I Love This Bar



Rated: PG-13 for Violence, Mild Profanity, and Adult Situations

Summary: Early Series. Vash and the Girls find themselves in a small bar with a beautiful bartender named Annie. Vash is hired as he bodyguard, and the girls get jobs at the Saloon! But is Annie really just after the reward? Slight VashMeryl. R&R would be nice.

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun©®™. It belongs to Sunrise and all other respected owners. Nor do I own the title "I Love This Bar"©®™, which belongs to Toby Keith.

I do own Annie©, Keith©, and the Big Bad K's©.

A/N: Yes, it's here, my first Trigun story!

-Applause sign lights up-

Heh. Now I've become somewhat famous in the Witch Hunter Robin category here, and now I've decided to take a crack at writing a Trigun fic.

Anywho. This one takes place in the early series. Sometime between Episodes 4 and 5 if you want an exact time.

That means no Wolfwood or Legato.

And I know that right now tons of fangirls just clicked the back button and fled this story. XD

Well for those of you who have stayed, I think you'll enjoy this. It's a time travel ride back to when Trigun was simple. Humor and Action blended together with a hint of sexual tension.

Well I speak too much. Onto the story!


It was no more than just a small saloon. There were millions upon millions of small saloons like that all over the planet, spanning the colossal deserts and barren wastelands. The yellow sands gleamed in the sun like a field of sparkling golden jewels. Of course right now it was a swirling blackness of nighttime and instead of a gleaming golden field that stretched across the entire world, it was a blackened brownish-hue color. The small saloon that was stretched in the middle of the brown desert was filled with people.

People of all shapes and sizes. Large, drunk cowboys singing and laughing, local outlaws sitting at the table, playing poker and trading rumors about legendary gunfighters like "The Groom", "David Rica", and of course, the most legendary of all, "Vash the Stampede".

Admits all the outlaws, rouges, bounty hunters and treasure seekers; was a woman. Not any ordinary woman, she was the bartender here at this saloon, and she was also very beautiful. Her long blonde hair was curly and flowed down her back and came cascading around her neck, making a perfect portrait of her rosy-cheeked face. Her skin was a creamy-white that felt like silk and housed her tiny round nose, and eyes, a deep midnight blue that men could get lost in.

She was decked out in a barrage of reds and purples in her large barmaid skirt that hugged her chest and fanned out into a large frilly dress. The locals all knew her as "Victoria" and most of them came in to see her, especially when it was cold like tonight.

The saloon doors opened and a man walked inside. He was short and stocky, but built like a rhino. His skin was suntanned, some places a light tan, others a dark brown. Beneath his stubbly nose was a deep brown mustache that fanned down over his face and connected with his equally coco colored beard. His eyes were hidden in the shade cast from his chocolate-colored hat.

And then a lot of things happened at once.

The man who had entered the bar drew a large black revolver from beneath his tan traveling cloak that he wore over his vest and aimed it directly across the bar towards the blonde barmaid called Victoria, who gave a scared scream. The town Sheriff, who as 'luck' would have it was in the bar at the time (being a big fan of the beautiful Victoria) jumped to his feet and pulled his own gun, but the outlaw in brown turned and fired a shot into the aged policeman's chest, sending him back onto the ground with a grunt and a spatter of blood.

The outlaw in brown jumped upward and landed on the other side of the bar, with his left hand he grabbed the barmaid by her arm, pulling her into his chest, and with his right arm he lifted his large black revolver to her head and pressed it forcibly into her temple.

"Move and the bitch will feel a chunk of hot lead in her brain." He growled in all seriousness, and many people who had drawn their guns stopped and looked around nervously. Everyone in the bar liked Victoria. Some because she was nice, some because she was beautiful. None of them made a move to attack the brown-wearing bandit, for fear of killing Victoria.

The bandit whispered something in Victoria's ear and she went over to the counter and pulled out a small tin box that was used to store the money, all of this while crying quietly with a gun still on the back of her head. It took only a few moments for the bandit and the barmaid to make their way outside without any more trouble.

The operation had gone perfectly.


Act I: Winners and Losers


Three Months Later

-Orborio Town-

Orborio was just a small Gunsmoke town in the seemingly endless desert that covered most of the world. It was home to nothing or no one of any real importance, and there was no one there who really significant in any way. There were no famous gunsmiths, no famous outlaws, and no famous sheriffs. It had once been famous because an outlaw named Rica had claimed his one hundredth victim in a bank robbery here, but that was so long ago no one remembered but historians.

There was, however, a large saloon which had recently hired a new barmaid named Annie, who was gorgeous. Her blonde hair, creamy-white skin, and midnight blue eyes made her the talk of the town. Which didn't really mean much since Orborio was a small town, but people still liked to talk about her. She was a real treasure, since most barmaids were ugly and old.

Although today in the small saloon that the beautiful Annie worked in there was quite a talk, and it wasn't talk about the barmaid or her . . . beer jugs, nor was it talk about a famous outlaw like Rica who had lived and died years ago. It was talk about an outlaw alright, but an outlaw who was far from dead and forgotten.

It was the greatest outlaw of all.

Of course it wasn't just rouges, bandits, and bounty hunters after the sixty-billion double-dollar reward that were speaking and listening to the rumors about 'The Humanoid Typhoon'. Admits all the overweight scoundrels and bearded bounty hunters sat two young women who were more interested in Vash than anyone else.

Meryl Strife and Milly Thompson sat across from one another at the bar, not far from where the barmaid was pouring drinks to a scruffy looking outlaw dressed all in brown who made no business of hiding the large black revolver that hung from his belt.

"Excuse me." The dark-haired, shorter of the two women suddenly piped up. She sat in a small chair, a half-eaten banana sundae before her, but her eyes were turned to the poker table beside here where many bounty hunters and bandits sat, discussing Vash. "Do you know what Vash looks like?"

"Vash the stampede?" One of the outlaws blinked as Meryl questioned him. "Yeah, I've seen 'em before. He's a tall man with blonde hair and a red cape. He carries a big sword and is as big as a house!"

"No!" A second outlaw shouted. "He's a midget with a shotgun I tell ya'!"

"The hell 'e is." A third outlaw spat as he let his chewing tobacco fall onto the ground. "Vash the Stampede is a twelve-foot tall man with dark eyes and a red coat. He carries a gun so big it would take twenty men to lift it!"

"You're crazy! If it takes twenty men how does he lift it?"

"He's the Humanoid Typhoon!"

Meryl shook her head in failure as the three bandits broke off into arguments and curses and she turned back to Milly, who seemed oblivious to three arguing outlaws and was instead just sipping her tea quietly.

"We've got no luck, do we Mil'?" Meryl sighed quietly as she let her head fall into her open hands, her elbows tucked on the table tightly.

"Gee Meryl." Milly's light-headed voice responded. "It's not like you to give up."

"I'm not giving up." Meryl snapped back. "I just think we need to find better rumors."

"Hey Meryl." Milly said in her same dreamy voice as she finished off her tea and set the glass down on the table. "What about that weird blonde guy?"

Meryl's right eyes twitched with annoyance at the mere mention of 'that weird blonde guy', as he had become known to the two Insurance Agents. Milly insisted that he fit the rumors (most of them) perfectly, and that he had gotten them out of some tight jams, but Meryl wouldn't even begin to believe he was Vash.

Vash was a deadly, ruthless gunfighter so strong the devil would run from him. Vash didn't know the word mercy or compassion. Vash was a killer who had once turned a city of one million into ash.

That idiot was just a fool with dumb luck and a perverted streak.

"Don't start Milly. Oh come on; let's get out of this stupid saloon. We're not going to find Vash in here."

But as the smaller woman stood to, the short and stocky man wearing all brown who had been waiting for his drink stood up, a big black revolver in his hand and a snarl on his tanned lips. One of the outlaws nearest to him raised his own gun (obviously not liking someone else having a bigger gun than he), but the brown bandit turned and fired a shot into the outlaw, which caused a scream from Annie and silence from everyone else.

Silence except for the sounds of many guns being drawn.

The brown bandit jumped up and flipped behind the counter, landing beside Annie and grabbing her with his left and pulling her close to him, while he used his right hand to press the gun to her head.

"Alright, no one move!" He growled. "I mean it!"

And no one did move. Meryl and Milly, who had both sat down the second the shooting started, cast their worried eyes at the crying blonde girl who was struggling against the brown bandit's grasp, but it seemed impossible to escape. She had tears in her midnight blue eyes, but Meryl couldn't help but notice that she had a small smirk on her lips, and the dark-haired Insurance agent found that peculiar. Very peculiar.

After a few moments of silence, the bandit had forced Annie to grab the small tin box that housed the bar's money and the two of them were now at the front door. The revolver was still pressed against then blonde woman's forehead.

"If any of you follow me, the girl dies." The brown bandit growled.

He slowly began to walk backward, pulling Annie with him.

And then he bumped into someone, who gave a cry and fell down the steps of the saloon. The bandit growled and turned around, aiming his revolver still at the woman, but aiming his eyes at the man on the ground.

Talk about a weirdo. The man was tall with the most bizarre blonde haircut the bandit had ever seen. Dressed all in red, with brown boots and gloves, and come to think of it one of his entire arms seemed to be covered in a huge glove. The blonde man sat up and rubbed his head.

"Jeez, you could be a little more gentle you kn—squeeee!"

Suddenly the blonde man's deep pond green eyes spotted Annie and he seemed to overlook the fact a bandit was pointing a gun at her head. All he could see was a beautiful woman. He jumped to his feet and suddenly his face seemed to sparkle. He reached out his hands and clapped them over one of her own petite hands.

"If you don't mind my saying, you're gorgeous." The man said in a new voice. Not the whiny complaining voice he'd used before, but a big, macho voice.

"Meryl!" Milly whispered to her friend from where they still sat at their table.

"I know." Meryl snapped back, her bad mood suddenly worse.

Back at the door the bandit was angry beyond belief at the fact this blonde man had the audacity to talk this way to his hostage, and he moved his gun from Annie's head to pressing against the blonde man's temple.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" He growled.

The blonde man blinked once, and then he let out a colossal, girly scream. "SCARY!" and turned around to run, unfortunately as he turned around he tripped on the same set of stairs outside the saloon as he had before, and went falling into the brimming golden sand.

"What an idiot." The bandit muttered, and suddenly he grabbed Annie's shoulder once more and began to pull her out of the saloon, but before either of them made it outside, the blonde man jumped to his feet and somehow made it behind them before either of them noticed.

"Hey wait!" Vash called out sadly. "Don't leave yet Miss; you haven't given me your name!"

The brown bandit turned around with a snarl and raised his gun once more, aiming it directly at the blonde-haired man's chest. "You must be suicidal, 'cause ain't no one this damn stupid." (From her seat Meryl gave a muffled laugh, but quickly stifled it. Even if that guy was annoying, she didn't want to see him dead.)

Vash seemed to realized the danger of this situation at last, because what he did next surprised everyone (Meryl most of all).

The blonde-haired man in red did a huge back flip, kicking the brown bandit's gun away as he flew through the air, and landed on his brown boot covered feet onto of one of the poker tables, his silver gun drawn and aimed.

"Hey." Vash said quietly. "Just walk away pal."

The bandit, who was stunned that he was suddenly unarmed and looking down the barrel of a gun, was frightened. He was waiting for the blonde man to pull the trigger, but Vash never did. Instead Vash repeated once again. "Walk away."

The bandit cast an eye to Annie, who mouthed something at him so quickly that no one noticed. No one but Meryl, who couldn't bear to watch the stupid idiot she knew so well act like a hero and had turned away, that is.

"Bastard!" The bandit spat before he turned and ran out of the saloon into the golden-sanded ground. Vash stayed posed on the table with his gun drawn until the man was vanished from the distance before hopping down and running next to Annie so quickly he didn't bother to holster his gun.

"Well ma'am, everything has been taken care of!" Vash said in his overly-macho voice once more, obviously trying to impress her. Annie gave a feebly smile and jumped forward and began hugging Vash tightly, and Vash blushed red and hugged her back.

Unfortunately at that moment the sheriff burst inside the saloon, late, as sheriffs usually were. His eyes spotted Annie in the arms of a strange man who held a silver gun, and instantly he brought his shotgun up and aimed it at Vash's head.

"Alright, you're under arrest." He said simply.

"Huh?" Vash blinked. "But I—"

But before he could get another word out, the sheriff, and two of his deputies, had jumped forward. They knocked Annie away and wrestled Vash to the ground, unarming him and trying their best to handcuff him.

None of the many outlaws or bounty hunters seemed to care if this unnamed stranger with the big gun and ace skills was sent to jail. They had, once the bandit was gone, returned to their whiskey and cards. Vash was screaming loudly for help, but no one (save Milly) wanted to tell the police what happened.

"Meryl, shouldn't we help Vash?" Milly asked. "Shouldn't we tell the Sheriff that he helped everyone out?"

Meryl gave a snort. "I think that skirt-chasing idiot will be more of a help to us if he's behind bars. Maybe with him out of the way we can find the real Vash the Stampede."

"But Meryl—"

"It's not like they're killing him." Meryl explained. "They're just getting him out of our hair. Now let's go."

Meryl grabbed her partner's hand and pulled her from the saloon, ignoring Vash's cries of "Insurance Girls!" from behind them. Milly looked put out, but Meryl ignored the donut-loving freak completely.

Everyone else had returned to their lives.

Everyone but Annie, who had caught the name "Vash" when Milly had called the red-coated man that, and after seeing how he'd beaten the bandit, she believed that he just might be the legendary Humanoid Typhoon.

She'd have to tell Keith about this when they next saw each other.


That Night

Meryl and Milly hadn't been able to get out of the town that night, so instead they had found themselves a nice cheep Inn. Of course all their expenses on their Vash hunt were paid for by the Bernardelli Insurance Company. They still didn't think it wise to flaunt their money, one because doing that could get them robbed, and two because the company grew angrier each day that Vash was not found, and they didn't need to spend money from an angry boss.

The Inn room was small and pretty empty. Two beds sat near one another in the main of the room with a small bed-side table between it which held a lamp and a jug of water. There was also a desk in the corner of the room, which was where Meryl currently sat, typing up a weekly report for the company.

Milly was lying on her bed with her back turned to Meryl and occasionally gave small sighs and angry huffs. It was all an old trick to convince Meryl to go bail 'that weird blonde guy' out of jail, but Meryl insisted that sooner or later Annie would go tell them what happened.

Meryl's fingers fell on the keys as she watched the type-writer create the words on her paper she'd have to send to the office. It was very annoying that she had to do this, but it was her job and she took great pride in her work. At least this week she could report that they may not have found Vash, but no cities were destroyed.

"Urgh." Milly breathed quietly.

"You're not going to stop, are you Milly?" Meryl sighed in defeat.

"You're not even a little worried about Vash?" Milly asked as she turned around and looked at her friend with a puppy dog look on her hallowed face that made even Meryl give in to Milly's demand. Meryl couldn't even argue that the man wasn't Vash right now. She couldn't stand Milly when she sighed like that.

"Fine. We'll bail him out. Come on." Meryl growled and reached for her cloak that concealed her small arsenal of derringer pistols.

"Thanks Meryl!" Milly beamed happily in her dreamy voice.

"Yeah, yeah." Meryl shrugged it off.


After Milly had changed back into her daywear, she and Meryl had set off from their Inn room through the halls of the old wooden inn that sat above a small bar and down. The girls quickly made it through the lobby and out the front door.

Orborio was a quiet town full of quiet people. There was a small market that was open only during the day, and most of the other people around were inside saloons or inns.

The lack of people and lights made the small market rather devious looking. Even if it was a sleepy saloon town, it shouldn't be this empty, should it? No matter. The two insurance agents made quick work towards the jailhouse, which sat at the far end.

"Hey! Insurance Girls!"

Suddenly both Meryl and Milly stopped dead in their tracks and spun around to find 'that weird blonde guy' sitting on the edge of a small wooden stand that had the word 'Donuts' written on a large red tarp that hung above it. Vash had a different donut stuck around each of his fingers, and was currently nibbling on a chocolate one that hung from his right index fingers.

"Hullo Mr. Vash!" Milly said dreamily.

"I thought you were in jail." Meryl spoke in a hallow voice that seemed a bit disappointed.

"Naw." Vash laughed. "Miss. Annie came and explained things to the Sheriff."

As Vash spoke of the blonde barmaid he suddenly got a dreamy look on his face and a pink twinge in his cheeks. Meryl had seen him with that same look quite a few times, and it only made her right eye twitch out of annoyance.

"Well I'll be sure to warn Miss. Annie about the huge mistake she made." The shorter Insurance girl said bitterly, and Vash and Milly exchanged confused looks.

"Well, see you later Insurance Girls." Vash suddenly piped up and jumped off the donut stand, not before engulfing the remaining rings that sat around his fingers. "I gotta get back to Miss. Annie's room at the Saloon."

Vash began to walk away and Milly began to say 'goodnight' when Meryl went off like a powder keg. Her eyes narrowed into thin, white slits, and her entire petite body began to shake with anger as she jumped towards Vash and growled in a way that made him think she was a crazy dwarf.

"You've done a lot of sick things since I've met you pal but this is the lowest! You're taking advantage of an innocent young woman who has no clue you're a complete pervert! And I bet you told her you're Vash the Stampede, didn't you? You like people thinking you're Vash, don't you?"

Vash blinked and took a large step away from Meryl. "Hey, I never said I was Vash the Stampede to you two."

"Yes you did!" Meryl shouted in anger.

"No." Vash insisted. "That was the big red guy with the Mohawk."

Meryl stopped. True, he had never seriously introduced himself as Vash the Stampede. He had said it when they met him working at the Mansion with Mr. Cliff and Maryanne, but he had been told to say that.

"So you admit you're not Vash the Stampede?" Meryl brightened up.

"No, I am Vash the Stampede; I just never said I was to you two."

Meryl sweatdropped and then growled from the bottom of her throat. This blonde guy always brought out the worst in her. He made her so furious, why, not even she knew.

"You two would make a cute couple." Milly suddenly said in her usual dreamy voice from behind them. Meryl made a gagging noise and her face twisted into a look of horror and pain at the very idea, Vash, however, looked thoughtful.

"Hmm . . . maybe. She'd need a better haircut, though. And some more revealing clothes."

Meryl made a second gargling sound and rounded on Vash like a loose wire. "What did you say you sicko!?"

"It was nice seeing you girls again, but I have to get back to Miss. Annie now. She hired me as her bodyguard, so I have to do my job. Later."

And before Meryl could say or do anything else, Vash was gone, running towards the saloon from earlier faster than a bullet.


Meanwhile . . .

While Vash, her new bodyguard, was out doing whatever it was he was doing, Annie had kept busy. After bidding Vash goodbye she hurried up to her room, which was above the saloon, and quickly made her way to the closet.

Throwing it open the midnight blue-eyed girl looked down to where there was a large pile of her clothing, and she quickly sorted through it and shifted many lairs of undergarments off a large metal case.

She flicked open the case to reveal a hidden radio, and she quickly grabbed the communicator and brought it up to her mouth. It was just a simple transmitter, mostly a bunch of metal and odd devices that she didn't know the names of.

"Keith, are you there?" She hissed into the radio.

There was a moment's pause before a voice spoke over the radio waves. It was a growling, deep voice that was full of anger and bitterness. The same voice the brown bandit had spoke in earlier that day.

"I'm here Annie. What is it? The plan failed, why are you still in that damn town?"

Annie smiled as she heard her lover's voice over the radio and she could hardly contain her excitement. How lucky could she get? Instead of the cash in the saloon tin box, they'd get the sixty-billion double dollar reward.

"You know that guy who knocked you out in the bar?" Annie squealed. "Know who he was?"

"No." Keith's annoyed voice came back.

"He's Vash the Stampede."

There was a long pause following this, and suddenly Keith spoke once again. "Are you sure?"

"Damn sure." Annie laughed sadistically into the radio. "I hired him as my bodyguard. All I have to do is get him alone and put a bullet in his brain and the sixty-billion is ours. I had to tell you baby, we're gonna be rich!"

When Keith next spoke over the radio, it wasn't what she had expected. He sounded worried and anxious.

"No Annie. If you blow your cover we can't rob the saloon. I don't believe that idiot was Vash. We have to test him first."

Annie growled with impatience and sighed. "And how will we test him baby?"

Keith's voice was no longer anxious; it was now sadistic and cruel. "I'll call my brother. He'll take care of it."

Annie's face lit up with a twisted kind of pleasure that only the heartless scum of the world can feel. "You mean we're pitting Vash the Stampede against Kenny 'the Groom' Kennedy?"

Keith only laughed brutally in reply, which only made Annie laugh in an equal aggression. Keith's laugh was low and insane, like a rabid dog, while Annie's was high and pitchy like a crazy creature that has just committed a murder.

"Miss. Annie?" Vash's voice suddenly called from the other side of her bedroom door. "I'm back, why is the door locked?"

Annie cursed silently. "Call you back Keith." She muttered and clicked off the radio, recovered it with her underwear and then closed the closet quickly before turning back towards the door.

"Don't come in, I'm not dressed."

A second later the door came bursting open and Vash ran in eagerly.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Annie growled at him.

"Err; I thought you said you were in danger. Sorry. Hey! You're not naked!" Vash concluded.

"Get out!" She screamed and grabbed one of her boots and tossed it at him. The boot connected with Vash's head and sent him falling backwards into the hallway where he landed on the ground with a thud. Annie ran over and closed the door on him.

He was annoying alright, but for sixty-billion double-dollars she could handle a little annoyance.


*Listening to No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems by Kenny Chesney*

Well, that was chapter one!

What did you all think?


I hope you all liked it. I tried to keep the characters true to the way they acted in the first five episodes of the show, but I may have made a few little mistakes here and there.

Anyway, next chapter will be up soon, but remember I still have a WHR story I have to finish, so updates will rotate between the two fics.

On the next chapter we get to see more of the mysterious Annie, and Vash fights a bad gunfighter called 'The Groom'.

It's got a lot more action, and a lot more comedy, so please read it, won't you?

Well, I'm out of here folks.

Ja Ne

~ Golden-sama

PS Big thanks to any of my WHR readers who came and read this. I knew I could count on you guys for you nice reviews.

You know, if I get nice reviews.

I hope I get nice reviews.


*hint, hint*