A Week From the Journal of Blob
Psyche out got a new shipment of psychology books yesterday and let me have some of his older ones. The guys make fun of me for liking this stuff, but at least I have a hobby that makes me smarter. I would like to be a shrink just like Psyche Out. My grandma always told me that if you're going to get a job it might as well be one that you enjoy doing. It's good advice that I plan on taking. Ooh, look at that. Shipwreck is looking snazzy for his date tonight. He refuses to tell us anything about her. I think he's being overly paranoid. We're not going to do to him what he always does to Storm. We want him to be happy. But Althea told me what happened the last time he had a girlfriend and I don't want this one to take me bra shopping.
Pietro has an acute narcissistic disorder. He's almost a textbook case. He fits nearly all the criteria: Authoritarian, care only about appearances, critical of others, disappointing gift-givers, envious and competitive, feel entitled, flirtatious or seductive, grandiose, hate to live alone, hyper-sensitive to criticism, impulsive… If that's not Pietro I don't know what is! I'm going to be great at this psychiatrist thing! I like psychoanalyzing the people. I know that Pietro is an easy one, but it still feels good to figure out why he is the way he is. I like to do this stuff. Take Lance, for example. I believe that he may be schizophrenic (since he hears his little coyote in his head.) He's also excessively (heh, points for vocabulary boy!) depended upon Kitty. When they're broken up he acts like she's just tried to kill him. That's not normal. He needs therapy. Maybe more than anyone else here. I don't have the rest pegged yet. I'm sure I'll get them all diagnosed at some point in time. I haven't read enough of the books to know everything. But I can't wait until I can. My goal is to know enough to be able to analyze everyone I know from the Misfits to the X-Geeks. The X-Geeks…now there are some messed up people!
We were over at the X-Mansion today. They were surprised when Shipwreck stayed home. Truth is that he had another date with his mystery woman. Storm was acting kind of jealous. You know what I think it is? I think that she doesn't want Shipwreck but doesn't want anyone else to have him either. She loves the attention she got from him, even though she denies it until she's blue in the face. What a witch. She could really learn a lesson from Althea and Toad. They appreciate and respect each other. Storm could stand to learn a little of that. She needs to learn to respect and appreciate the people around her. It also wouldn't hurt her to defrost that giant ice pop she has lodged up her butt.
I may have diagnosed Adam. It's not entirely a mental problem, it's partly chemical, but when you get down to it most mental disorders involve chemicals of some kind. But this still suits him. I think that he has A.D.D. Of course, the fact that he got into B.A.'s special coffee could have something to do with that diagnosis. He, Todd, Althea, and Xi had a session of what they have decided to call "Coffee Club." You never want those four to be hyper all at the same time. I overheard Hawk and Roadblock saying that it would take at least two weeks to repair the destruction that they created. They wrecked a lot. Well, except for a wall in the boys bathroom. I tripped and knocked a hole in it. But that's all the destruction that I did and even that was an accident. I'm not the one who blew up the target range. I'm also not the one that turned it into a mud pit. I envy those guys their teamwork. Too bad they have to be clinically insane to achieve it.
Lance and Kitty are through again. We paid another visit to the X-Mansion. Storm is acting openly hostile now. Not that she hasn't always, but more than usual this time. It all boils down to the lack of attention she's getting from Shipwreck. We pointed out that he'd still be there if she would have appreciated it him and not taken him for granted. Then Kitty got into it and somehow we all ended up in a fight about whether or not Storm has a little thing for Shipwreck. Oh, great. Lance just got into Pietro's country music collection. If I have to hear him play "Your Cheating Heart" one more time, I'm going to break in there and smash that stupid CD! From what I'm hearing from the others, they echo my sentiments. I hope this breakup doesn't last long. If it does, I may be forced to hurt my coyote-seeing friend. On the successful relationship side of this household, Shipwreck finally told us the name of his Mystery Girl. Her name is Roxie. And you know what's even better? We finally get to meet her. Althea is very nervous about that. Anyway, tomorrow night we're going to stay over in a rented house. After all, you can't exactly bring a civilian to a secret military base. Well, unless you contract them to work with us, but you know what I mean. Anyway, we're staying over the weekend and on Saturday we get to meet his girlfriend. And she gets to meet all of us. Adults and kids. Do you think she knows what to expect from us? I hope we don't scare her away.
This house is amazing! We all get our own room and there's a pool and there has even been no fights! I know, it's amazing! You would have thought that Beach Head would have yelled at us many times by now. I wonder if he was given a sedative. He usually has a rectal ice pop to rival even Storm's. I think that both Althea and Shipwreck are about to have panic attacks. Althea is afraid that her dad is going to embarrass her and Shipwreck is afraid that we're all going to embarrass him. I wonder if Psyche Out would mind coming over here quick and talk them through this. I haven't gotten to the panic disorders yet. And I don't want to get sued for malpractice. I'm not insured for it yet.
You know how in old movies there were sometimes these ladies who would
'get the vapors' and faint all graceful like? Well, Althea and Carly
did that today. Only they didn't do it all that gracefully.
They hit the floor like sacks of potatoes. I'm sure you want to know
what happened, don't you? It was really good. Everything was
going well this morning. We kept the house clean, we dressed up,
did everything we could so we wouldn't scare this Roxie girl away.
None of us want to see Shipwreck electrified by Storm again. It's
just sad when that happens. Funny...but sad and pathetic at the same
time. Anyway, we fixed a nice lunch for Roxie…well, the adults did.
Shipwreck refused to allow us to cook because of our track record with
food poisoning. Anyway, a lovely lunch was cooked and Shipwreck got
Roxie (who's pretty…reddish hair, green eyes, southern accent) and brought
her to the house and you'll never believe what happened. Oh yeah,
I already told you. Althea and Carly passed out. But do you
want to know what caused it? It turns out that Shipwreck's Roxie
is Carly's mother. Not just that but she and Shipwreck are going
steady. That's what caused the fainting. I wonder if they're
up yet. Hey, I just thought of something. If Shipwreck marries
Roxie, not only will all of us be related in some way, shape, or form,
but I also think that may make us related to Beach Head in a distant sort
of way. Could this make our lives any more dysfunctional? And
does that mean that we'll have to be nicer to him?
As an endnote, I would like to quickly add that this story is slightly connected to my other story "That Birthday Story," which I had to revise after beginning work on this one. If you haven't read it, don't worry about it. It's nothing important. If you caught the differences that I made, then good for you and sorry 'bout that. I just think that this works better for my ideas. After all, it's mostly just a name change and a slight makeover. Nothing major.