Summary: Angsty fic, Hermione breaks it off with Ron and he tries to dissect lie from truth... Did she ever really love me?... based on the song "Standard Lines" by Dashboard Confessional (not a songfic)
Rating: PG for gory stuff and depressing themes.
A/N: I always make Hermione the bad guy in my R/H angst fics! One of these days I'll have to do one from her POV, but I just love Ron too much to make him a bad guy!
Ships: R/H very, very, slight H/G mentioned
Disclaimer: I own nothing that is used in the Harry Potter series, and is loosely based on the song "Standard Lines" by Dashboard Confessional, which I don't own either.
Which of the boldfaced lies should we use? Which one is least likely to make you cry? I never wanted to make you cry; never wanted us to end, but you did, didn't you? So which one should I use?
"I hope that you're happy," But I don't.
"You really deserve it," You deserve whatever you want, why don't you want me?
"This will be best for both of us, in the end." It feels like the end is already here. I stand here at the end, like the ribbon at the end of the race and death runs right through me taking first place, life is second, and where are you? You don't finish, do you?
But your taste still lingers on my lips, like you just pulled away from me to smile at me like you used to. But my new diets liquid, poison, venom. My senses seem to dull and I can see your eyes in front of mine, crossing slightly like they always did when you just pulled away from a kiss, trying to see my whole face, but being to close too. Your eyes had that hunger in them, hunger for me. But that hungers gone now I guess, and I'm left to starve. Starve for you.
You told me to move on, but every other girl seems wrong, crude. But I guess they'll do for now, guess they have to, you took away my only other choice didn't you?
It doesn't help that I have to see you again now does it? The wedding is only days way now, Harry will say "I do" and I'll stand on one side the best man smiling at him, and you'll stand on the other, maid of honor smiling at my little sister as she replies the same.
Everyone will expect us to dance Hermione, you know that don't you? I'll lead you onto the floor, stiff and angry and you'll try and smile, try and be fake for the rest of the wedding party, your good at being fake aren't you?
"I love you Ron," how many times have those words escaped your lips just to be swallowed back down your delicate throat the day you told me it was over?
Maybe if we pretend hard enough we can go back to how we were before, before I loved you before you stole my soul. I'll have to practice lying, never my strong suit, I'll have to smile back at you swallowing down the vomit that will threaten to expose us. I'll have to use some sort of lie, some sort of standard line, an explanation for why we stopped talking, why we stopped writing.
"I've been meaning to call you." But I haven't.
"I've just been so busy." Hating myself
"We'll catch up soon." But I hope we never do, "Let's make it a point to."
I'll pretend this one last time, I'll pretend for you, in honor of your dishonesty. And then I'll forget you, you'll be gone from me.
But your taste still lingers on my lips, like I've just put mine upon yours. How do I get rid of the taste? Do I burn them? cut them until blood runs into my mouth? I'll swallow the blood, starving for you, starving. I always did eat a lot didn't I? But my new diets liquid, liquid to dull the senses, alcohol mixed with my own blood. It's crude, disgusting and obscene, something you would hate, you would despise, but then you hate me, don't you? Underneath it all, isn't that the grand lie, the lie above all other lies:
"I never loved you, never even like you Ronald Weasley, I hate you."
Crude. Disgusting. Obscene. But it will have to do, won't it?
It will do... Look, I'm more like you then you ever thought, I can lie too, it will never do, not for me...
Please review if you liked or hated this piece! I love reviewers! And criticism is totally accepted!