Glaring at his hikari, Bakura clenched the T-shirt he'd been reading from in his fists as he said, "This isn't funny, Ryou. I was a thief, not an assassin."
"It's still rather humorous, though, yami." Ryou did not look one bit remorseful for his amusement at the situation.
"It's a gag gift, Bakura," Yugi explained. "Though I admit it wasn't in very good taste." Yugi shot his yami a glare.
Yami shrugged nonchalantly. "Just payback for the shirt he gave me, aibou."
Comprehension dawned on Yugi's face and he nodded reluctantly.
Ryou looked confused. "When was this? And what did it say?"
"Well, Ryou, you were the one who mentioned that no one got anything for the Pharaoh on Yugi's birthday – so the next week I went out and got him a little something." If anything, Bakura's smirk grew wider.
Yami huffed. "You stole it, most likely."
"So what if I did?" Bakura asked, not seeming phased at all. "And actually, no, I didn't. I had to get someone to change the wording, so I actually had to pay for it."
"With stolen money, no doubt," Yami insisted.
"But what did it say?" Ryou demanded.
Yami's glower intensified.
Bakura cleared his throat and recited, "'Ra put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of tasks. Right now I am so far behind, I shall never enter the afterlife.'"
Ryou blinked. "That was actually kind of amusing. I think the one Yami gave you was more insulting, 'Kura."
Yami growled. "It still wasn't funny, tomb-robber."
Bakura shrugged and flopped down on the couch. "You couldn't honestly expect me to get you a real gift. Besides – I was the only one who got you anything. The twerp just shared his gifts with you. That shirt was all yours."
Ryou sighed and gave Yami an apologetic look. "He has a point. Besides, that shirt–" he pointed at the piece of clothing still clutched tightly in Bakura's fists "–was more degrading than anything else. He wasn't an assassin. And he's not psychotic. The one 'Kura gave you wasn't even slightly insulting."
Yugi looked slightly uncomfortable, but said, "I agree. You went a little far this time, Yami."
Yami looked taken aback. "He has tried to kill us several times, aibou!"
"Not lately!" Ryou interjected. "We've sort of been at peace since the whole Egypt thing. He hasn't even threatened you all that often."
"That's because we don't see them all that often, hikari," Bakura pointed out. "If we did, then I'd threaten them more. Just for form's sake, you understand." He smirked.
"Which brings up another question," Yugi said. "Where have you guys been, anyway? I rarely even see Ryou outside of class at school anymore."
Ryou shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Bakura smirked.
"Ah, well…" Ryou started. "Um…Bakura and I are sort of…uh…"
"We're fucking like bunnies," the tomb robber announced, a leer on his lips. "And I keep dragging him out of class to have sex in the empty classrooms."
Ryou blushed crimson.
Yugi looked a little off-kilter, but said weakly, "Well, I'm happy for you two."
Yami, however, looked aghast. "Oh, Ra," he said, horror-struck. "I can't believe I actually have something in common with that tomb-robber!"
Comprehension flooding his face, Ryou looked at Yugi and said, "So that's why you've been wearing that neck belt so often lately. I knew that was a hickey I saw on your neck the other day."