Title: Zutto Ai shiteru
Author: kawaii-kirei "KK"
Pairing: SasukeNaruto, NarutoSasuke
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't and will never belong to me. Though I own the plot... . And pocky...
Zutto Ai shiteru
So probably, you know who I am. Uzumaki Naruto. Yep, that's my name. Remember it. I am the ever cheerful, ever carefree, outgoing, friendly, annoying, troublemaker who has his pants full of dreams of becoming a Hokage... NOT!
I don't know how to explain this. Maybe it's because I can't figure out my feelings that I can't think straight. I'm afraid to admit this, but I think I'm jealous. I don't mean the jealousy you get when in a relationship. What I mean is, I'm jealous because I think someone's trying to replace me. Isn't that what jealousy is? I don't know what the feeling is, but all I know is that I'm not needed here anymore and the one who's trying to replace me is a much better person that I am.
Heck, I can't even love my own self for Goddess' sake!
I tried to give him the best I could since he, Uchiha Sasuke, was one of my friends before, and I didn't even care when he just ignored me. So what if we acted like we hated each other? It was all an act… Well, that was what I thought. I was pushing myself at his feet and I didn't realize it. But no more. He's the only friend that I have now, but no more. I'm tired of everything so no more. I'm not gonna give him anything anymore. I take back my trust and I take back my friendship. I'm not blind anymore.
I don't want to suffer anymore. I took off my blindfold and I'm not gonna do the same mistake again. I've had enough. He stepped on the line months ago and I wasn't aware of it. But now, I can see clearly. I don't know whose fault is it, his or mine, but I don't care. All I care about now is taking my vision back. You may say that I'm still blind. You may say that I'm only blinded by my own jealousy.
That may be true. But you don't know the whole story, so why should I listen to you?
I've had enough. My mind is blocked and all I see is the visions where he was breaking my trust and friendship and taking advantage of me with it, and I wasn't aware of it. That's all I see.
Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, Iruka-sensei, the Hokage, and all the other teams. Heck, even the neighbors. They all picked him instead of me. I told you it was jealousy. Or am I just seeking attention? I don't know about that, actually. I think seeking attention and jealousy is just the same. But I always aimed for attention so I don't know anymore.
It's a complicated situation where I wish I knew the answer to it all.
I can't believe I'm admitting this, but it hurts. It hurts a lot. I feel as if a dagger of glass has just ripped through my heart and if I try to pull it out, it would break and the shards would pierce my heart even more. I sound dramatic, don't I? Oh, what a dramatist.
I'm depressed again. The same depression I had ever since… forever, actually. I have no more friends. I gave trying to keep up with them, since they don't even mind me at all. And I'm not very social anyway. I've always been the antisocial kind, isolating myself from humankind and not caring what's happening outside. And I'm happy with it.
But still, I'm depressed. I'm drowning myself in self-pity and angst. No one cares… well... they don't know anyway so I don't blame them. Sakura, Ino and all the other girls, all picked him. No surprise there. Kakashi and Iruka won't stop teasing and insulting me about things that I'm still regretting, which my makes my regret, guilt and pity for myself grow even larger. Everyone thinks so low of me. They think that all I do is make trouble, and that I'm useless. I was isolated from society because of the fox demon, and I isolated myself from society because of the people living in it.
I have so many regrets in my life, and I don't know how to change them. I'm not really thinking straight right now, so it's understandable.
And I haven't had any good sleep for the past two to three weeks now. I'm still restless and my legs are aching because of who knows what.
You know, right at this very moment, I want to get into an accident so I can stay in the hospital all day long and not mind anyone or anything at all. And I can stare at the white walls all the time until I go insane. But yeah, I'm not that stupid to do that either.
I want to cry. But guess what? No matter how hard I try to shed a tear, no matter how much I want to cry, I just can't. I can't and I don't know why. This all started when I said that I'll never cry again because I wanted to be strong. And guess what? I got my wish. Except I didn't know that I'd be this strong. I wish I were apathetic. But be careful what you wish for, because it might just come true.
I don't go out of the house that much anymore. Only except when I need food or Team 7 has to go in a mission. The time when I started to get scared of the outside world was the time when I went out, the outside world made my eyes bleed. Yes, I'm harsh, I know. I wish I can cut my wrists and watch my blood drip. Yes, I wish for that.
I don't know but what I feel for him, Uchiha Sasuke, is kind of a… love-hate relationship, if you know what I mean. Sasuke, I know you're reading this, and probably laughing your ass off, but yeah, I'd probably be gone by now. Well, not gone, or maybe just… free. I think that's the word. But being without you, even if it hurts, doesn't mean freedom. I think it means hell. So, are you confused now? Probably.
But you know what? Ever since I was born, until now, I'm still bleeding. Yes, bleeding. My heart is bleeding, my soul is bleeding, I'm bleeding. I'm dying, don't you know that? While I live my life, I'm dying. With every day that passes by, I'm dying. Everyone is. It's just that... the way I'm dying is more painful than the others. But maybe next time, I won't bleed.
Uchiha Sasuke, zutto ai shiteru. I'm not lying.Sayonara.
++ || ++
Black eyes, which were once steely, widened and shook as it's owner's face paled. His whole body shook and the black paper with words written in silver pen fell from his hands to the wooden floor. Pale hands clenched into a fist.
The door slammed open.
++ || ++
Uzumaki Naruto yawned to himself as he propped himself down on the grass, leaning against the trunk of a tree of Primroses. He placed his hands behind his head, and let his eyes travel to the dark, night sky above him. The rain poured endlessly and it seemed to sting every time it hit his skin. A dead-end cliff stood innocently a few feet away in front of him. He sighed, Few more minutes before I die. I wanna remember this moment... too bad I don't get to spend it with Sasuke. He laughed bitterly.
He fingered his forehead protector, reminiscing the times he spent with the rest of Team 7, and the other students at the ninja academy. I wonder if this is what Haku felt for Zabuza. Just maybe.
Ever since he was a child, he was already isolated from everyone else... But this was the only time that he truly felt alone.
He sighed to himself. Well... He stood up, rubbed his muddy hands on his pants, and began walking forward slowly, hands still placed behind his head. Those few minutes came and went. Goodbye, oh, cruel world.
A few rain drops filled his eyes, but he didn't know whether it was rain or his tears.
He stopped, looking down at the place he was destined to die. The place was all muddy, with tall trees at the bottom. The side of the cliff were full of rocks and most of them were spiked enough to leave a deep gash if he ever touched them. He sighed, It looks... disgusting.
Just as he was about to jump, he heard his name, felt someone yank him backwards away from the cliff, fell on the ground, then felt cold lips descend on his'. His eyes widened, S... Sasuke?
He felt the other person pull away reluctantly, and confirmed who it really was. He was right. Uchiha Sasuke. "S-sasuke?!"
The eyelids flew open, and instead of black, red eyes glared down at him. Sasuke trembled, both of his arms on each side of Naruto's head for him to carry his own weight. "You idiot..."
Naruto didn't know what to say or do, let alone think. All his mind can register was that Sasuke was crying. It was obvious. He didn't know how he managed to decipher it from the rain, and he didn't care. The rain was too loud anyway. Or was it his heart? "Sasuke, what - what are you doing here?"
Sasuke glared harder, "You stupid frickin' idiot." His hands clenched the grass and he gritted his teeth, "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?! You think you can just run away, leave a note, and try to kill yourself without even telling it all to me face to face?! YOU IDIOT! NARUTO, YOU DAMN JERK!"
"What are you saying?! I don't get you at all!" Naruto glared back, his tears stopped minutes ago, but he can still see how Sasuke continued crying, trying to keep his sobs down.
"I don't expect you to! Damn it, Naruto! I love you!"
Naruto stiffened. He felt like thousands of needles just pierced through his body. All his eyes saw was the raining, night sky. He felt Sasuke collapse on top of him in exhaustion, still shaking, but Naruto wasn't sure if he was still crying or not. "Sasuke, I..."
"Naruto, I love you... I love you so much it hurts."
That did it. Naruto was the one crying now. This time, it was tears of joy. Relief flowed through his veins as his arms hugged the other person tightly. He buried his face in black strands, embracing the sweet smell of Sasuke mixed with the rain. "Zutto ai shiteru, Sasuke."
Sasuke buried his face at the crook of Naruto's neck, "If I ever lose you, I don't know what I'll do."
The said boy lifted his face to look at the person underneath him. His black eyes returned and the color face of his face came back again, "What?"
"I'm not alone anymore."
"I'll never let you be alone."
Naruto smiled at that, "Ne, Sasuke?"
"Can we... stay here like this for a while?"
++ owari ++
 Primrose -- I can't live without you.
 I think Sasuke's a bit OOC... o_O;; Or... both of them are...
Oh, and one more thing, Zutto Ai shiteru : Forever, I love you / I'll love you forever.
Author's Notes: I... really can't believe I wrote all that. . Personally, I think it was crap. @_@ And I really think that Sasuke and Naruto were waaaaaaaaay out of character... This is the first time I ever wrote a Naruto fic, so go easy on me, will ya? .;; And don't mind the note at the very start of this fic... It was supposedly my note (no, I'm not thinking about suicide, you dimwit.), but I changed it a little to fit the story and made it a suicide note from Naruto. It got messy, though... . Anywho... review...? ^^;;