Illusion
SMRFF Lyric Wheel Fic
Author: ChibiCori
e-mail: kamikaze_bunny_eater@yahoo.com
website: www.chibicori.virtue.nu
Rating: G

Disclaimer: Gotta give credit where credit be due! Naoko owns Sailormoon! The
song is from El Hazard. And I am very, very, very poor. So it would be abosolutely
useless to sue me for using any of the characters and lyrics I have disclaimed above.
Unless you want to sue me and then give me money, that'll be cool.

Put away your prodding stick, QS. I finished this within a week of getting my song.
I was a good girl.

Illusion

There is a grand illusion. One that no magician has yet to conquer and master. You
cannot hide it up your sleeve, or pull it from a hat. No smoke, no mirrors, no tricks.
And yet, as with every illusion, it has its devout believers in the magic, and its
skeptics.

For is there a more cruel and unlikely illusion, than love?

*All I want to do is hold you now
Fly together on the wings of the night
Speeding down a skyway in the moonlight

Tsukino Usagi loves Chiba Mamoru.

*Where there were two of us there will be one
With ev'ry kiss we know a journey has started

This much was obvious as Usagi tilted her lips to Mamoru's temple. Startled, the
dark-haired, young man dropped the book he had been devouring in the wee minutes
of sunset that was left. He looked at the petite blonde sitting next to him on the park
bench.

They were on a date. They had gotten together for lunch, seen a movie that Mamoru
was enthralled in, that Usagi later admitted she had slept through. He had stopped in
a book shop to pick up a copy of the literature the movie had been inspired by, Usagi
had snooped through some manga she couldn't afford. Then they took a walk through
the park, Usagi had pulled him over to the swings and asked him to push her.
Finally, they had settled down to watch the sunset, almost a tradition for them at the
end of a date.

This all flooded back to Mamoru as she watched him through glowing eyes, her
cheeks painted a sheer pink with her blush. His own cheeks reddened, but not for the
reason she was.

He had forgotten she was there. She had simply sat next to him on the old bench,
content only to be in his presense and quiet as he read his new book. All that and he
forgot she was in his company. Did she realize that?

Tsukino Usagi loves Chibi Mamoru. Totally, and with all her heart.

*We'll be unafraid and open-hearted
In a world of so much confusion

The problem with that was, Chiba Mamoru wasn't sure if he loved Tsukino Usagi.

*You and I must make this illusin real
Knowing it's love we feel

This knowledge settled like dead weight in his stomach.

Never one to let his expression betray his thoughts, nothing revealed his secret as he
stooped to retrieve his book, "What was that for?" Referring to the kiss she had
given him moments earlier.

Usagi didn't answer immediately, only waited for him to straighten, then reluctantly
meet her blue gaze. Reaching out and fingering away an ebony strand of hair that
had fallen over his brow, she finally said as she looked deeply into his eyes, trying to
see the soul in the man she had chosen to give her heart to, "You seemed thousands
of miles away."

*Stay close to me
You'll forget the city and the troubles of daytime easily

Mamoru felt his insides tremble as Usagi's eyes attempted to probe his soul. Her
eyes were deceptive pools, appearing to be shallow but actually deep. Deep enough
to drown a man if he wasn't careful. And Mamoru was careful. To lose himself in
her would could lead to disaster. For her, at least, he would not lead her on, give her
no false hopes of his devotion to her. The only thing he wanted to explore with her
was the pull, the intense attraction to her that he had never experienced before.

Even just the admission of attraction was enough to freeze her out. Attraction was
too closely akinned to...

*This is the way life should be

Mamoru finally looked away, a blush climbing up his neck. He was embarrassed,
not for neglecting Usagi herself, but the love she offered him so easily, so freely.

He couldn't bring himself to take it, or to offer his.

*You are the one
How could I imagine any joy in my heart
If you are gone

Chiba Mamoru could not offer what he wasn't sure existed. Love, was only an
illusion. Anything he couldn't see, he couldn't touch, or use any other of his human
senses to feel were not real. Usagi deserved something real, and his cynic heart
wouldn't allow for that intangible thing to exist in the realm of his conscious.

When it came right down to it, Mamoru had nothing to offer. The grand illusion
love was, would remain just that, the grand illusion.

*Let this illusion linger on

With the attraction, Mamoru felt other things for Usagi. She made him laugh where
he never would before she had crashed into his life.

Joy.

She didn't whimper or gush when she learned about his parents.

Needing.

Nor did she shy away from the topic, pretending it hadn't affected him and made him
the man he was.

Longing.

For all this alone, he wished he could believe in love. So he could give her what she
wanted, what she deserved.

*All I want to do is love you now
And find a passion we will never forget
Someday I may lose you but, Baby, not yet

Usagi's arm slipped through the nook between Mamoru's elbow and body then
dropped her head to his shoulder. The final sliver of sun reflected in her eyes, the
blazing-amber light sinking into true blue. Finally, the light snuffed itself out, but
her own glow remained, flashing and shining over all she surveyed. Mamoru found
his hand moving of its own accord to cover her's.

*There never could be any softer touch
You make me tremble with anticipation
Giving me a lover's inspiration

Usagi always said you don't deserve love, you just get it. Love isn't something you
earn, or build up with good karma. Love just happens.

So why wouldn't it just happen for Mamoru? It had to be because he didn't deserve
it.

*In a world of so much confusion
You and I must make this illusion real
Knowing it's love we feel

Or because love was just an illusion. An illusion some embraced, others did not, or
for those like Mamoru, simply could not comprehend.

"Mamo-chan?" He heard Usagi say below him, "You're drifting away again."

*Stay close to me
You'll forget the city and the troubles of daytime easily

Mamoru never knew love. Like many of his situation, he grew up in a sterile
enviroment, void of those sort of things. His own tragedy had made him more
withdrawn then some of the others in his home, some would even say morbid. Unfit
for adoption or foster care either way.

*This is the way life should be

Mamoru had an inkling of love, that distant past as a prince who was mezmorized by
a moon princess made of silver and ivory, the opposite of anything he had ever
encountered before. Shimmering in the darkness he was used to, a pale ghost
amongst the phantoms that haunted him, taunting him with damnable duty and
inevitable war. It was those thoughts that allowed him moments like these with
Usagi.

*You are the one
How could I imagine any joy in my heart
If you are gone

Even those memories, ancient as they were, were illusions. It was a different time,
place. Different people. Mamoru was not Endymion. Usagi was not Serenity. The
link of thier history, wasn't real either.

*Let this illusion linger on

What could compare
Dreaming of a paradise, we let an emotion take us there
Soon we are floating on air

Endymion knew how to love, clung to the illusion of it to save him from madness.
Found his safe harbor in the arms of a pale, slim princess who found him as
compelling as he found her.

*You're marvelous

It wasn't fair to compare Usagi to Serenity. So Mamoru never did, but still held onto
her, despite his not loving her.

"I'm sorry." Mamoru again belatedly answered her. Was that it? Or was he sorry
for something else entirely?

Usagi smiled, gently shaking her head and pressed two fingers to his mouth, "We
don't have to talk. We can just sit here, if that is what you would like."

*Ev'ry time I put my arms around you
It feels more glorious

Usagi relinquished her hold on his elbow to wrap both of her arms around his middle
in a new embrace. He heard her take a deep breath, inhaling his scent as she pressed
her face into his chest. Her content exhale settled into his bones.

She was an illusion too. A constant contradiction, Usagi was not real. No one could
consume him as she had, no one could capture him in so little time and hold him so
completely despite himself. Mamoru had made her up to keep him from loneliness,
which was no stranger or illusion to him. Tsukino Usagi, like love, did not exist.

*Let this illusion save us

The spirit in his arms nestled deeper into his being, body and soul in sync with the
love in her voice as she whispered softly, "We don't have to talk. We can just be
together."

*Stay close to me
You'll forget the city and the troubles of daytime easily

If Usagi was an illusion, then she was his. He would never let her go.

*This the way life should be

With the illusion of the very real Usagi, came the possiblity of a tangible illusion of
love. The idea tickled at his brain, then slid to his heart. The beat became more
rapid as love whirled through it and the rest of his body, leaving his nerve endings
tingling and raw.

*You are the one
How could I imagine any joy in my heart
if you are gone

It's funny how it just happens. How loving someone can be so easy, if you could
only allow the illusion to manifest. There was no "deserving," Mamoru just got it.
And gave it. Wrapping his arms around Usagi to return her loving touch, Mamoru
drank in the sight of golden aura, smelled the lingering scent of roses in her hair and
tasted the swell of passion in his mouth. Love existed because Usagi existed, she
embodied love for him.

Within the circle of his arms, he felt Usagi shudder. As if she felt the feeling in it
that had been absent before. Those feelings, that of her body snug against his, their
hearts beating in union and against the others chest, the lips drawn together with no
hesitation and the unspoken words passing between them, were no illusion.

If there were any remaining doubts, baggage from years of denying love to or from
him, Mamoru would shoulder them until they were no more.

Until then, he would let the illusion linger on. For always.

*Let this illusion linger on

Chiba Mamoru loves Tsukino Usagi.

There is a grand illusion. One no magician has conquered or mastered. You cannot
find it in a magic kit, or in with a caged dove. The grand illusion exists only in the
one who loves you. It proves it's authenticity with every touch, every word, every
breath your lover takes.

And even the most skeptic amongst us, cannot deny that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very different for me. No jokes, no witty/naughty repoitore. Hope it worked, and
that everyone enjoyed this little peek at the more serious side of me. I have one!
See!

^_~
Cori!

Written: August of 2002