Trowa Talks to Rocks

Reader-

Before we get into anything... a few warnings. The idea for this fic came like a bolt out of the blue in the middle of the night while I was riding highs from too much sugar and too much time on my hands. This is a fusion between Gundam Wing and the Labyrinth. Just so that you know, we did some tweaking with characters and had fun with it. Please don't hate us because we're nuts. Love, Bunnicula-sama

I don't own Gundam Wing or the Labyrinth, much to my enduring pain and sorrow.

Another day was winding down and Duo was having fun with his favorite hobby, annoying the hell out of Heero Yuy. "Whatcha up to, Hee-chan?"

Currently enjoying his own hobby, Heero was slouched at his laptop wishing for all the world that Duo would disappear, "Go away, Maxwell."

"But I'm bored, Hee-baby... common!"

"Can't you go an bother some one else with all your inane yammering?"

"You cut me deep, Heero. Everyone else is on a mission! You know, you don't appreciate me as much as you should."

Heero actually paused at his work and lifted an eyebrow at Duo's words, "Oh yeah? And why is that?"

A grin that would have put the cheshire cat's to shame stretched across Duo's face, "Oh, didn't you know, Hee-chan? I keep you safe from the Goblin Queen. You see, as the God of Death, she must answer to me, but she wants you. It's only my good will that keeps you safe with us and away from her."

In a kingdom far away, several goblins sitrred from their slumber at the mention of thier queen. They saw that it was indeed the God of Death speaking. They began to pay more attention to his words, waiting to see if he would give the sign that their Queen hoped for. It seemed that the braided one was going to relinquish his hold on Heero.

Meanwhile, Heero laughed at Duo's strange story, actually, he just kind of snorted, then sifted his gaze back to the glowing screen. "She can't be any worse than you, Duo."

A twinge of pain flashed in Duo's eyes, but he never let his grin waver. Instead, he threw his arms wide and yellled theatrically, "Goblin Queen, Goblin Queen, take this Perfect Soldier away from me!"

The goblins frowned at this. These weren't the words they wanted to hear! They were close, granted, but they didn't even start with "I wish!"

"Damn it, Duo, I'm trying to work! Right now I'd rather be locked in a room filled with Relenas than put up with this any longer."

Now that killed Duo's grin. In a huff, he spun away from the desk that Heero was perched atand plopped onto his own bed. Turning his back to the Japanese boy and muttered under his breath, "I wish the Goblin Queen would come take you away... right now."

As soon as the words fell from his lips, the light from Heero's laptop died, bathing the room in an eerie darkness. Seized by a sudden panic, Duo sat up in bed. "Heero?"

But no answer came to him, only low, evil sounding snickers from around the room. Duo rose, quickly crossing to the desk where Heero had, until recently, been working. "Heero, this isn't funny, where did you go?"

"He can't hear you, you know, Oh Mighty God of Death." The voice seemed to come from underneath Heero's desk, but Duo saw nothing there. The snickers only increased.

Tapping at the window brought Duo's attention. There he saw a large, gaudy, pink parrot break in the room. Without warning, it morphed into the one thing that could make Duo scream out in fear, Relena Peacecraft.

"Relena, where did you take Heero? Bring him back right now!"

"What's said it said, Duo, plus, its Queen Relena to street trash like you."

"Damn it, Relena! I don't have time for this. You know as well as I do that we need Heero here to win peace. You remember peace right? Or have we been drooling over Heero so long that we forgot about the war?"

At that comment she seemed to smirk. "We indeed, Maxwell. We indeed."

Thankful that the darkness covered the blush that was quickly spreading across his cheeks, he pressed on, unwilling to grant Relena a victory. "Oh come on, Your Pinkess, give Heero back!"

"You want him back, you'll have to come and claim him."

"Oh, I'll be there, Pinkie."

"Good." The room seemed to brighten, and suddenlt Duo found himself standing on a hill overlooking a vast labyrinth. "He lies there, in my castle beyond the Goblin City."

"Is that what you kids are calling the Sank Kingdom these days?"

"Funny, Maxwell, just keep laughing. You have thirteen hours to solve the Labyrinth. Fail, and Heero's mine forever."

"Like I'd give you the pleasure." Duo sneered.

"Better run, Street Rat... the clock is ticking." With that, Relena faded away leaving Duo alone and facing the biggest challenge he'd ever seen.

No matter how great the challenge, however, Duo was not one to let it beat him. "Come on, feet, let's go." However, as he drew nearer to the Labyrinth he started to notice some strange things... like Quatre pissing into a fountain.

"Oi, Quat, what are you doing?"

"Pardon me!" the small blonde cried, quickly zipping up his pants and wiping his hands. Upon seeing it was Duo, he seemed to relax. "Oh, it's just you."

"Well, I'm happy to see you too, Quatre." Duo spat sarcastically. "But what are you doing here?"

The Arabian seemed to sigh with his whole body, a look of defeat on his face, "Relena told me I had to help her or else she'd tell her brother where we've been hiding."

"So?"

"Duo, have you been living in a cave for the whole war? Relena's brother, Milliardo Peacecraft is Zechs Marquise!"

"So?"

"He'll come and blow us up! End of war, we lose!"

"Oh."

"Yeah, bit of a fix there, isn't it? So I have to help her."

"Do you know where the door to this thing is?"

"The door to what, Duo?"

"You know damn well what door I'm talking about."

"'Fraid you'll have to be more specific, Duo. You have to ask the right question."

Exasperated at the Sandrock Pilot, Duo threw up his hands and demanded, "How do I get into the damned Labyrinth, Quatre!"

"Ah, you get in through that elaborately decorated door we just walked by."

Duo glared at Quatre, a glare that put most of Heero's to shame. "Gee, thanks Winner."

He strode through the opening doors with more confidence than he felt. To either side of him, the hallway he found himself in seemed to stretch on to eternity. To be honest, one way looked just the same as the other, and hopelessness began to descend around the Pilot of the Deathscythe.

"Oi, Quat, which way would you go?"

"To be honest, Duo, I wouldn't go either way." He seemed to want to elaborate... but due to Relena's threat, he couldn't.

"Once again, Quatre, your outstanding help has left me speechless." He turned away. "Eanie meanie, meinie, mo." Duo jerked his thumb to the right and set off. It occurred to him that it was kinda funny, leaving Heero's fate to a game of eanie meanie, but hey. Checking his watch, he swore when he saw that his talk with Quatre had cost him a half hour. "Just another episode of wasting time with Quatre."(2)

However, the hallway really was stretching on forever, and Duo was left with the distinct impression he was wasting time that he really didn't have. Time that Heero really didn't have. Fed up, he stopped abruptly and kicked the wall, throwing himself against the opposite wall. He landed in a heap against it. "Damn you, Relena! Damn, damn, damn!"

"'ello!" Said a small voice next to his ear.

"What?" Duo turned to see a miniature Pagan sitting next to him on a brick. "Did you just say hello?"

"No, I said 'ello, but close enough. Come inside! Meet the missus."

"Uh, no, that's alright, little man. Hey, do you know the way through this thing?"

"Who me? No, I'm just Miss Relena's humble servant, sir. But, please, come inside, have some tea!"

"Sorry, dude, but I gotta solve this maze. Why do they even call it a labyrinth anyway? There aren't any twists or turns or doors or anything."

"Sure there are, Dear Boy, there's one right across the way from you!"

"What? Don't tell me that I've walked past more than just the front door."

"'Fraid so, Dear Boy."

"Damn it, Heero was right, I am a moron."

"Eh, don't be too hard on yourself. Are you sure you don't want any tea?"

"No, that's alright, buddy, thanks for your help." Duo stood gracefully, feeling recharged at the prospect of making headway on the Labyrinth. Turning once more to his right, Duo almost starting whistling when the chibi-Pagan spoke once more, "Oh, don't go that way, never go that way."

"Oi, thanks, Little Buddy."

With a wink and a nod, Duo was running down the path, gone to far to hear Little Pagan say, "That way goes straight to that awful castle."

(1.) Oh come on, if David Bowie is an owl, Relena has to be some sort of bird to, so what suites her better than a pink parrot? its Loud, obnoxious, and well, pink!

.) We had to... it's such a great movie!