Disclaimer:I don't own Teen Titans.
Author's Note:It seems I've been bitten by the writing bug lately. This was originally going to be from Starfire's Pov but I scraped that being that her personality is so difficult for me to write. Raven on the other hand flows more naturally for me. So this is my take on the whole Raven/Robin/Starfire love triangle. A pity it's not reality. Oh well.
Timeline:A year after Terra's betrayal(end of Year 3 in the series give or take).
So let's get started.
There are many words used to describe Raven Roth.
Sullen,emotionless,uncaring,gothic,ruthless,angry,sarcastic,and occasionally crazy. But there were two words no one would ever thought would be used to describe Raven Roth.
Saddened and Lovesick.
The sad fact is the dark psychic has a crush--on her leader. But from the moment she saw him she knew everything had changed. He was different from most boys his age:he was kind,compassionate,warm but more than that he was like her. He had a innate,subtle darkness about him while hers was far more obvious and external but it was there just the same. Also like her he tries not to get consumed by it and but it's a uphill battle filled with stalemates,setbacks and never true victory.
Someone like that should be grabbed quick right? Unfortunately no. Her fear of rejection kept her paralyzed from telling him the dark truth. Because of that stupid,irrational,pointless emotion it has created a rather severe...complication in her life.
A severe complication would be a major understatement to say the least.
Because of her failure to act,he has fallen for another. Another far more brighter and far more beautiful than she could ever hope to be.
The vivacious Starfire.
Before she didn't care for the alien girl. Her unique mannerisms often irritated her to no end. But Raven could never hate the girl for even though she was quite a pain in the posterior she did many things for friendship and often did her damnest to be nice to Raven. Unfortunately that made things even more complicated.
Anymore complications and Raven's head will explode.
But as complicated as the situation is,Raven knows she must try to get past it in order to survive.
'As if that's anything new to me.'
Raven has survived many things:Her father's attempts to control her,her struggles with emotions,her battles on Earth,her training. But there was something else...something she didn't realized until now.
'I've always survived but I never lived.'
Raven's thoughts rung true. She has endured many things in her short life but not once was she allowed to live. She thought by coming to her mother's home dimension she may get a chance to live. Far more than she could on Azarath. And now she may actually get a chance if only she could get her foot in the door.
Which is not easy considering she's had doors closing all her life.
She's lying in bed,playing and replaying in her head thoughts of her life,thoughts of Robin,thoughts of them together and thoughts of...Starfire.
"Raven! Time for breakfast!"
Cyborg's voice was heard and brought her out of her daydreaming.
Now was the most difficult part of the day. To wake up and plaster an emotionless look on her face and go through the melodrama all over again. To wake up and not feel him next to her. To wake up and feel Starfire's emotions over and over. About how her life was happy and perfect...with Robin.
Raven got out of bed and headed for her vanity mirror. She hated the damn thing because vanity was a pointless emotion but it would be useful...for today at least.
She was dressed in her pajamas and took them off. She wanted a good look at her body.
She saw it all:the weird amethyst colored hair. She wished it was a normal hair color like her namesake. The ash colored skin. She wished it had more color than dull,old grey. Then there was the most obvious:her scrawny figure and underdeveloped breasts. She wished she had more color and more of a body then maybe...just maybe.
'But why would he want someone whose underdeveloped,pale,and broken? When he could have someone with color,big developed breasts and who is not broken.'
The mirror cracked.
'Oh well. I hated that thing anyway.'
She decided to pick the pieces later and get dressed in her standard leotard,cloak and boots. She looked back at the mirror and watched her reflection in the various shards. She made a sign and thought.
'Something has got to change.'
With that she left her room towards the kitchen bracing herself for what happens next.
The kitchen was the same:Cyborg and Beast Boy having the meat vs pseudo meat argument again,Starfire making an another noxious meal with the blue furry food by the stove and Robin in the middle.
"Hey Raven." Robin gave a smile at her.
"Robin." she half-smiled. She tried to resist but she couldn't. 'It's so easy to smile for him.'
"Raven I wanted to ask you something if it's alright."
"Of course. What is it?"
"Well Cyborg designed these devices called 'controllers' and so I want to test it with each of the Titans in the training room before we try to use it in battle. And I want you to be first."
"So you want me to be your guinea pig." she smirked.
"I prefer test subject but tomato,tamato." he countered.
Raven slightly chuckled but then became pensive. Her alone with him? What if she says something she'll regret like telling she wants him or worse:telling him Starfire is all wrong for him.
"Please Raven? I'd really appreciate it." he pleaded.
She signed. "Alright. Ten minutes." She could never turn him down.
"Robin come taste these pancakes I made." Starfire said in the background.
"Make it thirty." They both snorted and Robin went to Starfire and Raven went to the training room.
'I hope I don't make a fool out of myself.' Raven thought before turning to see Cyborg and Beast Boy argue some more.
'Not that would be too hard around here.' she deadpanned.
Raven entered the training room and waited. She looked around and saw the kind of equipment Robin uses or specifically smelled the equipment. 'The perils of being a demon.' Although she has to admit Robin has a unique smell. Like sandalwood,an incense she uses from time to time. Before she could mull her thoughts further Robin arrived carrying a metal suitcase.
"How were the pancakes?" Raven smirked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You wanted her."
"Yeah." he signed. "Let's get started." he opened the briefcase.
"Here. Catch." he said as he threw it to her.
The device was circular in nature. Gray with a red trim on the outside. It had a LCD screen and a control panel at the center. Raven looked at it.
"Well what do I do with it? Do I spin it? Or roll it like a ball." She said in her famous monotone while proceeding to roll it on its side to Robin.
"Get serious." he said in a half joking/half serious tone as it fell by his feet.
"I am serious." she said in the most serious tone she can muster.
Robin laughed. It was very rare that Raven did such a childish thing. If it were Beast Boy for example he'd let him have it but he was willing to make a exception for her.
"Well I'll admit he could have designed it better. Come over here and I'll show you how it works." he picked up the device and she walked to him.
"You insert your arm through here and press the button here to activate. It shows your vitals,your opponent's,and gives off options based on it's sensors. " Robin said showing her how it worked.
"Interesting but isn't a bit...clunky?"
"It's the smallest Cy could make her. Hopefully in time he'll make a more compact version."
"Hmm. Now why would we need these devices? I think our current non-technological methods are fine."
"True. But it's more the time factor:spending time assessing your opponent then attacking as opposed knowing your opponent already and attacking right off the bat. Said time can then be used to save lives or property. It just takes a second Raven."
"I suppose but.."
"Besides I haven't endorse it yet. After I battle you I'll make my assessment."
"I thought you were battling everyone with it."
"True but I'd rather hear your opinion. It's means...alot to me."
Raven slightly blushed. "T..thank you Robin."
"Alright let's get started."
The two stood across from each other and activated the devices. Raven wasn't sure this was a good idea but if Robin said so then it was alright.
'I just hope nothing blows up.'
The LCD glowed with a current 'Scanning' on screen. Robin launched a hi-jump kick at Raven. Raven blocked.
"So how are things Raven? Jab!"
"All right considering. Rolling Kick!" she said dodging his attack and launched a rolling kick.
"What's wrong?" he said dodged the kick and jumped away from her and looked at the screen.
It beeped saying throw a birdarang at the opponent,attack from a distance.
'You and your girfriend.' "Nothing." she saw him ready to launch a birdarang and looked the screen:Confuse opponent with illusion. Multiple Teleportation.
"Don't sound like nothing to me." he said as he threw it.
"Just drop it." she said as she teleported and dodged the weapon.
"Alright Raven. But you know I care about you,right?" he said wondering where she was.
"I know you do." she said as she appeared behind him.
"I'll drop it for now but we're going to ask you about it sooner or later." he said jumping away and dodged her grip on him.
"Me and Starfire. She's getting really worried about you." he said looked at her as she began to teleport all over the room.
"Why is she worried?"
Robin tried to look at Raven and at the screen simultaneously.
"Sometimes on our dates she often talks about 'Raven said this,Raven said that' and she notices you have become more withdrawn lately."
Raven looked at the device:Attack with a dark blast from the right side. "She talks about me on her dates?"
"Sometimes. One thought she had was you come with us one night." he looked at the screen:Jump to the left side.
Raven created a dark ball of energy. "I don't do tagalong. Nor do I want your pity." she threw it at him.
He jumped. "I know you're prideful. Although stubborn is really more fitting." he then threw birdarangs at her.
"I'm not...stubborn." she said as she dodged the birdarangs.
"You are. Admit it." he landed.
She looked at the screen:Use the discarded projectiles in multiple directions. "You best take that back."
"Actually Starfire pointed that out. I happen to agree with her." he lunged at her twisting his body like a tornado. "Tornado Drill!"
She looked at the screen:Slide and hit from underneath. "Of course you agree with her. She's your girlfriend." she then ran towards him.
"Just because I go with her sometimes doesn't mean she's my girlfriend." she then jumped and slid underneath him.
"Actually it does. Sky Uppercut!" she then jumped with a fist in the air and landed into his stomach.
"It's just semantics. Ow.." he said when he landed.
"That may be but you still have an obligation to her now." she said as she levitated.
"I never thought you would take it so seriously." he looked at the screen:blind subject with article of clothing. Cloak.
"One of us has to." she then heeded the eariler advice and mentally manipulated the discarded birdarangs and flung them at him.
"That may be but whatever happens between me and Starfire stays between me and Starfire." he said doing his best dodging the projectiles. "And since when do you care about Starfire's as well as my social life?"
"One)She is my friend and she will tell me about it. Over and over. Two)You two breakup and it will spill into your work. Missions could become compromised. That can not be done." Raven hated to admit that the suggestion that they stay together but she knew logically it had to be.
Robin looked the screen:Use the main projectile and it's return feature as weapon and aim for head. He detached his cloak and use it to grab one of the birdarangs.
"I guess you have a point. I never really thought about it until you said it just now."
"That's the difference between you and me. I have to keep thinking in order to survive."
"Maybe that's the problem. You think too much." he turned his back to her and then put his hand in the cape and pressed the birdarang's return button.
'What?' "What do you mean?"
"You always thinking too much. Stop thinking so much Raven." he said as he faced her and threw the birdarang out of his cape at her.
"I don't think I can. It is the only way I can get things done." she said dodging the projectile.
"Maybe you should take a lesson from Starfire. She doesn't think that much and she gets things done."
"That's Starfire. She doesn't exactly have my mindset or my problems." she said not noticing the device beeping.
"Maybe you should...Raven dodge!"
Raven turned and the birdarang hit on the side of her head. She then fell to the ground.
"Oh God Raven!" he ran towards her. She then knelt to the side of him head in hand.
"Raven are you alright?"
"Maybe you should...learn to watch your guard." she then did a roundhouse kick and toppled Robin.
Robin fell and she stood before him foot on chest.
"You and her should watch your emotions. Your emotions can bring down your guard and your opponent can exploit that...like Slade." she said with a underlying anger in her voice and as she finished something exploded in a distance away.
"You're...right." Robin said sounding tersely.
"I know I am."
The Titans entered the training room in a rush. Starfire was the first to say anything:"Robin are you alright? I heard an explosion in the living room and friends Cyborg and Beast Boy said it was their vision creating device consumed in dark energy." she then went to Robin's aid and helped him up.
"I'm fine Star."
"I'm not. You blew up our gamesphere again!" Cyborg yelled at Raven. "Of everything in the Tower you aim for that! Why?"
Raven looked him with a morose expression and a glint of red in her eyes. She took off her controller and handed it to Cyborg.
"Not bad. The reaction time could be improved upon. Plus the size." she walked away from them but not before taking a look at Starfire doting on Robin. The only one who noticed that was Beast Boy. He then thought of a conversation he and Cyborg had just before the gamesphere blew up.
The digitized voice brought Beast Boy out of his daydreaming. He had been out of it a lot lately. Particularly as his thoughts swarmed around two little birdies and a bright star.
"Uppercut,fireball! God B.B. what happened to your game? You used to kick my ass all the time in this game." Cyborg said as Beast Boy's virtual fighter fell defeated and the screen changed to player select.
"Sorry Cy. Just thinking about other things." Beast Boy said in a half apologetic/half ashamed tone.
'B.B. Thinking?' As long Cyborg knew the changeling there were many words used to describe him. Cerebral was not one of them. That was more Raven and Robin's shtick.
"Terra?" he said thinking about how crushed Beast Boy was after Terra's betrayal. The earth psychic was very special to the changeling. He saw her as a opportunity to move on. To move on from someone who would never return his feelings.
Beast Boy sucked in a breath. "No."
"Our resident ray of sunstroke?"
"Yeah. Sorta of."
Cyborg knew about Beast Boy's feelings for Raven for over a year now. Sometimes after a really grueling mission and when they were alone Beast Boy would rant for hours about Raven doing this,Raven doing that. Or most times him wishing he would've done something for her instead of Robin. Cyborg wished his best friend to be happy but he knew in the end it wouldn't matter. He knew Raven only had eyes for Robin. Based on their body language and their subtle interaction with each other he could tell Raven felt something for their leader but the question was did he feel the same way?
No,if he did then he wouldn't be with Starfire now would he?
"I thought we were finally over this."
"I thought I was...with Terra and we all know how well that turned out."
"I have to do something about this Cy or I'll turn into a complete basketcase."
"Into? You already are man."
"Oh yeah." he grinned sheepishly
"Look you know what the answer will be right? Let her go man."
"I can't. Besides Robin could've taken a chance. He didn't." he said checking where Starfire was. She was in the kitchen cooking more blue furry foodstuffs.
"Is that why you're doing this? Because you see an opening?"
"Well yeah. Robin has Starfire. If he wanted Raven he could've had her by now."
"Yeah but Raven is only now opening up to us. She's not like most girls. Certainly not like the girls we date."
"Yeah." Beast Boy said in a dreamy tone.
Cyborg put two and two together. "That's why you want her because she's not like most girls. Between us we've dated every girl in the city. What better way to get back at them than dating the ultimate ice princess."
"It's not like that at all!"
"Yes it is man. Admit it."
"You're wrong dude. I can make her laugh and be happy for the first time. Remember the pink Raven?"
"Yeah but there's a lot of stuff you gotta figure in too."
Cyborg thought long and hard. He had to tread carefully. "That's just one aspect of her personality. You have to think of the whole picture here."
Cyborg began to form a sweatdrop. "That the rest of her may not feel that way with these feelings for Robin and all."
"How do we know that? Now that Rob is with Star,Raven will come to her senses and see what the clear choice and perfect choice is."
Cyborg noticed the tone in Beast Boy's voice. There was something...more. Not bravado as such maybe more...predatory. Before he could finish his thought the gamesphere was enveloped in a dark energy and exploded.
"Aw hell! Not again." Cyborg grumbled.
Starfire popped out of the kitchen. "Did I hear a explosion?"
"Yeah a Raven explosion."
"Yeah. Isn't it dreamy?" Beast Boy said.
"Stop that! Let's go." And with that they rushed the training room.
After Raven left,Robin handed Cyborg the controller.
"Well it worked out fine but I'd finetuned it to Raven's specifications before we'd use it on the field."
"Robin are you alright?"
"I'm fine Star."
"No you're not. What you need is to try some of my blue danishes. They'll perk you up right up,if I'm using the expression right."
"You are. But I don't...Star." Robin said as Starfire dragged him out of the room leaving Cyborg and Beast Boy alone.
"Did you see the look on her face?" Beast Boy said.
"Before I wasn't sure but now I am. Tonight."
"Tonight I tell her."
Cyborg looked at him. He wasn't sure about anything anymore but he knew this would not end well.
"Are you sure man?"
"Well then in that case good luck man and I hope you get the answer you want."
"I hope I get it too." and with that he walked out of the room.
'Great so not only did I humiliate myself but I hurt him and destoryed some property.' Raven thought as she paced around her room.
'Although I did destroy their pointless toy so perhaps the day wasn't a total waste.'
She signed. 'I need to meditate.'
She sat on her bed indian style and begin to chant when a knock on her door interrupted her thoughts.
"It's Beast Boy. Can I come in?"
She thought about it. Hopefully she can shoo him away quickly and get back to meditating. The longer she waits the longer she'll lose control within herself.
Beast Boy entered the room. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Why?"
"Because you don't usually blow stuff up without good reason."
She signed. "Are you heading somewhere with this?"
"I'm worried about you is all."
"I appreciate your concern but I assure you I'm fine and if you excuse you." she opened the door.
'No! Not when I'm this close!' Beast Boy panicked and said the first thing that popped into his mind.
"I wish you'd forget about him Raven and give the guy who has true feelings for you a chance."
Raven looked at him like he grew an extra head.
"Don't make this harder for me Raven." he said with a edge in his voice.
Raven didn't say anything. Instead she searched the changeling's mind. She saw that he had deep feelings for her. Feelings that have been burned his subconscious. The type of emotions overwhelmed the empath. Hope,fear,despair,desire,and there was another feeling,feeling buried within. A feeling she can't quite place. A feeling that she wasn't familar with. Not she was very intimate with the subtle nuances of the human personality. But it wasn't love. Not that she was familiar with that either.
"Well?" he spoke.
"I'm sorry...for looking into your mind."
"I don't mind. So?"
"Beast Boy I-"
"Don't say anything yet. Ok? Just let me say this:I know I can make you laugh. Remember the Pink Raven?"
"Not that could I forget."
"If I can make you laugh,then...I can make you happy. You'll never be happy with Robin."
Raven thought long and hard. She's been doing a lot of that lately. Granted as much as she hated to admit to it Beast Boy made her laugh and laughter lead to happiness based on his reasoning. Could he be the answer? But Robin was the closest she had to a soulmate but she wasn't his. Starfire saw to that without even knowing it. Could Beast Boy take his place?
"Beast Boy I'm sorry but--"
"Wait before you answer let me do this."
He kissed her. It wasn't a tender or passionate kiss,more in between if that was possible. Of course Raven has never been kissed before so how would she know?
"I promised you won't be alone anymore Raven. Robin would leave you but I won't."
'Alone.' Raven thought about that. She was always alone. So was her mother. It was their trademark. The one thing that bound them together. She could sense that Beast Boy was sincere but he had his work cut out for him:to undo 17 years of true loneliness. She could sense that he's never been alone. Not alone as her and Robin but there was two things in her mind:
He wants to help.
Robin is not yours and never will be.
They both hit her hard. The second thought hit her harder. But there was one thought to began to rise.
'I'm sick of being alone.'
She knew it was time to concede. She'll never have Robin but she'll have Beast Boy. And who knows? Maybe one day she'll...love him.
"Raven say something. Anything. Even a gargling sound would help."
There was a slight upturn on the left side of her lips.
"Alright Beast Boy. We'll give it a shot. I have to go meditate and I'll see you tomorrow."
Beast Boy was instantly relieved. "I promise you won't regret this Raven."
"I hope I don't. Now off you go."
Beast Boy left Raven's room with a spring in his step. 'Wait till Cy hears about this!'
Raven closed the door and leaned her back towards the wall.
'I hope I did the right thing. Well we'll find out won't we?' There was a song Raven was thinking about just now. A song she heard a long time ago. There was a lyric rather appropriate.
"If you can't be with the one you love then you love the one you're with."
But can Raven use Beast Boy like this? To use as a placeholder? A cheap proxy of relief for the ache burning in her soul?
'I don't know. But no matter what I must let him go. Then he'll be happy. The two of them will be happy and maybe one day I'll be too.' she signed and then proceeded to meditate.
Do it by the numbers:
1)Like I said this is my take on the whole Raven-Robin-Starfire love triangle if it were to exist. Yes I know it's been done before. Like all love triangles it's extremely complicated with no clear answer. And when it comes to 'placeholders' people do it all the time in real life. To the Beast Boy/Raven fans I'm sorry if you'll be offended but I'm still going to continue this story no matter where it leads. Simple thing to do is:Don't like it,Don't read it. I respect your pairing as long as you respect mine.
2)I picked the song because it has personal relevance. Not so much the one guy-two girls scenario as suggested here. It's like this:My male best friend and I talk sometimes about girls. And there was this one girl ironically named Jenny he was obsessed over. Everyday for 4 months Jenny this,Jenny that and I kept telling him 'Make your move or shut up.' In the end he choked and I heard it. Oh God did I hear it. Since I had the CD at the time the song made a lot of relevance. This was a particular annoying experience for me since I was going through a dry social patch at the time and he ranting about her all the time irritated the hell out of me. I know it may be a stretch but still.
3)For obstute readers those 'controllers' are Seto Kaiba's prototype Duel Disks on "Yu-Gi-Oh!" I wanted to sneak them in. I may do the current Duel Disk eventually if I feel like it. For the battle scene if I was off I apologize. I'm used to Pokemon battles and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" card battles so if my timing was off you know.
4)The sequel will take time. I have other priorities,other fics. The sequel should be done in late May. It may be chapters or separate fics. I'm leaning toward separate fics myself. Might be sooner when my dark compatriot Little Black Teacup(I decided to mention ya after all. I was originally going to be subtle)gives me ideas. But I'm or we're not rushing.
5)If Cyborg or Beast Boy were off I apologize. Robin and Raven flows easily to me. The others don't. Plus I wanted some time to elapse and give them some maturity (if that were possible).
6)Reviews are appreciated. I particularly want X-Static process to read this and my other Robin/Raven fics. What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? What I need to correct. I want to get on your "Forbidden Love" board but I wanted to get at least 5 Robin/Raven fiction pieces done and prove myself before I got on. Yes I know how pathetic it all sounds. But since you're the catalyst I want to know what you think.