[Title] Jour de Neige (Snow Day)
[Disclaimer] I don't own anything of, or to do with Harry Potter—it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. The lyrics selected from Lovers Turn Into Monsters are identifiably Conor Oberst's, and definitely not mine.
[A/N] This is slash. If you don't like it, don't read it. Certainly don't complain-you've been warned.
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?
It's just the lines, they get so blurry,
Between was is once, and now required,
And I don't know on which side his heart falls,
But I know where mine is buried.
(Lovers Turn Into Monsters : Bright Eyes)
It was a dreadfully cold day. Absolutely freezing. The wind ripped around the turrets of the castle, the surrounding trees bending in compliance at the force bestowed upon them. A thick layer of snow lay on the ground, which had the appearance of being fluffy and pure white while underneath it a bottom layer of dirty mud ridden slush was hidden. I found that out as I walked through the grounds to the lake. After about ten steps my leather shoes had managed to soak through, and the hem of my jeans bore a waterline. My scarf, though firmly knotted, flapped in the breeze annoyingly as I progressed to my destination. I felt frozen through and wished I were inside near a fireplace, but kept walking to come to sit on a large rock by the waters edge. I starred out at the still water, and pulled my wool beanie down more securely over my light brown hair.
Surely it was not the sort of day one would want to be outdoors. It was too cold, too wholly senseless to be outside in such weather. No doubt I'd manage to catch a cold, I thought morosely as I sat regarding the dark mirror of the expanse of water in front of me, rubbing my gloveless hands together. So why was I, the most prone to illness and least suited to being outdoors in the middle of winter on account of having far less meat on my bones than the others out in such weather? It was all because of a certain person, a friend, no less, named Sirius Black.
Sirius Black, the eldest of the elite family of Black. Sirius Black, whose parents thought he should think of himself as a prince. Sirius Black who had forged a friendship with one James Potter some years ago and became part of his family. Sirius Black, who thought no ill of wizards not born of Pureblood families. Sirius Black, who was admired by most. Sirius Black, who never had the need to study once in his life. Sirius Black, who had an uncanny knack of being completely arrogant yet disarmingly down to earth. Sirius Black, who knew no modesty. Sirius Black, who was capable of befriending a werewolf. Sirius Black, who I had fell for.
It had been a long time coming. Really it had, from the day we were jammed in a carriage on the Hogwarts Express on the first day of our first year, along with James and Peter Pettigrew, before any of them knew what I was until today, when I'd finally realized in the early winter of our seventh year a few weeks ago. I sighed. The warm air expelled from my mouth was visible as a puff of steam. Even though it had admittedly been eventuating over more than six years, still it felt to me to have been reminiscent of flying as high upwards as you could possibly stand on a broom and then jumping to fall towards the ground. It was exactly like that, the speed picking up as you neared the ground, and the pain of the contact coupled with the joy to finally be on the ground. Finally having something solid underneath, and being out of the speeding dive towards realization-I should have been glad. But as falling from a height is not nearly as complicated as human emotions, I found myself thinking that the metaphorical ground had turned into a bog of quick sand, slowly consuming me. Enough of those dreadful metaphors. It is enough to say I was confused-and who wouldn't be?
I had found it was simply too constricting to be in the dorms. I couldn't think, there was too much going on. And of course he was there, which made it doubly hard to concentrate on my thoughts. There was the sound of shoes crunching through the top layer of new snow behind me, quite near, I turned surprised. Clearly out here I could get too swept away in my musings. I turned to face Sirius Black. He was dressed much as I was, in jeans, a jumper and school cloak, though he didn't wear a beanie and his usually tanned face was as pale as I assumed mine was. I ran my tongue over my chapped lips hurriedly, to warm myself to speaking. But he spoke before I had the chance to.
"Remus, what are you doing out here," he said, rather than asked, as he came to stand somewhat closer to me. "I've got no one to play chess with, all morning I've played against James and he's no real competition, especially when he's concentrating on sending Evans the 'look at me I'm doing something intelligent-adore me for it' vibes and Peter doesn't even try to win."
I half smiled "I never win either,"
"But at least you try to win," Sirius barged on with his argument "you sit for hours and think out everything and try to play logically and stuff-Peter just gives in and ends up having his King's head cut off after four moves."
"Hmm," I replied, thinking of just how little Sirius was actually aware of how much effort it took to concentrate completely and utterly on the game when he'd be sitting across from me, so very close.
"You've got to come back inside anyway, you'll get sick," he said decidedly "it's only, what, four days since the full moon? Aren't you still feeling pretty weak?"
I shrugged, "Not really-I'm starting to come good."
"Well, you've got to come back in for lunch. Or aren't you getting hungry?"
"I am, somewhat," I replied looking up into his handsome face. His nose was starting to go rather pink. I grinned, despite all attempt not to. "Alright then Sirius, I'll come back inside."
"Brilliant," he said as I got up off my rock to stand in front of him, some two or so inches shorter. The proximity of our bodies, though still about half a meter, made me feel suffocated-I had to move away, lest I do something which would lead to being despised.
"I'll race you," I declared, and took off in the direction of the castle. It was a stupid idea to ever race Sirius Black, at anything really. He'd win. Easily, as he always did. I knew he'd give me a decent head start, but it wasn't too long before I heard the quick crunches of his foot falls behind me. One moment, I was running and the next I was being tackled into a drift of deep snow. I lay in the snow, now utterly frozen all over, half covered by his body.
"Ruddy hell Padfoot," I exclaimed, trying to get my breath back as it had been knocked out of me as my thin frame hit the deceptively hard snow "did you really have to do that?"
He looked at me, face alight with an insane grin "Well now that you ask, yes, yes I did," he tried to get up. I grabbed him and rolled over, so that I was pinning him to the snow. We were both completely wet from the dampness of the snow.
"Moony?" he said "Let me up already,"
I denied his request. I knew very well, as did he, that if he chose to he could get out of my grip himself. I was simply not strong enough to keep him against his will. I looked down into his face, into his dark brown eyes which were always so alive and emotive. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, Sirius would always be too above that, but he certainly wore his heart in his eyes. I observed his straight nose, pink from the cold, the cut of his cheekbones and the fall of his wet dark hair upon them and across his forehead. I stared at his lips, very lightly coloured and appeared soft, unlike my chapped ones. I lifted my right hand from its past position of holding down Sirius's left arm to run the tip of my thumb along his bottom lip slowly and reverently. He didn't make any attempt to move away, or to voice an opinion of disgust, and so I traced the edge of his face with my fingers, coming to stop just half way down his neck, where the scarf covered his flesh.
Sirius closed his eyes as I ran my fingers through his hair near his ear before bending to kiss it lightly. I shifted my position so that I had my knees either side of him, effectively pinning him down so my hands were both free. I ran small light biting kisses down from his ear to as far down his neck as the scarf would permit it. Sick of being restricted so early, I worked the knot keeping it around Sirius's neck apart and discarded it onto the ground. He groaned quietly as I awarded kissed to his jaw bone, across to his other ear. After a few more minutes of this kissing and nibbling at his neck and earlobe, Sirius opened his eyes. They were full of hunger and something I being rather inexperienced, assumed was desire.
"Just kiss me," he whispered hoarsely.
"I have been," I replied, surprising myself at my ability to speak having convinced myself some moment prior that I should not be able to talk coherently for several minutes after all of this had ended.
"You haven't," he said, reaching up to touch my hair at the base of my skull. I smiled, and drew down slowly to kiss his waiting, slightly open, lips. I kissed the tip of his nose instead.
"Tease," he declared of me. Perhaps I was. More so I was simply getting carried away with the success of being able to do what I had never dreamt I'd be able to do. I bent down again, slowly as before but this time to finally capture his lips with my own. Sirius's lips were cold, and I warmed them with my own for several minutes, relishing in the simple touch of my dreadfully chapped lips against his smooth soft ones. I felt his tongue begging entrance of my mouth and gladly granted it. I let out a low moan of ecstasy as our tongues met and ran against each other. His hand was in my hair, gently caressing my scalp for all the ferocity going on in our mouths. I drew back for a moment to gasp for breath, before returning to taste his lips again. I managed to get my hand underneath his jumper and shirt, and ran my hand up the feverishly hot skin of his chest. He moaned softly into my mouth, and I wasn't quite sure what all this was all about, for him at least, but for me it was love and I wanted to give it all to him.
But I drew back.
"Sirius we"- I was cut off by him drawing me back down into another kiss.
"We have to"- more kisses.
"Have to go indoors"- a long passionate kiss
"It's broad daylight!" I rolled myself off him to lay to his side.
"Remus," he said quietly at length,
I was about to launch into a detailed and groveling apology, but then realized I had not been the only one dictating proceedings, and so kept such thoughts to myself "Yeah?" I replied.
"No ones ever," he began, and then seemed to reconsider "I never thought, that anyone would ever do that to me,"
I blushed, but I fancied it wouldn't be visible as I felt my face would have been already as red as it could possibly get "What? Snog you senseless in the snow?" I said in a lofty tone
"No…well, yes. But no?" he sounded rather confused with what he was trying to say, "I mean, yes I never thought anyone would 'snog me senseless in the snow', as you put it, but no that wasn't what I was going to say. I was going to say I never thought anyone would kiss me like that-like you meant it."
"Oh," I said uselessly
"Unless you didn't mean it, and then okay fine let's just forget about it"- he said quickly before I cut him off.
"No, no it's alright Sirius. I did mean it. I swear to you," I said solemnly.
We laid there silently for a while longer, as we both tried to digest what had happened to a degree.
"We're both going to get pneumonia," Sirius said, breaking the silence at length.
I stood up, and tried to brush myself off before realizing that the only thing that would fix my appearance would be a change of clothes. The ones I was wearing were absolutely sodden.
"We'd best go back to the dorms then," I said, holding out my hand to help Sirius up, but he didn't take it and stood up unaided.
"Not a word of this to James or Peter," he said to me before we walked back into the castle.
I nodded "They won't hear it from me."
Sirius nodded to me and walked off ahead, and I walked his back as he walked. I knew he wouldn't deal too well with all of this, I knew he'd probably try to ignore me for awhile, but if ever he'd listen to himself and to what I had seen in his eyes, he'd know love.