When Spike met the Smurfs….mmm.what the hell was I thinking when I wrote this???

Please review. Flame if you must but not of that pathetic swear-till-you-turn-blue crap. OK?


Spike wandered through the streets of Sunnydale in the hope of finding a demon…preferably one smaller than him and not a threat to his life.
What he got was….well, they were smaller than him, but I wouldn't say they exactly harmless….

La la la la la la la …

Spike froze.

La la la la la la la la…

"Oh God no. Please no."

The creatures doing the singing rounded the corner and stopped. About 15ft in front of Spike. He screamed.
" Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!"
He turned and ran. And ran. And ran until he crashed into Giles' front door and knocked himself out cold.


"Spike?"
"Nnygh?"
"Are you alright?"
Spike opened his eyes and glared at Giles.
"Not as if you care."
"You knocked my door off it's hinges. It's my business to care."
"About the door."
"Yes. About my door."
He got up and looked nervously out of the window.
"Spike what's the matter?"
"S…s…sm..sm..smu..smur…."
"Spit is out."
"Smurfs…….."
Giles walked over to the obviously terrified vampire and looked him in the eye.
"How much have you had to drink?"
"Nothing, zilch, zero, nada. They were smurfs I tell you!! SMURFS!!!"
!Okay Spike I think you'd better go home to your crypt and have a lie down."
Spike fell on his knees at Giles' feet he was sobbing so hard his body shook.
"NO….please….don't make me go……no…please….."
Giles looked at the trembling vampire. How could anything (except turning into a "poncy bugger" like Angel) scare him so badly?Giles sighed.
"Look, if I come ouside with you will you be OK?"
Spike stood up, a look of total relief on his face.
"Will you make them go away?"
"How?"
"I don't know…tell them to sod-off or something."
Giles sighed again, opened the door (what was left of it) and headed for Joyce's house. Spike trotted along behind him.

La la la la la la la la la la la.

"Hear that?"
"Hear what?"
Spike stopped, "Shhh, listen.

La la la la la la la la la la la la.

Giles turned to face Spike.
"Bugger."
Spike nodded his head knowingly,
"Exactly."

Again the little blue fiends rounded the corner, but his time they didn't stop. They broke into a run and pounced on Spike, dragging him to the hard, cold floor.
"Giles. HEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPP. Please God save me, I know I've been a cold-hearted killer and I still am at heart but please God can you find it in you to help a terrified and tormented demon??"
Giles smiled at the squirming vampires pleading and went to find his Slayer.
He came back an hour later having not found Buffy.He returned to find Spike half-heartedly wriggling as the Smurfs hugged him telling Spike how much they loved him and to find the Slayer and her Slayerettes in hysterics on the floor.
Spike stopped wriggling.
"Oh, sod-it!!"
HE got up and ran as fast as he could to the duck-pond in Willow's back garden.
"Must….reach…pond….must..rea -"
He never got to finish his sentence because one brave Smurf had clambered up to Spike's face and planted a loving kiss on his mouth. Spike spat, sending the unsuspecting smurf to oblivion (well as far as the man-hole anyway). He screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spike jumped over Willow's fence and landed directly in her 2ft deep pond.
He climbed out and watched with satisfaction as the little blue pixies from Hell drowned….

Surprisingly slowly for lungs the size of Xander's brain.
Spike sniggered at his last thought.
"Ha! No more bloody blue beasties!"
"I wouldn't say that…."
Spike turned to face his worst nightmare…..it was blue, wearing poncy white pants and an even poncier white pointy hat….but it must have been 17ft tall.

Shit.