You still here? Cool. Welcome back again. Same disclaimers apply.
It was Mimarhan who awoke first the next morning. She shook Laih, who was sleeping on the bed, (Mimarhan had lost the determining game of Rock, Paper, Scissors) awake. After gathering the necessary items, the two trudged downstairs to breakfast, where they saw several of the canons had already began their meal. Mimarhan waved over a terrified waitress, politely ordering their meal. The waitress ran off into the kitchen, and returned as quickly as humanly possible with their meals. Laih politely thanked her and smiled. The tall agent had quite forgotten that they were still in disguise.
Excellent service here. We should leave a really big tip, Mi-chan.
Just don't forget to wipe her memory when she comes back. I don't want us in trouble with the S.O. on our first mission.
Hey, Mi-chan! Lookit that! Laih exclaimed, pointing at the Words.
After I have coffee, Mimarhan grumpily replied. She was not a morning person, and it irked her to see Laih so chipper so early.
Mi-chan, this is really important! Something just spawned! Laih said, grinning. It's so cute! Can I keep it?
What? Lemme look at the Words.
"I wonder where he is?" Syphiel asked looking towards the stairway leading to the rooms. Everyone, save Gourry, had come down to eat some time ago. Lina was already on her third course of her four-course breakfast.
Sure enough, in the place where Sylphiel should have been sitting was a Mini-something. Mimarhan wasn't quite sure what it was a Mini of.
Oh, it's so adorable! It's a Mini-Shabranigdu! I wonder what it eats. Come over here, cutie! That's right, you sweet Mini Mazoku, you! Laih cooed to the mini. It slowly ambled over to the tall agent. Oh, you are just the bee's knees! What do you like to eat, hmm? Laih continued her guessing and checking of the Mini's diet as it climbed into her lap. She was just ecstatic. Mimarhan looked over in mild interest.
So, where're you going to keep it? she asked.
In the response center. Syphiel will be very happy there, won't you, darling? Syphiel growled in response, contentedly munching on a rice ball from Laih's plate. The terrified waitress had come back to collect their plates, and nearly fainted at the sight of the Mini. Mimarhan put on her sunglasses, motioning Laih to do the same.
Let's cover your eyes, Syphiel, said Laih, putting a hand over the Mini's eyes and neuralized the waitress. Mimarhan quickly pointed her in the direction of the kitchen, saying something about the orders for the table with the redhead. The waitress, still dazed, walked slowly into the kitchen, emerging with platters laden with food. She set them at Lina's table without once noticing at the agents.
Mimarhan sighed in relief. It worked.
"Who cares? Early bird gets the worm," Lina declared, devouring her morning venison.
"Maybe he's just really really tired. I heard some strange noises coming from his room pretty late last night. Best to let him get his rest, the path towards universal righteousness is long and perilous," Amelia offered. "Right, Zelgadis-san?"
Laih, do you have the CAD? Mimarhan asked, curious as to how OOC the Slayers were. Laih fished it out of her duffle bag with one hand, and cuddled the Mini with the other. Mimarhan grunted her thanks, and pointed the device at Lina first.
Lina Inverse: CANON CHARACTER. Status: 35.7% OOC.
Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun: CANON CHARACTER. Status: 52.2% OOC CHARACTER BREACH!
Zelgadis Greywords: CANON CHARACTER. Status: 55.8% OOC CHARACTER BREACH!
Sylphiel wasn't there, so Mimarhan couldn't point it at her. Instead, she focused on the Words.
Incoming Sue, Laih. Heads up, Mimarhan warned the tall agent.
Hmm? Okay! Do we kill her now?
Not yet. We gotta get some charges first.
Syphiel stood. "I'm... I'm going to go and check on him," She said, worry evident on her face.
Before she could get too far, the doors to the room burst open and a teenage girl with pale white skin and golden hair rushed in. Her green eyes searched the room frantically and she wrung her hands in impatience. Finally, spotting a waiter, she ran to him and grabbed him by the collar.
I'm still waiting for Sylphiel to show up, Mimarhan said dryly.
Well, as far as Sues go, she didn't describe herself with over flowery description. It could have been worse! Laih said cheerfully.
"I'm looking for a man," she said shaking him, perhaps to hard as he crumbled to the floor. She sighed disgusted and went from table to table, asking everyone she came across.
Since when is hard' a verb? Mimarhan asked. Laih shrugged, restraining Syphiel from biting the Sue.
Comma neglect! Laih said. Mimarhan wrote it in the notepad.
"Lina-san, look! That girl... she's an elf," Amelia said, jumping on the table and pointing towards the woman.
"AMELIA!" Lina shouted as her plate flew from the table, kicked by Amelia's foot. With an arm, she swiped Amelia's legs from beneath her and dragged Amelia towards her by the hair. Syphiel tried to separate the two, while Zelgadis continued to eat, having rescued his plate from the table before Amelia's leap.
Laih released Syphiel, allowing it to wander around and eat the scraps flying from the table. Stay within eyeshot, love! she called out. The Mini nodded in response, and ate some of the bacon off of Lina's plate.
It likes living dangerously, doesn't it? Mimarhan asked.
Well, Lina's OOC right now, and hurting Amelia, so I don't think anyone will notice, Laih replied.
So da na. Hey, how does Amelia know this girl is an elf? She only describes herself as a teenage girl. The last time I checked, teenage girls did not equal elves. Unless, of course, you're in the LotR Continuum.
Yeah, kinda weird, isn't it. You'd think that Amelia, who was raised as a diplomat, would have a more controlled and suave reaction, wouldn't you? Laih said absentmindedly.
All the activity drew the attention of the young elf, who rushed over to their table.
"Excuse me, EXCUSE ME!" she shouted gaining their attention, though Lina refused to release the Halcyon Death Lock (tm) she had applied to Amelia.
"I'm looking for a man."
"Do we look like a dating service?" Lina spared a moment to address the elf.
"You don't understand! A great prophecy is at stake here. I must find him," she pleaded.
Hurray! Lina's first line totally in character! Laih cheered.
No kidding. So I'm pegging this girl as a Spawnificus repulsivum. You want this one? I very much want to kill the slutty piece of trash that is clinging to Gourry like a barnacle, Mimarhan said angrily.
So, who was Halcyon? Laih asked, feeding the Mini another piece of bacon. It seemed to like that greatly. You know, she addressed her Mini, I'm not sure if you're feeding off of Mimarhan's anger, or off of the food I'm giving you. You are Mazoku, aren't you? The Mini smiled secretively, or at least it tried to. It's hard to smile when one is a miniature lobster-like monster, and whose original was one seventh of the ruler of monsters. But Laih got the meaning.
Mimarhan said, ignoring the entire exchange between the Mini and the agent, is someone I don't recall off the top of my head. I know who Halcyform is, though. And if Halcyform is being referred to, then it's proof that this Sue saw NEXT, and so has no excuse for ignoring everything that happened in it.
The two assassins boredly watched the Sue ramble about her destiny. Laih took interest when Amelia became grossly out of character, dragging Zelgadis along with her.
Why does everyone think that Amelia eats, breathes, and sleeps her Justice schpiel? It's not like every word that exits her mouth is about justice. She's a very deep person! And if I recall correctly, Zelgadis doesn't avoid her like the plague, nor is he rude to her! Mimarhan wondered.
At least, he's not rude once he gets to know her. How can he hate her if he took a blow from Gaav for her? How can he loathe her touch if he carried her almost the entire way to Phibrizzo's fortress after she bonked her head? Laih added, snuggling the Mini.
Fanon!Amelia is screechy, annoying, and justice-enthusiastic, I give you that. But you definitely see her mature throughout the series, especially in NEXT. I think we can add that to the charge list. I don't even want to point the CAD at them. It'll probably short circuit, Mimarhan said, lazily watching the Words. Oh, hey, check it out! Our tramp Sue from last night has finally made her appearance!
"I choose my own destiny, Marigold. I am no slave to fate and don't need some dusty old prophecy to tell me what to wear in the morning. Unlike some elves," Marigold's sister said as she reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Um, excuse me?" Lina interjected. "How can she be your sister? She has white hair, dark skin and looks to be a dark elf. You have snow white skin, the most golden hair I have ever seen and look like...."
"I know, I know what it looks like," Marigold interrupted. "But she is no more a dark elf than I am. Her skin is as pale as mine is. We are actually identical twins to be totally truthful."
"But..." Amelia said pointing to the dark elf.
"It's make up and hair dye. A lot of the younger elves are doing it these days. It's this big dark, gothic fad." Marigold turned to face her sister. "I know what you're up to, Periwinkle. He's mine! It is written."
Both agents started laughing. Elves gone goth! Ooh, look at me, ph33r /y 4ng57!!11! Laih said, snickering.
She's such a rebel, going against prophecy and all. We better watch out for her! Hey, wasn't there an episode or two in Slayers that had to deal with prophecy?
I think so, Mi-chan. Wasn't someone named Filia in it? And there was someone else, oh, what was his name? Valgaav, right?
Hmm, yes, that's right! I think they devoted an entire season to it! Gah! This is nauseating. We're almost done, though. Just some more really bad OOC lines. We have to watch to Gothy/Silicone Sue's rebellion, and listen to her change her stupid name into another stupid name, Mimarhan said with exaggerated patience.
"We'll see about that! And don't call me Periwinkle! My name is Kara now!"
Lina, Zelgadis, Amelia and Syphiel turned to leave the two sisters to their argument. It was no concern of theirs.
'Besides,' Lina thought quietly to herself. 'If its anything like the fights big sis' and me used to have...." She couldn't finish the thought and shivered involuntarily.
"Periwinkle! You can't fight fate!" Marigold said raising her hands above her head. "FLARE ARROW" she declared, drawing a fiery arrow across her chest and releasing it towards her sister. "GOURRY-SAMA IS MINE!"
"WHAT! GOURRY!" came a collective shout. Their confusion turned to abject shock at what they witnessed next.
Shock, fright, gasp. Please, you're killing me with suspense, Mimarhan deadpanned.
Would that work on a Sue? Laih wondered aloud.
Probably not, unfortunately. I bet we can kill them with logic, though, Mimarhan replied.
Periwinkle, a.k.a. Kara, made absolutely no effort to avoid the flare arrow that raced towards her. She smiled as it came within a foot of her person and then veered dramatically up the staircase.
"Wha?" Marigold said bewildered. As far as she knew Periwinkle had no magic skills whatsoever... especially not skill enough to do that. Lina's group was just as perplexed, until they saw a second figure descending the stairs. His sword of light pulsated with the energy of the absorbed flare arrow.
Gourry Gabriev reached the bottom of the stairs and with his free hand embraced Periwinkle from behind, wrapping his long arm around her slim waist.
Mimarhan pointed the CAD at Gourry, out of curiosity.
Gourry Gabriev: CANON/NONCANON? Status: 97.2% OOC CHARACTER RUPTURE!!!! SHINYHAPPYSPARKLIEPINKUNICORNS NEED DISINFECTANT, IODINE AND DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!
Mimarhan quickly dropped the device; it had started to short circuit, and sparks were flying from it. He seems to be out of character, Laih noted.
Thank you, Captain Obvious of the U.S.S. No Duh.
Periwinkle's smile grew even larger looking at the startled faces before her. This was just the beginning of the surprises she had in store. Gourry was just the first step in achieving her goals. She leaned her head back and Gourry leaned forward, giving her a passionate kiss.
It was all Marigold could stand; she readied her next attack.
It was all Syphiel could stand. Tears starting to form in her eyes, she stepped forward to ask Gourry 'why?'.
Zelgadis just stood by blinking; even he was shocked by what he was seeing.
Amelia was about to race forward to demand Gourry's penitence, but before doing so spared a glance at Lina.
For a while, Lina just stood in place, her head canted to the floor and her hands shaking at her sides.
Funny, that's kind of what we're doing now! Mimarhan said with a forced smile on her face. None of this really makes any sense! Did this Sue blatantly ignore all of NEXT? I mean, what's canon, really? Who cares about it?
It's such a pity, too! This author has decent grammar, and, if she had developed the story and avoided seducing Gourry with her 3v1! Sues, this could have been a decent story! I have hope for this author. I do! Laih said, smiling.
How in the world can you be so happy about this? Mimarhan asked in amazement.
Well, I always look for the best in a situation like this! Here, for example, I'm happy cause Xellos was left out (she would have butchered him), I'm happy that the author shows potential and can learn from her mistakes, I'm very happy that I have a new pet, and I'm happy that we get to kill these Sues! See? Lots of reasons to be happy! Laih said, beaming.
You are so weird. Do you know that? I'm really disturbed by you, Mimarhan said, edging away from the tall agent and the Mini.
You know, when we kill the Sues, we should probably do it away from the canons. That way, we don't have to fight them! Gourry-san is still under the influence, and everyone here is a good fighter. I don't really want to battle three magic users at a time. It doesn't work, Laih said thoughtfully, patting the Mini-Shabranigdu absentmindedly.
Yeah, fine. I have rope in my bag to tie them up with. Mimarhan agreed, not anxious to fight a Sue-possessed Gourry Gabriev. You gonna do something?
Yep yep! Laih said, snuggling Syphiel and smiling.
" PERIWINKLE!" she shouted, forcibly pushing her way in front of the crowd. "I don't care what you do with Gourry! Just give me his sword!"
Periwinkle broke the kiss and frowned at the group. "You mean this sword?"
On cue, Gourry lowered the sword of light and aimed it at his friends and Marigold releasing the energy of the stored flare arrow. The blast threw them all to the floor. Periwinkle smirked evilly down at them.
"By the way, my name is not Periwinkle. It's Kara..."
Gourry, his eyes incredibly focused, his voice forceful, finished for her.
"Queen of Souls."
Okay, that is IT!! a voice thundered, accompanied by the sound of a fist being banged on a table. Everyone turned to look at the speaker. It was a small gray troll, and it was accompanied by a much larger green troll and a small... thing. Laih, whatever you're gonna do, do it now!
Okie dokie! Laih quickly cast a sleep spell over everyone in the inn except Mimarhan. Thankfully, all had been startled senseless at the two trolls and the Mini- Shabranigdu that had suddenly appeared, and no one had time to counterspell. Mimarhan quickly hog tied both Sues, stuffing some cloth into their mouths to keep them silent. She then opened up a portal next to the Flickering. Laih roughly tossed each Sue into the portal, and, picking up her bag and Syphiel, she stepped through. Mimarhan gazed around the room, ensuring that no one was awake to follow them. She, too, grabbed her things and hopped through the portal, closing it behind her.
Which one do you want, Laih? the short agent asked.
Oh, I'll take the non- goth Sue! She's got magic powers, and I don't want you to get hurt! replied the tall one, happily smiling at the crowd. The short one nodded. Wake em up, will ya? Laih nodded, and cast a Flow Break on the two Sues. They woke up to the unpleasant faces of two leering trolls. Periwinkle started to scream through her gag, and Marigold tried to cast a spell. Neither worked, and only caused the agents to grin wider. The short gray troll took a deep breath, and pointed at Kara.
she shouted, Periwinkle, also known as Kara, are charged with being a Rebellius stupidificum gothica/ Middleschoolicus Buildlikeapornstarricus/ Sidhia tolkienii. You are also charged with several breaches of canon, some of which include turning Gourry into a female statue, making him/her wear a skanky see-though shirt, making him sleep with you, making him fall in love with you-
Which is quite silly, added the tall troll, Seeing as how he just met you, and he's already head over heels in love with Lina.
You are also charged with several counts of abuse to the common comma, using sentence fragments, misspelling canon characters names, and changing your stupid name into another stupid name. I mean, come on, Kara? Lessee... oh yes! You are charged with abuse to ellipses, the inability to separate and indent each new paragraph. You ruptured the characters of Gourry Gabriev (beyond the point of recognition, I might add), Zelgadis Greywords, Lina Inverse, and Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun horribly, and invented a stupid prophecy to defy just to make yourself look SPESHUL and REBELLIOUS. Oh, you're hell on wheels, m'dear, but certainly not for the reasons you expect.
Laih had been watching with interest as Mimarhan charged the Sue. The tall assassin noticed, out of the corner of her eye, the other Sue wriggling away, trying to escape. Laih dashed over to the elf and stood in front of her, stopping the Sue in her tracks. Oh, yeah! I'm so sorry Marigold-san! I'm supposed to be charging you while Mi-chan is charging your sister! How rude of me! Well, let's make up for lost time! Marigold, I charge you in the name of the PPC with almost everything that Mi-chan just said, except you don't rebel, and you're a Spawnificus repulsivum/ Shidhia tolkienii. Any last words? Laih asked, smiling.
Mmhph! Mphmmhph! Marigold tried to cry.
Okie dokie then! Laih said. Freeze Arrow! The Sue was instantly encased in a block of ice, looking terrified. Laih picked up the Sue-cicle, and threw it as hard as she could on the ground. It smashed to pieces, effectively killing the Sue. Syphiel timidly bit on one of the shattered remains, and found it tasty. The Mini happily proceeded to eat many of the Sue-cicle splinters.
Yay! One down, one to go! Laih said, flashing a victory sign to no one.
All this time, Mimarhan was still charging the Sue. I charge you with taking over the MOST POWERFUL MAZOKU'S JOB, which, by the way, goes completely against the very nature of an elf. They don't want to rule anybody! Lina had to go back in time to save those elves' sorry behinds! They don't do much by themselves, you stupid Sue. You created a Mini-Shabranigdu, turned Gourry into a cat, and, in conclusion, pissed off this PPC agent mightily. Any last words? Mimarhan asked, removing the gag.
You can't do this to me! I'm the Queen of Souls! the Sue cried piteously.
HA! Just tell that to Phibrizzo! He's the ONLY Soul Master around! No one else, got it? Well, if that was it, then goodbye, Sue! Mimarhan growled. She grabbed her club, and smashed the Sue in the side of the head as hard as she could. The Sue dropped like a stone, blood pouring down the side of her face.
It smells like bubble gum! Laih said in amazement. And look, it's sparkly! Wow!
Yeah, I know. Your new pet disposed of one body for us, now we have to dispose of this one. Any suggestions?
Ooh! How about we dump her body in the mountains? Y'know, that mountain range Vrummy and Zangy had to climb in season one! Laih excitedly suggested.
Vrummy? Zangy? Mimarhan asked, raising and eyebrow at the nicknames.
Yeah! Vrumugen and Zangulus are long. Or better yet, how about we dump it in the Desert of Destruction? It's near Phibby's old domain, and there should be plenty of random Mazoku wandering around, Laih said hoisting the dead Sue over her troll shoulder.
Phibby? As in Phibrizzo? You nickname everything, don't you? Yeah, all right. I can't think of anything else, Mimarhan replied, tapping the buttons on the remote activator. Soon, the pair were standing in the midst of a swirling desert. There was an oasis nearby, and the two agents and the Mini trekked through the sands over to it.
Here! Let's dump it here! Since there's water here, there'll be animals too! And animals like vultures and hyenas eat dead meat, right? Laih said, gesturing at the oasis with her free hand.
This is true, but I don't know if they eat meat with urple blood. It sparkles, too. How weird is that? Yeah, dump the body, I wanna go back to HQ. I'm tired, hot, and I need a shower. Mimarhan said, yawning and stretching. In her trollish body, it was slightly intimidating.
Okie dokey! Laih replied, ungracefully depositing the Sue next to the foliage. Syphiel sniffed at it, curious. Oh, no, baby! You already had one Sue, and that is enough! You'll get sick if you eat too many! Soon enough, there were small lizards munching on the body.
Our work here is finished, my friend. Let's vamoose. Mimarhan said, opening a portal back to HQ. The two stepped through the portal and into their room. Their disguises had vanished the second they stepped into their response center.
Wow, Mi-chan! You're getting good at this! Mi-chan? Where are you? Laih asked. Mimarhan had vanished, dashing into the small bathroom as soon as she had arrived. Oh, well. So, Syphiel, this is your new home! It's small, but there are plenty of places to lurk! What do you think of it? The Mini ambled over to the computer desk and crawled underneath it, growling its approval.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Laih answered it, but there was no one there. There was a crate, though, and it was made out of a material Laih had never seen. It was a large crate, and on the sides was written DANGER, EXTREMELY HOT LIVE ANIMALS. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. Laih gingerly picked up the box, noting that it was pretty heavy. She put it down inside, shut the door, and opened the box. Inside were two Mini-Balrogs, and a note from Miss Cam.
Dear Agent Laih,
Enclosed are the two Minis Thundrell and Glorifindel. Please note that Upstairs forbids you to bring them on missions. Enjoy!
OFUM and MUSM
P.S. Also enclosed are two Mini-Balrog fire resistant oven mitts.
Wai! Wai! I got more Minis! Laih shouted, jumping up and down in her excitement.
Good for you, Mimarhan grumbled, coming out of the bathroom. Shower's free, I'm gonna sleep.
Hmm? Okay! Laih bounded into the bathroom. Mimarhan eyed the Minis. The Minis eyed her. They stayed that way for a while.
Well, you guys are cute, I'll admit, Mimarhan finally said. Don't wreck the response center, and we'll give you bacon and Sue remains from our missions, okay? Laih emerged from the bathroom, and started to put away her things in the various cupboards around.
Ne, Mi-chan, if you're going to sleep then I'm gonna go explore HQ with the Minis. Maybe I'll find the store! See you later! The large agent went out the door, the three Minis trailing behind her like strange ducklings. Mimarhan shrugged rolled over, and closed her eyes.
It had been a very interesting first mission.
As far as Sues go, these two weren't too bad, since the author had a good grasp of the English language. Poor Gourry-san! I really love that guy, and he's so underrated! He deserves better!
Agent Mimarhan: And lo, it was finished, and the Kamis saw it and were indifferent. This was fun, in a perverse way. They needed to die. Sues are 3v1l. Dunno what were doing next, but let us know if you found a Sue!