Ack! Peoples don't kill me! I'm sorry for starting another fic! I won't do it ever again!
::pauses and thinks about what she just said::
Actually, I probably will.... NO KNIVES! [but other sharp, pointy, and shiny objects are allowed. mm...forks.]
I own nothing. Thank you all for making me feel special. There will be violence. There will be pain. There will be torture.
This is going to be fun.
Sultan: Grandpa Higurashi
Haughty Prince: Kouga
The Guards (the ones that chase Inuyasha in the beginning and throughout the movie):
The 1st one: (The one that's big, buff, and hates Inuyasha, oh and gives orders.) Sango
The 2nd one: Hiten
The 3rd one: Yura
The 4th one: Kaede
(there's only three main ones. But, I can't help it!)
The 5th one: Manten
The 6th one: Ayame
Random people that I most likely forgot about that are throughout the movie: Myouga, Kohaku, Koharu, Kikyou, and Souten. (kkk! ...wait – oops. -.-;)
I have meticulously gathered information about the above characters and after doing hard, strenuous work analyzing to make this fic the wonderful creation it is!
Inuyasha: yeah, right. You just typed down whatever character's came to mind.
Kouga: I have to agree with him on this.
Kikyou: Me too.
Inuyasha: See, you're doing it again.
SHUT UP! I can make Naraku Aladdin.
::Everyone shudders at the thought of Naraku in the costume of Aladdin::
HERE WE GO!
Miroku steps up to the stage, dressed in his traditional black and purple robes. A stage hand sneaks up and hands him a microphone. Miroku taps the mike and sends loud squeaks.
Just begin the freaking story already monk! the lovely author admonished as she sat in her comfy director's chair and began to film.
Miroku faced the cameras, and took a deep breath, beginning the song in a deep tenor...
"From a faraway place
Where the wild youkai roam
Where they blow in your ear/Where they're big and round [The director sighs and Sango looks ready to kill.]
["He's screwing around with the lines!" she stalked over to me.
"Stop him!" Sango hissed at me.
...why? A pissed off Sango runs off to her dressing room, which, incidently, happens to be one of the extra storage rooms. [[note: budget was tight. most of the cast's dressing rooms are extra storage rooms and bathrooms. Questions have been asked and they have been answered with peace offerings of potatoes and a handful of salt.]]
[Miroku, who was noticed Sang's sudden storming off, noticeably droops, but continues to sing his improved version of the song.]
If they lust after your face /Their body language intense
It's barbaric, but hey--it's me!
When my hand's at your back
And your face is turning red,
And my hand slipping is just right!
Come on down,
Stop on by...
Hop a cab and fly [Director shakes her head. That doesn't make any sense! Miroku seems to have gotten another interpretation of what she said and is now currently disco dancing to his song.]
To another Araaaaaabian night! [Stick to the script! Stick to the script!]
Like Araaaaabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of goooood ways [Miroku winks suggestively at the remaining ladies on the side, who all give him revolted looks.]
'Neath Arabian mooooons [At this point, Miroku has begun to strip. He has successfully untied his knot with one hand. The director, at the point, is very happy she decided on hand held mikes instead of headsets. Or pin ons. Again, the budget was an issue.]
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the hills..." Miroku has now gotten his top layer off. One of the stagehands whistles suggestively at the part of Miroku that was showing more skin than it usually showed.
Ayame rolled her eyes. Kouga goggled at the display. He felt his manhood was being challenged by a mere human. How had that monk have such hairy legs?
Miroku winked back at the approving stagehand before the lights dimmed and the scene changed.
The screen closes up to what appears to be a man, sitting on a camel in the middle of the desert. He has dark, long, greasy hair and feminine looking features, with the works. He had purple eye shadow on, too. I think it's the latest one from Maybelline. Extremely feminine. And another thing, he ACTS feminine too! Not to be sexist, but he is all girly and doesn't do his own dirty work an-
"What does that have to do with anything?" the 'mysterious' Naraku asked, out of annoyance.
Well, I have my views on how you reproduce, and don't give me that, 'I'm asexual' or 'I take the other people and chop them up and junk'. I don't buy it. So...
"Just get on with the story!" Inuyasha and Naraku both shout at the poor, intimidated author.
Alright, but I wanted to let you know, Naraku and Inuyasha agreed on something.
The two said people turned to each other and shuddered violently.
"And stop doing it with the switching in first person and third person point of view!" Rin shouts up at me. Surprised, everyone looks at her. "What? That's my thing." She states, as if it explains anything.
Giving puzzled looks to the worrisome girl, the author then turned back to narrate the story, or after seeing the irritated looks of the characters that the author has 'borrowed'.
Fine. Who wants the mike?
"Yay! I get to narrate!!!" The author had not realized who she had handed the microphone to.
Miroku. Who, might I add, needs to get in touch with his feminine side. That display of hair is scaring the director.
BACK TO THE STORY ALREADY!
"Alright, alright. Jeesh."
And as the dark, mysterious man sat on the horse, - no wait, is that a camel? Yes, a camel - and waited for someone.
And suddenly, Kagome, Ayame, and Yura appeared on the screen, wearing nothing but bunny costumes. Playboy bunny costumes. Sango was spared the humility as she had run into her room. But a piercing scream in her direction noted by Sesshoumaru shows that it had also affected her.
Miroku, if you're going to abuse your narrator privileges like that, give the mike back to me.
"Ok, ok." The girls' outfits turned into bikinis. "Is that any better?"
The girls' were trying to conserve their modesty by covering themselves with their arms.
Miroku. DO SOMETHING.
"WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING? YOU ARE THE AUTHOR! WRITE US IN SOME CLOTHES WOMAN!" Ayame yelled.
"Yanno something? This does wonders for my figure!" Yura purred.
She started strutting her stuff in front of everyone, causing Inuyasha, Shippou, Kouga to blush profusely, Sesshoumaru to turn his head, covering Rin's eyes while he was at it, and Manten, Hiten, and Mr. Higurashi to give wolf whistles.
Oh pish. You're all idiots.
In a flash of light, Kagome, Yura, and Ayame were off the screen, fully clothed (well in their normal outfits) and sitting in Inuyasha's, Hiten's, and Kouga's laps. In that respective order.
There? That better?
"Yes. I mean no! I mean – GAH!" Kagome's face turned an assortment of red shades before settling on a very, very dark red. Kouga growled as Ayame caught his head in a hug.
"I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!"
"MPHM!" It seems that Ayame was a bit... eager and has blocked Kouga of his air supply.
Well I'll be damned! Youkai need to breath too! Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "You ARE damned. Get him away!" Kouga was slumped over Ayame, who was sprawled on the floor.
Apparently Ayame wasn't strong enough to hold Kouga's weight. "I AM TOO!" Ayame shrieked from beneath the limp form of the once mighty and strong wolf.
"You make it sound as if he died." Kagome flat panned.
"I can only dream." Inuyasha growled. Kagome rolled her eyes.
"...can we get back to the SCRIPT NOW??" the impatient man/woman spat out as he sat rather uncomfortably, much to the writer's delight, on top of the camel. "QUIT THE HE/SHE BUSINESS YOU WISEASS!"
...should I? And stop abusing the person I so long to be as beautiful as? Oh, it's always been my secret desire!
I wanna be as pretty as you Naraku!
Naraku suddenly stopped scowling and there was a hopeful expression on his face. "...D-do you really mean that?"
"Oh!" Naraku fanned himself with his hands, while the writer gave blank looks at the cast watching, "I'm so flattered!"
And you said you were a he/she.
"Yea - W-wait! What? HEY! NO I DIDN'T! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"
Yes it is.
And we should be getting back to the story now. So get back to the story!
"...fine." During all of this, Yura was getting comfortable sitting on Hiten's lap, who was also not without a grin on his face. Yura, go help Sango.
"Aww...." Yura pouted.
"And WHY not?" she said haughtily to the poor, meek, defenseless author. "Oh SHUT UPPP! AND THAT WAS NOT HAUGHTY!"
...yes it was. ANYWAY, [Yura's loud sighs can be heard as she leaves to help Sango. "SHUT UP ALREADY!] we shall continue NOW.
"Yes. That will be good. I don't like camels. I think I'm allegic." Naraku said amiably.
That's not possible. "What isn't?"
You can NOT possibly be allergic to CAMELS!
"WHY?" Everyone shouted in unison as the poor... bullied author. "SHUT UP WITH THAT CRAP!"
.... ::twitch:: Not carp.
I don't like carp. Fish. Mhpm.
"...?" Kagome patted Inuyasha reassuringly on the shoulder.
"It's okay. You are talking to an insane person after all."
She's right. ::nods:: BACK TO THE STORY NOW... everyone on the sidelines sigh with relief as the blinding lights turn back onto Naraku...
And as the ::cough::thing::cough:: sat on the camel, a small figure approached ::cough::he/she::cough. Naraku frowned. Naraku glared in the general direction of the director but could not properly glare as the fact that the lights were literally 'blinding'.
Kikyou stood before Naraku, bowing down. It seemed that Kikyou was really unhappy with the arrangements. note: after learning of the casting, Kikyou threw a fit for a week, locking herself into Naraku's 'dressing room'. After the week, Naraku apparently was rather distressed that his Barney and Teletubbies model collection was... rather ruined. Workers are still trying to wash off the permanent marker stains. It was the only way we could get a person to play Jafar.
"You are...late." Naraku stated coldly, and the director had to applaud him. If anyone in the cast of this low-budget film was going to make it big, it would have to be Naraku. The director has seen Inuyasha sing.
He'd probably drop the acting gig and start a rap gang. "Hey!"
"No duh." With a sharp glare from me, Kikyou went back to her ACTUAL lines. "Ahem, I mean, A THOUSAND PARDONS, Oh patient one." Kikyou spat out, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"So you have it then?" Naraku gracefully arched an eyebrow, and narrowed his eyes. Overall, his acting was really good. "OH you really think so? I TOLD Mommy those Broadway acting gigs would pay off!"
Given weird looks, Naraku snaps. "Get back to the story!"
"I had to shoot a few WHORES to get it." Kikyou turns away from Naraku, to search for where the other cast members were sitting, searching for someone. The blinding lights prevented her though.
Kikyou slides her hand out from her sleeve, and in it is half of what appears to be the Shikon no Tama.
"OH MY GOD! YOU BROKE IT!" Naraku screeched. The director was forced to drop her whip to clutch at her ears in agony. note: the author has no nerves. if she does, they don't work. so it was all in vain... ::sniff:: poor Mr. Whippy.
Naraku leaps off his camel and runs straight towards the director. "YOU BROKE IT! YOU BROKE MY PRECIOUS! MYYYYYY PRECIOUS!" the director's nonexistant nerves are worn down.
OF COURSE THEY ARE! YOU TWIT! DIDN'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT THE SCRIPT??? BESIDES, THE OTHER HALF IS RIGHT HERE! The director takes out something from her pocket.
"THE JEWEL!" Kouga, Miroku, Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Shippou, Kikyou, and Naraku shout in unison.
If any of you move, I'll shoot you.
The room froze.
Oh what fun! I should have said that AGES ago!
"...but why did you have to break my jewel???" Naraku whimpered.
...because... OH SHUT IT!
Get back to your smelly camel and SHOOT THIS SCENE ALREADY!
Grumbling, Naraku goes back onto his camel. Kikyou seems to have great pride in her next couple of lines. She practically took a whole minute for each line. Waste of tape if you ask me.
"We didn't ask you!"
"Ahem,... first, my treasure!"
Naraku scowled. "You'll get what's coming to you."
Kikyou grinned. Apparently she had not read the script. Just this scene.
"Oh! That's why you keep asking for five minute breaks and then you hide in the bathroom! I thought you were bulimic or something!" Kagome cried from the side.
"YOU'RE THE BULIMIC ONE!"
A screeching halt came in the process of taping this movie.
As the two girls bickered, the director wondered whether or not Kikyou actually COULD be bulimic.
...well... you ARE dead.
Kikyou immediately burst into tears and ran to her... dressing room. Naraku scowled and rode off the screen on his camel and yelled something about going to the strip club.
Miroku offered to go.
Two seconds later Miroku is cowering in the corner of the studio, whimpering.
Hey! NARAKU! Are you going to a women's strip club or a men's strip club?
...narrator thinks that Naraku did not understand the joke...
Much to the surprise of everyone, Kouga stands up, having regained conscience and was hurrying after Naraku.
"HEY!" Ayame screeched as she chased after the two men on camel.
... Kagome sighed. Sesshoumaru just walked away. Hiten rolled his eyes and helped himself to more coffee.
The director sighed.
Alright, I guess that's it for today.
As I left, Miroku was still cowered in the corner.
...I wonder how he's going to do when he realizes no one else is there and the lights all shut off?
[[Note: This is a sorta documentary. This is the show of the making of the movie. Not the actual movie itself. The cast reassembled itself the next day, but all ran off when they remembered who's big screen debut it was...]]
The lonely toad had sat there, all dolled up, looked sulky.
"Next time, you have to go in what I give you!" Rin smiles.
"NO! WHY?" he looked at the director.
Because I gave her the job of costume co-ordinator.
...the director went home and called for the rest of the cast members to report to the studio tomorrow, due to technical difficulties. She also had to fire Rin.
Rin's outfits were rather... unique is a way of putting it.
They were worse than Miroku's bunny costumes, so the author left the clothes to the casts choice.
This was reposted because I wanted to reformat some things... nothing has been changed... really...