Hatori Does It Better ( The Seahorse Who Loved Me)

Lyrics taken from Simon Carly

" Well… if there was ever a cue that a vacation was over, that was it." Said Hatori, after the author of the story had mysteriously vanished.

" So says Hatori." Shigure said, rolling his eyes.

" I'm serious. Come on. Everyone into the car." Hatori said, pointing at the box car in an impatient manner.

" But I don't wanna turn into an animal again!" Kyo whined.

" You won't have to. Tohru is going to sit in the front with me. Everyone else can just file into the back." Hatori said matter o factly.

" But… but she didn't call SHOTGUN!" Shigure gasped as if it were some sort of crime to sit in the front if you didn't call shotgun.

" SHOTGUN!" Kureno bellowed randomly because it was one of his favorite things to say.

" I…DON'T…CARE." Hatori said, and with that, everyone sighed and walked slowly into the box car with their heads hung low except for Tohru, who was happy! She got to sit in the front! She LOVED strawberries!

" What about Akito?" Shigure asked Hatori, pointing to Akito who was still spasming on the ground like a fool.

" Uh…" Hatori said, at a loss, but luckily Kazuma came to their rescue.

" Don't worry yourselves about it! I'll take care of Akito." Said Kazuma, pointing at his cool car that he had been driving Akito around the whole time.

" I will come with you… person. To accompany my master." Kureno said.

" But… Shishou! I want to come with you too!" Kyo exclaimed, glaring at Kureno.

" No, ………….KYO. You must go into that box car. It is best for you." Kazuma said.

" But…"

" After the ride, I'll come and get you and we can live in the dojo together again." Kazuma said seriously.

" REALLY?!" Kyo asked enthusiastically.

" No. Not really. Okay! Well, I'll be seeing you guys later." Kazuma said with a big cheesy Kenji smile, and jumped into his crazy car with Kureno and Akito.

" Don't forget, any of you… someday, the Mabudachi Trio will fall to… THE LONE CHICKEN! BUCAW-BUCAW!" Kureno cried in his mad rooster voice, and then they all watched as Kazuma zoomed off into the distance.

They all watched them go, then Hatori pointed to the car. " Come on. Car, now."

" WE'RE GOING! GEEZ!" Everyone shouted, and piled into the car. Tohru went last, sitting in the front next to Hatori. Hatori got in and promised himself that he would NEVER, EVER set foot on North Dakotan soil again. EVER.

Then they started to drive. It was okay, except everyone in the back kept complaining the whole time, and Tohru kept breaking down crying because she felt so bad. And Haru kept sticking one hand out to change the radio station even though Hatori kept telling him to NOT do that.

" Listen, we're just going to keep it on THIS station." Hatori said, changing it to some random station. He was starting to get a little tense because this vacation has made him tense, and he was also getting onto the freeway and driving on the freeway makes Hatori nervous.

On the station that Hatori had changed it to, very serious music began to play, and suddenly a chorus started chanting, " ESCA…FLOW…NE! ESCA…FLOW NE! ESCA…FLOW NE!" In REALLY dramatic dangerous tones. That's right. Dance of Curse. At MAX volume because that's the only kind of volume the crazy box car had.

Hatori tried to put up with that music on the freeway for awhile, then found he couldn't take it anymore. He changed the station to the Oldies station.

" HEY! I thought you said we were going to leave it on that station, Hatori." Shigure called in a teasing voice.

" Shut up, Shigure. We're going to leave it on this one."

" You promise?" Haru asked.

" Yes, I promise."

" Because if you break your promise I'll go Black." Haru said simply.

" Don't worry, Haru, I won't have any reason for breaking my promise." Hatori said, rolling his eyes.

" This is… SUNNY! SUNNY FM! Now we've got some Simon Carly coming on…"

" SIMON CARLY! Hey, Ayame, remember that Simon Carly song?!" Shigure said excitedly.

" DO I EVER?!" Ayame agreed. " I wonder if it's…"

" With 'Nobody does it Better', coming at you!" The Radio DJ exclaimed.

" IT IS!" Cheered Shigure and Ayame.

" What do you mean?" Yuki asked.

" Well, my adorable little brother, this song holds special meaning to the Mabudachi Trio." Ayame said.

" Shut up… just shut up…" Hatori groaned.

" We played a 'special' version of it that we recorded over the intercom the night of our High School Prom." Shigure said maliciously.

Everyone took a minute to think about this.

" Special version? Like a remix?" Kagura asked.

" More like… new lyrics. Oooh! It's coming on! Come on Aya! It'll be just like High School!"

" Only without everyone staring at Hatori and laughing!" Ayame said brightly.


The song started to play. Shigure and Ayame started to sing along with it in off-key voices, drowning out the old lyrics with these new ones;

" Hatori does it better…

He makes me feel sad for the rest…

Nobody does it, half as good as him…

Hatori, you're the best…"

Hatori tried to concentrate on the road as the song kicked into full swing.

" I wasn't looking…

But somehow he found me…

I tried to hide from his love.

My heaven above me,

The seahorse that loved me,

Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight.

And nobody does it better,

Though sometimes I wish someone could,

Nobody does it quite the way he does,

Why does Hatori have to be so good?"

if there is a hell…Hatori thought miserably, remembering his very painful High School Prom.

" Whenever he holds me,

Oh, the way Hatori holds me…

There's some kinda magic inside.

It keeps me from running,

But just keeps me coming,

How did Hatori learn to do the things he do?

And Hatori does it better,

He makes me feel sad for the rest…

Nobody does it, half as good as him…

Hatori, baby, baby, DARLING you're the best…"

Now Ayame and Shigure were realling takin' it home. And everyone, having learned the chorus, but Yuki and Kyo who will never sing, was takin' it home with them. Having had enough, Hatori called, " Okay, the songs over now, quit singing."


" Stop singing."


" Stop singing!"



" Haa-san!" Shigure said, as Ayame and everyone else continued to sing.

" WHAT?!" Hatori snapped.

" You really are the best." Shigure smiled.

Hatori rolled his eyes, continued to drive, and tried not to smile.


And now… for what happened to everybody! (In Order of Appearance)

Kyo, went home, locked himself in his room and turned the air conditioner on to the MAX! He never ate goldfish again. But then again, he never ate goldfish in the first place.

Tohru continued her life and wished that the wonderful days of life would go on forever and ever and ever and ever and MAN did she loved strawberries!

Shigure pulled an all nighter writing a novel for Mitchan. Only this time he used YUKI'S tragic life. But that's okay. I don't think Yuki will ever read it. HOPEFULLY…

Yuki went on without obsessing over cheese for awhile, and continued to angst until he met his new friends and then he emptied all his angst onto the series and suddenly everyone ELSE seems a lot more angsty…

Hatori… well… MAN, he was traumatized. He went home, smoked a LOT, then eventually got over his woeful experiences and continued to have… MORE woeful experiences! He also changed out of those shorts and donated all of them to goodwill.

Haru continued with his crazy… life. And he kept that red star for as long as he could but it eventually faded away. Sadly. (sniff)

Momiji… well, I don't know WHAT Momiji did, but I'm sure he'll always keep it close to his heart! YAY!

Kagura… exploded!

Ayame continued to try and deepen the bond with his brother, and continued to be adorable and continued to be a snake.

Kureno continued to chuckle and seek the aid of his flunky and try and foil that crazy Mabudachi Trio! That crazy lone chicken!

Akito continued to be sickly and bitchy but then there became a clearer reason for why he might get bitchy one in awhile… once in a month… (innocent whistle)

Carl… you don't wanna know.

Ritsu and Zack opened up a Takoyaki Store where the IHOP was, and Beat Takashi Nose Sohma joined them, and Zack and Ritsu lived happily, neglectfully ever after. I guess Ritsu reminded Zack of Aeris! Except… Aeris wasn't secretly… a MAN. Oh well.

Rin… that's…a MYSTERY.

Kisa and Hiro weren't in this story. But if they WERE. (shakes fist)

Kazuma continued to be… THE MAN! THE BOMB! OI, OI, YEAH, YEAH!

Kiba… exploded!

Brock continued to be a breeder that doesn't breed.

Security Fred continues, EVEN NOW, to KEEP THE PEACE!

And Officer Bentley helps him!

Bigfoot trained with Shishou and continues to help with Q&A.

Crazy Gringo kept those crazy seahorse pants and continued to build Gringoish hotels.

Hagrid… will hopefully kill Harry.

The Camel continued to search for her lost love, Hatori.

The unimportant people exploded.

Buddy Barn Guy went off to wherever it was Buddy Barn Guy's go.

Poor Fruit Bat turned Cid flapped off to find someone who could help him.

And Shoopuf Dude-


Kureno Chuckle Count: 62

Jay and Silent Bob Will Return in 'Shoo-Ball'

See You, Space Shoopuf…