I'm glad to see that so far this has been well received, and that everyone seemed to know who the rock legends of awesomeness were. If you didn't, I would have to find and kill you. Okay, no need to stall. Let's get on with our wonderful story of wonder.
THE JARETH WARS
Chapter 4: Purple Passion Mango Bliss
At the United Church of Ludo, all was pretty and nice, filled with shag carpets and macaroni pictures, and it seemed like the perfect setting to have a couple blessed in holy matrimony, or so Sarah thought as she dragged a less than willing Hoggle through the double doors.
Hoggle:I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!
Sarah:Don't be silly, lovey! You aren't being forced. putting a gag in Hoggle's mouth
Sarah hauled the poor little man to the front of the church, where a Ludo in Reverend attire stood waiting.
Ludo:Sarah. Ludo glad.
Sarah:Hi Ludo! It's been a long week. Hey, could you do me a favor and marry me and Hoggle?
Ludo:Ludo marry Sarah and Ho- WAZZAH?!!
Yes, even the thought of Hoggle and Sarah being wed in this most holy matrimony brought a queasy nauseous feeling to the furry beast's stomach. What a god awful thought.
Ludo:But Sarah Jareth-
Sarah:Forget him! We're going counter the popular demand, and being original.
Voice:I can't allow it.
Jareth appeared out of nowhere, looking ever pissed. Not only was he being fully ignored, but now that he had heard that someone would choose a wrinkly old sap over his luscious self, he was angrier than a bear being hit with a hot poker.
Sarah:Sorry, but I have made my choice! I know that it must make you jealous, but Hoggle and I are in love.
Jareth:Screw that! I could get any hot girl in the world if I wanted. While you're getting hitched, you're growing ever closer to having thirteen Toby's to explain to your parents.
Sarah:No worries. I don't ever plan to go back to that awful place again.
Jareth:You don't have a choice! You'll go back or else I'll-
Jareth:I'll make Legolas fat.
Sarah:gasp You wouldn't!
Legolas:Dude, that's so not cool!
Jareth:Get out of my story, damn you! shoves Legolas through window
Sarah:How could you?!
Jareth:There's only enough room for one hot blonde in this fic, and seeing as how I'm the principle character, I would be it.
Sarah:I hate you!
Sarah took a conveniently placed bucket full of water and threw it upon the goblin king. He plopped to the ground in horror, taking out his compact mirror.
Jareth:My makeup! IT'S MELTING!!!
Jareth:Sarah, what have you done?!
Sarah:Oh, come off it! You can always apply more.
Jareth found a new interest in his tights. Normally, he could apply more makeup if it weren't for the small problem that some of the goblins had tried to make a statement by dressing as Marlyn Manson impersonators, using all of his cosmetics while in his absence.
Jareth:Do what you wish. I couldn't care less. As of now, I have bigger dilemna's to deal with.
Sarah, Hoggle, and Ludo looked on in wonder, not knowing where it was the goblin king had awayed to. When out of makeup, there was only one solution. Get more. Oh, and did he have the perfect supplier.
David Bowie:writing There's such a sad love deep in your... oh god, what's the name of those things in your sockets again?
Jareth:appears You! Show me to your foutain of makeup and cosmetics now or else I'll pelt you with crystal glass balls!
Bowie:Who the hell are you?
Jareth:That is of no importance. I need the face paint right now!
Bowie:Er... I'd like to help but I'm afraid I went through my transvestite stage a good decade and a half ago.
Jareth:Dammit! Why can't you damn 80's rockstars do anything useful other than brainwash the masses through subliminal messaging?!!
Bowie:Wait, before you go, I seems to be in a bit of a brain fart. Could you tell me what those things in your head you see with are again?
Bowie:Yes! writing Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale- looks up oh yeah, give me your name and I might give you some credit.
Jareth:Nah, I'm good.
Bowie:Well, since you've been such a great help, you can have this set of expo pens. If you use them, you're bound to keep the markings on for at least a week.
Jareth:Can do. Thank you, and may you someday marry a super model.
Jareth quickly applied his expo pens and returned to the church to find that Sarah and Hoggle were about ready to say their vows. Can he stop them before it's too late?