The Shameless Bad Fic
The First of Two Parts
In Which Darth Stitch Messes Around With A Lot of Fanfic Cliches

by Darth Stitch a.k.a. Jedi Skysong

DISCLAIMER:  Arthur and the rest of the Potter-Snape brood are the only ones who happen to be mine.  Heh.  JK Rowling (bless her and may she NEVER encounter this) owns the rest.  Am just playing in her sandbox, will return all the toys nice and clean when I'm done.

SUMMARY:  Set in the universe of the "As You Wish" Outtakes – Arthur James Potter-Snape inherits Daddy Harry's knack for trouble and then some.  Yet another time-travel story. SLASH.  HP/SS

NOTES:  You might like reading "Snapercup's Baby:  The As You Wish Outtakes" before reading this story, so you know what you're getting into.  That would be listed in my ff.net profile.  For those who are wondering, never fear, "As You Wish" will definitely be continued.  Am working on it, actually.  Consider this a cookie break.  Mweh. 

DEDICATION:  To Frances, who loves Arthur and all the Insane Aunts who love the kids. 

ONE LAST THING:  Yes, this is slash.  Yes, Harry and Snape are in love in my universe and are currently suffering a bad case of UST.  Yes, Harry is seventeen and above the age of consent.  Yes, there shall be much fluff and silliness in this tale.  Yes, if you haven't been reading the other stories, MPREG is implied in here.  And yes, if this squicks you, you may go forth and spare yourself unwanted mental images. 


***

At four years old, Arthur James Potter-Snape definitely had his own opinions.

And he was rather vocal about it. Of course, any four year old who can call a rude seventh year Gryffindor "a mannerless cretin!" in clear, precise tones would be considered "unusually eloquent." At least, that was how Professor McGonagall had put it.

Arthur's Daddy barely kept the smirk off his face as he said, "Takes after his Papa, doesn't he?"

And Arthur's Papa looked rather smug about the whole business.

Of course, Arthur was a very polite and well-behaved little person (more or less) and would not have insulted the Gryffindor's intelligence had he not been taunting Arthur's beloved older sister Katerina in the first place. As the only boy among his siblings, Arthur took the duty of defending his sisters from prats like that one very seriously. Which was why his parents and Professor McGonagall did not scold the little boy overmuch (it was more of a gentle reprimand) for that incident. Plus, Professor McGonagall was very angry at the seventh year for showing such poor behavior to a first year housemate and took a lot of points off for that.

Also, Arthur pretty much liked having everything and everyone set in its place. He was neater than his sisters and was the one who usually put his books and toys away in the right shelves and boxes. That was something his Papa taught him, as a good Potions Master must always be organized about his ingredients and things.

After breakfast, his mornings were spent with Daddy and his other sister Waverly. They would sit at a table with their crayons and coloring books or play quietly while Daddy marked off students' papers and prepared his lesson plans. After lunch, they would be with Papa and Arthur liked to watch him prepare his potions. Papa didn't mind having Arthur there as long as he was quiet. Waverly preferred to sit in a corner and play with her toy animals.

And in the evenings, Katerina would be home from primary school and they would all be together. Sometimes, Katerina would take him and Waverly and they would all be together in her room and he'd beg her for a story or two. Katerina told a lot of neat stories. Arthur's favorite was the one that had the Dread Pirate Roberts in it.

The trouble was, things started to change when Katerina was finally old enough to go to Hogwarts.

Katerina was sorted into Gryffindor, which shocked Daddy and amused Papa to no end. And then Arthur's routine changed. Katerina didn't spend as much time with him and Waverly anymore. She had to go sleep in the Gryffindor dormitory, instead of being with them in Daddy and Papa's Hogwarts apartments. And Katerina was so very busy with studying and Quidditch games that he only got to see his beloved big sister on the weekends.

Katerina told him not to worry as they would all go back home to their house and they would be together again during the summer. But Arthur knew it wasn't the same. And so, he was rather grouchy about the whole business and whenever Katerina came to visit, he scowled and ignored her the whole time.

Arthur also took to running away and hiding from his sisters, which worried Katerina and annoyed Waverly. Daddy worried as well but Papa told him that Arthur would sort himself out in the end.

"He would take after me in that as well, love," Papa said ruefully. "He doesn't like changes. But he'll get used to that. Eventually."

It was on one of those occasions that Arthur found himself wandering in a part of the Castle he had never been in before. He'd been gone for quite a long time now. He knew Katerina would be frantic and probably would have gone straight to Daddy or Papa for help. He'd probably be in a LOT of trouble by the time he was found. He didn't care.

He found himself standing in front of a rather odd-looking door. The door was framed in the mouth of an enormous snake. And the snake's green eyes seemed to be alive and looking straight at him.

And then, Arthur heard this soft voice, hissing, it seemed, in his ear. "Greetings, little one. It has been a long time since a child of Salazar and Godric's has come to visit me."

The voice apparently came from the snake. Well, Arthur didn't mind snakes. He and his sisters often talked to the ones Papa kept for his potions. Even the poisonous ones were rather agreeable creatures, especially once Daddy had finished talking to them. The snakes all rather liked Daddy as well although they often complained that Papa was too grouchy.

Well, Arthur was taught manners by his parents so he greeted the Snake politely and then asked, "What's behind the door? May I come in?"

"Of course," the Snake answered. "Be careful, though. This was the workroom of Salazar Slytherin. He has kept many things here... many things of great power."

The door swung open and Arthur stepped inside.

The Snake definitely wasn't kidding. The room was piled with books and bottles filled with potions of various colors. There was a round shiny black ball resting on top of a cushion. A basilisk skeleton was embedded in the uppermost part of the walls, winding its way around the room. There were other things there that Arthur couldn't identify but was sure that Daddy and Papa would know about. And finally, there was a great mirror, set right in the middle of the room.

Arthur was reminded of the Mirror of Erised, which Daddy had told him about. Maybe they had put the Mirror here for safekeeping. Curious, the little boy approached the mirror, wondering what he would see.

He saw his Daddy.

Startled, Arthur reached out to touch the Mirror's surface. "Daddy?"

It was like touching water. His small fingers went through the Mirror and before he could cry out, he was sucked in.

And everything went dark.

***

When Arthur came to, he felt that he was being held by a familiar pair of arms. Reassured, he opened his eyes and looked up into a much-loved face, wearing a just as familiar worried expression.

"Are you all right?"

Arthur threw his arms around his father's neck and buried his face in that comfortable shoulder. "DADDY! I'm so sorry, I was hiding from Katerina and I was being a prat and please don't be mad at me, I'm sorry sorry sorry!"

"Er... what?"

Oh no, Daddy must really be mad. Arthur tried very hard not to cry. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I won't do it again. I promise, really!"

"Er... um, sorry, but who are you? And why on earth are you calling me 'Daddy'?!"

Arthur blinked. And drew away and looked carefully at the confused, bewildered young man he knew was his father.

The confused, bewildered young man who was wearing the uniform of a Hogwarts student and not the usual robes and suit that Daddy wore while he was teaching.

"You're not my Daddy," Arthur stated.

The young man looked relieved. "Oh good. Because I was wondering when the bloody hell (excuse me, you didn't hear that) -er, when did I became a father without knowing about it?"

"Um. I think that you're not my Daddy... yet," Arthur said then. Wow. This sounded like one of Katerina's stories.

"WHAT?!!!!"

- To Be Concluded in Part Two -