Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Square-Enix does. But that's just a minor detail.

Warnings: Randomness, crazyness, and major OOC-ness.

A/N: Hello people. Here's a piece of work that I wrote when I was in a very isane moment and sugar-high =D so it's a very random thing, destined to be pretty much my shameless attempt to write something funny and somewhat plot-less. Yay me! =D


CHAPTER 1 - Kairi kidnapped?


          Kairi was sitting on the beach, watching the beautiful sea of Destiny Islands - and the pollution that unfortunetly came with it, too, mind you - as she usually did, looking pretty. Firstly, because she was a princess, and princesses are supposed to look pretty. Secondly, because Square-Enix payed her well. Not Disney, because she wasn't a "original Disney character". Bleh to Disney.

          Suddenly, though, a misterious black screen appeared in the middle of the sky. Kairi looked utterly confused, as anyone else would be - it wasn't every day that a misterious black screen appeared in the middle of the sky. At least, not on her sky, anyway. So she said the only coherent thing to say in a moment like that.

          "What the hell?"

          From inside the black screen came a voice, a girlish one.

          "Look what you did, Ansem, you're so useless dammit! Yes, connect that cable there! OVER THERE ANSEM, ARE YOU DEAF?!? OUCH! Those are my feet! Oh, crap, I'm on the air already... Hello, is this thing on? 1, 2, 3, testing testing hellllllllllloooooooooooo heeeeeeeeellllllllooooooooooooooooooooo????????"

          Kairi stared at the screen in utterly confusement (and amusement), wondering wether she should respond or not. (Un)Fortunetly, a girl's image appeared on the screen and started to talk again.

          "Ahem, it's right now. Kairi, can you hear me? I am now the supreme ruler of this world!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! AND, I'm here to kidnap you, Kairi, do you understand me?"

          "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M ABOUT TO BE KIDNAPPED! HEEEELPPP! IT'S.... It's..." Kairi thought for a moment. "By the way, who the heck are you?"

          The girl on the screen fell anime-style, then recovered and coughed. "It's me! Alice! Gosh, nobody EVER pays attention to me..."

          "Alice?" Kairi scratched her head. "But weren't you that cute and innocent girl we met in Wonderland?"

          "I'M NOT ALICE IN WONDERLAND ANYMORE, ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I'M SAYING??" yelled Alice again, enfuriated. Of course nobody listened to her, or even cared, but hey, they could at least pretend to.

          "Huh... okay... well, I was getting bored anyway. So, you can take me, whatever." said Kairi simply.

          "MWAHAHAHA! Of course! And with that I can get on with my eeeevil plans..." said Alice, delighted.

          "NOOOO! You should be surrendering to ME! Give your heart to the darkness! DARKNESS, I SAY!!!"


          "Shut up, Ansem."


          Sora was laying on his bed, daydream about cookies, cheesecakes, chocolate... the usual stuff. These people from Destiny Islands sure have very busy lifes don't they? Anyway, as expected, our pretty and mysterious black screen appeared once again, this time right outside Sora's window.

          But Sora took no notice, and instead continued with his daydreaming.

          "Ahem." called Alice from the screen.

          "Hmm... cheesecake..."


          "I'm sooo hungry..."


          "Huh, what?" Sora got up, and went to see what was outside his window. And no doubt, there it was: the mysterious black screen.

          Sora stared blankly at the screen for a few seconds.



          "COOL, I HAVE CABLE!!!!!" he yelled suddenly.

          "No, stupid boy!!! It's me, the supreme ruler of this world!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! And I have some terrible news for you... I have kidnapped your princess Kairi! now ain't I the best villain ever?" said Alice, gleaming with joy.

          "But you're not even a villain..." Ansem muttered.

          "Shut up Ansem!"

          Sora continued to stare in confusement. After a few minutes, the information finally sank in, and he started to scream "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SHE KIDNAPPED KAIRI! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO! I HAVE TO GET HELP! IT'S... It's..." he thought for a moment. "By the way, who the heck are you?"

          "AAAARGH! It's me! Alice!!" she yelled. How could these people not remember *her*, the most important character of that entire stupid game?!? Okay maybe it wasn't stupid, but you got the point.

          "Alice?" Sora scratched his head. "But weren't you..."

          "NO! I'M NOT THE CUTE AND INNOCENT ALICE FROM WONDERLAND!" Alice drank a glass of water. So much yelling in just one day was killing her throat. But it wasn't her fault all these people were incredibly and helplessly stupid. Ansem, for exemple, didn't stop getting on her nerves. "Now listen here, you'll come to look for her - not that you'll ever find me anyway, but you can try."

          "Okay!" Sora nodded happily. "But... why?"

          "Because I'm telling you to!" said Alice.


          "For stupid plot purposes of this crappy fic, that's why! Now I have to go! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breath* HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

          And Alice's image faded, leaving only a red screen with the message "Sorry, supreme ruler of the world isn't here, please come back later."

          "Hey, wait-... I better go find Riku." Sora thought. "That girl's laugh sure made me scared..."


          Riku, unlike his other fellow friends of Destiny Islands, actually had something to do and keep him busy. And that thing was running away from Selphie.

          Okay...it wasn't really an important thing, but at least it was something.

          So, while he was running, he bumped into Sora, who actually saw Riku coming - he just liked bumping into things. Fun!

          "Riku! I'm so glad I found you, listen, there is something important..." started Sora, until Selphie step between the two boys and starting to talk like an accelerated voice recorder.


          "...Kairi's just been kidnapped, and you will never guess by who!..."


          "...Alice! Yes, that little blonde from Wonderland! She appeared on a black screen..."


          "...and told us to look for Kairi! What will we do?"

          Okay, we could say that Riku hadn't gotten anything of what was going on... but he heard random (and coveniently important) words such as "Kairi", "kidnapped" and "Alice". Wait, Kairi was kidnapped by Alice? That didn't make any sense... and then, he thought, who cares?

          "And...why exactly should we be looking for Kairi?" asked Riku.

          "Because Alice told us to. I'm sure you have lots of interesting things to do around here that keep you busy and unable to go huh?" asked Sora sarcastically.

          Riku had to admit that running away from Selphie (who by the way was STILL rambling about things usually only her and Kairi ever cared) wasn't his all-time favorite pasttime. So, he gave up.

          "Okay. We'll think of something by tomorrow."


          "And while you're sleeping, give in to the darkness... open your hearts to the dark-"




A/N: Lol, guys, this is what happens when you write something totally crazy out of your crazy little head. I dunno if I'll continue this... any of you interested? =D Please review, I'd like to hear your comments.

So, I'm off now!