CABIN FEVER, or Death by Snorkacks

Luna Lovegood tried to open her eyes, her vision blurry and weak.

Where was she? What had happened? Luna remembered rounding a corner in Hogsmeade and then all went black.

As she gained focus, she realized she was on a carpet before a fire, in some sort of cabin, and a snowstorm raged outside the double-hung windows. She sat up and pressed a hand to her head, taking in her surroundings. The furniture was old and dusty—a sofa and coffee table, and a round table with four chairs. An old chest rested beneath one of the windows.

Was she alone?

Luna stood up, feeling slightly dizzy. She felt for her wand, having last had it tucked behind her ear. It was gone. She felt her jeans pockets…nothing.

"You won't find your wand," a voice drawled from beyond a doorframe across the room. "I have taken it…not that you would be able to do much with it against me."

A tall man, with silvery blond hair appeared. She had seen him before, at the Ministry of Magic. He was Lucius Malfoy.

"I thought," Luna tried to speak. "I thought you were in…Azkaban."

"I was," he answered.

"Why am I here?" Luna questioned.

"Well, I captured you and was bringing you to the Dark Lord at his request. However, conditions were unfavorable as we headed over the Alps, so we have to stay here for now."

"Me? He wants me? Why?"

"Must you ask so many questions?!" Lucius snapped. "Shut up and sit down!"

"There isn't any reason to be so mean," she replied, falling down onto the couch, creating a small cloud of dust.

Lucius huffed.

"You really are as annoying as Draco says…" Lucius paused as a sound caught his attention. "What is that?"

He pulled his wand.

"The Alps, you say?" Luna said. "I bet it's a Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

"There's no such thing."

"Yes, there is," she insisted, standing up. Her eyes were like saucers as she scanned the room. "Look, there's its little hole."

"That's a mouse hole, you idiot."

Just then, a scaly little creature, somewhat like a lizard, with a great crumpled horn emerged from the hole at the base of the wall.

"There it is! There it is!" Luna screamed with excitement. "Oh! If I only had a camera!"

Lucius scoffed and shot a spell at the creature, but it was terribly quick and moved out of the way. The spell hit the wooden wall and left a smoking, black mark. The Snorkack let out a frightful hiss, and then a trilling sound.

"You've gone and made it mad," Luna scolded Lucius, flicking back some of her stringy blond hair. "Why did you try to hurt it?"

"Shut up!" Lucius demanded, readying his wand to strike again, but then a sound of many trills came from the hole, and the scurrying of many clawed feet. "Oh…"

One by one, angry Snorkacks began pouring from the hole, letting loose chilling trills as they set to defend themselves against the attacker. Lucius began firing spells.

"Help me!" he screamed, as they began to swarm him.

"I won't hurt them!" she replied. "They're innocent!"

But the Snorkacks began to come after her as well. Luna jumped back and cried out as they began to use their claws to climb up the legs of her jeans. "What do I do?" she asked, as she swatted the little reptilian creatures from her legs.

Lucius fought off a few more Snorkacks, then reached into his pocket, pulled her wand and tossed it to her. Luna grabbed it and immediately fired a spell at Lucius meaning to freeze him, but it knocked him off his feet and he violently hit the wall and crumbled to the floor. The Snorkacks swarmed him. He leapt up with an angry yell.

"You'll regret that!" he cried furiously as they began to duel. They were not only fighting each other, however, as the Snorkacks continued their rampage. Luna cast the Immobulus charm on them, hoping not to hurt the little creatures, as she battle Lucius around the small cabin. After what seemed like only a few moments, he cried, "Petrificus Totalis!" and Luna was hit, falling to the floor with a thud. He finished the fight with the Snorkacks, sending the remaining ones scurrying back through the hole. Gashed and slashed by Snorkacks, parts of his body and face were marred with bloody marks. Luna assumed she probably looked somewhat similar.

"That was a foolish thing to do!" he yelled at her, coming over to take the wand from her hand. He then released the body bind, and she sat up.

"I can't believe it!" she exclaimed. "Wait until I tell father! They do live in little Snorkack colonies!"

Lucius rolled his eyes, then peered out at the storm. It was going to be horrendous if he had to stay there with that annoying girl much longer.

That night…

"It isn't very fair," Luna whined. "I mean, there is enough room, and you put out the fire and I don't have a wand, and the floor is hard."

Lucius sighed and looked down at the strange girl who was asking for the bed. He very well was not going to sleep out there, especially with those Snorkack things still somewhere beyond that hole. Yet, she did look pathetic, with her big, silvery eyes.

"Fine," he sighed.

Two days later…

"NO!" Lucius screamed. "If you ask me about going out to see if there's a Snorkack mound above their colony, I will lose it! The Dark Lord will just have to find someone else for his plan, because I swear I'm going to kill you if you say anything else about Blibbering Humdingers or Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Then I'm going to rip out those stupid radish earrings of yours! I'd rather be back in Azkaban than stuck here with you!"

He smiled maliciously, as Luna stared at him blankly. "Wait a minute…" he said.

Lucius pulled his wand then silenced her. Luna opened her mouth and protested; yet no sound came out.

"That's more like it," he said. If only there was a spell to get her to stop stealing the covers and kicking him at night.

After a few more days…

"I'm only doing this because I'm terribly bored," Lucius said. Luna sat across the table from him, a Wizard's Chessboard between them.

"If we get bored of this," she said, "I know some good arts and crafts projects…"

"Just…play," he said, irritated already.

After too many days…

"So? How do I look?" Lucius asked, batting his eyelashes.

"Oh, so handsome!" Luna cried. "Don't you just love making your own jewelry?"

"I never knew I could feel so…good! Like I really accomplished something…I…"

The door to the cabin blasted open.

"So…" a cold voice spoke. "You…OH…MY…GOD…"

"My Lord," Lucius groveled, "I can explain."

"Hello!" Luna spoke cheerily.

"Wha-??" the Dark Lord began to speak, but as his flaming eyes scanned the cabin, they rested on something by the wall. "What the hell is that?"

"Snorkacks!" Luna replied.

"Yes, a whole colony we've befriended…" Lucius informed him, but Voldemort's wand pointed at the lone Snorkack.

"Ummm," Luna said. "Not a good…"

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort cursed, killing the poor little creature immediately, but his spell went horribly wrong as a sound of trills and hisses came in a flood as a mass of Snorkacks emerged from the hole, heading for Voldemort.

Lucius leapt up, grabbed his broom, and grabbed Luna. "Let's get out of here!"

"Help me, you fools!" Voldemort screamed, as he was covered in Snorkacks.

Lucius and Luna just ran, hopped on the broom and took off. They could hear screams coming from the cabin, seeing jets of light flashing in the windows, but ahead was a beautiful sunset over snow-capped mountains.

This was a challenge by black-disc-penguin (or Lady Silver).

Yes, it was stupid and really weird, BUT it had all the required bits: