A/N: Hehe. Okay, Dana, okay. You happy now? It's been a hard time – with Revs coming out, and I felt another part was needed. So here it is. Still hoping it helps. Every time I watch that movie, I love it more. The tears are familiar, now... but I still miss her... miss them... so much.
It was all very confusing. One day there had been very few calls, and then the next the flood had risen again, leaving the crew caught off guard and racing to connect the lines to phones they had put away, thinking they were no longer necessary. The tears were back, the crying, and the questions. They had tried to determine the new source, but questioning the callers didn't seem to do much good – it was as if they expected them to know already. By all rights they should, considering how much these people knew about them!
It was almost halfway through the day when Neo appeared in the doorway of Trinity's cubicle, face set in a way she hadn't seen since they left the world. His eyes were veiled in the way he used to guard himself against pain... she had never wanted to see him look like that again.
"Neo, what -" She began to rise, but he motioned her back into the chair.
"Pick up the second line."
Her eyes turned to rest on the line of ringing phones... all trilling except line two. "Neo, if you can't handle your calls..."
"Pick it up, Trin. Please." His voice was thick, but when she looked back at him, his face hadn't changed.
"Alright." She reached for the receiver. By the time it reached her ear, Neo was gone from the entrance. In a few moments she heard his voice on the other end.
"Yes? What's going on?"
"Trinity?" This was a new voice, soft and wavering. A caller. Why did Neo need help with the call? He had been fine since she'd spoken to him about it before.
"..What is it?"
"I.... needed to talk, and I asked Neo if he felt he could talk about it alone.. and then he left and now you're both here and -"
The hell? "Wait, talk about what? What is 'it'?"
Oh... oh, no. Trinity was acutely aware of her mate's silence on the other end of the line. It hadn't been so specific, before. The callers had talked about her death before, but not solely... more on the line of her being gone and needing reassurance. To talk about the death itself... Neo.
The girl seemed to take the quiet as a cue for her to continue speaking. "I'm having trouble coping with it... it's been so long, but every time, it hurts so much, and it won't go away."
Trinity found her voice. "How can you see it?"
"I watch it. When I watch your story... when I watch the end..."
Watching. Watching where?
Before she could question further, the girl continued talking. Perhaps it was for the better... maybe the girl couldn't handle having the inquiries turned on herself. "It hurts, watching you go."
There was a sharp intake of breath, and it didn't sound like the girl's. Neo... how much have you thought about this, for it to still be so fresh?
In the other cubicle, Neo sat, gripping the phone tightly, listening to the conversation between the girl and his beloved. It ached, but he could not bring himself to hang up and leave the conversation to her. No... he needed to be a part of it. This time, along with the caller... he needed reassurance.
"Why is my death the one hurting you so much?" Trinity's voice became slightly sharp. "I am not the only one who died. Why don't you cry for Neo?"
Trinity... you don't know? How can you not know?
The same thought seemed to have run through the other's head, because when she spoke it was calm, almost explanatory. "I would have cried for him... had he lived. Had he been sentenced to live."
"How can you say that?" The sharpness gave way to cold anger, and Neo stepped in quickly.
"Stop, Trin. She's right."
The girl's response came almost on top of his. "You don't understand. I did not cry for his death because it was the kindest thing for him. I would have cried if he had needed to go on living... with you dead. Just as I would have cried for you if you had survived, and he died in the last battle."
Trinity fell silent, and Neo leaned forward to brace his forehead against the desk, still holding the receiver tightly pressed to his ear. She gave so much... she did not realize her own importance. To him... or to them. She gave without asking, died without regret – but anything resembling life that could have existed after that night would have been the most extreme form of punishment for him. Perhaps she was beginning to see.. if their roles had been switched.
Sometimes, their voices held awe, something akin to worship when they spoke of her, to her. He did not think she noticed it... it would have been hard, since it is most difficult to perceive what another thinks of oneself. Neo, however, recognized the reverent tones, the sounds of grief as though a people had lost their hero.
Their lady. He had heard one of them call her that, once, quickly during one of the conversations. But he had caught it, and remembered it. Maybe they understood, a little, about the light that had been snuffed out when she left his life.
He was startled out of his thoughts by her voice. "Why, then, do you hurt?"
Trinity's voice was firm, but warmer than it had been. "You said that you would have cried, had one lived and one died. But both are dead. Why do you cry now?"
She does not have what I have, Trin.
"Because...." the reply was soft. "Because you did not lose each other, but I lost you. I cry for me."
They miss her. I... am sorry for them.
"It was not my intent to cause more unhappiness by my death."
"No!" The girl's voice sounded shocked. "No, it was not your fault – it's just I can't handle it, because I'm stupid and got attached and -"
"But what has she given you, through that attachment?" Neo's sudden comment cut the two women off abruptly.
It was a moment before the girl ventured a reply. "So much."
"Then, wasn't the attachment worth it?"
"It makes it hurt more."
"The more it hurts... the more special the attachment."
"Neo..." Trinity spoke. "Neo, after I died, you brought peace..."
"I was dead, Trin. I was not there. I was already headed towards wherever you were. She's right."
"I found you again. But then... I was nothing. It was horrible to be nothing. I have meaning again."
"So do I."
"Maybe I should go..." the voice sounded slightly awed, which was an improvement over her earlier sadness, anyway.
Trinity, again, took control. "We cannot solve pain. We cannot take it away. I can't – as much as I'd like to. But you haven't lost me – lost us, not really. We're here, the same people we have always been. You just have to look harder."
"Just tell me one thing."
"When you died... you were smiling. Were you truly content?"
Neo waited for her answer, and it came, patiently given. "Yes. Yes, I was. And I am now, if that is any help."
"It is. Thank you. I am sorry to bother you."
"I'm picking up phones. I'm asking to be bothered."
When the phone was hung up at last, Neo stood and stared at the wall for a long moment, before moving back into the hallway.
She was waiting, arms hanging at her sides and blue eyes speaking in a way they only did for him. He said nothing, and went to her, feeling her arms slide around his shoulders to press him against her body. His hands held her close, so his face was nestled against her neck. They stood there, one being, letting what they needed to say be conveyed through their embrace.
No, they were not lost. This was not lost.
My beloveds have gone
In sorrow do I cry.
They have begun the journey
and left me bye and bye.
I cry for me;
rejoice for them –
as life begins again.
and loving friends,
I'll take my comfort then.
Merry Meet. Merry Part. And Merry Meet Again
- Wiccan prayer of loss