Disclaimer: Uh, wait, wait. Let me think. pauses and rubs chin thoughtfully Nope. Can't say that I own them. sigh

Author's Note: While working on the sequel to Wrong Place, Worst Time, I came up with this idea. I needed something funny, so here it is. For the purposes of this story, Renee didn't break up with Harm to marry that funeral director. Was his name Cyrus? Whatever, that's not the point. So, this will take place up until the very end of the episode "Mixed Messages" in Season 7. EDIT: Reformatted on 4/14/06 because I felt like it and I was bored. Nothing in the content has changed.

Category: Humor/Romance

Summary: Harm wakes up in a drunken stupor and can't remember anything about his bachelor party! Now he has to retrace his steps to figure out what happened!

The Bachelor Party Part 1
by e-dog

Harm slowly opened his eyes and yawned. His head was pounding and the light hurt his eyes. He rubbed his eyes in attempt to make the pain go away. It didn't work.

"Oh, what a night..." he moaned then heard the soft meow of a cat at his feet. He removed his hands from his face and a little orange tabby stared at him curiously. "Hey, how did you get in ... my... apartment..."

He stopped himself when he realized he was outside on some city street. He looked at his tattered clothes and groaned because he had been sitting on some cold concrete sidewalk all night long. His body was covered in a newspaper and he noticed people walking by, giving him sympathetic stares. One even knelt down and dropped a dollar bill on his lap.

"There you go, sir," the woman smiled. "I hope you have a blessed day."

"Uh...thanks?" Harm slurred and removed the newspaper from his lap. How the hell did he get here? When did he become a homeless man? As he moved, he felt water squish in his shoes and noticed his clothes were damp. Had he gone swimming too?

He blinked his eyes a few times, vaguely remembering bright lights and loud music, but he couldn't remember a pool. He went through his pockets and found his cell phone. He smiled and pulled it out. He could call someone to come get him. Than he discovered the battery was dead and it was waterlogged. He frowned in disgust and slowly stood up, his body aching.

"Think Harm," he talked to himself. "What were you doing last night?"

He ambled his way down the street. Looking at signs and trying to remember where he was. As he walked, a memory of yesterday flashed into his mind...

The day before...

Sturgis poked his head in the door and grinned, "You ready for tonight?"

Harm looked up and flashed his grin, "You bet. I haven't had a guy's night out in ages."

"Well, you deserve it, buddy. It's about time you got hitched," Sturgis said, coming inside the office completely. He cautiously approached the desk and leaned down. He whispered, "So, she's okay with it?"

"Who? Renee?" Harm looked up. "Yeah, we talked about it and she's fine with it. Why?"

"No, not Renee," Sturgis gave Harm a stern look. "I wasn't talking about her."

"Mac?" Harm gave him a confused look. "Why would she have a problem with me having a bachelor party?"

Sturgis sighed, "Look, I don't know much about you two, but lately she's seems...edgy."

"Edgy?" Harm rose an eyebrow, then coughed. "I haven't noticed."

"Haaarrm," Sturgis rolled his eyes.

"Look, Sturgis," Harm stood up. "I was here for her and she knows that. Renee showed up at a bad time. I didn't mean to force her away, but I had no choice!"

"I know," Sturgis cut in.

"And," Harm pointed out. "I called her several times, she ignored them. I even followed her out to that damn ship. You can't say I didn't try."

"No, I can't," Sturgis gave a fake smile, having a good feeling Harm didn't try hard enough. "Sorry to upset you."

Harm gave a weak grin, "You didn't upset me, Sturgis. I'm sorry I overreacted."

Sturgis nodded and stood to leave, but Harm stopped him, "Tell me. Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure," his friend shrugged before walking out the door. "I haven't really seen her. She's been locked up in her office all day."

Sturgis studied Harm's face as he just nodded in response. There was concern for Mac evident in Harm's eyes. Harm finally snapped out of it and said, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to her."

"That's what friends are for," Sturgis smiled and walked out.

To be continued...