Content: Mature subject matter, implied m/m slash, language, mention of drug use.

Character/s: Billy Kidman (Peter Gruner), Rob Van Dam (Rob Szatkowski)

Disclaimer: I own NO ONE depicted in these fics. I am not endorsed by any person, corporation, federation, promotion, etc., nor do I receive any monies for writing sick and twisted tales of their imagined goings-on. All lyrics, quotations, etc. used without permission. No infringement or disrespect to the various artisans is intended, so please don't sue me.

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"Dude, Billy, where'd my plants go?"

"Your plants?"

"Yeah, man, I had like five or six potted plants in the backyard. Now they're gone!"

"Oh, those... Man, they weren't looking too good. I tossed 'em out."

"You WHAT? You tossed my plants, dude?"

"Yeah, I mean, they weren't blooming or anything. Whoever sold 'em to you ripped you smooth off. They were just weeds, man."

"Dude! That was my SHIT, man! You wanna know why they looked like weeds? Because they WERE weeds!"

"Man, Rob, how many times do I have to tell you, I am NOT cool with you smoking that crap, to say nothing of you growing it at my house!"

"Well, don't have a meltdown, Kidman. It's not like we're talking heavy time here if I get busted."

"Rob, you never think, do you? You know I wouldn't be so upset if I didn't care about you. I just don't want to see you get into trouble because of that garbage."

"Dude, chill out. You need to lay off the negative vibes, man. Seriously. What are you trying to do? Jinx me? I've told you over and over again how that kind of shit has a way of coming back on you."

"Spare me the Kung Fu mystical surfer crap, Rob. I've just about had it up to here with you and this whole 'Zen' nonsense! I catch you doing something like this again, and you're really going to be sorry."

"Oh, so what are you now? My father? You gonna take me out to the woodshed 'cause I like to have a little smoke now and then?"

"You know? Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Maybe I SHOULD beat some sense into you."

"Dude, you are getting WAY too worked up over this. Now why don't you just chill out, we'll talk..."

"Rob, you tell me to chill out one more time, and I really WILL beat the crap out of you."

"Dude, you're so negative. That can't be good for you. Now if you hadn't thrown my shit out, I could help relax you, help you find your center again..."

"Rob? Don't push me..."

"I hear what you're sayin'... But you know, you USED to have a sense of fun and adventure."

"A guy can only take so much 'fun and adventure' with you, Rob. No more pot around the house. That's final. I'm not going to budge on this one."

"No chance of a compromise? Because I'm willing to work to earn the privilege, you know..."

"Rob, what are you...? Man, there's a time and place for everything..."

"This IS my place, Billy. I know you like it like this..."

"Well, you know... as long as you're down there..."

"Hey, you know us stoner guys. We gotta have something in our mouth at all times..."