El Cunejo

By: General Quistis und Zhakeena.

Zhakeena's note: Special thanks to Rufus the Bunny Rabbit, owned by Quistis, for the inspiration. :) Nyahahah.

General Quistis's note: Literally translated, the title means "The Rabbit". Anyway, I have a bunny rabbit named Ruffy (from a friend) and one time, I was playing with it and Zhakeena's also there… and then it's just a spur of the moment: a fic. Feh. Expect insanity. The story starts in Junon… the part where Tifa and Barret got captured and were imprisoned. Their execution date is near. (get the picture?) Here goes…


"… It's that kind of dullness that makes you a second-rate scientist."

This line from the beloved Rufus ShinRa, President of ShinRa Inc., scarred 'the' Prof. Hojo forever.

"I shall get even with him! One day! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" he thought evilly as the President carried on with his rambling…


Rufus scowled as he stepped inside Professor Hojo's private laboratory, somewhere near the gas chambers of their base in Junon. It was dark in there. The only light sources were the glowing liquid chemicals in the various flasks and test tubes displayed on the tables. And Rufus had a hunch that there were… animals in there. (the previously non-existing kind, that is.) All in all, it was pretty creepy in there. The President only wanted to get this business with Hojo over with.

"Hojo, what was it that you wanted to ask me?" he said.

"Oh, I only want to ask your permission to allow me to have an off." Hojo replied with a sly smile on his face.

Rufus still had this stiff look on his face. "You asked me to go here so that you can ask that? You could've just headed over to my office upstairs and tell me! Can't you understand that I'm busy? And no, you can't have an off." he turned and walked away with a frustrated frown.

"Ohoho! No, President Rufus. Why not?" Hojo asked, going after the young president and grabbed his wrist. Rufus was surprised by this sudden action from this second-rate scientist of his company. His eyes widened in disgust and pulled his wrist frantically away from him. "You let go of me!" Rufus snapped with a disgusted look on his face. He got his handkerchief from his breast pocket and wiped his wrist with it. "You cannot have an off because the execution is going to be tomorrow already. You have to be there. It is a requirement." He mentioned with a cold look on his face before flipping his hair.

"Hahahahahaha. Execution?" Hojo asked.

"What's so funny?" Rufus demanded with an impatient tone.

Hojo stopped laughing and then smiled rather dementedly at him, "You want to kill those AVALANCHE members? They did not even do anything bad," he pointed out.

Rufus raised his eyebrows at him, "So whose side are you?" he demanded.

"I'm on your side, of course, President Rufus, but…"

"People will start blaming ShinRa for Sephiroth's faults. I cannot risk my company's image and my family's name for it. So I'll put the blame on AVALANCHE instead. That way, I'm not only saving my name but also yours because you're part of the company. Now if you'll excuse me…" Rufus flipped his hair and turned away, proceeding to the door.

Before Rufus could twist the doorknob open, he felt Hojo's hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Hojo, holding his weapon of choice (a syringe) and his eyes flashing evilly from behind his spectacles.



            "Kyah! Where's President Rufus! He has to see the execution. It's already waaaaay past the hour of their death!" Scarlet demanded frantically to the SOLDIERs who were standing by the gas chamber.

Hojo was just seated on one of the chairs by the gas chamber, laughing to himself… and nobody minded it because they're really used to seeing and hearing him just laughing all to himself.

But not Heidegger.

"GYAH! What's so funny?" he demanded impatiently.

Hojo just smiled calmly at him. "Calm down. Maybe he ate something bad for breakfast so he's still in the bathroom at this moment." He said.


"Look, just go back to your lab and do your experiments. I don't like you in here. Gyah! You're creeping me out!" Heidegger said in annoyance.

"No can do, General Heidegger. President Rufus wished for my presence here. I cannot disobey the young and valiant President. Hahahahaha." Hojo explained.

"KYah! Can somebody just look for President Rufus?!" Scarlet demanded from Heidegger.

"Gyah! You're ordering me?" Heidegger demanded.

"Yes I am. Because we're behind schedule!" she snapped.

"Tralala! I'll do it… in exchange for a bucket of lard later on for my tea break!" Palmer told them. Hojo just laughed at him. "I could use some pigs for my new experiment instead of using bunny rabbits to inject JENOVA cells in it."  He pointed out.

"Quit talking about your farm animals, you old geezer." Heidegger snapped at him.

"Hahahahaha. What do you mean farm animals? You…" Hojo cleared his throat and began to sing in the tune of  Old MacDonald Had a Farm: "Old Heidegger had a farm; gya ha ha ha ha. And on his farm he had some…"

"Alright, alright. Enough! Kyah! You miserable old fools. Just go, Palmer." Scarlet said, pushing Palmer aside. The moment Palmer had gone, Hojo demanded from Heidegger with an angry look on his face, "Who were you calling old geezer?"

"Gyah! You were the one who has a lot of women! Maybe you just waited for Lucrecia to die so that…" Heidegger trailed off when Hojo just smiled dementedly at him. Heidegger just cleared his throat and looked away. "Never mind…" he muttered.

            For some reason, Palmer went over to Hojo's lab to check on what's inside first. He opened the lights and looked around for a few moments… and he jerked when he saw a small cage. An empty one. He freaked out. "Oh my! What if it's a horrible monster experiment and it escaped and it's gasp roaming around in here and eats me!?" he exclaimed in panic, but just as he was about to run, he calmed down a bit when he saw that the PC was on… and seated in front of the monitor and the keyboard was a small rabbit with white fur, some brownish-yellowish fur on top of its head and strangely, blue eyes.

Looking over the bunny rabbit's shoulder awkwardly, Palmer read whatever the bunny rabbit was 'reading' for itself. 'Curious. A revival potion?' thought Palmer. 'What a strange bunny rabbit… I didn't know that they could have blue eyes… I wonder how Hojo did this one?...' Then, an eviler thought entered his pudgy mind. 'Ooh… I'm suddenly craving for Rabbit Stew!!! Tralala! I'm sure Hojo wouldn't mind if I cook this one for myself… Tralala!!!'

The bunny rabbit turned around with wide eyes when it realized that someone was behind it. It hopped off the computer table when it saw Palmer licking his lips and drooling like a hungry wolf… or in his case, pig.

But before Palmer could get the bunny rabbit, it hopped up, biting his nose.

"TRAAAAAHLALALA!!!" Palmer exclaimed in panic. "I'm gonna get rabies!" he pushed the bunny rabbit away from himself and ran out of the laboratory… leaving the door open.

            Tifa and Scarlet glared at each other for the ultimate face-off.

"Kyah! You $#&!" Slap.

Tifa gasped. And slapped her right back on one powdered-up cheek.

Eyes widening, Scarlet slapped Tifa even harder.

And the slapping ensued…

Neither one of them noticed that there was an audience to their "slapping contest"… the white bunny rabbit.

Scarlet backed off a little to ready herself for another attack from Tifa, but when she did so, she tripped and fell backward, surprising Tifa.

Tifa's eyes widened in shock… realizing that the oh-so-poised Scarlet tripped over… a bunny rabbit. Tifa could not decide whether to take it as an opportunity to run away already or wait for Scarlet to get up to see what she would do about the situation.

Scarlet's face turned as red as her dress in total embarrassment. "KYAH! You stupid bunny rabbit! Where the hell did you come from?!" she got up and kicked it, sending it flying up on the air and hit the wall.

Tifa gasped. "Oh my goodness! How could you do that to that poor animal! You #$%!" she attacked Scarlet again and gave her one last strong blow before she rushed over to the poor stunned bunny rabbit and attempted to get it and take it away from that horrible place, but the bunny rabbit suddenly moved away from her, its unusual blue eyes widening in shock before it turned its gaze angrily to Scarlet. It hopped quickly to Scarlet and jumped up and bit Scarlet's nose and scratched her face until it got wounds. "KYAH!!!!! EVIL RABBIT!!!!!" she screeched angrily as she grabbed it frantically and threw it away. Before the rabbit could hit the wall, Tifa caught it in her arms and ran off. "You poor creature… where did you come from? What are you doing in a place such as this one?" she asked gently as she continued to run. To her wonder, the rabbit was trying to escape from her grasp, but she did not allow it to do so. "Oh no you don't. I'm not leaving you here! That woman in red might kill you and turn you into rabbit stew!" she said with a sweet but stern tone.

            Scarlet was already crying rather pathetically because of her hurt face. She could see her reflection upon the shiny metal walls and the floors… and the more she would like to get her hands on the bunny rabbit… and also on Tifa Lockheart. "KYAH! Whoever has a rabbit… I think it belongs to her!!! I'm going to murder them the next time I see them! KYAH!" she screeched angrily. She was seated on the floor and crying her eyes out. She did not want to move and go after Tifa because someone might see her face. It really looked horrible and it was still bleeding because of the rabbit's bites and scratches and also because of Tifa slapping her face real hard.

"Gyah! What are you still doing here? The prisoners are already escaping, let's go after them!" Heidegger snapped at her as he came in rushing. He froze when he saw her face. "Wha… what? What happened to you?" he asked in awe.

"Kyah! Shut up! Just leave me here and go get them!" she shrieked before bawling again.

Heidegger scratched his head with a perplexed look on his face before he finally decided to leave her there. He would question her later.

            "Teef! Over here!" Barret called out from the Highwind as he let a rope down for her.

Tifa looked up at the Highwind and then grabbed the rope with her one hand, but afraid that the rabbit would fall down, she decided to just put it inside her sleeveless top… in the middle of her chest. "I'm sorry, little thing. But you wouldn't mind, right? We have to get away!" she spoke to it gently as she grabbed the rope with her two hands and began to climb up as the Highwind continued to fly away from ShinRa's base in Junon.

The rabbit was just frozen it its position, as if it cannot believe what was happening to itself.

But Tifa was having a hard time dangling with the rope. "Barret! Some help, please!?" she called out. She was afraid that she might fall… and she's also afraid that the rabbit might jump off and fall into the sea and die. "Please don't jump off, I'm trying to hold on for the two of us," she spoke to it with assurance.

The rabbit looked up at her with its confused blue eyes. She smiled reassuringly at it, even though her crimson eyes reflected too much worry.