The Uncanny Fantastic Four

Chapter 38: Girlie Night Out


The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics.

The Baxter Building-

Night had fallen in Manhattan and Susan Richards was preparing for a girls' night out. She, Lyja and Jessica Cage had arranged to meet Jennifer Walters, Alicia Masters and Sharon Ventura downtown later.

'You girls stay safe, okay?' Luke Cage asked. 'Don't go getting into no trouble.'

'For crying out loud, Luke. You're like such an old woman some times.' Jessica rolled her eyes at her over-protective husband. 'Even if I have quit the superhero business, I can still take care of myself.'

'I just worry about you sometimes, honey.' Luke said as he held his wife close.

'Hey, watch the dress!' Jessica teased her husband as she gently pushed him away. 'You're creasing it!'

'We'd better make a move soon, Jess.' Sue said as she checked her watch. 'The cab will be here soon. Just let me say goodbye to Reed and the kids first.'

'Aren't you forgetting Johnny?' Jessica asked.

'Who did you think I meant when I mentioned the kids?' Sue chuckled as she went ahead to say her goodbyes.


Sue and her group had met up with the others downtown and were trying to decide where to go first. Jennifer wanted to check out a new club that had just opened, but Sharon shot down that suggestion. She hated noisy clubs and would have felt much more comfortable having a quiet drink in a bar somewhere. Jennifer then suggested a strip club where it happened to be ladies night, but that just earned her a glare from the others.

'Well, where are we going to go?' Jennifer asked as she threw her hands up in exasperation. 'So far you haven't liked any of my suggestions!'

'I think we're a little old to go clubbing, Jen.' Sue pointed out. 'It'll only be full of kids anyway.'

'I'm not really in the mood to get hit on by some drunken college jerk.' Jessica piped up. 'I'm kind of leaning more towards Sharon's idea.'

'Alicia, Lyja. What do you ladies think?' Sue asked.

'Going to a bar is good for me.' Alicia nodded in agreement. Lyja added her consent as well.

'You do realise that you're just as likely to get hit on by some drunken college jerk in a bar, right?' Jen reminded them. Lyja answered the remark with a cheeky grin.

'Yes, but in a bar we won't be subjected to what the young humans claim to call music.' Jen shook her head with a heavy sigh.

'I just know this night is just going to suck.'

'Oh, cheer up.' Sue smiled as she patted her friend on the back. 'You never know, they might have an offer on shots.' Jen perked up at that and grabbed hold of Sue's hand, leading her down the road.

'C'mon! Those shots aren't gonna down themselves!'


Jen's protests at being taken to a quiet little bar were soon forgotten once she discovered that there was indeed an offer on shots. The Jade Giantess had already imbibed several and was no worse for wear. Not everybody was so fortunate, however.

'Come on, let's hit the dance floor!' A rather tipsy Lyja said as she tugged on Sue's arm. 'It's time to make the magics!' Sue reluctantly followed her Skrull sister-in-law to the dance floor.

'Wow, some people can't handle their drinks.' Jessica shook her head as she finished off her drink. 'I think it's my turn to buy. Aren't you having any shots, Sharon?'

'With these hands?' Sharon chuckled, waving her great big rocky hands about. 'I don't think that's such a good idea. I'll stick with beer, thank you.'

'A bunch of shots all round and a beer for Sharon.' Jessica thought out loud as she turned to head for the bar. Alicia piped up, stopping Jessica in her tracks.

'I think I'll just have a water, please.' The blind sculptress said. 'I don't really drink much anyway, and I think I've had more than enough.'

'Suit yourself.' Jessica shrugged as she turned and headed for the bar.

A commotion from the direction of the dance floor alerted the woman to trouble. Sue came stomping back to their table, leading Lyja by the hand.

'We're leaving.' The Invisible Woman told them.

'But Jess has just gone to get more drinks.' Jen sulked. Sue simply glowered in response.

'We're leaving!' Jen knew better than to disagree with Sue when she was angry. She put an arm under the drunken Lyja's shoulder and helped Sue escort her out. 'C'mon Lyja, let's go get you some ice-cream, okay?'

'Yes, ice-cream!' Lyja hiccupped. 'Now the fun will be doubled!'

A store nearby-

Lyja had managed to behave herself until the ladies reached the nearest convenience store for ice-cream. Thankfully the walk to the store had managed to sober her up a little bit, but she was still a little out of it.

'Are you sure you don't want to wait outside?' Sharon asked. 'You could fall over and smash something.'

'Aww, I'm fine.' Lyja waved her friend's worries away. 'I'm fine. It's not like I'm going to fall over or anything. As if to prove her point Lyja did a spin and went to put out a hand to steady herself against a pillar. She lost her grip and fell against a display of pickles, tipping several of the jars off the shelves. She sprouted some extra arms and caught the falling jars before they could smash on the floor. 'See? No problem.'

Unfortunately, what the ladies didn't know was that several men wearing Halloween masks armed with guns had entered the convenience store. They headed to the counter and aimed their weapons at the poor woman standing behind the counter.

'Gimmie all the money!' The fellow in the lead, the one wearing a werewolf mask, demanded. 'Do it quick and nobody has to get hurt!'

The sound of a stick tapping on the ground alerted the would be robber to the fact that he wasn't alone. He spun around and aimed his gun at the person who was sneaking up behind him. It was a blind woman with red-blonde hair.

'Oh, I'm sorry.' Alicia apologised. 'Am I interrupting something?'

'Alicia! What the hell are you doing?' An invisible Sue hissed.

'Don't worry, Sue.' Alicia told her invisible friend. 'I know what I'm doing.'

'Everybody get down!' Another one of the robbers, this one wearing a zombie mask, yelled as he waved his gun around.

'Now, that's no way to handle a gun is it?' Alicia tutted as she lashed out with her stick, knocking the gun out of the guy's hand. 'Oh dear, did I do that? I don't know what just happened.' Another one of the goons levelled the gun at Alicia, but found it swatted away by one of his fellows.

'You can't shoot her, man. She's blind!' The fellow pointed out. He was then promptly knocked to the floor by an invisible force field.

'It's nice to see that some of you idiots have a sense of decency.' Sue said as she turned visible once more.

'Holy crap! It's the Invisible Woman!' One of the goons yelled. 'Let's get outta here!' he and his remaining compatriots turned tail and ran right into Jen and Sharon.

'Evening, gents.' Jen grinned, towering over the cowering thieves. 'I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon.'

'Yeah, things are only starting to get good.' Sharon added, matching her friend's grin.

A thorough thrashing later-

With the would be thieves defeated, Sue and the ladies waited for them to be taken away by the authorities. Lyja was sitting on the sidewalk with her head in her hands, feeling a little worse for wear.

'I feel like Galactus is tap-dancing on my brain.' The Skrull woman complained. 'That's it. I'm never touching alcohol again.'

'You're not hunger over already, are you?' Jessica asked. 'Don't you have to, y'know, wait until the morning after?'

'Alien biology, I guess.' Jen shrugged. 'Can't allow yourself to get drunk when there's planets to conquer, I guess.'

'The ice-cream should cheer you up.' Sharon comforted Lyja with a rocky hand on her shoulder. 'Who ended up getting that stuff anyway?'

The group of women all looked at one another. During all the business with the convenience store hold up, they had completely forgotten about the ice-cream that they had gone in to the store to buy in the first place. Sue was the one that broke the silence.

'Fine, I'll go get some ice-cream.'


Next: Johnny and the Avengers

Johnny Storm finds out that the Thing is now a member of the West Coast Avengers. He realises that all of the other member of the Fantastic Four had been a member of the Avengers at one time or another and sets out to form his own team of heroes. Guest-starring Spider-Man and… the Fabulous Frog-Man? No, really.