Chapter 3: In despair


I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I knew what I wanted to have in this chapter, but I couldn't write it. It is a lot shorter than I had planned it and it has a lot less in it that I wanted to bring into, but I wanted to get it done by Christmas. I hope that you still like it. I hope that the following chapters will be out a lot sooner.

This takes place after book 5 (the Order of Phoenix)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, places…

When Harry woke up it was dark around him. He was startled for a moment but then he remembered that he had returned to private drive where it was nothing special for him to wake up in the dark, because it was always dark in the little cupboard. Harry had always liked the dark. It was easier to hide, to become one with the surroundings.

The darkness that surrounded him seemed to mirror his inner feelings. He was in despair. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't run away. There was nowhere to go to for him. He was sure that the Weasleys would take him in, but he didn't want to bring them into even more danger than they already were in, or so he told himself. He knew that there was another reason for him for not wanting to go there. They were always so cheerful and careless. He didn't think that he could bear to be around people like that for a long time after all he had been through. He didn't want to act like everything was normal, that there was not the threat of Voldemort and his deatheaters.

He didn't want to hide the fact that the Dursleys mistreated him so badly, but he knew that they wouldn't believe to what extend they were hurting him. The Weasleys couldn't grasp the concept of someone hating another family member so badly to be capable of nearly beating him to death everyday. Ron, being the jealous git that he was, would think that this was another attempt to be in the spot light again. Mr and Mrs Wesley would tell him that he was overreacting.

And now he didn't even have Sirius anymore. He knew that Sirius would have understood. Sirius had been hated by his family as well and knew what it felt like to be shunned by one's own blood. But Harry knew that Sirius was dead. He had seen it in his nightmares every night since that fateful encounter at the department of mysteries. Harry was alone, he didn't have anyone anymore. And Harry believed that it was his fault that he was in this situation. Having been told by the Dursleys that he was a worthless freak all his life he believed that everything bad that happened to the people around him was his fault.

After Dumbledore had told him about the prophecy he had realized that he was to blame for even more death. He had killed his parents too. If it hadn't been for him Voldemort wouldn't have gone after them and they would still have been alive.

No, Harry had no one in his life anymore. After Sirius death he had started to think about death. About his own death. He thought that it would be a relieve for all the people around him. If he was dead Voldemort wouldn't go after people he was close to because there would be no reason for him to do that. He was thinking about killing himself, but he didn't dare to do that. "But if I stay here for another month I'll be dead anyway." He thought. "Either Vernon will beat me to death, or I'll starve." He welcomed the thought of all his pain and despair coming to an end. He would see Sirius and his parents again. He could tell them how sorry he was for killing them and he would be able to tell them how much he loved them. With this on his mind he started to check his body for injuries.

He was aching everywhere. He felt a burning pain on the back of his head and lifted a hand to see how badly he was injured. When he touched his hair it felt wet and he knew that he was still bleeding. He had trouble breathing and began to examine his ribs to feel if any damage had been done there. It hurt pretty badly, but he didn't think that any of them had been fractured. Other than that he was sure that he had a lot of bruises, but didn't think that he had any lethal injuries.

Harry had no idea what time it was. He tried to get out of the cupboard, but it was locked. He should have guessed that. His uncle never left it unlocked. He decided to lay back down and to go to sleep some more. Just when he was about to go back to sleep he heard the door being unlocked and his aunt's high-pitched voice screaming: "Get up boy. There is a lot of work to do. You don't expect that I do everything while you just lie there on your freakish bum and do nothing all day? We let you live here and give you clothes to wear you ungrateful brat."

Harry winced when he got up again. He would be busy all day. He hoped that he would at least get something to eat or drink, but he didn't think so. He sighed and went to the kitchen to see what his aunt wanted him to do.

A/N: Again, I'm sorry for taking so long and that the chapter is so short.

Thank you for all the reviews!!!

Miss Lesley: 1) the spell makes Harry treat Draco badly. Draco is hurt and tries to keep his distance to not get hurt even worse. Harry never questioned his behavior towards Draco because this was just normal for him and he was used to it since they met. I have to admit that I have never really thought about this before. 2) Lucius thinks that Draco is overreacting. Lucius never met his soul mate and thus he can't understand what how the bond between them feels like to Draco. He thinks that Draco is just imagining things. 3) He thinks that the pain is because of the death of his Sirius' death and since Harry has never told anyone of how the Dursleys treat him he can't know how bad the situation is. He knows that Harry is not treated correctly but can't imagine it being so bad. I hope that this answered your question