The RASHOUJIN Chronicles
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All Gundam characters are owned by Bandai. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...
And It Begins
Saturday, April 2004. 8:30 PM.
A day... That will live in infamy.
Or perhaps not.
I just said that because it sounds cool.
Well, it DOES, damn it! Who cares if it's inappropriate!?
I can start this fanfic with, "A Long, Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away" if I wanted to! It's my fanfiction! So it's not fitting towards a Samurai Showdown fanfiction, so what! At the time of this writing, there are barely any of them anyway! Wait... Where are you going? Don't leave! Please don't leave! PRETTY PLEASE!?!????
... NOOOOOOOOOOO! THERE GOES WHATEVER FANBASE I COULD'VE GOTTEN! WHY AM I SUCH A HORRIBLE WRITER! ACCURSED FATE! I'M SO BAD AT THIS, I'M LAMENTING OVER IT IN MY OWN WORK! WHY AM I SUCH A VERITABLE SACK OF SUCKTITUDE! Nobody answer that, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY CAN'T I EVER GET SOMEONE TO SO MUCH AS GLANCE AT MY WRITING?! WHY!!!!! WHY!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY - [hack cough hack] - YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!????? Hey, wait a minute...
Oh crap... Someone was actually still reading!
Awesome, someone fell fo- I mean, someone is still interested! [shut up, I know that wasn't a good cover-up]
But anyways, back to the story we go. Before I lose any more people.
Bizuki: Wait a minute. "Bring Bring"? Just, "Bring Bring"?
Whaaaa~~t? What's the problem?
Bizuki: It doesn't sound very loud, does it?
You want loud? BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGG!!!!!!! BRRIIIIIING BRIIIIINNNNGG!!!! BARRRIINNNNNG FREAKIN' BRIIIINNNNNNG!!!!
Oh sh**. Ohhhhh sh**. I just knocked out the main cha- I mean, commercial, people!!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!
****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY
Kid: Dad, I need advice on asking a girl out.
Heero: I'll kill you.
Kid: Aren't you capable of saying anything else?
Heero: Oh. Damn it, I thought you were Relena.
Heero: Just climb into her bedroom window, and serenade her with death threats.
****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY
This is a sample from Heero Yuy's "Dating Made Simple For Gundam-Piloting Dummies and Other Assorted Nincompoops". All the radio talk-show, T.V. talk-show, and video-cassette content spread out throughout the years, packed into one 149.99$ case. Dr. Yuy will show all YOU poor fools how to really impress the ladies.
"Hi! With Dr. Yuy's help, I was able to actually not get on Rain's bad side- an Olympian feat, let me tell ya- Olympian, hehe, I'm smert... Well, anyway, Rain just likes me rough. And with Dr. Yuy's help, I'm GETTING SOME! YEAH! AND MAYBE I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT! AND- Oh, Rain... Hi. Meep. Please don't kill me." - Domon Kasshu
"HEERO, YOU BASTAGE! GIVE ME MY TEN BUCKS! Oh, and a service announcement- fangirls, PLEASE stop writing slash fics about us, yeah!???" - Duo Maxwell
"It didn't work! Your damn program didn't work! You asshole! You ***king son of a bi***!!!! LACUS, I WASN'T LITERALLY GOING TO 'INTRODUCE YOU TO THE RECEIVING END OF MY BUSTER RIFLE'!!!!! IT WAS A METAPHOR!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" - Kira Yamato
We now return you to your scheduled programming.
Alrighty. Back to the story. And you thought we'd never actually start the damn fanfiction, didn't you? ... Don't answer that.
: Ugggh. My head. That is the last time I'm ever in a party with Tam Tam, Saisyu, the Ikari Warriors, Haohmaru, John Crawley (who the hell invited that guy?), and- waaaait a minute. What time is it? [checks clock]
Bizuki: Hooooo crap. The meeting was supposed to start thirty minutes ago!!!
Meet Bizuki. She's-
Why did you just interrupt me?
I misspelled the name?
What are you, some kind of grammar nazi?
What do you mean, I misspelled it eight times! I'll have you know, it was seven times. ... Shut up.
Look. There's a perfectly good reason for that.
I'll get to it.
Anyways, meet Bizuki. According to the Samurai Showdown 2 Storyline, Bizuki was a shrine maiden (miko) and an excellent dancer. Born in Oki, her dance had the ability to exorcise demons. As such, she went against an extremely powerful demon, but was defeated. She became the extremely evil Rashoujin Mizuki!!!!!! Boss of SS2!!! One of the more difficult bosses of SNK history, SS fans gave her props for being very unique, difficult, and most of all one of the first (maybe the first?) female bosses in fighting game history. She wields the stick of Mi-Gou, making use of the style known as "Genkon Jarei no Hou". Also an avid flute player-
Earthquake: One time, in band camp, I stuck a flute up my-
I hate that joke. I hate it so much, you aren't appearing in here for a while, fatass.
Earthquake: Aw, nutbunnies...!
After that moronic interlude, let us continue with this little rundown of Bizuki. Her known family is a father whom we know nothing about, other than he exists. She does own a dog who nobody will go near for some reason (might be the fact that it transforms into this huge hulking beast), and she likes snakes. Oddly enough, she's afraid of the dark. In fact, the cast had some trouble putting up with her when she had difficulty dealing with certain stages. For example, during the boss stage in SS2...
FLASHBACK! Wee-ooo wee-ooo wee-ooo wee-ooo...
Bad sound effects. Deal with it.
SNK Developer: What? What what?
Bizuki: The lighting here is so... I can't work like this! It's so dark! Please, can't we do something about it!??
SNK Developer: Look, we don't have time for this. Just-
Bizuki: Aiiiiiieeeee!!!! What was that!!! Did you see that!??? Please tell me you saw that????
Galford: Oh man... C'mon, Poppy, let's pack up and head to San Francisco. I don't want to deal with this any longer.
Poppy: See you later, Haon. You egocentric bastard.
Haon, Bizuki's Dog: Take care of yourself, Poppy. You base half-wit.
Genjuro: **ck this. If we don't wrap this up soon, I'm leaving.
Haohmaru: Shaddup, Genjuro. Nobody gives a crap about what you think.
Genjuro: DIE, HAOHMARU!!!!!!! [they fight]
SNK Developer: You two! Can't you stop being at each other's throats for so much as a few seconds!?!???? And- [notices Bizuki cowering in a corner] Oh for Pete's sake... You're an adult! Get ahold of yourself! Everybody gets over being afraid of the dark by the age of 5! Well, except for Wyler.
Wyler: Help me, daddy! [sucks thumb]
Jin Chonrei: Why do you keep him around?
Freia: Do I ask you why you keep Chonshu around?
Jin Chonrei: ... Point.
Bizuki: No darkness! It's so eerie and... unknown and... you don't know what's going to... AHHHHHH!!!!!! I don't care if you have to cover the sky in an eerie blue swirl, it's too damn DARK here!!!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!
SNK Developer: Bizuki, you're brilliant...!!!
Bizuki: Aiiiieeee! It's a rat! No, it's a ninja! No it's- waaaait... I am?
Ninja: Nuts! Foiled again!
All's well that ends well. I thought the psychedelic feeling from the stage was cool, myself. In any case, she's a little on the shy side, despite being a public dancer and the secretary of the SNK-Playmore Company President. In fact, this probably contributes to why barely anybody really knows her. If they ever watched her dance, they'd remember the performance, but probably not the name of the performer. She is close to very few people. Among her heroes is the twice-tournament sponsor of the King of Fighters tournament, Chizuru Kagura- who, incidentally, is also her best friend. Hey, they're both Shintoist mediums...
Getting back to the point, Bizuki is basically forgotten except among hardcore Samurai Showdown fans. Hell, even her fellow cast members don't remember her.
Bizuki: Charlotte! Hi! How is it in France?
Charlotte: Ehm... Do I know you?
Bizuki: ... Nevermind. [mutter grumble fume]
Bizuki is a good flute player-
Bizuki: You already said that.
Oh, did I? Well, she was born in Oki-
Bizuki: Said that, too-
Bizuki: Again, you already said that-
Her height is ~166 CM-
Bizuki: Oh, like that's real important, look! Let's just move on with the story-
Her sizes are eighty-eight and-
Bizuki: [is very pissed] MOVING ON!!!
Okay, okay. Geeze.
In any case, Bizuki hurries to get dressed. There's an important meeting at the SNK HQ, and she's going to be late for it. She probably already is...
Haon, Bizuki's Dog (Just in case you forgot): I'll hold the fort for you when you come back.
Bizuki: Hold the fort for me? From what, exactly?
Haon: [thinks for a moment] Uh... Flesh-eating marrow-sucking man-sized gun-toting cockroaches that will threaten to take over the neighborhood by killing the men and implanting the women with their eggs of evil, hoping to take over the world starting with Japan? Even though they should probably begin conquest of the Earth with a country with greater economic stability?
Bizuki: I'll hold you to it.
Haon: Uh-huh. Ri~~~ght.
In exactly 7 milliseconds after Bizuki leaves...
Gun-Toting Cockroach: Hi. We're flesh-eating marrow-sucking man-sized gun-toting cockroaches that will threaten to take over the neighborhood by killing the men and implanting the women with our eggs of evil, hoping to take over the world starting with Japan. Even though we should probably begin conquest of the Earth with a country with greater economic stability.
Haon: Oh, fornication...
At SNK HQ...
Incompetent Playmore Executive: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! With SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos, we shall rule the world!
This particular corporate big-wig was the one who approved of the development of SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos. Of course, we all know how broken the game is, and how few people even bother to play it nowadays. In fact, the president of SNK himself isn't impressed at all, and wonders how this stinking piece of crap managed to get published without his knowing...
Geese Howard: With unbalanced gameplay like that? As much as I appreciate being the strongest character in the game, that was ridiculous. I've never felt a step down like this since KoF 2000 to 2001...
Incompetent Playmore Executive: But it has nifty characters like the Mars People and Zero... ;_;
Geese Howard: Yup. Even though one sucks like hell and the other is a cheap son-of-a-***ch and isn't even an SNK chara... You know what, forget it. Get out of my office. Nifty, a game does not make.
Incompetent Playmore Executive: I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL! WAHHHHH!!!!!
God, did Geese hated Playmore.
Geese Howard: Out of my office, you pathetic crybaby!
Incompetent Playmore Executive: NOT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE! WAHHHHH!!!!!!!
Geese Howard: Billy!
Incompetent Playmore Executive: Ut-oh.
Billy Kane: DIYERIYERIYERIYERI~~~~... FIYAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Incompetent Playmore Executive: AHHHHHHH!!!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!
Raiden: [dumps gas on him] Ichiban!
Incompetent Playmore Executive: AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Geese Howard: [shakes head, watching the mobile bonfire jump out a window] Wait a minute, isn't falling off high places my job? Whatever... These people... Geeze, at least the guys who did King of Fighters 2003 did a passable job. However... [says something not exactly pleasant about Duo Lon] And the ones who did Samurai Showdown V managed to make the gameplay balanced enough to be tournament worthy. But SVC? What a piece of crap! All this zoning and infinites and worthless **it. Some people aren't doing their job. I miss the old SNK. Damn, sometimes I wonder why I haven't sold out to Capcom already-
Bizuki steps into the office.
Bizuki: Hello, sir. What did I miss?
Geese Howard: Oh, Bizuki.
Geese Howard is a rough taskmaster, but he gets along with most of his workers, and remembers all of them. You can't run SNK, be an overlord of crime, and lord of Southtown without having a good memory, can't you?
Geese Howard: What do you mean, 'What did I miss'? Other than the stupid fool outside-
Bizuki: I saw it. Good job, Mr. Kane. Trogdor would be proud.
Billy Kane: What? Who the bloody hell are you?
Geese Howard: Billy, you dumbass! [smack!]
Billy Kane: [rolls on the floor, whining and whimpering like a dog]
Bizuki: What I meant was, there's a company meeting, something like that...? Thirty min- [rechecks clock] fifty minutes ago? [voice trembles] You aren't docking my pay, are you?
Geese Howard: Oh. Ohh, right... Well, it's got something to do with the new Samurai Showdown V/0 Special. And no, don't worry about your paycheck. *mumble*Mightgetbiggeractually*mumble*
Bizuki: What was that, sir?
Geese Howard: Never you mind.
Bizuki: [shrug] If you say so. Wait, an SS0S? You mean they're actually making one? I guess Samurai Showdown 0 does need a few refinements. *cough*Yoshitora*cough*
Yoshitora suddenly appears from out of nowhere. He seems a bit miffed.
Yoshitora: I'm not unbalanced!
Duo Lon slinks out of the shadows.
Duo Lon: Right. And I'm low-tier, you reckless pimp.
Geese Howard: What the-! LITTLE PUNK BASTAGES! OUT OF MY OFFICE! REPPU KEN!!!!!
Duo Lon and Yoshitora: GWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Geese Howard: So anyways, yep. I've informed the rest of the SS cast. Haven't started the meeting, since someone was missing.
Bizuki: I assume I'll be there taking notes for you and all that?
Geese Howard: Actually, no.
Geese Howard: Just be there!
Bizuki steps out of the room and starts work, as usual taking up the boring work that is office life, taking calls and such. Although she was good at dealing with people, she found herself being annoyed by most of them. Here's one example of such a bothersome person.
Bizuki: Ring! Ring! Hello. Mr. Howard's office. May I help you?
Mr. Big: [attempts a falsetto] I'd like to speak to Geese Howard. We have some personal business to finish, yes....
Bizuki: Mr. Big, is that you?
Mr. Big: [normal voice] Sunuva...! Damn you, wench-
Ah, Mr. Big. Former master crimelord of Southtown. Now he's just one of the many guppies floundering in a pond of power owned by Geese Howard.
... My metaphors suck. Shoot me.
Mr. Big: You tell Geese that he ruined me, and that me and my cohorts will be out to get him! Tell the smug rat bastard that if he wants to live, he won't leave the sanctity of-
Geese Howard: Big, you bastard. I knew it was you holding up the lines.
Mr. Big: G-G-Geese!
Geese Howard: Look, Big. If you don't stop calling me, I swear I will send Billy, Ripper, and Hopper to mop the floor with your carcass-
Mr. Big: Click!
Geese Howard: ........
Mr. Big: ...............
Bizuki: You just said, 'click'. Eat too many paint chips?
Geese Howard: Don't feed the bald troll, Bizuki.
Mr. Big: I'LL GET YOU, GEESE! I'LL GET YOUUUUUU!!!! SOMEDAYYYYY!!! [click!]
And just a few minutes later...
Bizuki: Ring! Ring ring! Hello! Mr. Howard's office! How may I help you?
Amakusa: Oh ho ho ho ho! Put me in to Geese, lowly cretin!
Bizuki: Ah, Shiro.
Now, if there was anything Bizuki hated, it was Amakusa Shiro Tokisada's laugh. God, it made her- I mean, him (stupid anime)- sound like an elderly woman. Not to mention the fact that he was such a fruity arrogant bastard.
Amakusa: Ho? Who is this?
Bizuki: [sigh] So which one? The bad one or the good one?
Bizuki: Is your skin purple?
Amakusa: Yes it is, but it has nothing to do with you, underling! Hohoho!
Bizuki: Oh. In that case- how's being whipped by Ambrosia treating you?
Amakusa: She's a stupid **tch, always overworking me! Taking over the world doesn't happen over-**cking-night, and... HEY!!!!! YOU ***ch!
Bizuki: Hehehe.... Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Or is it just the PMS talking?
Amakusa: Let me speak to Geese NOW, or I'll make sure your body will never be found!!!!!
Bizuki: [rolls eyes] Mr. Howard, call on line 3.
Geese Howard: [annoyed] Who is it?
Amakusa: It is I, Amakusa Shiro Tokisada!
Geese Howard: Uh-huh, okay. Just a question. How's being whipped by Ambrosia treating you?
Amakusa: Don't start with me, Howard! Or I'll stick your head on a pike in front of my castle!
Amakusa and Geese are not exactly on the best terms. This may be due to the fact that Geese likes to poke fun at Amakusa and the confusion about his sexuality (a habit he picked up from Bizuki), and the fact that Amakusa has not been in a Samurai Showdown game for the longest time.
Geese Howard: Whatever, Amakusa. Does this friendly chit-chat have a point?
Amakusa: I have not been in any SNK game since... ... Since 1996. 19-freaking-96. Do you know how much this infuriates me? Do you have an INKLING of how wrathful I am feeling as of now!? No, of course you don't. The fact that you appeared in Capcom Vs. SNK 2 disgusts me. How can you bow down to Capcom, you traitorous bastard!?
Geese Howard: Idiot! May I remind you that Haohmaru, Rugal, Kyo, Iori, Ryo, and all those others also appeared in the game.
Amakusa: Then you're all sell-outs! [sniffle]
Geese Howard: You know what, screw this. I'm cancelling your invitation to the meeting. I always thought you were an asshat and a bit too fruity.
Amakusa: I don't care about any goddamn meeting! I want an appearance, and you'll provide it! Or I send SNK HQ and Geese Tower straight to Makai!
Geese Howard: I have no time for this. You're being cut from SS0S.
Amakusa: You can take your SS0S and sho... Wait... What?
Geese Howard: Bizuki, hang up.
Amakusa: NO! WAIT! ALL OF THAT WAS A JOKE! THE POWER OF AMBROSIA COMPELLED ME! I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS- [click!]
Geese Howard: [takes a deep breath] That's better.
Bizuki: You're really going to take Shiro out of SS0S?
Geese Howard: Nope. But I am really going to enjoy Amakusa begging at my feet for the part. I was thinking of making him the third boss with his seniority in the games and all, but that outburst just got him demoted to first, the pompous ass.
A familiar man wearing blue jeans, a red jacket, and a red cap busts in through Geese's window. I'm pretty sure you all know who it is, and how redundant this timely event is. Regardless, it had to happen sooner or later, considering how commonplace it is.
Geese Howard: Fu**. I really don't need this.
Terry Bogard: GEESE-UU! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!
Geese Howard: Why must you continue to pull the Inigo Montoya schtick with me? Bizuki, consider yourself free for a few hours. Mingle with some friends, or something. If you hear the clash of two mortal gods above you, it's just me and this boneheaded moron fighting it out. And if you see someone falling off this floor, don't worry about it, only me once again faking my death...
Bizuki: Yessiree. [runs for the elevator]
Geese Howard: Be back here in the afternoon. [stares down Terry] This can't get any worse.
Geese's son, Rock Howard, breaks in through a wall.
Rock: Geese!! YOU ABANDONED MY MOTHER!!!!!
Geese's wife, Marie Heinlein Howard, busts in through the opposite wall.
Marie: Geese!!! You owe me a whole lot of child support!
Marie: What? I got better.
Geese: Marie!!! We've been through this!!!!! You're supposed to be receiving your payments through Yamaza-
He is interrupted by Kain, who breaks in through the door.
Kain: GEESE!!!! I OWN SOUTHTOWN, YOU BASTARD!!!!!!
Grant: [cracks knuckles]
Geese slaps his forehead.
Geese: Maybe I should've asked Bizuki to stay and help me...
End of Chapter 1.
Author's Note: And thus, the end of Chapter 1 comes about. This is my second ever fanfiction about ANYTHING, so please bear with me. I got the whole idea of this fanfiction from something I read about what Mizuki would be like in the present-day world- a secretary for a company president. I hope it wasn't too bad. Any constructive criticism is certainly appreciated!