Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me… yadahyadah.

Author's notes: *sigh* there are so few MustangxHawkeye fanfics out there… and I'm such a fan of them. Even EdxWinly fics are hard to get by.

Warning: This fic contains events with suggestive sexual contents and immature situations. ^_^;;

"Are you sure this is going to work?

"Of course it will… what could go wrong?"

2nd Lieutenant Havoc and 2nd Lieutenant Bruder hovered over the kettle full of the day's coffee and poured some on an available mug by their office's counter-table which served as their kitchenette. Content with their work, Havoc pulled out a flask of gin from his pocket and poured most of its contents in an empty mug.

Bruder contemplated over their work, "I wonder how this will taste like…"

"Don't worry, we'll make him drink it all! We're his superiors after all".

The door to the office suddenly opened and Warrant Officer Farman peeped in, "hey guys, we gotta go get him or we'll miss this chance".

The 2 officers nodded and left the office with Farman, leaving their concoction unattended.

Later on, they returned with the hapless Major Sgt. Cain Fury, their youngest and newest recruit… the baby brother of the office. Along with him are the 2 other officers, Bruder and Farman.

"So, you can help me?", the young sergeant asked.

Bruder smiled, "sure do! We've got just the right thing for you".

The elder men lead him to the counter-table.

1st Lt. Riza Hawkeye, standing by her desk busily reading and arranging some paperwork, eyed them warily but decided not to butt in. The day was about to end and she was dead tired. To meddle into their somewhat idiotic affairs would only waste her valuable time.

They reached the counter-table with little sergeant Fury suddenly feeling uneasy about the whole thing.

"Come'on, don't you trust us?", said Bruder.

"Don't worry, it's just a 'special' brewed coffee that we brought in for you", Farman added.

Fury let out a sigh of relief, "Well, if that's the case then it should be fine."

Smiling to himself, Bruder looked over the counter in search of their 'special brew'.

"Strange… it's not here…", he muttered.

He looked around the office thinking that they had placed it somewhere else before leaving.

"What's wrong sir?", asked Fury.

"It's not here…"

"What do you mean it's not here?!", said Farman as calmly as he can.

"I mean, it's not here!", Bruder growled.

"Could it be that one?", asked Fury.

The 2 officers followed the direction where Fury pointed at… and both almost had a heart attack as they saw Hawkeye enter the door adjacent to the Colonel's room, reading her papers in hand, and drinking coffee from a familiar looking mug…

"I think I'm going home early today", Bruder muttered, Farman nodding behind him, both looking very pale.

1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye busily read the various end-of-the-month reports sent in by the various departments under Col. Roy Mustang's supervision. It has been a rather hectic day and, for the first time in her years in the military, she just wanted the day to end. Not even the weird taste of the afternoon's coffee could have deterred her spirit.

She had finished the whole drink by the time she had fully presented herself to her Colonel. By that time, she felt… odd. She felt unusually warm inside and there was a sort of scratchy feeling at the back of her throat.

Nevertheless, being the well-disciplined soldier that she was, she ignored her condition as she made an effort to at least raise a salute and present herself to Col. Mustang who sat behind his desk reading some other paperwork that came earlier.

"The reports are here, sir…*hic*…"

Her hiccup went unnoticed both by her and her superior. It seemed by the second that she got warmer and warmer inside. Her head began to feel woozy. Her face became flushed.

The Colonel abruptly looked up to her and gave her his usual weak smile, "Good work, Lieutenant".

She proceeded to placing the paperwork onto his desk and felt herself wobble. She quickly placed the mug on the Colonel's desk to avoid having it fall down the ground by accident. Mustang, still caught up with work, didn't seem to notice it. Soon, she began to loose her senses… her head began to feel very light. With what little control she had left, she headed toward the Colonel's seat.

Col. Roy Mustang was caught completely off-guard when his Lieutenant suddenly appeared by his side and sat on his lap, her legs straddled around him, her arms around his neck.

"L-lieutenant! What is the meaning of this?!"

He looked into her flushed face, her eyes soft and her lips innocently smiling. It was as if she was a completely different person. For a while, they looked at each other, face to face, then, Hawkeye gave him a peck on the cheek and laid her head on his shoulder, by the neck, to sleep.

Mustang didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to make of it. What has come over his Lieutenant? He could feel himself blush.

For the first time since he'd known her, he felt how full her breasts really were, how soft her bum really was and how lush her lips seemed to be at that moment, heck she even seemed lighter than she looks like. He imagined how nice it would feel to touch her… then he shook his head, what am I thinking?!

He could feel her tender body pressing against his making him feel… funny; the type of funny feeling he got when he would take home his date-for-the-night and undress her. He shook his head even more and kept his hands to himself.

He was already tired from all the work that his office had done that week and this was something he couldn't handle under stress. Still, he had to admit, she felt really nice… he shook his head once again to erase the thought.

"Hey Roy!" Mustang's office door, adjacent to the hall and opposite the room, suddenly swung open and in came Lt. Col. Maes Hughes and for 10 long seconds, they stared at each other in shock.

Then, Hughes began to laugh, "You devil! I didn't know you were already hitting it with Hawkeye", he gave a short wave, "well, sorry to disturb you", he grinned a sly grin, "I'll come back when you're… done", and began to giggle all the more.

"Wait! Stop!", Roy demanded, "get your ass right here! I need assistance!"

Hughes made a face, "No way! I'm married!"

"That's not what I mean!", the colonel growled, "get her off me!"

It took a few threats to finally convince Hughes to help Mustang. He walked to him and, gently placing his arms under Hawkeye's slowly lifted her away from the colonel. Looking at it now, Mustang realized just how awkward their position really was… it reminded him of the position he and his date-a-few-nights-ago, did… now he felt 'funnier'.

Hughes lifted her by the torso (being a married man, his mischievous behavior toward other women was down to zero unlike that of a bachelor, especially someone like Roy Mustang), while Mustang carried her from her ankles. Gently, the two laid her down on the coach.

Hughes turned to Mustang with a more than the usual cocky grin on his face, "Man, you should see your face! You're all flushed!"

"S-shut up!", the flame alchemist growled.

"So, what was that all about?"

Mustang frowned, "I have no idea… she just suddenly…"

Hughes bent down to the sleeping 1st Lt. Hawkeye for a closer inspection… flushed face, sudden change in attitude… he bent down lower by the Lieutenant's face.

"What the— she's drunk!"

Mustang raised a brow, "Drunk? Lt. Hawkeye?"

Hughes stood up, "yep, I know the smell of alcohol anywhere".

"But how—"

Suddenly, the door to Mustang's office opened.

"Excuse me, Col—", 2nd Lieutenant John Havoc stood by the door. He stopped short of a salute and surveyed the office… Hughes and Mustang standing side by side, Hawkeye asleep at the sofa, and… Havoc was shocked… a familiar mug sitting on top of the colonel's table. Immediately, he turned to leave but Mustang stopped him before he could do so.

"Now then, Havoc, I know you and the boys have something to do with this…" Mustang grinned like a maniac, "spill it or else".

Mustang sat behind his desk with Hughes standing behind him like an aide while Havoc explained the whole situation.

"Well, the thing is, sir, we", Havoc smiled nervously, "uhm, we spiked the coffee".

The colonel put up a straight face, " go on…".

Havoc sighed, looks like he had to go at it from the top.

"Alright, here's what's really going on, sir. We, Farman, Bruder and I, recently found out that Fury was in love with this female officer over at the registry department who was about to be reassigned somewhere else."

Havoc scratched his head, "Fury could not come up with enough confidence to confess his love to her, poor kid", he shrugged, "so we decided to help him out".

"You see, we knew all along that timid little Fury turns into a Must---", Havoc caught himself in time and rephrased his words, "becomes an aggressively confident guy when he gets drunk and he's the type who couldn't hold his liquor. So, we figured that if he were drunk, he would have the confidence to ask the girl out or something before she leaves."

He sighed, "I don't know what happened next, I was called to assist a few fellow officers down at the barracks. But I do know that Bruder and Farman had Fury with them so I suppose they were about to make him drink the spiked coffee".

For a while they were silent.

"I suppose she drank the coffee by mistake", said Hughes, "after all, Hawkeye has never drank liquor in her whole life".

"Never?", Mustang and Havoc asked in unison, both looking at Hughes.


Mustang fell into a deep thought and muttered, "No wonder she didn't recognize the taste of alcohol". He laughed a bit, "How ironic that the one person in this whole office who had the discipline to not drink during working hours would end up drunk like this."

Havoc lowered his head, "I'm really sorry sir, we really didn't mean for this to happen"

Mustang grinned like a cat, "Don't worry about it Lieutenant. After all, it's not me whom you should be apologizing to…" he looked over to the sleeping Hawkeye, "I hope she didn't remember to have her bullet cartridges refilled at the ammunitions department this week".

A chill swept over Havoc's body and he made a mental note to himself to write down his last will and testimony tonight when he got home. Hughes could only laugh at the spectacle.

"Well, it's office closing time… what do you plan to do now, Mustang?"

Roy sighed. He opened his desk drawer and took out a few keys. He threw them at Havoc, who caught them easily.

"You… close the staff office and get a service vehicle ready by the building entrance", he turned to Hughes, "since you're already here, might as well help me close my office and get Hawkeye outta here".

Hughes frowned, "Wha---t? But I want to go home now and see my precious Alicia-chan… which reminds me", he suddenly perked up and grabbed a picture from his pocket and shoved it into Mustang's face, "Here's her latest swimsuit edition!", and turned to Havoc, "see? See? Isn't she just a~dorable!"

Havoc sweatdropped… and at the sign of Mustang's hand, with his fire cloth glove on, ran into the next room and did his task as fast as he could.

Mustang, on the other hand, grabbed Hawkeye's stuff from her desk in the staff room. There wasn't much to bring, just a small clutch bag that contained her personal belongings: wallet, apartment keys, handkerchief, etc.

Farman and the others went home early… they probably foresaw what was about to happen and high-tailed it outta there.

On a usual day, when Hawkeye wasn't drunk, she would have had the offices cleaned spotless before having them closed. She would also wait for her Colonel to finish whatever extra job he had to do overtime. And on usual days when it was just the two of them left in the office, they would stroll down the empty halls of the military headquarters discussing events that had happened that day, personal opinions on some issues, and other matters of interest. Even at nights when Mustang had a scheduled date they would go about their usual after office stroll on their way out. This is why Mustang had come to memorize the things that Hawkeye would usually do or bring in the office.

He smiled at the thought… how long had they known each other and yet it was the first time he heard of Hawkeye's issues with alcohol. He never really asked. In fact, he just realized, he never knew much about Hawkeye's private life… but Hawkeye, on the other hand, knew him thru and thru. He's told her everything about himself, but he never really asked anything about Hawkeye.

Mustang carried Hawkeye on his back, as it was the fastest way to get her out of the building. Hughes followed shortly behind them. Everywhere they went, they'd check first to see if there was anyone walking around. Should anyone, aside from themselves, find out that Hawkeye was in a drunken stupor during official office hours in the military grounds, she would be court-martialed for sure, which raised the question: if Fury DID get drunk as the boys intended to in the first place, how will they cover up for it and avoid getting Fury into trouble? Or maybe they never thought that far.

"All's clear", Hughes muttered, "I think we'll be ok from here on end".

They were near the main entrance, where the car and Havoc would be waiting, and were passing by the registry office which was always the first office to empty on nights. Feeling secured of their location, the two men slowed down to a stroll and fell silent.

"So… talk to me, Roy"

"About what?"

They walked side by side now, their shadows casting over the empty halls.

"You seemed a little distraught when I said something about the Lieutenant's alcohol issue"

"Am I really that easy to read?"

Hughes grinned, "yep! The word 'upset' was written all over your face a few moments ago when we were closing the office… you did stare at her and her stuff for quite sometime"

Mustang smiled, "how did you know about it, anyway?"

"About what?"

"About her being a virgin on alcohol"

 "A virgin on alcohol?"

"What? Got a better term for it?"

"Hahaha, now that's the Roy Mustang that I know", Hughes grinned, "you wanna know something else about her?"

Mustang stared at his friend, "what?"

"Hawkeye… is still A virgin"

Roy felt his face flushed once again… that 'funny feeling creeping back to his senses.

"Idiot! What makes you think I'd be interested in something like that?!"

"Because that is the Roy Mustang that I know!" Hughes grinned proudly, "you wanna know something else?"

"No, I don't, but you're gonna tell me anyway"

"She's never had a boyfriend"

"Well… she IS a dedicated soldier after all". Roy secretly smiled.

"That at the age of 12, she ran away from home to admit herself into the military academy"

Mustang remained silent.

Hughes looked at his friend, "Kind of reminds you of someone, huh?"

"Unlike me, she has never experienced the horrors of being in the frontline of battle… AND she's not a sick murdering bastard of an alchemist like me."


Mustang looked ahead, "It is only right that we distance ourselves from each other".

"You like her too much and you know it. Why don't you just drop the tough-man act and ask her out like all the other girls that you've chased after?"

There was a tense air at the moment it was mentioned and Mustang had a serious look on his face.

"Because, she's not like 'all-the-other-girls that I've chased around. No, I don't want her to be like that", Mustang looked farther away, "I respect her too much to do that to her".

A sad expression hung on his face, " besides… a man like me… how many people have I killed…"

"Idiot! You will never change that!"

"Seeking temporary comfort in the carnal pleasures spent with nights in the arms of women whom I won't even remember the next day or the next month… how pathetic"

"Yeah… that IS pathetic"

Mustang sadly smiled at his friend, "Will I ever become a better man? I wonder…"

"Still… she is the one other person you could depend on. She understands you and trusts you with all her heart. She will follow you to the ends of the world if need be."


"She has so much faith in you, you know"

"The sad thing is… she knows everything about me… but I barely know anything about her and her personal life"

"She will tell you if you ask but there are some things she'll never tell you"

"I'm a selfish bastard for not asking in the first place"

Hughes gave a huge laugh, "this coming from the only man in the office who would know what she usually does, what she usually brings, what she usually likes and dislikes, how she usually does things…" his eyes softened and thought of his wife, Gracia, "…you know how kind she really is, how patient she could be and how nice and sincere she is during the moments that really count, contrary to what the other officers are led to believe that she is a total stiff and a terror to work with".

He sighed,  " Besides, it's not like she'd like you to ask her about such things anyway. There are things that could be understood without words".

Mustang smiled inward, "She still surprises me sometimes though. She's really unpredictable", then he stopped and arched a brow, "how do you know all of this?"

Hughes flashed him a huge grin, "I'm not the head of the Intelligence Department for nothing after all".

By now, they had reached the main entrance where Havoc stood waiting beside their designated service vehicle. He gave his superiors a salute and assisted them into the car. Hughes sat in front while Mustang and Hawkeye sat, her head resting on Mustang's shoulder, at the back. Havoc was the driver.

"So, where first, Colonel?", asked Havoc.

Hughes put his arm up, "My house first! It's on the way and I can't wait any longer to cuddle my cute little baby girl, Alicia and sleep with my sexy wife, Gracia"


Havoc gave a soft chuckle, "To Lt. Col. Hughes' house it is then."

It was around 10pm when the service vehicle stopped infront of Hawkeye's apartment. There, a familiar black puppy, tied near its doghouse, barked and wagged his tail happily as Mustang and Havoc got out of the car. Mustang wrapped an arm around the still sleeping Hawkeye's shoulders and had his other hand under her knees and lifter her out of the car.

Havoc assisted the Colonel by opening the apartment door. Military regulations state that at least one personnel be left to stand guard over the service vehicle, so Havoc stayed outside.

Mustang took Hawkeye directly to her room where he laid her on her nicely made bed. He stood up switched on some lights, and looked at his ward thinking of what to do next. If she weren't Hawkeye, Roy would've stripped her off all of her clothes by now… then he would kiss her in different places, and touch her here and there, he would take off his clothes and… stop it! he shook his head to erase the thought.

Well, he, at least, had to take her boots, socks and top uniform off. Still not satisfied with his work, Roy took the liberty of taking off her belt which attached the skirt-like part of the uniform to the waist along with her guns, holster and ammunition pack. Then, he proceeded to undo her clip and release her hair.

Now what? He went to the bathroom looking for a face-towel to cool her down from the alcohol and clean her. There, by the neatly kept towel rack, was a face-towel. He took it, soaked it, squeezed excess water from it, and went back to the bedroom.

Once again, he stood over her… now what? He carefully wiped her face, her arms, and, after folding half of her pants up, her legs. He had to admit, she had such lovely and shapely legs. It was the first time he saw them. He looked up and thought about taking off her shirt… or maybe her pants instead… hmm…  Roy mentally slapped himself, stop it, you horny bastard!

Completing his task, he returned to the bathroom, washed the small towel, and placed it back where he found it.

Outside, he took out a thin blanket, for it was a rather warm night, and laid it over Hawkeye.

As he turned to leave, he noticed a picture frame that sat on the table beside the bed. He took a good look at it. The picture frame held a picture of a man, of around mid-40's, blond hair, striking black eyes, and a solid frame of a body. He had a well-trimmed beard and wore a military uniform. His face was strong but kind. On his lap sat a little girl of the same blonde hair, but with hazel brown eyes and a smiling face. She wore a sailor suit, a typical uniform worn by students of an exclusive school. By the corner proudly sat a huge, wolf-like, white dog, a Siberian Husky, with the man's hand patting its head.

The little girl had her arms around the man's neck as she sat on his lap.

It dawned to Roy that perhaps this is a picture of a much younger Hawkeye and her father. He smiled gently as he realized why she had done her 'demonstration' earlier.

"I see… you miss him, don't you?", he muttered, "alcohol does things to people who drink them, you know". Looking closer, he noticed something else beside the picture frame. A silver chain with a pair of dog tags, the prescribed identification tags for normal soldiers on the battlefield. He lifted it closer and read: Brig. Gen. Luther Hawkeye.

Roy placed the item back on the table and sat on the bed beside Hawkeye. "So, this is the first time you got drunk huh? Well, let me tell you something, when a person gets drunk, he or she usually looses all sense of shame, decency and self-consciousness. When one gets drunk, one would sometimes pass out or would do things that one would usually keep to oneself... an inner desire kept under the cover of decency"

He looked at her, "I understand now… and I'm glad I got to know you more". Then he smiled, "then, there are the two types of drunks… those who forget what they did under the influence of alcohol and those who don't. I'm the type of drunk that remembers."

He stood up and prepared to leave, "now then, I wonder what type of drunk you are", he smiled all the more, "I can't wait to find out tomorrow".

He started to walk out of the bedroom but stopped as something, from the corner of his eye, caught his attention.

Havoc had been playing with Hawkeye's puppy, as he patiently waited for the Colonel. Speculating that it had yet to eat, Havoc, having a dog of his own and coincidentally had some dog food that he was about to take home with him, fed the starving puppy. The puppy was the same one that Sgt. Fury had picked up and brought to the office one day. Poor Sgt. Fury desperately looked for an owner and Hawkeye kindly took him in. Havoc offered ownership first but was turned down when he kidded about cooking and eating dogs.

"Don't worry, I wasn't really gonna eat you", Havoc muttered, "I was just kidding around".

Col. Roy Mustang stepped out of the unit and locked the door behind him. Havoc stood and saluted, and both men approached the service car. But Mustang stopped and bent down to pet the dog.

"She named him, 'black Hayate' ", said Havoc.

"Ah, after her father's dog, Hayate", he replied, remembering the picture, the dog had a collar with its name on it.

Havoc raised a brow as the Colonel stood up, "Let's go", said Mustang.

The following day, 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye walked briskly and calmly along corridors of the military headquarters as she made her way to Col. Roy Mustang's staff office for her day's work. But underneath this seemingly solid exterior was a volcano ready to explode.

Yes, she remembered the little 'exhibition' she gave the Colonel and she also knew that she got drunk. She was, unfortunately, the type of drunk who remembered. Now she had no idea how to react in front of Mustang that day. She figured she'd play it safe and act as if nothing happened and hopefully the Colonel would do the same. Underneath that seemingly carefree attitude of his is a decent person after all. And if he does act civil, no one else has to find out about her little 'demonstration', right? Right?

The truth was, when she was 11 years old, during a party at one of her late father's acquaintances, she had mistook her father's hard-liquor drink for juice and got drunk. She distinctly remembered making a fool out of herself that night but being 11, her actions were taken as just normal 'childish behavior'. It was usual for her, when she was younger, to climb on her father's lap, straddle her legs around him, and sleep on his shoulder whenever she felt tired. Years later, drunk at the age of 11, she rekindled her youth and repeated the gesture… for the last time. A few months later, her father was killed.

Nonetheless, the experience left a terrible impression on her as the next day, she had a 'hang-over'. After that, she vowed never EVER to drink any alcoholic beverage again.

This was all something that she wanted to keep as a secret. No one else had to know… not even the Colonel.

So there she was, on her way to the staff office with a terrible headache. She had just vomited yesterday's breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one morning. Today was just not her day and someone's going to pay dearly for it.

She entered the staff office calmly… so calm that the other officers didn't notice her come in… until they heard the cocking of a gun by the doorway. Her calm face couldn't hide the burning aura that blinded the officers and the dangerous look in her eyes that threatened their very existence.

"Alright", she started calmly, "which one of you spiked yesterday's coffee?"

Col. Roy Mustang sat comfortably behind his desk in his office. He heard the commotion but had preferred to distance himself from the upcoming war. Gunshots were fired and still, he did not move an inch.

"I guess she DID remember to have her bullet cartridge refilled".

He smiled to himself, judging from all the screaming and the shooting, Hawkeye had figured out what had transpired last night and was now seeking "just" compensation.

Carefully, he took out a photo, one of many, from his pocket and smiled even more. Before the Colonel left Hawkeye's apartment last night, he could not help but satisfy himself as the sight of a Polaroid camera caught his attention on his way out of her bedroom. He had taken the liberty of taking a few pictures of the sleeping Hawkeye and kept them for himself.

It was HIS compensation for having to carry her around the base and controlling himself from 'touching' her.

Now this was to be the something that he will never tell her, and it's not just because he valued his life. Well, at least he knew something else about his lieutenant… that she looked the most beautiful when she's asleep.


Author's omake:

            Ok, so I've never been drunk before. For some reason, no matter how much alcohol I drink, I don't get drunk as in mad drunk, nor have I passed out from it. All I got was this really hot sensation inside. My friends are also non-alcoholic drinkers. Some of them avoid it. Others have no time to do so or would prefer staying in doors and watch anime than go out on a drinking spree. Bah! So I've based Riza's drunkenness on the stuff I see on anime since personal experience is definitely out of the question. I have yet to see someone make a fool of himself/herself when getting drunk… too bad I missed our college outing when one of my classmates attempted to strip infront of everyone.

What I'm trying to say is… sorry for whatever inconsistencies this fic has with real-life drunkenness. It's all just for fun anyway  ^_^;;

Roy is a big-time skirt-chaser in the manga and was just toned down in the anime. He's not a pervert though, he's just such a playboy. This gave me the idea about giving him those 'funny feeling' moments, hehehe. I hope he's not out of character (too much ).

Oh, and I just made up that stuff about Brig. Gen. Luther Hawkeye and the original Hayate. Hehe, I made the original Hayate white so it would appear that there's a reason for Riza to call her puppy Black Hayate (since it's black).