THE UNDERWEAR-NAPPER!!! By Flying-Whippet

Roger woke up to Dorothy's loud piano playing once again. He tiredly slid out of bed and walked to his closet. When he opened the door he gasped in horror. "Dorothy, get in here!"

Dorothy came over and stood by Roger. "What's the matter? You seem upset."

"MY UNDERWEAR!" Roger yelled and pointed to the closet.

"Uh...What about it?" Asked Dorothy.

"It's MISSING and it has all been replaced by PINK THONGS!" Roger stared straight at Dorothy.

"Why are you looking at me like that Roger? I'm not the one who did this."

"Then who did!? And where did all these pink thongs come from? Oh what am I saying? I can't go out without any underwear!" Roger grabbed a handful of the thongs and shook them.

"It looks like you'll have to wear one of those thongs instead." Dorothy said and left, shutting the door on her way out.

Roger knew he had no choice. He put on one of the thongs, got dressed and went to breakfast.

Norman pranced up to Roger wearing a cat suit. "Good morning Master Roger!" He said in a hillbilly accent.

"Have you seen my underwear, Norman?" Roger asked.

Norman screamed and somersaulted into the kitchen.

"I'll take that as a NO. Well it looks like I'll have to do some detective work today." Roger ate all his breakfast in one bite and then started his search around the house for any clues. He looked under the couch. "Heeeeere underwear underwear underwear!" He called. "What's this?" He spied a note lying on the table and picked it up. He read it out loud to himself. "I have your precious underwear! If you ever want to see it alive again you'll bring $2.50 to the gay bar on 123456 Pie Street! Look for the door with the pink knob."

"Oh no! My poor underwear! Whatever shall I do!?" Roger squeaked. "I want my underwear back, but I don't want to have to pay $2.50 for it!"

"You're a negotiator, figure it out." Dorothy told him.

Norman was now swinging from the ceiling fan and loudly singing "The Real Slim Shady".

"I'll go see Dastun, maybe he can help!" Roger took off in the Griffin and when he reached the station, he noticed that everyone was walking funny like they were wearing tight thongs. He entered Dastun's room. Dastun looked up from his desk when he entered. "Roger! A crisis has hit the city; everyone's underwear has been stolen and replaced by black thongs!"

"Black thongs!? Then why did I get pink thongs!?"

"You got pink thongs?"

"Yea, I'll trade you!"

"No way Roger!"

"Fine, but look. I also got this!" Roger gave the ransom note to Dastun

Dastun took the note and read it. "A LEAD! Roger, do you realize you're the only one in Paradigm City who received one of these?"

"I do now."

"We have to go to this address immediately and get back all of the underwear! Go on ahead Roger; the Military Police will back you up."

Roger ran back to the Griffin and sped away. "There it is, 123456 Pie Street." Roger parked and got out of the car. He was about to go in when he remembered something very important.

Just then the Military Police carrying B-B guns rode up on skateboards. Roger turned to look at Dan as he ran up beside him.

"Why are they all on skateboards and carrying B-B guns?" Roger asked.

"Paradigm has cut our funding, AGAIN!" Dastun yelled. "Why haven't you gone in yet?"

"It's a GAY bar! You go in." Roger whined.

"You have to, YOU'RE the negotiator!"

"FINE!" Roger galloped up to the door of the bar. "I need a new job." He said as he stepped inside. All the gay guys in the bar turned to check him out. Roger walked briskly to the other side of the bar; he was poked, grabbed, slapped and whistled at all the way down. Just before he reached the door with the pink knob, a guy wearing cat ears stepped in front of him and said, "I haven't seen YOU around here before!"

"I'M NOT GAY!" Roger blurted out.

"You're such a louse!" The guy turned on his high-heels and stomped away.

Roger flung open the door and threw himself inside. It was dark so he flipped on a light switch. To his shock Beck and Dorothy were there, sitting on a huge pile of stolen underwear and making out!

"DOROTHY!" Roger screamed.

Beck and Dorothy turned to look at him. "It's about time you got here!" Back exclaimed.

"So you're behind this! And Dorothy, I can't believe you'd stoop so low! You are going to return all of this underwear right now!"

"Do you have the $2.50?" Beck asked.

Roger gave him the money and looked angrily at Dorothy. "What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked, his teeth clenched and his hands made into fists.

"APRIL FOOLS!!!" Dorothy and Beck chimed together and Norman popped out from behind a bookcase, on his head he was wearing blue underwear with little sailboats. "April Fools April Fools!!!" Norman ran around in small circles and stuck a dunce cap on Roger's head.

"You were in on this too Norman!? AAAAAAAA!" Roger ripped off his pants and threw them at Beck's face, then ran out of the room back into the bar.

"WOOHOO!" All the gay guys clapped as he ran by in his pink thong.

~~~****~~~~

THE END

What did you expect from someone like ME?