Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the OC's and the idea/plot for this fic. If you google "Skippy's List" you'll also be able to figure out what I used as inspiration for this. I took a lot of his list and just adapted it to fit into the Potterverse.
A/N: This is a very old fanfiction that I have decided to revamp. If you didn't read it the first time around, lucky you – it had a lot of mistakes. I started writing it over ten years ago when I didn't have a lot of the information we Harry Potter fans now do. But since so many people have given me such positive feedback through all the years, I felt I finally needed to set aside time to fix this and make it the best it can be. I hope you enjoy it, whether it's the first, second, or tenth time around! (For those of you who HAVE read this before, there is a sequel of sorts called "Black Blood" that's still in progress – I don't think I'll ever finish it, but maybe re-writing this will give me some new ideas. We all know what would happen in the end anyway.)
Chapter 1 - Mum's Assignment
"Black!" shouted Professor McGonagall impatiently.
Sirius' head snapped up from his desk where he was doodling.
"You might want to listen to this."
"Mum," Sirius paused for dramatic effect as a few of his classmates snickered. James, Peter, and Remus, who were seated around him, merely rolled their eyes. "I hate to disappoint you, but I think I already know all there is to know about advanced Transfiguration."
Professor McGonagall outwardly grimaced. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Mr. Black, just for lack of energy." The school year was drawing to a close and she had just about given up reprimanding students she'd actually grown quite fond of. "You might want to pay attention to this if you're interested in leaving your so-called…" McGonagall choked out the last few words, "...legacy behind."
Sirius arched an eyebrow and looked sideways at James. The two of them had often entertained ideas about how to leave their undisputed mark on Hogwarts and decided very early on that the best and most enjoyable way to do so would be to cause as much trouble as possible. This being their last year of school, they had even kicked it up a notch in order to make it unforgettable. McGonagall had obviously guessed their intentions some time ago.
Professor McGonagall continued. "Now, as I was saying, as seventh years, you will all be required to compose a letter to incoming first year students before you will be allowed to leave school. Think of your own first year and how you must have felt walking into the school for the very first time, utterly clueless as to what went on inside Hogwarts castle. No doubt some of you were told you had to duel with a dragon, or something similar, before you gained acceptance into the school." There were a few murmurs of agreement from the students. "You could include a list of general tips that helped you succeed in your studies, helpful information about teachers and classes – whatever you want. Be creative and helpful. They will be due after you take your N.E.W.T.s at the end of the term. Yes, Mr. Potter?" asked McGonagall, noticing James' outstretched hand.
"Is this a writing class now, Mum?"
Once again McGonagall tried to overlook the name. She was obviously getting tired of reprimanding them. "This isn't for me, Potter. It's a general requirement that Dumbledore has asked all seventh year students to complete this year before they leave school."
"I'm Head Boy; how is it that I didn't know about this?"
"Perhaps Black's inattentiveness has rubbed off on you."
James laughed out loud. "That's for sure. Look what you've done, Padfoot!"
Sirius put on his trademark faultless face and crossed his arms in front of him. "It's your own fault, Jamesey. If you didn't idolize me so much, and try to copy every single thing I do..."
"Alright, gentlemen, we get the point," interrupted McGonagall. "Would you like to continue your discussion in detention tonight?"
"No, Professor," said Sirius harmoniously with James' "Sorry, Professor."
"Good. Are there any other questions on this matter?" The class fell silent. "Thank Merlin. Class dismissed."
"How was transfiguration?" asked Lily, meeting them in the second floor corridor.
"James almost got me put in detention again," teased Sirius.
Lily rolled her eyes. "What did you do this time, Sirius?"
He scoffed. "Me?"
"Lily, did you hear about that letter we're supposed to write to the first years?" asked James.
"The one Professor Dumbledore was talking about last week? Sounds like fun, huh?"
Peter laughed. "She's right, Prongs. You don't pay attention."
"And you do?" asked James.
"Padfoot, are you feeling all right? Looks to me like you're thinking," said Remus, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye.
"Don't be ridiculous, Moony," said Sirius. "I'm just hungry."
"Anyone else want to go straight to the Great Hall?" asked Remus.
"I've got to get my potions done," said James.
"Me too," agreed Peter.
"Oh yeah," remembered Sirius, following them to the Gryffindor common room.
Half an hour later, James, Remus, Peter, and Lily had risen from their comfy seats by the fire to head down to dinner. They turned around to see Sirius concentrating heavily on his parchment.
"Padfoot?" asked James.
Sirius reluctantly tore his eyes from the beginnings of an essay in front of him.
"I just have a bit to finish up. I'll be down in a minute, mate," he told them all.
"Need help?" offered James.
Sirius shook his head. When they had all crawled through the portrait hole, James wondering if Professor McGonagall had transfigured his best friend into someone who actually cares about his homework, Sirius continued to write:
Dear First Years,
Soon your teachers will be telling you my story, the story of the mischievous Sirius Black and his partner in crime, James Potter. They will warn you not to wander down the path of pranks and detentions, as we have. However, I am proud of what the Marauders of Mayhem have accomplished, and therefore wanted to leave you with something to remember us by. I am giving you a list of things that I am no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts, which you all should consider doing on a regular basis to remind our dear teachers just what they're missing. Chances are they will break down into silent tears of nostalgia. Nevertheless, should they tell you they don't miss us, well…you little ones will have to learn that sometimes professors do tell little white lies. Of course they miss us! They just can't tell you that or they'd be unconsciously encouraging you to follow in our legendary footsteps. So are you ready for Sirius Black's famous list of things not to do at Hogwarts? I thought so. Therefore I, Sirius Orion Black, now bequeath to you my legacy. Remember it well:
1 - Not allowed to threaten anyone with "Black" magic.
2 - Not allowed to give myself or any other human on the premises of Hogwarts, especially Severus Snape, magical breast implants.
3 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
4 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets serve detention for me.
5 - Not allowed to refer to Headmaster Dumbldore as "Dad."
6 - Not allowed to refer to Professor McGonagall as "Mum."
7 - If the thought of something makes either myself or James Potter giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
8 - Not allowed to...
A/N: Originally, I had asked readers to submit their own items to the list and if I liked them, I would use them in future chapters. However, this fanfic has been completed for a long time now. That doesn't mean you can't still tell me your ideas, though! You can leave them in your review or you can email/instant message them to me: EvrChanginAnthem(at)aol(dot)com. You should also feel free to contact me for any other reason – just to shoot the proverbial, Harry Potter shit, or whatever else your little heart desires! Also, I made a facebook group for this fanfic a few years back – feel free to join or become a fan! (Just search for "Padfoot Prohibited" and that should get you there.)