to us anymore until rehersal Monday."
In what seemed like the instant the words were out of the blond's mouth, Hiei gravitated to their side, leaving off his chase of Yusuke. "Sweet snow?"
Jou gave the short demon a weird look. "Um..."
Kurama rolled his eyes and came over to rescue the puzzled (har har) cast of YGO. "Hiei, leave them alone. We'll go for 'sweet snow' later."
"Promise?" Hiei asked, giving Kurama a fierce look.
The kitsune sighed, and Yuugi wondered if he was the only one who noticed that Kurama crossed his fingers behind his back where Hiei couldn't see them. "I promise."
Hiei smiled slightly, pleased with the promise of treats, and at that moment Yusuke ran by again, with Botan still on his heels. Reminded of his quest to impale the Spirit Detective, Hiei dashed off, drawing his sword again. Terror must really have been in Yusuke's heart if he was able to run faster than Hiei. As Jou, Yuugi, and Shizuka headed for the parking lot and Jou's car, Yuugi couldn't help but idly wonder who would win in a foot race, Hiei with his demon powers or Kenshin with his god-like speed.
Brood watched them go, and then turned back to watch Yusuke, Botan, and Hiei come around the building again. They were beginning to pick up speed. Not too much longer or they might break the time-space barrier. Hmm... Could be intresting... She shook herself out of it as Misao hopped up with Keiko close behind her. "We're taking bets on who'll catch Yusuke first. Wanna add something?"
"What're the odds?" Brood asked, reaching for her purse.
"Three to one says Hiei, eleven to one says Botan." Keiko spoke up, grinning.
Brood paused. "Who did SJ bet on?"
"Right then." Brood said, pulling out a couple wrinkled dollar bills. "My money's on Botan. SJ tends to screw with the odds."
Keiko and Misao grinned, as if they understood perfectly, and then headed off to find someone else to sucker into gambling. Sano and Otogi were always a good bet...
Brood fought off a smile and shook her head. What a cast. This was going to be a great production, she could tell already. But first, there were call backs for Carlotta to get through, and they still needed to find a Piangi. Brood looked around for SJ and couldn't help but grin as the sound of baseball bat meeting skull echoed through the parking lot.
"Pleeeeeeease!!! You're the ONLY one who can pull Piangi off now! The accent is difficult enough in speaking, but in singing it's nearly impossible to fake! You HAVE to help us!"
"I don't have to do anything."
"You do when I have your brother."
"Y-you what?! You monster! How'd you get ahold of him?!"
"He came over for tea. What did you think, I'd kidnapped him? God, you're so weird!"
"As if you're one to talk... Fine. I'll do it. On one condition."
"And what's that?"
"You have to promise me: no more deathfics."
"...That's a hard price to pay..."
"I didn't mean totally, just no more about me."
"Do you want me in this part, or not?"
"Okay fine. No more deathfics about you. Not like you've ever been my prime target anyway."
"Yes, I've heard Ryou and Malik ranting on the subject before."
"Yeah, well... So you're in?"
"I guess I am."
"Welcome to the production Mr. Piangi!"
"The pleasure's all mine, SJ. .....Why do I have the feeling I'll regret this??"
 - The references to another Phantom show starring the YGO cast is a bit of a private joke between me, Brood, Ebony Kuroneko, and a few others. ^_~ They know what I'm talking about. Everyone else, just ignore it for now. :p
WSJ: ^o^ Chapter 2 is finished! You know most of the major cast now, and more will be revealed next time! Who is this mysterious man that SJ has conned into playng Piangi? Who will get the role of Carlotta: Kaoru or Anzu? And just how in the worlds did Botan manage to catch Yusuke before Hiei? All this and more, next time!
Otogi: *mutters* Oh Ra...
Note: I really can't decide who Carlotta should be, so I need ya'll to let me know which you'd like!
God bless minna-san!