Y'all know the dilly yo that I don't own marvel or these characters or this wonderful song by John Mayer, title of it is the title of the story. Enjoy!

Not Myself


Supposed I said, I am on my best behaviour

There are times, I lose my worry mind


Tears stained her face, mascara ran wild, and her breathing was made up of irregular chokes and sobs. The nails of her fingers dug deep into the pillow as fresh tears expelled from her blotchy eyes. The usual sparkling green eyes of her were dull and unforgiving.

Unforgiving of herself.

The words that were exchanged this time were so much harsher than the last. Their constant squabbling had pushed her beyond limits and she was not even sure why she said the things she did. The whole day had been irritating beyond belief and when she had seen him with her, she exploded. There were no other words to describe it than that. She had simply exploded on him.

White strands clung to the side of her face, stuck there because of the tears drying up. She pushed them back behind her ears and another heaving sob escaped her mouth.

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am someone else?


The recent memories crept back into her mind as she grasped onto the pillow tighter. He had tried to explain who she was, that she was just a friend he had known since his days as a thief and that she was nothing more than a friend, but Rogue had been unmoved and spiteful.

'Ya always have such gorgeous women all over ya! Why don't ya just end this right now, Remy? Ah don't wanna hold ya back. It's obvious that ya wanna go fuck her so go right ahead. Ya don't care about me none at all so why continue this charade any longer?' She had accused him.

At first, he attempted to calm her down by saying those lines that usually brought security to her, but this time those lines were just not enough.

Supposed I said, colours change for no good reason

And words will go from poetry to prose.


The very sound of his voice agitated her and her thoughts kept going back to what he must have done with those ruby thin lips of his and with her; the woman that just happened to give him a ride back to the mansion; the woman who was supposedly only a friend; the woman Rogue was convinced he had slept with.

'Why do ya even bother wit' this, Remy? It's easy for ya t'have the best of both worlds, ain't it? Ya can stand here and claim ya love me and that ah'm the only for ya, but love ain't enough. So, ya go and screw whores and it's just so easy for ya t' do it since it don't look like ah'm gonna be able t'cheat on ya that easily!' She had sneered spitefully.


Would you want me when I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am someone else?


And she remembered his red eyes soften with defeat. He no longer wanted to calm her down and to soothe her nerves. His face only looked tired; tired of these petty arguments of theirs; tired of having to take her abuse; and simply tired of her.

His expression was fuel that only added to the fire. And the words slipped from her mouth; the very words that she never meant to say; the words that she did not mean the least bit, but it came out of her nonetheless.

'Ya ain't worth it, Remy. Ya ain't worth any of this. Ah hate ya.' She had told him coldly.

Then, he simply turned around, shook his head, and walked away. He didn't stay to try to convince her of otherwise like he usually did. He didn't attempt to fight back with malicious words of his own. He simply walked away.

Then, it had hit her. Her false accusations; her cruel words; and his defeated passive act of walking away; finally sunk in.

Now, she was here, in her room and wallowing in her own remorse. 

But she didn't want to be here.

She wanted to be with him.

She got up off her bed, not bothering with wiping away the black ink from her running mascara; not bothering with wiping the tears away; not bothering with blowing her nose; and not bothering to pull her hair back away from her face.

There was no time for all those little details and she just didn't care to be bothered by it. The only thing that she cared about was he. Her petite feet hit the pavement hard as she ran across the mansion with incredible speed, but for her it was not fast enough.

As long as he was not in sight, it would never be fast enough.

And I, in time, come around

I always do, for you.


When she approached his door, she brought her hand up to knock on it but before she even made contact, it opened.

He stood there wearing an unsure look as he watched her apprehensively. The tears flowed once more at the sight of him.

"Ah'm sorry, Remy. Ah didn't mean what ah said. Ah would never mean any of those hateful words." She managed to say in between her sobs.

His eyes softened and his arms pulled her in for an embrace.

"I know, chere. I know." He murmured while he held her in his arms.

Supposed I said, you're my saving grace.