AN: Me? Own the X-men? Whatever you're smoking, I want some.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emeril? Please, don't make me barf. Kittycat's delusional; I think she's been sniffing Jean's hairspray again. To compare what that girl does in the kitchen to Emeril Lagasse would be like comparing Tiny Tim to the Beatles. They're nowhere close to each other. And the only way that man would get anywhere near Kitty Pryde is to issue a restraining order.

I'll admit it; I was pissed when Kitty caused the fiasco on that cooking show. The only thing more humiliating than getting knocked out by a potato was to wake up and find that I'd been carried out by that damned Swamp Rat. When I woke up he had me sitting in his lap on a park bench and was trying to sing me lullabies! I swear if I hear another verse of "Rockabye Roguey", I'll scream. The emphasis here is on "try". That boy may be good with cards, but Remy LeBeau cannot sing. Thankfully I got out of there without too much damage. The last thing I need is an out of tune Cajun in my head.

But back to the soon-to-be-ex Miss Pryde. If I said I didn't get great pleasure out of watching her cringe around me for the past month or so I'd be lying. Paranoia is a beautiful thing. I would have gotten back at her right after it happened, but Irene always said that revenge was a dish best served cold; and considering who she hangs out with, I guess she'd know. I've had a nice long time to think about what I want to do to her, and have come up with several interesting ideas. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to spend the next week talking like a Valley Girl, I'd knock her out and phase her cookbooks into the wall. Amusing thought, but there's no need for both of us to suffer, now is there?

Lately I had been thinking to just leave it alone and let her wallow in her fear, but then she pulled that stunt with those damn cookies. Yeah, I know, it wasn't completely her fault, but I like Mr. McCoy too much to be mean to him. I should have known had to be too good to be true when she actually made something that tasted good. Thankfully Professor Xavier was nice enough to keep us home until the green wore off our skins and then hire a photographer since we'd all missed Picture Day. Not that I have anyone to give pictures to but I didn't want any reminders of looking like a Martian. Kurt looked kind of cute in teal though. I wish I could say the same for Kitty; for some reason green just isn't her color. Thankfully unbeknownst to her I managed to get a couple of pictures before it wore off.

It was the pictures that gave me the inspiration I needed for my revenge. It was cruel. It was humiliating. It was perfect. Unfortunately it also required sneakiness and other thieving skills, and there was only one place I knew of to get those. It meant doing something I'd already sworn not to do, but no pain, no gain, right? It was time to give the Swamp Rat what he wanted.

Ever since waking up in his lap in the park, Gambit had gotten into the habit of following me home from school and in general being a royal pain in the ass. The day following my epiphany was no exception. He was walking beside me as normal, trying to keep an arm around my shoulders (which I kept swatting off), and begging for a kiss. I think I shocked the hell out of him when I stopped and turned to face him, smiling.

"Okay Swamp Rat, you can have a kiss."

Gambit looked speechless for a minute; something I didn't think was possible for him. "Do you mean that chere?"

I nodded with a little smirk on my face. "You've been bugging me so much about it Gambit, that I figured I might as well give in."

He grinned like a little boy on his birthday. "Chere you've made Remy's day. A kiss from Remy is like potato chips, you can't eat just one."

I laughed a little at this. God this guy was cocky. "Let me be the judge of that." And with that I leaned in, just intending to give him a peck on the lips, but he took my face in his hands and wouldn't let go. Let me tell you folks, to hell with potato chips; kissing Remy LeBeau is like eating chocolate. You know it's bad for you but it tastes so good you want it anyway. Before I knew it he had my mouth open and was playing with my tongue. My toes were trying to curl in on themselves. Even when my powers kicked in he still wouldn't let go; I had to push him away from me finally when I'd gotten what I needed. I almost felt guilty looking at him passed out on the ground; but looking at his memories I realized he'd wanted it regardless of what happened, so I didn't. Licking my lips I bent down and ruffled his hair .

"Thanks Swamp Rat. Just needed to borrow something for a little while."

Feeling strangely happy, I walked away whistling.

Thanks to Remy, I had no problems breaking into Professor Xavier's office that night and switching Kitty's perfect picture in the folder that was going to be sent off to school with the green-skinned one I'd saved from the cookie incident. I couldn't wait for the yearbooks to come out.

The fruits of my labor arrived a couple of weeks later when we received our yearbooks in class. The sounds of Kitty's screams as she ran down the hall were music to my ears. I started to feel sorry for her as her nickname at school lately has been Marvin, but every time that happens a chorus of "Rockabye Roguey" starts up in my head and I stop.

Has Kittycat figured out who the culprit was yet? Despite her Valley Girl act she's really a smart girl so I'm sure she has, but she has yet to say anything . That's okay though, for some reason I've managed to keep Remy's heightened senses so I'm prepared. Kissing the Swamp Rat was good for something at least. Unfortunately I can't get some of his thoughts out of my head. I never realized a person could get so kinky with a scarf.

Maybe I should have just phased her cookbooks after all.