Author's Note: If you've written a Dirty Jango-Zam fic, please forgive me for poking fun at you. Obviously I must have enjoyed your fics, or I wouldn't have sat there reading them.

A DIRTY JANGO-ZAM FIC or WHY BOBA FETT IS A VIRGIN

Zam stared into the other bounty hunter's eyes: deep, dark, and melancholy, but with a faint sparkle of the mischievousness that she loved him for. They were the color of chocolate, and they seemed old beyond their years. Old with experience, and with wisdom.

"Oh, Jango," she whispered, "don't ever put your helmet on again!"

"Okay," he nearly giggled, sounding drunk. "But only if you don't shapeshift anymore. Green wrinkly freaks turn me on."

Zam jumped on him and started smothering his face with her lips, kissing the light brown skin, marveling over the deep scars that coursed through it. Each had a story, she thought, and many were of times she had shared with him. The days of their youth, long ago, when they had both been so full of life and potential. They ever hardly had adventures anymore, not since Jango had decided to settle down on Kamino. She missed the old days.

Jango ran one of his strong, rough hands down her bare, scaly back, and kissed her intensely. Her lips tasted so good. . . .

Her lips still locked in his, Zam set her fingers to work in unlatching the breastplate of his Mandalorian armor, which he had not had the chance to remove yet, their having only been back from the last mission for a few minutes. It had been a good one, but this was better. The armor fell to the floor with a clunk, followed shortly by the rest of his clothes. Jango had already removed Zam's, being much more outgoing and aggressive than she.

"Jango," Zam breathed, "I love you."

Jango didn't respond, he was too busy running his mouth up and down her scaly Clawdite neck.

"Jango, say something," Zam begged him.

"Uh, okay." The other bounty hunter pulled his head away from her neck for a moment. "You're really pretty, Zam."

The Clawdite nearly fainted. His voice was so beautiful. All deep and warm and romantic--and his accent! She took a deep breath. "No one's ever said that to me, Jango."

I can see why, Jango thought, but didn't say it out loud. Besides, it didn't matter what a woman looked like. There were other things more important to him. He put his arms around her and pulled her even closer.

"DAD?!?" a voice asked in horror. Jango let go of Zam and looked up in surprise. "What are you doing? You're from CONCORD DAWN FOR THE FORCE'S SAKE!!!!!!!!"

Zam stared dumbfoundedly, and Jango started searching for words. "Oh," he said finally, "you think we're having sex, don't you, Boba?"

Zam chimed in. "That's funny, isn't it Jango?" They both tried to fake a laugh, but it didn't come off sounding too convincing. "Boba, your father was just showing me a traditional Mandalorian greeting ritual. Something Jaster Mereel started, I believe. You know, we were just so happy to see each other...."

"Oh," Boba said slowly, feigning naivete, "I see. Well, I guess I'll go back to bed then."

"Yeah, Boba," Jango said, "you do that."

As soon as the door was closed, Zam jumped on top of Jango again.

Sex between those not married, thought Fett, is immoral. Sex between those not married is immoral. Sex between those not married—

Inside his room, Boba Fett swore to himself, and to all the Forces that ran the universe, that he would always remain chaste.

The End (thank the Force)