Midnight Cries

Summary: He wants her to say his name, but she can't. Marissa/Ryan, Marissa/Seth.

Disclaimer: Don't own jack.

Rating: Hard PG-13, borderline R, for sex related stuff and swearing.

AN: I have never been kissed or done any of that shit so sorry if this stuff sucks.

He wants her to say his name, but she can't.

He reassures her that it is okay, that she can still love Ryan, but be true to him, her boyfriend, but he is thinking that it isn't okay. It isn't okay that his own girlfriend can't call his name when they're making love, instead calling another man's name. It's not okay.

After he gets dressed, and leaves, she steps into the shower, beginning to cry. Her tears taste salty on her tongue, but she enjoys the taste. She doesn't want to hurt Seth. That's not her intention. But every time she is making love to Seth, she says Ryan's name.

As Marissa rubs soap on her arms, she remembered the heat of Ryan's cheek on her own when they cuddled a few years ago, and the soft feeling on his lips on hers whenever they kissed."I'm sorry, Seth."

Seth sits in his bedroom at his own house. He digs in his pant pocket and comes out with a ring box. Lying down, he flips it open and close, staring at the ring enclosed. "Ryan, what should I do?" He asks out loud, his voice echoing and bouncing back to him. "I love Marissa."

He gets no answer.

"Shit." His breath hisses. "God fucking damn it."

Seth remembered the first time he and Marissa did it. It was two years after Ryan passed away, and it would have been their three-year anniversary.

After work, he had decided to stop over at her house, and see how she was.

"Marissa..." He said, as she opened the door. He pulled her in a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." She said softly.

"That's good." He said, starting to end the hug.

She leaned in, tilting her head, and she kissed him.

Seth smiled in response. Her lips were light and beautiful, and he wanted more of Marissa Atwood. "Marissa, what about..." He stopped himself as he kissed her.

He began kissing her again and again. Arms were moving as they struggled to know everything that they had never known about each other. She shut the wooden door forcefully while Seth kissed her neck.

And gently, he led her to her bedroom, the one that she and Ryan had shared, and gently undressed her, taking off her clothing piece by piece. She undressed him without saying anything, and they began to make love.

"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan." She chants in a rhythm as Seth says "Marissa, Marissa, and Marissa."

Ending his flashback, he lays the law down the next day when she comes over to see what the state of the relationship is. "Either you give more...I love you and I have for two years now. God, Marissa, you say his name when we do it. You say Ryan's name!" Seth looks down at his knees and picks off a scrap of invisible lint. "This is why we're always like this. You can't say my name. I know that you owe it to Ryan; you guys were only married for less than a year. One year and that totally sucks. If it were up to me, you would be together forever..."

"But we weren't." Marissa says in a whisper. "And I'm with you now."

"Would we be together if Ryan was alive?" Seth asks.

Marissa answers back bluntly. "No. No, Seth, we wouldn't."

"I know." Seth whispers.

"And you would have just been..."

"Ryan Atwood's best friend to you." Seth finishes. "The guy you invited over for holidays and barbeques. And you would have kids with Ryan. I would have been the guy who sat out on your patio and chatted with you two. I can admit it."

"If Ryan was still alive, yes, Seth, you wouldn't be with me. But he's gone, and you are with me." Marissa insists, sitting down on his sofa. "You were never just his friend and brother to me. You were Seth Cohen. You were...are... amazing, and handsome, and a great guy." She tugs on one of his curls, something she always did. "You're not anyone but yourself." He sits there as she touches his hand lightly.

"I know." Seth said, deciding to kiss her. Their lips met and they began to kiss, but Seth broke it off. "Do you love Ryan more than me?"

Marissa frowned. "Seth..."

"Just answer me, Marissa. Do you love him more than me?"

Before she could answer, Seth kissed her.

"So?" He asked.

"I love you, Seth."

He seems satisfied with her answer, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the bedroom.

"Seth, Seth, Seth, Seth, Seth..."

"Marissa, Marissa, Marissa, Marissa, Marissa..."

"I love you, Marissa."

"I love you too, Seth."

"Marry me then."

Without hesitation: "I would love to."

Marissa arrives at her house, which are a few miles from Seth's, still feeling very happy.

She sits down at her desk and turns on her computer.

Then she sees the picture across the room of her and Ryan.

"Ryan." Marissa smiles, touching her ring as a single beam of light floods on her, impairing her vision for a nanosecond. "I'm so happy. Are you happy?"

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she hears Ryan agree.

"I love you, Marissa."

Well, there's the latest one-shot from me. A Seth/Marissa. If you guys like, I have a few other Seth and Marissa ideas. This was very...interesting, I think. If you guys hate, I'll stop writing Seth and Marissa's under this name or I'll just remove the story. All for now. Maggie out.