Disclaimer: NARUTO:: Not mine, don't sue... Creative writing is for entertainment purposes only... ^-^ hehehe... ^-^ This is my first time to write in this series... so, spare me the flames... ^-^ Please R&R!! [oh, yeah, I'm not exactly a fan of Sasuke... ^-^ Neji and Haku rulez!!]
~ i've searched for pieces of myself, counting the endless nights all the while. , these feelings are becoming so certain ... i almost lose myself... right now, without fail, i will walk forward, even though it's far...~
I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of everything going the wrong way. I'm tired of being looked through like some thin wall of air. I'm sick of looking at cold... empty eyes that say absolutely nothing but the constant need for isolation. He always wanted to be alone... and this time, I am ready to let him go.
I am a person, too. I have feelings, too. I'm tired of suffering such things. Who died and made him God?! *sighs* Who gave him the permission to go running over my feelings like this?! I took in a deep breath and sighed again. I very well know who gave him permission to do all this to me.... It was me.
I never stopped caring for him when he told me to go away... He was always like that. He wanted to be alone. But... didn't he care for MY feelings, too? Didn't he know I was hurt every single time he tells me off? I bit my lip and stared out of the window. Even though he was like that... even though he hurt me in more ways than I could ever imagine, I still loved him.
I didn't know why I had to get myself to go through all this. I don't know why I had to keep on trying... why I had to go get his attention, hoping that he would like me just the same. But all my efforts lead to nothing. He never loved- heck, he didn't care for me the way I did.... I clasped the kunai in my hand and threw it at the floor using all the anger in me as force.
I don't know why I had to hope. I don't know why I had to hear him tell me off in an in-your-face manner before finally giving up. I knew I was nothing to him... I just wish he'd give a little acknowledgement of me and my efforts. But, as usual, my stupid wish never came true.
All I did was- to go all out in loving him... But- he didn't care... Damn it. He didn't care one damn bit about me and my so-called feelings. That was Sasuke. That was Uchiha Sasuke.
That Sasuke... That no-good- *sighs* I still can't do this- I can't tell him off like the way he does to me. Deep inside, I was tearing up. I have been forgetting all- everything in me. I didn't care for my own feelings. My heart's been telling me to stop falling for such an insensitive person like him. But, no. Whenever I tried to stop falling for him... when I wanted to slap him right then and there... I keep on falling for him in every way possible.
'Sakura- tell me. Who is the bastard that did this to you?''
That voice... that same voice resounded in my head. For a minute back there, I believed that- that he wanted to protect me. I shook my head, hoping that the thoughts would simply go away. I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of being protected. I'm tired of all this!
I- I'm not a kid anymore. I hate it when I feel so helpless... I hate him! I hate his- his stupid bossy attitude... his I'm-the-king-of-the-world poise... his cold eyes... Because they make me feel like a total loser. They make me feel unwanted- they make me feel unloved.
But- but at the same time... they also make me feel that I belonged, somehow.
I closed my eyes and looked back to the events that happened before. I was the one who was supposed to protect that old man Tazuna in the bridge... But I was the one who ended up being protected... I was the one who was supposed to protect him and Naruto from Zaku and his teammates... As usual, I was the one who ended up being protected.
I- I'm sick of all this! I'm sick of me staring helplessly while they suffer for me. I'm sick of just staying put while they put their lives on the line to save me- pathetic me. I'm sick of trying to impress him... Because I end up failing... and failing... and failing all over again.
I'm sick of this. What's the use of trying... of believing that someday- just someday, he'll notice me the way I want him to? When all I receive are cold words... cold, empty words.
'Leave me alone, Sakura.'
It was that sound again. It was his voice. I opened my eyes and looked behind me, trying to see through the darkness that gloomed around me. I felt my throat run dry as I tried to swallow the lump forming in it.
I fell to my knees and covered my ears. I heard everything all over again. Tears started forming in my eyes. I didn't want to hear it again. 'Mo, Iia... Dame... Yammete, onegai.' I whispered. I don't want this anymore. Everything just feels so- so uncomfortable. I looked up to the ceiling with my tear-stricken eyes, engulfed in the emotion that he was pushing towards me. The feeling of being alone.
'I said, leave me alone.'
His cold voice boomed in my head. I bit my lip in the invisible pain I was feeling inside me. When- when will it stop? Sighing, I whispered to myself. 'Sasuke-kun... I don't want you to be alone...' and wiped my tears dry, hoping that they won't fall again. But, I was wrong as another mound replaced them. I sat down, hugged my knees and prayed for all this to stop- but it wouldn't stop. The pain continued... it went on... and on... and on... as if it wanted my heart rate to fluctuate and then run dead.
I wanted all this to be over- I wanted to be free of this pain that was taunting me in nightmares that I cannot bear... in daydreams that set me off to some hell that I cannot imagine. Somehow, I saw him- I saw Sasuke as the light- the sun that brightened up every single day of my life... But, a while ago, I wished for that sun to be gone- and now, all I have left... is cold, empty darkness. I shifted my position and lay my back flat against the floor.
'When will that sun shine again?' I asked myself as my world tilted crazily. I hated him- but at the same time I loved him in every way possible. I- I can't exist without seeing him. I closed my eyes and took the kunai from where I threw it a while ago. I lifted it up to my face and watched it glint in the darkness.
'What- what if I ended this now? What if I ended all of this?' I asked myself desperately as a fake smile curved on my lips. "Sasuke..." my voice cracked as more tears fell down my cheeks. I closed my eyes, ready to plunge the sharp object on my chest. I took a deep breath and started to thrust it in my chest. But before I could, there was another kunai that shot mine and both fell two feet beside me.
I looked up to the direction where the kunai was thrown from and squinted my eyes in the darkness.
That- that voice. I heard footsteps running towards me and lifting my head from the floor.
'Sakura, what the hell do you think you're doing?' Came that voice again. I looked up and saw a pair of red Sharingan eyes staring at me.
I whispered as I choked for words. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to find his figure, but darkness evaded my thoughts.
'Leave- Leave me alone, Sasuke-kun. I want to be alone.' I said firmly.
He stood up and his figure shone against the crack on the curtains where the moon was shining brightly. 'If you want to die so much, I'm not here to stop you. I just want to tell you to think over what you were just gonna do and how it would affect other people.' he replied, the coldness no longer evident in his voice.
Then, I saw him smile. He edged his hand to me, I grabbed it and stood in front of him.
'It was a dumb decision, Sakura.' he looked sideways as he saw the tears in my eyes. I looked at the other side and sighed. His hand advanced and I saw a white handkerchief in his hands. 'Here. I don't want to see girls cry in front of me... It's so degrading.' he said. I picked up the handkerchief on his hand and wiped my tears dry. I sat down on the bed and kept silent.
'Hey-' he said, turning his back on me and breaking the silence that surrounded us. 'When I said leave, I didn't want you to go.'
I stood up from where I was sitting and leaned my head on his back. I placed my arms on his waist and nodded. 'I- I guess I know now.' I assured him and smiled.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself again... But now, it no longer contained darkness... or pain... or anger. Just plain contentment. I- I now know... that sometimes, things are simply not the way they seem to be.
hey guys!! i hope you like my first fanfic for the naruto series... i know it has an abrupt ending... but it's open-ended so you guys can go figure out what happened next... please r&r and tell me what you think... and yeah, since this isn't my first fanfic throughout my career, i can welcome flames in a professional manner, although constructive criticism is advised. ^-^
anyway, i hope you guys tell me what you think... hehehe... i'll be going back to my x-men :: evolution lair after i write an AU haku or even a neji ficcie... yey!! ^-^ hehehe... enjoy existence!! visit my website, guys!!