Title: A Jedi in King Jason's Courtyard
Archive: Yes, please. Let me know if you take it, OK?
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Studios USA or
Whoever owns the Rights to Xena: Warrior Princess. Obi-Wan belongs to George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd and Fox. I'm only borrowing them.
Author's Note: On the way to Geonosis, Obi-Wan takes a short pit stop on Earth, in Ancient Greece to be exact. This really isn't AU, as it changes nothing in the Star Wars universe, just a short funny story.
Obi-Wan Kenobi grimaced in pain as his stomach twisted and made odd gurgling sounds. He never should have eaten that weird, gelatinous mass that the Jedi Temple had been serving, but he had been short on time and the chef had promised it was safe for human consumption. The Jedi Council had assigned him a special mission all his own and had even given him this cool little Jedi Starfighter. How often did that happen to him? Hardly ever! He concentrated on his piloting for a few moments, hoping his stomach would settle down. It seemed to work for about two minutes, after which his guts complained even louder.
"Oh no! This is no time to get sick!" But Obi-Wan's stomach refused to listen. "I better set down somewhere and use the refresher before I have an accident in my pants!"
Studying the map, he choose the nearest planet. It was a little backwater world that was vastly unexplored by the Republic and supposedly home to primitive humans. Still, it was the only planet remotely nearby. Changing the coarse, Obi-Wan was soon there and he landed in an empty green field. Popping the canopy, the Jedi jumped out and ran for the nearest bushes.
"Xena, I can't believe how easily you slew that hideous dragon!" Gabrielle remarked as she walked alongside her best friend. Gabrielle swung her Amazon staff around as she mimicked the moves of a sword. "It was just so … so … brilliant!"
"It wasn't a dragon." Xena stated dryly as she continued up a steep grassy slope. The sooner they got to Corinth, the better. The King was having a banquet and they had been invited. Better, word was that both Hercules and Iolaus would be there. Xena didn't know which she was looking forward to more; talking to her friends or eating something that wasn't fish.
"Oh, come on Xena!" Gabrielle exclaimed as she hurried in front of the Warrior Princess and started to walk backward. "You can't trick me! Of course it was a dragon!"
"Wasn't." Xena repeated as she continued up the hill.
"But Xena! It was a big lizard with wings! That makes it a dragon!" Gabrielle rolled her green eyes, her long blonde hair blowing in the wind. She ran one hand through her hair, pushing it out of her eyes. "OK, if you're so smart than tell me what it was! Huh! Bet I have you now!"
"It was a wyvern." Xena replied. "A true dragon has four legs and wings that grow out of it's back. The wyvern that I fought today only had a single pair of legs in the back and a pair of wings where its front legs should be. Besides, the stinger on its tail was ample proof that it wasn't a dragon."
Gabrielle was quite for a moment as she allowed the information to sink in. She turned to face the wind that was blowing down from the top of the hill. "You sure are smart, Xena."
"I know everything." The Warrior Princess bragged, a smile on her face and a mischievous twinkle in her blue eyes.
"Oh, Xena! You can't know everything! That's impossible!" Gabrielle laughed as she raced to the top of the hill. She paused at the top and stared down into the green valley that rested on the other side. A grin spread across her pink lips as her eyes settled upon a shiny object that rested in the valley's center. She turned to look at her friend who was still trudging up the slope. "Hey, Xena! Do you really claim you know what everything is?"
"Yep." Xena stated. "I've been all over and seen everything, I even traveled with the Valkries for some time. Go ahead, point at anything you want and I'll tell you what it is."
"OK! Tell me what that is down there! And if you can't, you have to buy me a new frying pan to replace the one you broke!" Gabrielle pointed at the Jedi Starfighter that sat among the green grass.
"This should be easy." Xena said to herself as she climbed the last few steps and crested the rise. Her blue eyes narrowed as she sighted the strange object. She had never seen anything like it but she wasn't going to admit that just yet to Gabrielle, not after boasting how smart she was. Her friend would tease her about it for days, blabbing endlessly. "Well, it's a … umm…"
"Yes?" Gabrielle stared at Xena, waiting for an answer.
"It's obviously a strange creature, a big bird or something." Xena watched it cautiously, one hand resting on her chakrom. She had learned long ago to take nothing for granted, especially not to trust unknown animals. At any moment the monster might notice their presence and leap up into the air to get them, so it was best to be ready. "You should have told me the moment you saw it! This is no time to be playing games, Gabrielle. That creature could have attacked you."
"But Xena! It's just sitting there!" Gabrielle protested.
"And hydras just lurk in their cave until someone wonders in! Then the poor sap gets ate." Xena reached over her shoulder and pulled out her sword, gripping it in her hand.
"But it doesn't look like a bird!" Gabrielle started down the hill into the valley. She was determined to get a better look at the odd thing. "It doesn't even have a head!"
"The head could be tucked under its body." Xena raced after her companion and gripped Gabrielle by her shoulder, hauling her back. "Stay behind me! We have no idea how it'll react to our presence."
"I never get to do anything exciting!" But the blonde bard did as Xena commanded, staying several steps behind. As they came closer, more detail could be seen. The bird, if that's what it really was, was triangular in shape and possessed a bright red stripe along its wing. Something else jutted up into the air from its back. "Well, is it safe to approach it?"
"I don't know yet." Xena gave the creature her steely gaze, sword at the ready. When she was a person's body length away, she stopped. "I see you, you creature! Make one false move and I'll slay you now!"
The Jedi Starfighter just sat there and didn't reply.
"Well? IS it a giant bird?" Gabrielle asked as she tilted her head at an angle. "It doesn't look like a bird to me at all."
"Well! If you're so smart than tell me what it is!" Xena taunted her friend, her eyes never leaving the bizarre object.
"I admit I have no idea what it is." Gabrielle pointed to the open cockpit cover that stuck up into the air. "Could that be one of its legs? Maybe it died and fell out of the sky."
"Could be…" Xena stuck her nose into the air, sniffing. "I don't smell any decay though. Dead things stink up a storm and by the size of that thing people would smell it all the way in Corinth. No, I don't think its dead."
"Then why is it just sitting there?" Gabrielle asked as she took a few cautious steps closer. "Maybe its sick and we should help it!"
Xena sighed and shook her head. When was she going to learn? "Remember what happened when you helped those people read that scroll?"
Gabrielle blushed in embarrassment. "It woke up those giants."
"Helping strangers until you understand the full situation isn't the wisest thing to do." Taking a chance, Xena walked right up to the Starfighter and poked it with a finger.
R4 swiveled his round dome and beeped at her.
Startled by the sound, Xena leaped up into the air and did a backward summersault away from the beast. She landed a few feet away, sword at the ready.
"What did it do?" Gabrielle asked, eyes wide.
"It made some odd sounds." The Warrior Princess replied. "I never heard anything like it before. Maybe this thing belongs to one of the Gods."
"I thought you said it was a giant bird!"
"So? I can change my mind, can't I?"
Gabrielle strolled up to the Starfighter, stopping near the wing so she could gaze at R4's round dome. "Hello! I'm Gabrielle. Can you understand me?"
"Gabrielle! Get away from that thing before it eats you!"
The bard only rolled her eyes. "With you everything is dangerous!"
"See? It just wants to talk to us!"
"Huh! More likely a trap to lure you closer." Xena muttered as she walked all around the creature, eyeing it from all sides. Then she knelt on the grass and tried to see underneath.
Gabrielle reached out and touched the wing. The metal was hot from sitting in the sun and she yanked her hand away, sticking her fingers into her mouth. "It's hot! And it's made from metal, just like your sword!"
"Hmmm…" Xena stood up, admitting defeat. "All right! I admit I haven't the faintest notion what this thing is! Are you happy now?"
Gabrielle grinned. "You have to buy me a new frying pan!"
"Yes, I'll buy a new frying pan!" Xena started walking towards Corinth. "Can we get going now? I'm looking forward to that feast at the palace."
"All right." Gabrielle waved goodbye to R4 and followed her friend, chatting. "You know, I think we should tell Hercules about that thing. Why, just think! Maybe his brother Hephaestus lost it and he's looking for it right now! A thing like that could have only come from his workshop, don't you think?"
Xena sighed, knowing Gabrielle was going to blabber nonstop all the way there.
"Maybe we'll even get a reward for finding it for him! Wouldn't that be cool?" Gabrielle stared up at the blue sky. She almost tripped when she spotted the creature zooming through the air heading higher and higher. "Look! There it goes!"
"Ha!" Xena snorted. "I was right after all and that thing was a bird! Looks like you owe me something now!"
"No! You owe me a frying pan!" the bard protested. "It wasn't a bird! It was made from metal!"
"But it's flying!" The Warrior Princess pointed to where it had vanished among the blue. "And birds fly!"
"But birds are not made of metal!" Gabrielle pointed out.
"Look, why don't we let Hercules decide who won this bet?"
"OK!" Gabrielle agreed, sure the Demigod would agree with her and not Xena.
Up in space, Obi-Wan set a coarse for Geonosis. He had just made it into the bushes in time and now all the alien food was safely out of his system. From now on when ever the Jedi cafeteria was going to serve strange foods, he was going to eat at Dex's!