Something was missing.
Padmé wept for the loss. The loss of herself, her husband. Her loss of her children. Her innocent children. She had brought them into the world. She had given them life and now she wished everyday that they could be with her, wished everyday to hold them. She cursed her selfish heart. Her children where safe.
She twisted under the sheets. Finally she shoved them away and stood. Moving to the door she looked out over the mountains of Alderann. And wept again. She wiped at her eyes angrily. Closing the doors she dressed as she had not done for weeks, though it was a simple dress, not one of her elaborate gowns she had owned it what seemed another life. It was pink, the dress was palest coral pink.
Leia. Her daughter wore pink the last time she had seen her. Padmé considered taking off the dress but frowned. Her emotions would not rule her. She carfully wiped away the tears and went to the fresher. She looked at the face in the fresher's mirror. It wasn't the Padmé Amidala half the galaxy had known.
Dark circles framed eyes watery and red from tears. The hair was knotted and dank as it hung around a too thin face. Her mouth was turned down and cracked. Slowly she went around repairing her appearance. No longer would the past dictate her present. Carefully she brushed her hair and showered. She smoothed a cream over her skin and another over her lips. She could do nothing about the watery eyes and the haunted sad expression.
She thought of her dream the night before. In it she had seen her self as she had been, confident, assured, her own person, and then she saw what she had become. Weak, powerless, frightened and worst of all she had become self-pitying. She raised her chin and saw the flare of pride return to her eyes. It was a start.
Moving out into the main room she took up a rich green cloak with a black lining. Pulling the hood over her thick wet curls she headed out of the cottage. Closing the door behind her she turned and gazed at the rich landscape. There was a small speeder nearby but she felt the need to walk. So she headed to the nearby town of Laran. She walked slowly through the valley, her senses drinking the greenness of the planet around her.
She entered the town and moved to a barber shop. Entering she quickly made an appointment. Later she watched in the mirror as large pieces of dark curls fell away. Tears brimmed in her eyes. The droid paused but she motioned that it continue. When all the curls were gone there was only short, straight bob left, she shivered at the lack of weight and warmth from where her hair had been.
She made her ay through the town and bought other supplies. Food, berry wine sweets and even some delicacies. And tools and seeds for growing her own food. She would live now, not exist as she had before. She might not be happy, she might not even be content, but in time she may have a semblance of a life, she may even come to love this world, but not yet, she was still bound to her home. She left Laran and began the walk home as evening came.
She walked the hills, and as the sun touched the horizon, the sky painted with pinks and oranges, a smile touched her lips. She walked away from the sun, into the gathering night. And out the next morning into the light of a new day.
She had found what had been missing, she had found herself.