Soul Searching
Author: Pumpkin Belly
Ship: Willow/Spike

Summary: She wasn't sure they day she fell in love with him but she was sure that she still loved him. The problem is that Spike doesn't think he's good enough for Willow so he goes to do a little soul searching.

A/N: Set in season 4 Oz broke up with Willow for another women. Spike has his chip in his head, but doesn't resent it as much.
Drip drip

The rain was slowly beginning to fall outside. From inside Willow stared out the window into the rain. It had been raining the night he had saved her.


Willow had been wondering through the cemetery. Tears poured down her cheeks. Oz had left her for another women. She had loved him, given herself to him, and what did he do go and leave her for another women. She didn't think the pain would end. That is how she had come to be in the cemetery, to lost in her own thoughts to realize where she was going until she got there, with no weapon.

She continued to wonder on when 2 vampires attacked her. They were on her before she knew what happened. As the rain slowly started to fall she tried to run only to slip on the already wet grass. Willow was certain she was dead.

Then the 2 vampires where thrown off her. She slowly sat up and looked around. There he was battling the vampires. In a matter of minutes they were both dust.

"That's not like you, luv, to be caught without a weapon late at night in Sunnydale" Spike turned to face her.

Willow began to get up only to fall and sustain yet another bruise. Spike walked over to her and gently helped her up.

"You really don't look to good" he said looking her up and down, "We better get you taken care of." Spike lead Willow to his crypt.

Once Spike and Willow got to his crypt he cleaned up her wounds and put her into his bed. Spike made to go upstairs to sleep on the couch only to be called back by Willow.

"Where are you going?" Willow called out to Spike.

"I was going to go up to the couch to get some sleep."

"You don't have to. I mean you can sleep down here." Willow said tentatively.

"I promise to play nice, luv" Spike responded as he pushed back the covers and climbed into bed.

End flashback

They had become quick friends after that. Willow was broken hearted because of Oz cheating and then leaving her. Spike was upset because of the chip in his head. They comforted each other.

There were numerous times when Willow reassured Spike that he was still the big bad. When Willow came to Spike crying because she had seen Oz or because she felt that she was unattractive. Each time Spike would tell Willow that Oz wasn't worth of her and that she was beautiful. Then they would curl up and watch movies or TV and fall asleep together.

Willow wasn't sure when exactly it was that she fell in love with Spike but she was sure that she was still in love with him. He was gone now, though, and she wasn't sure if he was ever coming back.

Spike had left earlier that day. He hadn't even said goodbye. There was a note attached to the door of the crypt when Willow went to see Spike.


I'm so sorry I have to tell you this, this way but I if I told you in person I know that I would never leave. I need to go away for a while. I love you so much. This is the only way for me to feel that I'm worthy of you. I need to go soul searching. I will always be thinking of you and don't ever doubt that I love you, I do, and this is just something I need to do. I don't know when I'll be back but I hope that it'll be soon. Don't forget me.

I love you,


Rereading the note still brought Willow to tears. As she continued to start into the rain she remembered all the love they had shared. She didn't think they would ever be unhappy. Of course that was a silly thought, but Willow loved the dream. It was apparent that they were not happy now.

Willow shut the window and crawled into her bed. From behind a tree Spike stepped out and stared up into the window. He could still make out Willow's form climbing into her bed. He was soaking wet but being able to see his Willow before he went off made it a little easier.

"Goodbye Willow, I'll be back for you some day soon" he whispered into the wind.

Slowly turning Spike got into his car and drove away with thoughts of his red haired goddess going through his head.


A/N: I could really use some feedback on this even if you don't like it I would really like to know what you think.